In the past, I distinctly remember television personalities decrying that a man's sexual fantasy life was absolutely normal, healthy, and expected to exist - whether they're single, married, divorced, or whatever. And it is declarations like these that serve as one of the many reasons I choose to avoid television. I have heard some of the most asinine statements via that particular entertainment medium. I am of the opinion that television personalities are mostly articulate idiots who happen to look great on TV.
I believe the reason this statement is repeatedly made within our culture is twofold:
1. Men who nurture a sexual fantasy life do so for very specific emotional reasons, and these reasons are tied into that man's internal value (or lack thereof). Hence, it can seemingly become critically important to nurture these despite their toxicity.
2. Runaway sexual fantasy lives tend to leave their stations while a man is in his youth. And as we all know, any private sin-laden activity that's rooted in one's youth is typically very hard to break away from as an adult. It's like learning to ride a bike as a child and then being asked to unlearn it much farther down the road.
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A history of fornication can play a role in truly gumming up the works for Christian men who're in bondage to sexual fantasy lives. Obviously, for a man to have participated in fornication, he had to have been sexually attractive enough to woo his lover into bed, and from there, perhaps, be gratified with a partner whom authenticated his efforts by responding with zeal.
"You're a fantastic lover."
"You know exactly how to turn me on."
"You are incredibly good in bed."
"I can't stop thinking about our time together making love."
Sound familiar?
It translates over well, does it not, into sexual fantasy.
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Marriage is hard, and the marriage bed will rarely ever be any sort of basis for a man's sexual fantasy life. It's too unpredictable, and no man typically chooses to imagine his wife, of all people, behaving like some female whore robot on steroids.
That's such a hard truth, but nonetheless, it is truth.
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My sexual fantasy life took root as I was firstly entering into adolescence, and the basis for it was my deep seated sense of worthlessness as it pertained to my sense of masculinity. My sexual fantasies were all about being pursued and ultimately seduced by my imaginary lovers. And man, were these fantasies spectacularly pleasurable to promulgate within my head(s)!
Eventually though, after many years of choosing to avoid these imaginary lovers (sometimes being victorious, sometime not), I was released. And in so many ways, it was not unlike growing up for I never truly felt like a grown up 'till this occurred.
I'm not of the opinion that sexual fantasy is ever justifiable. The Bible is clear about what we're to think upon, and sexual fantasies simply didn't make the cut.
In closing, for men who've spent a lot of time nurturing sexual relationships whilst dating (or otherwise): take the time to self-examine these salacious memories, parsing through them with a fine tooth comb. I believe this is an exercise that's helpful to debunk / dissuade the "right-side" of one's brain via the "left-side's" good work. If anything, it can serves as a starting point towards manhood.
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