We're going to focus within this post on monks (an applicable subject, don't you think?). Specifically, those who lived during the Middle Ages, long before Mr. Nate Larkin wrote his brilliant tome, Samson & The Pirate Monks. Yes, you read that correctly. Monks. Those men of the religious order who resided (past tense) within monasteries, wearing those heavy (usually brown), drab, floor-length robes whilst sporting those gosh awful haircuts.
Why?
Everyone knows that monks took great pride in their individual penises.
Do what? Why?
Well, as you can imagine, its God-given appearance effectively reflected each individual man as they went about their days doing whatever it was that monks do (did) there in those monasteries / in and around the grounds. You do realize they all pretty much looked the same (whilst fully robed)?
Considering the Pirate Monks of 2023, this is a far cry. Take, for example, the Neapolitan kaleidoscope of Pirate Monks on site at this past November's National Samson Society retreat in Van, Texas.
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Now you may be asking, how was it that these men of said religious order knew so much about individual penises there amongst the brotherhood? I'll answer that with the perfect foundational prequel.
The same way Jesus and his disciples were privy to this noteworthy, male reproductive organ truth.
When you do (every aspect of) life together - literally - one's phallus (length, girth, overall shape / body) can easily become a calling card. In jest firstly, but too, in accordance with the "rules of masculine adjudication" (rank & file). And, of course, who wouldn't want their penis looking its very best whilst exposed to / up against other's / other's opinion?
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Monks were known to honor / recognize the first month of each calendar year as a season of "penis sabbath". In other words, other than urinating, it was hands-off! Too, during this entire month, they were charged to sleep buck naked in order to grant a full 1/3 of that 31-day period to their penises sans loincloths. (Bringing about a proper genitalia "airing out" via the privacy of their individual bunks.)
Where did this practice originate?
Historically, monks strongly believed Jesus and his disciples participated within the same January penis fast and did so out of respect for "what lay ahead" of them (February-December). Having celebrated Christmas (Jesus' birthday) / New Year's with aplomb, Jesus encouraged his bros to be intentional with their genitalia at the outset of the New Year.
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This practice lovingly became dubbed "Jesus January" sometime around the same time said month was christened "Dry January".
So now you know.
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You may be asking yourself, "How can I possibly abstain from intercourse throughout the first month of 2024?"
If you were to add up all of the calendar days your wife typically menstruates over the course of the calendar year, it would add up to +/- 30 days. Obviously, that equates to one month. These days of post-fertile menstrual flush provide time for her genitals to rest, resulting in renewed health (& beauty / vitality) going forward.
Come February, after adhering to the "Jesus January" sabbatical, your wife will be pleasantly impressed to see her husband's toolset well rested / optimized for pleasure during the forth-coming (sorry) months.
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What can one specifically expect if we Pirate Monks adhere to this "Au Naturale" approach to our penises next month?
I'm not going to provide any case studies here, but I will say that one of the greatest, if not the greatest collateral gain is one's intentional decoupling from known arousal devices. Perhaps, for you, that's Internet porn. And, if you make that choice for January, how might this decidedly intentional approach cascade into the remainder of the winter / spring of 2024? Only good can come of it. Don't you agree?
Everyone wants their junk to look and perform at its very best. Here's your chance to properly pamper yours alongside Rob.
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One final heed. Sleeping buck naked obviously demands a more regimented approach to bedsheet laundering, therefore ESPECIALLY IF you don't sleep alone, be considerately Cinderellaish about not allowing more than one week to pass before installing fresh linens.
Here's to a phenomenal NEW YEAR! God bless.
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