Sexual fantasy is sin. If you're concerned about sin, you'll avoid sexual fantasy, but this is quite a difficult feat if your sexual fantasies were seeded within your childhood entertainment.
The link below should be clicked with discretion, but I felt compelled to include it here to sound a multi-faceted alarm.
https://nypost.com/2019/12/16/boy-meets-world-star-maitland-ward-i-make-more-money-doing-porn/
Firstly, many beautiful women are manipulated / deceived by the notion of their value being tied to the size of their breasts / ass and the subsequent reactions from flaunting said physical assets . Despite this, they're no less excused from damnation to hell.
Secondly, boys are supposed to grow to become men, and it is their understanding / knowledge of their God-given sexuality through puberty that will assist them to mature into manhood (where boyish behaviors are left behind).
Thirdly, monetary wealth is the ultimate goal of most everyone on Earth, and the accumulation of it - so long as it's legal - is absolutely blind to responsibility relative to one's fellow man, society, culture, etc.
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If there were no Bible and therefore no knowledge of God other than through nature and our own internal "God compass", we could look at this story and perhaps laugh it off (maybe prior to getting off).
But there is God's word, and it's really clear relative to sexual sin. Lust, fornication, homosexuality, adultery, etc. All of these will land you in hell. It's as simple as that.
Remember, Jesus talked about the "H word" more than anyone in Scripture, according to the gospels.
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Back when Angie and I were a young married couple, one of our Sunday School teachers likened being in heaven to having a continual orgasm for eternity. He believed it would be that pleasurable. Of course, that drew a number of awkward chuckles from our group.
What it left me to wonder about though was what hell might be like in turn.
God expects his children to grow up in their faith, leaving behind boyhood sin and embracing a trans-formative, new life.
Take a few minutes today to pray for Ms. Ward. I have no doubt there's hope for her still.
Showing posts with label Sexual sin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sexual sin. Show all posts
Monday, December 16, 2019
Sunday, October 27, 2019
My Isolation Default
I'm an only child, therefore isolating as a child was my normal. My father and I had a nonexistent relationship, and of course, I wasn't a girl, therefore Darlene wasn't about to be anything to me other than mom. I've known boys who were very close to their mothers, even as grown men, but that's never been me.
I believe one of the reasons I survived architecture school at MSU was due to my penchant for isolation. As a BArch student, you're pitted against +/-45 other (mostly) young men and women in your class as your work is adjudicated (somewhat) communally. Therefore, being adept at isolation, in so many ways, is a precursor for academic survival. Hence, most of my colleagues changed majors well before the conclusion of our freshman year due to the fact that isolation is typically quite hard for the average student.
My relationship with fantastical sexual sin at this point in time was at least as strong as it had been in high school. Every day was a day to masturbate and that self pleasure was fueled by illicit sexual sin (fantasies). Weekends were particularly bad as my roommate inevitably would abandon campus to spend time with his folks (including his younger brother) back home in south Mississippi.
I believe I've said this before, but I'll say it again. If you could quantify the amount of ejaculate Rob has orgasmed over the course of his 48 years, it would no less amount to filling of a 55 gallon drum with over 3/4 of it being amassed during my college years.
-------------------------
Fast forward to the present.
This past week, I hit a wall of isolation. It had been some time since I'd dialogued with my Silas, and come Wednesday night, I chose to delve into Internet porn. I did so not for what historically was my desire (lust) to, but in order to engage within a facsimile of community...which just happened to be made up of some incredibly sexy individuals (porn models) who were somewhat convincingly pleasuring each other sans any clothing.
A day later, I went all out and engaged my middle-aged imagination in an intense sexual fantasy with a "street person". Essentially, this was an individual who I've rubbed shoulders with occasionally over the past few months, and subsequently found sexually attractive. And this absolutely harkened back to my college days.
So, I knew I was not in a good place. How then to escape?
-------------------------
Also last week was an annual 4th quarter meeting with my largest client. This meeting is pivotal in me keeping their business, therefore it's usually quite long and never not intense.
Now, I do meetings well. Having executed hundreds of them over the course of my career, I have both the stamina and the ability to navigate a group as we move from topic to topic. It's not a gift, just a learned trait. But, meetings like this one do stress me. So much so that I tend to sweat a lot. Literally.
It's usually an hour or so into the dialogue, and I can tell my deoderant isn't necessarily keeping everything deoderized under them arms. But, I think to myself, this is normal whilst putting yourself out there. And frankly, I can do that with aplomb, but you know dear reader. Albeit, there are plenty of voices who've decreed that I do it a little too "graphically".
--------------------------
So, what to do about my isolation default? Where to turn for help and how exactly to ask for it?
Same question as above.
Samson Society is first and foremost for men who're determined to escape isolation. It's written in our charter. And not through social media or becoming a deacon, but literally by marrying yourself to a specific man. Now, that word marrying may be off putting to you, but I would argue that it's applicable here.
I meet with my Silas once a week on the same day, at the same time, and within the same venue. We'd missed our last scheduled meeting, therefore it had been 2 weeks since our last juncture. In anticipation of this, I knew I needed to tell him what had been going on and why, but I didn't want to. Not that I was ashamed of my actions necessarily, but I knew in tandem with this "coming clean", I needed to give him some specific insight into how he could better meet Rob's needs [cringe].
Needs [cringe again] that will better stave off my propensity to isolate.
I DESPISE ADMITTING TO HAVING NEEDS!
But, I did it anyway. Even though, by admitting to them, I now run the risk of him not meeting those needs. And yes, I definitely perspired moreso than usual during this 20 minute personal exposition.
And you know what? I did the right thing here. But, how do I know?
My Silas isn't perfect, and he can't be expected to be. But, my God is. And I believe he desires for us to admit to our vulnerabilities. To him first, and to our brothers in Christ next. And we should do this out of respect for the seriousness of our sin problem, and the beauty of what can happen relationally through vulnerability.
In closing, if you read through the gospel of John, you see Jesus clearly. John paints a holistic picture of God's son that's both captivating and truly shocking to behold. All because of just how vulnerable John made Jesus out to be. Over and over again. If, as men, we're to follow Christ's lead, we need to be opening up to our brothers more often than not to exactly what can be done to assist us righteously - day by day. No amount of wishful thinking or otherwise can substitute the efficiency of effective communication. Psychic Silases don't exist.
I believe one of the reasons I survived architecture school at MSU was due to my penchant for isolation. As a BArch student, you're pitted against +/-45 other (mostly) young men and women in your class as your work is adjudicated (somewhat) communally. Therefore, being adept at isolation, in so many ways, is a precursor for academic survival. Hence, most of my colleagues changed majors well before the conclusion of our freshman year due to the fact that isolation is typically quite hard for the average student.
My relationship with fantastical sexual sin at this point in time was at least as strong as it had been in high school. Every day was a day to masturbate and that self pleasure was fueled by illicit sexual sin (fantasies). Weekends were particularly bad as my roommate inevitably would abandon campus to spend time with his folks (including his younger brother) back home in south Mississippi.
I believe I've said this before, but I'll say it again. If you could quantify the amount of ejaculate Rob has orgasmed over the course of his 48 years, it would no less amount to filling of a 55 gallon drum with over 3/4 of it being amassed during my college years.
-------------------------
Fast forward to the present.
This past week, I hit a wall of isolation. It had been some time since I'd dialogued with my Silas, and come Wednesday night, I chose to delve into Internet porn. I did so not for what historically was my desire (lust) to, but in order to engage within a facsimile of community...which just happened to be made up of some incredibly sexy individuals (porn models) who were somewhat convincingly pleasuring each other sans any clothing.
A day later, I went all out and engaged my middle-aged imagination in an intense sexual fantasy with a "street person". Essentially, this was an individual who I've rubbed shoulders with occasionally over the past few months, and subsequently found sexually attractive. And this absolutely harkened back to my college days.
So, I knew I was not in a good place. How then to escape?
-------------------------
Also last week was an annual 4th quarter meeting with my largest client. This meeting is pivotal in me keeping their business, therefore it's usually quite long and never not intense.
Now, I do meetings well. Having executed hundreds of them over the course of my career, I have both the stamina and the ability to navigate a group as we move from topic to topic. It's not a gift, just a learned trait. But, meetings like this one do stress me. So much so that I tend to sweat a lot. Literally.
It's usually an hour or so into the dialogue, and I can tell my deoderant isn't necessarily keeping everything deoderized under them arms. But, I think to myself, this is normal whilst putting yourself out there. And frankly, I can do that with aplomb, but you know dear reader. Albeit, there are plenty of voices who've decreed that I do it a little too "graphically".
--------------------------
So, what to do about my isolation default? Where to turn for help and how exactly to ask for it?
Same question as above.
Samson Society is first and foremost for men who're determined to escape isolation. It's written in our charter. And not through social media or becoming a deacon, but literally by marrying yourself to a specific man. Now, that word marrying may be off putting to you, but I would argue that it's applicable here.
I meet with my Silas once a week on the same day, at the same time, and within the same venue. We'd missed our last scheduled meeting, therefore it had been 2 weeks since our last juncture. In anticipation of this, I knew I needed to tell him what had been going on and why, but I didn't want to. Not that I was ashamed of my actions necessarily, but I knew in tandem with this "coming clean", I needed to give him some specific insight into how he could better meet Rob's needs [cringe].
Needs [cringe again] that will better stave off my propensity to isolate.
I DESPISE ADMITTING TO HAVING NEEDS!
But, I did it anyway. Even though, by admitting to them, I now run the risk of him not meeting those needs. And yes, I definitely perspired moreso than usual during this 20 minute personal exposition.
And you know what? I did the right thing here. But, how do I know?
My Silas isn't perfect, and he can't be expected to be. But, my God is. And I believe he desires for us to admit to our vulnerabilities. To him first, and to our brothers in Christ next. And we should do this out of respect for the seriousness of our sin problem, and the beauty of what can happen relationally through vulnerability.
In closing, if you read through the gospel of John, you see Jesus clearly. John paints a holistic picture of God's son that's both captivating and truly shocking to behold. All because of just how vulnerable John made Jesus out to be. Over and over again. If, as men, we're to follow Christ's lead, we need to be opening up to our brothers more often than not to exactly what can be done to assist us righteously - day by day. No amount of wishful thinking or otherwise can substitute the efficiency of effective communication. Psychic Silases don't exist.
Sunday, October 6, 2019
Privately (& Gleefully) Tethered To The Lovers Of Your Youth
In the past, I distinctly remember television personalities decrying that a man's sexual fantasy life was absolutely normal, healthy, and expected to exist - whether they're single, married, divorced, or whatever. And it is declarations like these that serve as one of the many reasons I choose to avoid television. I have heard some of the most asinine statements via that particular entertainment medium. I am of the opinion that television personalities are mostly articulate idiots who happen to look great on TV.
I believe the reason this statement is repeatedly made within our culture is twofold:
1. Men who nurture a sexual fantasy life do so for very specific emotional reasons, and these reasons are tied into that man's internal value (or lack thereof). Hence, it can seemingly become critically important to nurture these despite their toxicity.
2. Runaway sexual fantasy lives tend to leave their stations while a man is in his youth. And as we all know, any private sin-laden activity that's rooted in one's youth is typically very hard to break away from as an adult. It's like learning to ride a bike as a child and then being asked to unlearn it much farther down the road.
-------------------------
A history of fornication can play a role in truly gumming up the works for Christian men who're in bondage to sexual fantasy lives. Obviously, for a man to have participated in fornication, he had to have been sexually attractive enough to woo his lover into bed, and from there, perhaps, be gratified with a partner whom authenticated his efforts by responding with zeal.
"You're a fantastic lover."
"You know exactly how to turn me on."
"You are incredibly good in bed."
"I can't stop thinking about our time together making love."
Sound familiar?
It translates over well, does it not, into sexual fantasy.
-------------------------
Marriage is hard, and the marriage bed will rarely ever be any sort of basis for a man's sexual fantasy life. It's too unpredictable, and no man typically chooses to imagine his wife, of all people, behaving like some female whore robot on steroids.
That's such a hard truth, but nonetheless, it is truth.
-------------------------
My sexual fantasy life took root as I was firstly entering into adolescence, and the basis for it was my deep seated sense of worthlessness as it pertained to my sense of masculinity. My sexual fantasies were all about being pursued and ultimately seduced by my imaginary lovers. And man, were these fantasies spectacularly pleasurable to promulgate within my head(s)!
Eventually though, after many years of choosing to avoid these imaginary lovers (sometimes being victorious, sometime not), I was released. And in so many ways, it was not unlike growing up for I never truly felt like a grown up 'till this occurred.
I'm not of the opinion that sexual fantasy is ever justifiable. The Bible is clear about what we're to think upon, and sexual fantasies simply didn't make the cut.
In closing, for men who've spent a lot of time nurturing sexual relationships whilst dating (or otherwise): take the time to self-examine these salacious memories, parsing through them with a fine tooth comb. I believe this is an exercise that's helpful to debunk / dissuade the "right-side" of one's brain via the "left-side's" good work. If anything, it can serves as a starting point towards manhood.
I believe the reason this statement is repeatedly made within our culture is twofold:
1. Men who nurture a sexual fantasy life do so for very specific emotional reasons, and these reasons are tied into that man's internal value (or lack thereof). Hence, it can seemingly become critically important to nurture these despite their toxicity.
2. Runaway sexual fantasy lives tend to leave their stations while a man is in his youth. And as we all know, any private sin-laden activity that's rooted in one's youth is typically very hard to break away from as an adult. It's like learning to ride a bike as a child and then being asked to unlearn it much farther down the road.
-------------------------
A history of fornication can play a role in truly gumming up the works for Christian men who're in bondage to sexual fantasy lives. Obviously, for a man to have participated in fornication, he had to have been sexually attractive enough to woo his lover into bed, and from there, perhaps, be gratified with a partner whom authenticated his efforts by responding with zeal.
"You're a fantastic lover."
"You know exactly how to turn me on."
"You are incredibly good in bed."
"I can't stop thinking about our time together making love."
Sound familiar?
It translates over well, does it not, into sexual fantasy.
-------------------------
Marriage is hard, and the marriage bed will rarely ever be any sort of basis for a man's sexual fantasy life. It's too unpredictable, and no man typically chooses to imagine his wife, of all people, behaving like some female whore robot on steroids.
That's such a hard truth, but nonetheless, it is truth.
-------------------------
My sexual fantasy life took root as I was firstly entering into adolescence, and the basis for it was my deep seated sense of worthlessness as it pertained to my sense of masculinity. My sexual fantasies were all about being pursued and ultimately seduced by my imaginary lovers. And man, were these fantasies spectacularly pleasurable to promulgate within my head(s)!
Eventually though, after many years of choosing to avoid these imaginary lovers (sometimes being victorious, sometime not), I was released. And in so many ways, it was not unlike growing up for I never truly felt like a grown up 'till this occurred.
I'm not of the opinion that sexual fantasy is ever justifiable. The Bible is clear about what we're to think upon, and sexual fantasies simply didn't make the cut.
In closing, for men who've spent a lot of time nurturing sexual relationships whilst dating (or otherwise): take the time to self-examine these salacious memories, parsing through them with a fine tooth comb. I believe this is an exercise that's helpful to debunk / dissuade the "right-side" of one's brain via the "left-side's" good work. If anything, it can serves as a starting point towards manhood.
Saturday, October 5, 2019
Fear & Hope
To me, these are the two diminishing return emotions as they work in contrast to one another. Plus, they're simply never constant in their affectualness. So often, there's a state of mind at play relative to whichever end of the "fear / hope spectrum" you happen to land upon.
Now, everything I just wrote above is coming from a fleshly (pagan) point of view, and I know this because fear and hope can coexist well within men. In fact, healthy fear, if doing its job well, should promote hope and hopefulness. How might I have come to this conclusion? God's word.
-------------------------
Video pornography was firstly screened by Rob via satellite television at my friend's house during one of many sleepovers. We were both in middle school at the time. His persona was entertaining and lighthearted, and his divorced parents happened to both be pagans. Hence, his mother looked the other way while we took full advantage of the Playboy channel. For a 7th grade adolescent, very new-Christian boy (me), it was wildly disconcerting and rebelliously fun!
The only clip / scene I remember from these '80s pornos was one featuring a male porn model costumed up as a priest who eventually seduces one of his female parishioners. As they're having intercourse (doggy-style), he's still clothed in his pastoral regalia from the waist up. I can still see within my mind's eye him saying to the camera, "He will forgive us. He will forgive us...", with a sly smile across his lips as they had sex.
As you might imagine, I would find myself so aroused by these videos that I'd have to excuse myself from the living room in order to find a bathroom upstairs to masturbate in. And from there, whilst covered in ejaculate, I'd often wish that I'd simply drop dead due to my guilt brought on by this extreme, off the charts rebellious sexual sin. I knew it was wrong to be participating in this, but it was so unbelievably captivating to my 13-14 year old brain.
-------------------------
Yesterday, I ate lunch with a friend, and the conversation turned to Jackson Public Schools. He commented that blacks simply do not consider education a priority, therefore that particular school district will always be doomed to fail its minority students. And that statement seemed to hold water, but the more I thought about it yesterday afternoon, I began to disagree.
I personally made my education a priority due to me having both hope and fear intact within my psyche. I feared what my future as a white man might look like sans education whilst hoping, always hoping, for a bright outcome vocationally in tandem with the preparation that would come through my education. And I would argue it's hope that truly propels a group of individuals forward. To put in the work because of hopefulness grants an individual long legs to go the necessary distance with.
If you remove hope from individuals, in particular children, they aren't compelled to make a means towards a brighter future (like education) one of their priorities. As as we all know, black children overall have little to no hope permeating through their minority cultural zeitgeist.
-------------------------
Prior to my termination from the university I was employed at back in 2013, I slowly but surely clicked myself towards hardcore porn via my web browser on my office PC. One click here, another there. It was very deliberate, and I did proceed with caution early on. But, when nothing "bad" happened initially, I kept going. At the time, we didn't have (quite purposefully) an Internet connected device at our rental home, therefore I only had my work PC to serve as my official smut gateway. As more of my fears (of being reprimanded) were allayed, I carried forward with absolutely breaking the institution's info technology policy. And eventually, I threw all caution to the wind. But, in conjunction with this fearlessness came the inevitable loss of hope. And man, did it ever hit me hard.
When Christian men are mired in sexual sin, they're cognizant of their bondage to it. But bondage is qualitative. There are degrees to it. For Rob, during this time in his life, he'd experienced great seasons of victory from sexual sin - primarily due to his involvement with authentic community amongst other Christian men. But now, that community wasn't there in small town Mississippi.
Oh, how he despaired!
-------------------------
What pushes a man to completely embrace rebellion from God through sexual sin? It's lack of hope. It's the belief that these desires are so demonstrative that he's literally at their mercy. Often people bring in the word addiction at this level of helplessness, but I tend to shy away from that word pertaining to sexuality.
I have lived it, and believe you me, you don't want to find yourself in this place. For a Christian, it is beyond horrible.
Where would men be without Samson Society?
Without hope and therefore in bondage.
Now, everything I just wrote above is coming from a fleshly (pagan) point of view, and I know this because fear and hope can coexist well within men. In fact, healthy fear, if doing its job well, should promote hope and hopefulness. How might I have come to this conclusion? God's word.
-------------------------
Video pornography was firstly screened by Rob via satellite television at my friend's house during one of many sleepovers. We were both in middle school at the time. His persona was entertaining and lighthearted, and his divorced parents happened to both be pagans. Hence, his mother looked the other way while we took full advantage of the Playboy channel. For a 7th grade adolescent, very new-Christian boy (me), it was wildly disconcerting and rebelliously fun!
The only clip / scene I remember from these '80s pornos was one featuring a male porn model costumed up as a priest who eventually seduces one of his female parishioners. As they're having intercourse (doggy-style), he's still clothed in his pastoral regalia from the waist up. I can still see within my mind's eye him saying to the camera, "He will forgive us. He will forgive us...", with a sly smile across his lips as they had sex.
As you might imagine, I would find myself so aroused by these videos that I'd have to excuse myself from the living room in order to find a bathroom upstairs to masturbate in. And from there, whilst covered in ejaculate, I'd often wish that I'd simply drop dead due to my guilt brought on by this extreme, off the charts rebellious sexual sin. I knew it was wrong to be participating in this, but it was so unbelievably captivating to my 13-14 year old brain.
-------------------------
Yesterday, I ate lunch with a friend, and the conversation turned to Jackson Public Schools. He commented that blacks simply do not consider education a priority, therefore that particular school district will always be doomed to fail its minority students. And that statement seemed to hold water, but the more I thought about it yesterday afternoon, I began to disagree.
I personally made my education a priority due to me having both hope and fear intact within my psyche. I feared what my future as a white man might look like sans education whilst hoping, always hoping, for a bright outcome vocationally in tandem with the preparation that would come through my education. And I would argue it's hope that truly propels a group of individuals forward. To put in the work because of hopefulness grants an individual long legs to go the necessary distance with.
If you remove hope from individuals, in particular children, they aren't compelled to make a means towards a brighter future (like education) one of their priorities. As as we all know, black children overall have little to no hope permeating through their minority cultural zeitgeist.
-------------------------
Prior to my termination from the university I was employed at back in 2013, I slowly but surely clicked myself towards hardcore porn via my web browser on my office PC. One click here, another there. It was very deliberate, and I did proceed with caution early on. But, when nothing "bad" happened initially, I kept going. At the time, we didn't have (quite purposefully) an Internet connected device at our rental home, therefore I only had my work PC to serve as my official smut gateway. As more of my fears (of being reprimanded) were allayed, I carried forward with absolutely breaking the institution's info technology policy. And eventually, I threw all caution to the wind. But, in conjunction with this fearlessness came the inevitable loss of hope. And man, did it ever hit me hard.
When Christian men are mired in sexual sin, they're cognizant of their bondage to it. But bondage is qualitative. There are degrees to it. For Rob, during this time in his life, he'd experienced great seasons of victory from sexual sin - primarily due to his involvement with authentic community amongst other Christian men. But now, that community wasn't there in small town Mississippi.
Oh, how he despaired!
-------------------------
What pushes a man to completely embrace rebellion from God through sexual sin? It's lack of hope. It's the belief that these desires are so demonstrative that he's literally at their mercy. Often people bring in the word addiction at this level of helplessness, but I tend to shy away from that word pertaining to sexuality.
I have lived it, and believe you me, you don't want to find yourself in this place. For a Christian, it is beyond horrible.
Where would men be without Samson Society?
Without hope and therefore in bondage.
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
Out Of Respect For Your Spectacular Nutsack, Take The Time To Pass Along Your Personal Sexual Narrative
The first pastor I closely befriended was 3 or 4 years older than I. I felt compelled to share my story with him at our initial juncture (over lunch at Primos restaurant) and subsequently, extend a hand of friendship. I was delighted that he reciprocated relative to the latter. From there, we quickly grew close over a +/-18 month period 'till circumstantially, the friendship fizzled out. To be more specific, he was beginning to experience serious issues at home, and from there chose to refocus. I was saddened to see him bias all of his relational energies there.
During the thick of our friendship, he and I read through The Screwtape Letters, and it was during that process that I was enlightened to some of his own personal failings. In turn, I began to probe by asking questions and in turn receive candid responses, and this grew into such an enriching experience - taken from the standpoint that he was a pastor! It was not unlike having a newfound, very well respected big brother in whom to study / learn from. As a result of all of this, I do remember being shocked at his revelation of choosing to fornicate as a teen. This was one of the most heartrending confessions I could have imagined coming from him as he was such the devout man during the time that I had the privilege of knowing him.
-------------------------
As a high school student, I was excited to see one of my dad's bosses' daughters enrolling as a new student at the private academy I attended. She was a year or so older than I, and though very petite, a strikingly beautiful 17 year old.
The quarterback of our academy's football team (& also a high GPA student), whom she eventually began to date, had everything going for him. He was undoubtedly the Big Man on Campus despite being humble to boot, and such the clean cut guy. How shocked I was to see the two of them abruptly married due to the fact that there was an unexpected baby on the way.
-------------------------
Samson Society men typically have their entire stories drawn out (personally narrated) over time. It's a beautiful experience to be privy to, and having the tenure I'm privileged to have, I've heard numerous personal accounts. Based on what I've observed over the past 5 years, so many of these men became sexually active as teens. So many. And in turn, abortions often occurred. Terrible regrets and so many emotional scars, as a result of fornication, literally pile up within my mind as I think back and quantify this trend. But, it's also true to me that, it's not just Samson Society men who share this narrative of fornication. It's almost every man I meet.
-------------------------
I can vividly recall television programming during my childhood addressing the topic of fornication by disregarding it completely as any sort of Biblically-defined sin. I can also recall as a young man rubbing shoulders with shack-up church attendees who were unaware that the Bible even called fornication out as such. Considering both of these, obviously the former had made quite the impact on the latter.
I know of some Christian men who fornicated with their girlfriends for years prior to marrying, all under the guise of rebelling out of spite towards parents who "refused to allow them to marry".
Let's examine the difficulty and pragmatism behind this societal epidemic which in no way coalescences with God's will.
-------------------------
Firstly, why dub fornication as an epidemic?
Parenthood, the 1989 Ron Howard film, characterized abortion as a necessity for overworked, undersexed parents who surprisingly find themselves pregnant (again). The comedic narrative of the film took a blatant turn when this commentary was introduced within the screenplay, and so many, like myself, were absolutely blindsided to see the actors feed these particular lies to us onscreen amidst the vomit, diarrhea and dildo jokes.
Abortion does not exist / thrive on the needs of suburban families with 2.5 children. It exists due to the prevalence of fornication. No matter how much Hollywood film studios might want us to believe otherwise.
If fornication ceases to exist, the need for abortion, in turn, ceases to be.
-------------------------
According to science, men are physiologically at their sexual peak at the age of 18. To me, this means we are most fertile at that age due to the quantity and health of the sperm our testes produce as well as the efficiency of delivering those sperm via our genitalia.
I've been told that a man's mind is his strongest sexual organ, and in the past, that sounded like truth, but from a pragmatic standpoint, the mind is in no way a male sex organ.
So what then convinces a man to abandon his faith / character / ideals / rationale and participate in fornication?
Is it simply because he's somehow privy to the fact that it feels really, really good? Is it due to his need to behave out of rebellion? Is is truly some sort of rite of passage into manhood?
-------------------------
I recently spent time with a new friend who shared with me that he only chose women to fornicate with who he was willing to have a child with. And based on the particulars of his story, he fornicated with what sounded like an entire harem of potential "mothers to his children".
Could it be that some men's very identity as men is somehow never accomplished / fully realized 'till they potentially fertilize a waiting egg within a woman's Fallopian tube?
-------------------------
Bareback sex is the hottest trend within gay pornography. The most "acclaimed" gay porn studios pay huge sums of money to those who'll participate in sodomy sans a condom in front of a camera, and even moreso to those men who'll ejaculate sans pulling their penis out of their lover's rectum.
Sodomy is a distortion of vaginal intercourse. The vagina is designed to be pummeled by the penis 'till eventually pumped full of semen at climax. Semen which just happens to be teeming with sperm. Men who aren't sexually attracted to women transpose this sexual act onto other men. It's as simple as that. Believe me, I speak from experience.
-------------------------
Do you know how many men refuse to embrace sterility via the simplistic, outpatient vasectomy? Or, are you privy to those men who've traveled to Houston, TX to have the vasectomy procedure reversed? What about the men who were either born sterile or perhaps became as such due to some life event. Have you ever met one of those guys? What is it about being able to impregnate a female with one's sex organs?
A man's scrotum is no doubt the least attractive, seemingly afterthoughtish body part that he has. It's like a giant, hairy skin tag hanging between his legs. No woman (or man for that matter) has ever sized up a naked dude and said, "Damn, your nutsack is spectacular!".
Talk to any guy though, and he's aware of it, most of the time. Physically, at least. What's he's not privy to though, I believe, is how those testes do impact his understanding of himself as a man.
---------------------------
Talk to most men about their personal fornication narrative, and they'll do so through a wry smile. My pastor friend may have even done this (his disclosure relative to fornication was done via email). I find this not to be the case because the sex was really good, but because something was accomplished through that sex act. Something that resonated with their deep seated need to be validated as men.
Our genitals are designed to impregnate women. We have the means to create life through vaginal intercourse, and by doing so, we gain access to the most intimate, pleasurable physical experience on planet Earth. That being the build up and release of semen from the tip of our penises.
Women enjoy intercourse, but no women feels ejaculate filling up their sex organs during a man's climax. In fact, were it not for the man's full-bodied emotional pronouncement of climax (groaning and moaning), she'd never know he'd reached it. My point here is that women gain no more physical pleasure from semen entering their bodies, therefore they feel no more womanly as a result. That's not the case for men. Something intensely relevant is happening during those moments for a guy. It's a relevancy that needs to be better grappled with, named and drawn out in order for us to better pass along our own fornication tales to younger men / boys. Tales which hopefully will educate the next generation as to the why we as men are drawn - from so many angles - towards fornication. Physically and emotionally.
Our stories, even those that we may be most ashamed to admit to, enlighten and ultimately protect those we love. And this is oftentimes protection from their own very innate, masculine selves which don't necessarily need to be tamed or neutered but simply UNDERSTOOD better. We can help with that.
And lastly dear reader, keep in mind that I myself am a product of fornication.
Lagniappe
During the thick of our friendship, he and I read through The Screwtape Letters, and it was during that process that I was enlightened to some of his own personal failings. In turn, I began to probe by asking questions and in turn receive candid responses, and this grew into such an enriching experience - taken from the standpoint that he was a pastor! It was not unlike having a newfound, very well respected big brother in whom to study / learn from. As a result of all of this, I do remember being shocked at his revelation of choosing to fornicate as a teen. This was one of the most heartrending confessions I could have imagined coming from him as he was such the devout man during the time that I had the privilege of knowing him.
-------------------------
As a high school student, I was excited to see one of my dad's bosses' daughters enrolling as a new student at the private academy I attended. She was a year or so older than I, and though very petite, a strikingly beautiful 17 year old.
The quarterback of our academy's football team (& also a high GPA student), whom she eventually began to date, had everything going for him. He was undoubtedly the Big Man on Campus despite being humble to boot, and such the clean cut guy. How shocked I was to see the two of them abruptly married due to the fact that there was an unexpected baby on the way.
-------------------------
Samson Society men typically have their entire stories drawn out (personally narrated) over time. It's a beautiful experience to be privy to, and having the tenure I'm privileged to have, I've heard numerous personal accounts. Based on what I've observed over the past 5 years, so many of these men became sexually active as teens. So many. And in turn, abortions often occurred. Terrible regrets and so many emotional scars, as a result of fornication, literally pile up within my mind as I think back and quantify this trend. But, it's also true to me that, it's not just Samson Society men who share this narrative of fornication. It's almost every man I meet.
-------------------------
I can vividly recall television programming during my childhood addressing the topic of fornication by disregarding it completely as any sort of Biblically-defined sin. I can also recall as a young man rubbing shoulders with shack-up church attendees who were unaware that the Bible even called fornication out as such. Considering both of these, obviously the former had made quite the impact on the latter.
I know of some Christian men who fornicated with their girlfriends for years prior to marrying, all under the guise of rebelling out of spite towards parents who "refused to allow them to marry".
Let's examine the difficulty and pragmatism behind this societal epidemic which in no way coalescences with God's will.
-------------------------
Firstly, why dub fornication as an epidemic?
Parenthood, the 1989 Ron Howard film, characterized abortion as a necessity for overworked, undersexed parents who surprisingly find themselves pregnant (again). The comedic narrative of the film took a blatant turn when this commentary was introduced within the screenplay, and so many, like myself, were absolutely blindsided to see the actors feed these particular lies to us onscreen amidst the vomit, diarrhea and dildo jokes.
Abortion does not exist / thrive on the needs of suburban families with 2.5 children. It exists due to the prevalence of fornication. No matter how much Hollywood film studios might want us to believe otherwise.
If fornication ceases to exist, the need for abortion, in turn, ceases to be.
-------------------------
According to science, men are physiologically at their sexual peak at the age of 18. To me, this means we are most fertile at that age due to the quantity and health of the sperm our testes produce as well as the efficiency of delivering those sperm via our genitalia.
I've been told that a man's mind is his strongest sexual organ, and in the past, that sounded like truth, but from a pragmatic standpoint, the mind is in no way a male sex organ.
So what then convinces a man to abandon his faith / character / ideals / rationale and participate in fornication?
Is it simply because he's somehow privy to the fact that it feels really, really good? Is it due to his need to behave out of rebellion? Is is truly some sort of rite of passage into manhood?
-------------------------
I recently spent time with a new friend who shared with me that he only chose women to fornicate with who he was willing to have a child with. And based on the particulars of his story, he fornicated with what sounded like an entire harem of potential "mothers to his children".
Could it be that some men's very identity as men is somehow never accomplished / fully realized 'till they potentially fertilize a waiting egg within a woman's Fallopian tube?
-------------------------
Bareback sex is the hottest trend within gay pornography. The most "acclaimed" gay porn studios pay huge sums of money to those who'll participate in sodomy sans a condom in front of a camera, and even moreso to those men who'll ejaculate sans pulling their penis out of their lover's rectum.
Sodomy is a distortion of vaginal intercourse. The vagina is designed to be pummeled by the penis 'till eventually pumped full of semen at climax. Semen which just happens to be teeming with sperm. Men who aren't sexually attracted to women transpose this sexual act onto other men. It's as simple as that. Believe me, I speak from experience.
-------------------------
Do you know how many men refuse to embrace sterility via the simplistic, outpatient vasectomy? Or, are you privy to those men who've traveled to Houston, TX to have the vasectomy procedure reversed? What about the men who were either born sterile or perhaps became as such due to some life event. Have you ever met one of those guys? What is it about being able to impregnate a female with one's sex organs?
A man's scrotum is no doubt the least attractive, seemingly afterthoughtish body part that he has. It's like a giant, hairy skin tag hanging between his legs. No woman (or man for that matter) has ever sized up a naked dude and said, "Damn, your nutsack is spectacular!".
Talk to any guy though, and he's aware of it, most of the time. Physically, at least. What's he's not privy to though, I believe, is how those testes do impact his understanding of himself as a man.
---------------------------
Talk to most men about their personal fornication narrative, and they'll do so through a wry smile. My pastor friend may have even done this (his disclosure relative to fornication was done via email). I find this not to be the case because the sex was really good, but because something was accomplished through that sex act. Something that resonated with their deep seated need to be validated as men.
Our genitals are designed to impregnate women. We have the means to create life through vaginal intercourse, and by doing so, we gain access to the most intimate, pleasurable physical experience on planet Earth. That being the build up and release of semen from the tip of our penises.
Women enjoy intercourse, but no women feels ejaculate filling up their sex organs during a man's climax. In fact, were it not for the man's full-bodied emotional pronouncement of climax (groaning and moaning), she'd never know he'd reached it. My point here is that women gain no more physical pleasure from semen entering their bodies, therefore they feel no more womanly as a result. That's not the case for men. Something intensely relevant is happening during those moments for a guy. It's a relevancy that needs to be better grappled with, named and drawn out in order for us to better pass along our own fornication tales to younger men / boys. Tales which hopefully will educate the next generation as to the why we as men are drawn - from so many angles - towards fornication. Physically and emotionally.
Our stories, even those that we may be most ashamed to admit to, enlighten and ultimately protect those we love. And this is oftentimes protection from their own very innate, masculine selves which don't necessarily need to be tamed or neutered but simply UNDERSTOOD better. We can help with that.
And lastly dear reader, keep in mind that I myself am a product of fornication.
Lagniappe
Friday, August 16, 2019
Christianity Isn't About Being Caught In Your Sin; It's About Being Released From Depravity (& Subsequently Being Able to Take a Whole Lotta Crap)
You are to be transformed in Christ.
That's the point of Christianity.
And in doing so, become like him.
Who is Jesus Christ?
So strong.
So resilient.
So humble.
So much of a servant.
Strong enough to die for men who despised him and all he stood for.
All the while, hating religion and the religious leadership.
Embracing others' pain yet never minimizing his own.
"Strike me instead!"
This was his love for humanity.
As Christians, that same love lives within us.
Therefore, we're no longer our own, and life becomes all about pointing everyone around us towards Christ through our words, our actions, and - most importantly - our motives.
-------------------------
What does this look like?
It means we're loyal to a fault to Christ-honoring good works. We give every ounce of ourselves to be used by God. Our focus is on what we're called to do for others, expecting nothing in response except being asked for more. And our attitudes are reflective of our being cognizant of the grace that's been / being bestowed on us.
Also, we're expected to suffer, often to be abandoned and many times demonized. Our motives questioned, our goodness and blessings envied, and ultimately, our lives targeted for execution by Satan and all of his many demons.
This is following Christ. It inundates every part of our lives - vocation, friendships, marriage, rearing children, volunteer work and so forth. And it will likely make our life exceedingly hard via our own disappointments and unfaithfulness as well as the disappointments and unfaithfulness brought on by others.
So why would anyone wish to take part in this transformation?
Faith in the unseen. Faith which is of God. Imbued within us. That cannot be ignored, wished, or rationalized away. Faith which firstly serves to expose us to our sin prior to giving us the ability to reach towards our Savior.
This is why Christians are some of the weirdest, seemingly weakest / most close-minded people on Earth. And this makes them easy to spot, hate, and take advantage of. Which they expect.
That's the point of Christianity.
And in doing so, become like him.
Who is Jesus Christ?
So strong.
So resilient.
So humble.
So much of a servant.
Strong enough to die for men who despised him and all he stood for.
All the while, hating religion and the religious leadership.
Embracing others' pain yet never minimizing his own.
"Strike me instead!"
This was his love for humanity.
As Christians, that same love lives within us.
Therefore, we're no longer our own, and life becomes all about pointing everyone around us towards Christ through our words, our actions, and - most importantly - our motives.
-------------------------
What does this look like?
It means we're loyal to a fault to Christ-honoring good works. We give every ounce of ourselves to be used by God. Our focus is on what we're called to do for others, expecting nothing in response except being asked for more. And our attitudes are reflective of our being cognizant of the grace that's been / being bestowed on us.
Also, we're expected to suffer, often to be abandoned and many times demonized. Our motives questioned, our goodness and blessings envied, and ultimately, our lives targeted for execution by Satan and all of his many demons.
This is following Christ. It inundates every part of our lives - vocation, friendships, marriage, rearing children, volunteer work and so forth. And it will likely make our life exceedingly hard via our own disappointments and unfaithfulness as well as the disappointments and unfaithfulness brought on by others.
So why would anyone wish to take part in this transformation?
Faith in the unseen. Faith which is of God. Imbued within us. That cannot be ignored, wished, or rationalized away. Faith which firstly serves to expose us to our sin prior to giving us the ability to reach towards our Savior.
This is why Christians are some of the weirdest, seemingly weakest / most close-minded people on Earth. And this makes them easy to spot, hate, and take advantage of. Which they expect.
The Depressing Pragmatics of Casual Sex
I recently read an interesting (at least to me) statistic. Individuals who sport tattoos are more likely to be involved in more casual sex than those of us who are ink-free.
The mainstreaming of tattoos over the past decade has left me awestruck. Literally. It's especially noticeable whilst working out at the Y / swimming at the pool, beach. Hence, my interest in that stat.
I really enjoy talking / writing about sex, but I've only had sex with one other human being. Angie. I joke around with Samson men that a healthy marriage bed is one where intercourse occurs nightly, but in actuality, that's completely unrealistic.
On the first day of my second job at a local architecture firm, one of my bosses kindly took me on a first-day, "welcome to the fold" lunch. A number of colleagues accompanied us, and one in particular made the comment to me that year one (and two) of marriage sex should be tracked as follows: Put an empty jar on the nightstand, immediately following the honeymoon, adjacent to the marriage bed, and drop a toothpick into it symbolically each time intercourse occurs throughout year one. Conversely, remove a toothpick during year two after exhaling via marriage sex satisfaction.
In summary, he stated that you'll never remove all of the toothpicks within year two that you put into the jar during year one due to the fact that the frequency of marriage sex inevitably declines.
This truth unfortunately can serve as fuel for casual sex, which in the case of an existing marriage, qualifies as adultery.
-------------------------
So, what is casual sex?
It's sexual activity that's outside of God's will. But here, I'm referring exclusively to that which occurs physically (not simply within fantasy).
I've had one friend over the years who embraced casual sex as routine. He was married, but his marriage bed was only (during that season) used for sleeping. I remember being shocked at how persistent he was at seduction and nonchalant relative to the physical outcomes. He lived far, far away from Mississippi, therefore I felt at ease knowing our friendship was only cultivatable electronically.
There were two things that stayed with me (which he shared openly) regarding his experiences with casual sex.
1. Casual sex is often nothing more than pity sex.
Pity sex is close in line to engaging with a prostitute. It's more of a transaction than anything else. Terribly, terribly cheap.
2. Casual sex involves 2 distinct individuals, both of which have expectations regarding the sexual experience.
Again, think of it more as a transaction, not unlike a cross pollinating prostitution experience, but more often than not, both sexual expectations aren't equally met. In other words, someone gets the short end of the stick.
-------------------------
Our culture, especially fueled by video entertainment, equates casual sexual experiences as altogether healthy / helpful to humanity, and therefore through this myth, we're tricked into believing what we see onscreen. This hedonistic pursuit of sexual activity that puts horniness in the same category as hungry or bored.
Do you recall the first casual sex scene (or any visual depiction of sex onscreen within a mainstream video entertainment production) you screened? It was pretty hot looking, wasn't it? Made you kind of entranced, didn't it? And, never did either item 1 or 2 listed above become realized within these productions, did it? Why?
Because reality typically sucks when it comes to casual sex and its fallout, and this is why Scripture is clear as to why it should be avoided outright.
The mainstreaming of tattoos over the past decade has left me awestruck. Literally. It's especially noticeable whilst working out at the Y / swimming at the pool, beach. Hence, my interest in that stat.
I really enjoy talking / writing about sex, but I've only had sex with one other human being. Angie. I joke around with Samson men that a healthy marriage bed is one where intercourse occurs nightly, but in actuality, that's completely unrealistic.
On the first day of my second job at a local architecture firm, one of my bosses kindly took me on a first-day, "welcome to the fold" lunch. A number of colleagues accompanied us, and one in particular made the comment to me that year one (and two) of marriage sex should be tracked as follows: Put an empty jar on the nightstand, immediately following the honeymoon, adjacent to the marriage bed, and drop a toothpick into it symbolically each time intercourse occurs throughout year one. Conversely, remove a toothpick during year two after exhaling via marriage sex satisfaction.
In summary, he stated that you'll never remove all of the toothpicks within year two that you put into the jar during year one due to the fact that the frequency of marriage sex inevitably declines.
This truth unfortunately can serve as fuel for casual sex, which in the case of an existing marriage, qualifies as adultery.
-------------------------
So, what is casual sex?
It's sexual activity that's outside of God's will. But here, I'm referring exclusively to that which occurs physically (not simply within fantasy).
I've had one friend over the years who embraced casual sex as routine. He was married, but his marriage bed was only (during that season) used for sleeping. I remember being shocked at how persistent he was at seduction and nonchalant relative to the physical outcomes. He lived far, far away from Mississippi, therefore I felt at ease knowing our friendship was only cultivatable electronically.
There were two things that stayed with me (which he shared openly) regarding his experiences with casual sex.
1. Casual sex is often nothing more than pity sex.
Pity sex is close in line to engaging with a prostitute. It's more of a transaction than anything else. Terribly, terribly cheap.
2. Casual sex involves 2 distinct individuals, both of which have expectations regarding the sexual experience.
Again, think of it more as a transaction, not unlike a cross pollinating prostitution experience, but more often than not, both sexual expectations aren't equally met. In other words, someone gets the short end of the stick.
-------------------------
Our culture, especially fueled by video entertainment, equates casual sexual experiences as altogether healthy / helpful to humanity, and therefore through this myth, we're tricked into believing what we see onscreen. This hedonistic pursuit of sexual activity that puts horniness in the same category as hungry or bored.
Do you recall the first casual sex scene (or any visual depiction of sex onscreen within a mainstream video entertainment production) you screened? It was pretty hot looking, wasn't it? Made you kind of entranced, didn't it? And, never did either item 1 or 2 listed above become realized within these productions, did it? Why?
Because reality typically sucks when it comes to casual sex and its fallout, and this is why Scripture is clear as to why it should be avoided outright.
Sunday, August 4, 2019
Honorary Doctorate in Masturbation / Church Lust
During my upper elementary school years, I discovered masturbation having witnessed my best friend pleasuring his own self via a hand held vibrator he'd discovered underneath his parents' bed. Thankfully, he demonstrated his technique with his shorts on. From there, I was immensely curious, and as they say, the rest was history.
On most days, during this same period of my life, I made a point to spend a few minutes each day perusing the pages of the Service Merchandise catalog. In particular, the electronics section. I did this in order to dream about purchasing some high dollar toy or somesuch that might make my life that much more fun-filled and pleasurable. If I looked at this catalog once, I looked at it a thousand times, reading the same captions / product descriptions over and over again. It made for a very effective escape.
My parents' marriage experienced massive fallout over multiple acts of infidelity around this same time, therefore what was already an extremely immature marriage was completely blown apart. Bob and Darlene from that point forward simply existed around each other; toleration was the key.
I was ignored through all of this devastation despite the fact that I was somewhat privy to the details relative to what had happened. This was a huge mistake that my parents chose to make as they focused solely on themselves and their individual pain.
And all of these proceedings brought about fertile soil for Church Lust to take root.
-------------------------
Even today, there are times when I simply cannot shake the overarching shame I feel when I see someone at church whom I'm sexually attracted to. It's not that I'm necessarily tempted to lust in that moment, but when you have a history of said church lust from your childhood, I have found it permanently stains your soul and effectively clouds your thinking / experiences within certain situations.
My middle school youth pastor was my secret lover. This was all in my head, but nonetheless, it was just about as real as it could get for a young man who'd never had a sexual experience. And that sexual relationship went on and on throughout his tenure at our church (through my 9th grade year), but especially so whilst being pastored during youth trips / retreats. And all of this occurred sans any special treatment / attention on my youth pastor's part towards Rob. It's important too that you realize that I was simply a background student, rarely making a peep outside of small talk with my friends, and that our youth group was sizable, taking into account grades 7th through 12th. The latter especially gave me all the more "cover" to construct my sin-laden fantasy as I observed at arms length.
-------------------------
Lust always involves imagination. It's identifying a part of someone or an entire someone you're sexually attracted to prior to placing them within a fantastical narrative where fornication / adultery occurs. It's as simply as that.
And unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you frame it), unlike the Service Merchandise catalog, people you're sexually attracted to are sometimes really hard to avoid, taking into account the comings and goings of life. And this can be especially true when you're a teenager.
As a side note, I carried on similarly sexually charged fantasies with teachers and coaches at my school as well, therefore all of this pubescent wiener rubbing quickly became second nature to me. Literally to the point of taking stock of it relative to its importance as I would brushing my teeth each morning before school. Hence, these fantasies became intricately interwoven with my hyper fluctuating adolescent emotional state of mind and unabashedly addictive to partake in.
In the past, I've described this season as one where if I were to quantify the amount of semen I ejaculated, it would easily have filled a 55 gallon drum. Obviously, I know, way too much wiener on my hands.
-------------------------
What keeps men as far away from the church house as possible on Sundays? Typically it's shame.
They might cite "refusing to mingle with hypocrites", but that's a ruse. It's shame that's holding them back. It's no different than a fat person eschewing a gym, and this is a very, very hard thing to overcome.
Satan by definition is our accuser. The Bible says that he spends an inordinate amount of time doing just that around God's throne, talking trash about none other than us. For he's privy to our past, highly intelligent and extremely cunning. He knows what we've been up, even before we completely understood the brevity of what we were doing (childhood). There's very little about us that's he's not taken stock of, all in the hopes of shaming us down the road. For inciting shame within men is one of his greatest tools in hopes of keeping us stagnant and depressed.
Don't fall for it. If you're a Christian, Satan's lies are just that. Lies.
Take the time to dissect your past. This is called Self Examination. Use that good work to help you see clearly where you've been and why (to the best of your ability). From there, use it to your's and the Holy Spirit's advantage as you work to resist feelings of shame.
Emotions are important, but they're not inexcusable. Shame is an emotion. A terrible, debilitating emotion, but it can be overcome if its root is brought into the light.
On most days, during this same period of my life, I made a point to spend a few minutes each day perusing the pages of the Service Merchandise catalog. In particular, the electronics section. I did this in order to dream about purchasing some high dollar toy or somesuch that might make my life that much more fun-filled and pleasurable. If I looked at this catalog once, I looked at it a thousand times, reading the same captions / product descriptions over and over again. It made for a very effective escape.
My parents' marriage experienced massive fallout over multiple acts of infidelity around this same time, therefore what was already an extremely immature marriage was completely blown apart. Bob and Darlene from that point forward simply existed around each other; toleration was the key.
I was ignored through all of this devastation despite the fact that I was somewhat privy to the details relative to what had happened. This was a huge mistake that my parents chose to make as they focused solely on themselves and their individual pain.
And all of these proceedings brought about fertile soil for Church Lust to take root.
-------------------------
Even today, there are times when I simply cannot shake the overarching shame I feel when I see someone at church whom I'm sexually attracted to. It's not that I'm necessarily tempted to lust in that moment, but when you have a history of said church lust from your childhood, I have found it permanently stains your soul and effectively clouds your thinking / experiences within certain situations.
My middle school youth pastor was my secret lover. This was all in my head, but nonetheless, it was just about as real as it could get for a young man who'd never had a sexual experience. And that sexual relationship went on and on throughout his tenure at our church (through my 9th grade year), but especially so whilst being pastored during youth trips / retreats. And all of this occurred sans any special treatment / attention on my youth pastor's part towards Rob. It's important too that you realize that I was simply a background student, rarely making a peep outside of small talk with my friends, and that our youth group was sizable, taking into account grades 7th through 12th. The latter especially gave me all the more "cover" to construct my sin-laden fantasy as I observed at arms length.
-------------------------
Lust always involves imagination. It's identifying a part of someone or an entire someone you're sexually attracted to prior to placing them within a fantastical narrative where fornication / adultery occurs. It's as simply as that.
And unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you frame it), unlike the Service Merchandise catalog, people you're sexually attracted to are sometimes really hard to avoid, taking into account the comings and goings of life. And this can be especially true when you're a teenager.
As a side note, I carried on similarly sexually charged fantasies with teachers and coaches at my school as well, therefore all of this pubescent wiener rubbing quickly became second nature to me. Literally to the point of taking stock of it relative to its importance as I would brushing my teeth each morning before school. Hence, these fantasies became intricately interwoven with my hyper fluctuating adolescent emotional state of mind and unabashedly addictive to partake in.
In the past, I've described this season as one where if I were to quantify the amount of semen I ejaculated, it would easily have filled a 55 gallon drum. Obviously, I know, way too much wiener on my hands.
-------------------------
What keeps men as far away from the church house as possible on Sundays? Typically it's shame.
They might cite "refusing to mingle with hypocrites", but that's a ruse. It's shame that's holding them back. It's no different than a fat person eschewing a gym, and this is a very, very hard thing to overcome.
Satan by definition is our accuser. The Bible says that he spends an inordinate amount of time doing just that around God's throne, talking trash about none other than us. For he's privy to our past, highly intelligent and extremely cunning. He knows what we've been up, even before we completely understood the brevity of what we were doing (childhood). There's very little about us that's he's not taken stock of, all in the hopes of shaming us down the road. For inciting shame within men is one of his greatest tools in hopes of keeping us stagnant and depressed.
Don't fall for it. If you're a Christian, Satan's lies are just that. Lies.
Take the time to dissect your past. This is called Self Examination. Use that good work to help you see clearly where you've been and why (to the best of your ability). From there, use it to your's and the Holy Spirit's advantage as you work to resist feelings of shame.
Emotions are important, but they're not inexcusable. Shame is an emotion. A terrible, debilitating emotion, but it can be overcome if its root is brought into the light.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
Fornication: The Dating Ruse
My parents were involved in fornication. I know this because they in turn became pregnant with me. Subsequently, as a 17 and 18 year old, they chose to then marry back in January of 1972. Perhaps they would have never married had they not been involved in fornication. Nevertheless, that decision to have premarital sexual intercourse changed their lives forever and instigated mine.
What is fornication really, and why is it considered a sin by God?
I've heard so many men in particular justify fornication within their pasts, and I've heard a handful of women detail it as simply part of the learning curve relative to "aptitude in bed".
Fornication is blasphemy because it takes what's clearly detailed relations by God - husband / wife and misrepresents it. It's no different than two friends simply choosing to be sexual. That's abnormal behavior due to the two parties involved (friends), therefore it's out of line with God's will.
As a Christian, it's hard to not be disappointed in the fact that my father made the decisions he chose to all those years ago, and I realize that probably sounds contradictory from the standpoint of my very existence today. Considering all of the fallout that I've witnessed follow suit from that decision, allow me to continue...
Here's the truly pivotal rationale as to why it's so important to eschew sexual intimacy before marriage.
You're improving your chances of not ending up with a bad marriage, and believe me, no amount of memorable dating sex can outweigh the heartache that's mated to a difficult, if not impossibly unworkable marriage.
Keep in mind I said marriage here. Not friendship between roommates, or acquaintances who tolerate each other's presence. Marriage. Two becoming one flesh.
-------------------------
Sexual intercourse in particular is intoxicating. Particularly when it's virginal and mated to young love. Therefore, it quickly becomes the focal point of the dating relationship which is decidedly unfortunate.
If the two individuals are Christians, they're now dealing with private, yet shared guilt and shame, and oftentimes, they're working just as hard out of bed attempting to cover over their tracks as they are in bed to achieve multiple orgasms.
What's truly sad is when abortion occurs as a result of all of this foolishness.
But let's return to the intoxication portion of sexual intimacy.
Young adults who are sexually active whilst dating are benefiting from being at their sexual peak physiologically. Young men are making loads of healthy sperm and young ladies' eggs are ripe for fertilization, and their bodies know this (despite the fact that they aren't married). Hence, the sex is intense and overwhelmingly pleasurable to both.
Plus, their bodies themselves are young. Therefore sexual stamina is at its peak, positions are often limitless, and those feelings of invulnerability are at times ever present.
Of course, all of this inevitably clouds judgement because the fornication is just that - a celebration of rebellion against God versus marriage under God. And all of this sexual sin compounds as the dating relationship progresses 'till eventually (if the couple chooses to marry), they both find themselves having to deal with ramifications related to the erasure of the line of demarcation that actually signified the marriage itself. And those ramifications can be extensive. God is not mocked. Marriage is a representation of Christ and his bride, the church. This is seriously stupid behavior we're talking about here that not just one person has been involved in but two.
Many of you know that I have 3 daughters - ages 16, 14, and 9. I pray often for their future husbands. In particular, that they'll respect and honor the role that sexual intimacy should play only between a husband and wife. And this is primarily because I don't want them married to a Schmoe. Ordinary simply isn't acceptable in my book for my girls. Let those men be someone else's son-in-law.
What is fornication really, and why is it considered a sin by God?
I've heard so many men in particular justify fornication within their pasts, and I've heard a handful of women detail it as simply part of the learning curve relative to "aptitude in bed".
Fornication is blasphemy because it takes what's clearly detailed relations by God - husband / wife and misrepresents it. It's no different than two friends simply choosing to be sexual. That's abnormal behavior due to the two parties involved (friends), therefore it's out of line with God's will.
As a Christian, it's hard to not be disappointed in the fact that my father made the decisions he chose to all those years ago, and I realize that probably sounds contradictory from the standpoint of my very existence today. Considering all of the fallout that I've witnessed follow suit from that decision, allow me to continue...
Here's the truly pivotal rationale as to why it's so important to eschew sexual intimacy before marriage.
You're improving your chances of not ending up with a bad marriage, and believe me, no amount of memorable dating sex can outweigh the heartache that's mated to a difficult, if not impossibly unworkable marriage.
Keep in mind I said marriage here. Not friendship between roommates, or acquaintances who tolerate each other's presence. Marriage. Two becoming one flesh.
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Sexual intercourse in particular is intoxicating. Particularly when it's virginal and mated to young love. Therefore, it quickly becomes the focal point of the dating relationship which is decidedly unfortunate.
If the two individuals are Christians, they're now dealing with private, yet shared guilt and shame, and oftentimes, they're working just as hard out of bed attempting to cover over their tracks as they are in bed to achieve multiple orgasms.
What's truly sad is when abortion occurs as a result of all of this foolishness.
But let's return to the intoxication portion of sexual intimacy.
Young adults who are sexually active whilst dating are benefiting from being at their sexual peak physiologically. Young men are making loads of healthy sperm and young ladies' eggs are ripe for fertilization, and their bodies know this (despite the fact that they aren't married). Hence, the sex is intense and overwhelmingly pleasurable to both.
Plus, their bodies themselves are young. Therefore sexual stamina is at its peak, positions are often limitless, and those feelings of invulnerability are at times ever present.
Of course, all of this inevitably clouds judgement because the fornication is just that - a celebration of rebellion against God versus marriage under God. And all of this sexual sin compounds as the dating relationship progresses 'till eventually (if the couple chooses to marry), they both find themselves having to deal with ramifications related to the erasure of the line of demarcation that actually signified the marriage itself. And those ramifications can be extensive. God is not mocked. Marriage is a representation of Christ and his bride, the church. This is seriously stupid behavior we're talking about here that not just one person has been involved in but two.
Many of you know that I have 3 daughters - ages 16, 14, and 9. I pray often for their future husbands. In particular, that they'll respect and honor the role that sexual intimacy should play only between a husband and wife. And this is primarily because I don't want them married to a Schmoe. Ordinary simply isn't acceptable in my book for my girls. Let those men be someone else's son-in-law.
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