When men begin sharing intimately regarding their passions, you've earned their respect. And this is particularly true when their passions DO NOT ALIGN WITH YOUR OWN.
Why is this relational development such the bellwether?
When a man loops in another to something HE KNOWS his friend isn't necessarily interested in, he's increasingly risking rejection (to some degree or another) by doing so. There is nothing men fear more than rejection from other men. As such, risking that with someone he's very much not wanting to ward off, implies that trust is concretizing between the two men.
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It was right around this time of year in 2015 that I acquired my first Silas. Not long afterwards, he had my family over for a New Year's dinner party. I remember this so vividly because my father-in-law had passed away not long before (the previous month), and though I wasn't at all close to this man, my wife certainly had been. As such, she was still in an emotional fog. Regardless, she did her darndest to be present / interested, but overall, she did not care to participate therein relative to this exciting (MY FIRST SILAS!) time for Rob.
Why was this (dinner party) a big reveal for my Silas?
He had an outrageously large family (I, of course, knew this going in, but seeing is believing). So large, in fact, that there was great risk that we would react (understandably) in a way that was obviously uncomfortable / stigmatizing to all of / in front of them. But we did not. Instead, we had a lovely time, and from there, his trust / comfort level in me grew exponentially.
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A year or so after this, I became a Silas to a much younger man who'd been so brave to seek professional help for his ongoing struggle with chronic Internet porn consumption. This fortunately had led him to our in-person Samson Society group.
Eventually, he and I both began attending a spin-off face-to-face Samson group, and in tandem with that routine, each Sunday afternoon, in advance of this meeting, we'd rendezvous at a local restaurant in order to hang-out.
At this time, I was busy studying for Securities licensing exams. Therefore, I'd often situate myself at this eatery well in advance of his scheduled arrival (in order to study).
But it was this regularly scheduled hanging out that he no doubt loved. It taught me that there's truly an art to hanging out (even as an adult).
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Pursuing a position of church leadership was another Samson guy's present passion. We talked extensively about whether he rightly should be qualified therein. From there, he submitted himself to the process of being examined before (or maybe after) being formally elected by the congregation. I learned a tremendous amount about what it meant to be Presbyterian even though he attended a Baptist church.
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Tattoos for some guys, particularly law enforcement types, are integral to their identity as masculine men. I served as a Silas to a Samson guy who immediately made this crystal clear to Rob. He would talk about not just the designs themselves but when and where and how (experientally) he received the inking. And it was the latter that was truly sacred to this man. For those experiences were tactile, supercharging the intimacy involved during the hours and hours it took for them to be executed. In turn, this made these designs precious in his eyes.
Photos that he would text to me of men who were inked were respectfully received. For though I'd no real interest in tattoos, I learned so much about him via the sacredness of this portion of his identity as an officer of the law.
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I'm a teetotaler, but I drank my fair share of craft beers whilst serving as another man's Silas. He knew and appreciated craft beers to the degree that I do automobiles (which is fairly extensively). To him, craft beer represented the ultimate in an uber-cool, relaxing, refreshing beverage. Nonetheless, I never could successfully down an entire container, but I never once struggled swallowing - my very intentional gulps of - what tasted (to me) like burnt water.
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Never in a million years would I have imagined the opportunity to tangibly support my officiating Silas. Whether it was a single or double-header, I'd stay to watch him make calls relative to the high school / community college baseball teams competing. He even once officiated in the Mississippi Braves stadium (good times!). This same Samson guy introduced me to CrossFit, even allowing me to accompany him to a CrossFit competition in South MS during the heart of the pandemic. I took the opportunity to take a number of crappy photos of he and his partner competing well, enjoying my time outright all the way up 'till their team were declared the victors.
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Whether it's music, sports, fitness, booze, hunting / fishing, inked body parts, writing (poetry, essays), and on and on, all of these passions may very well qualify relative to the complicated makeup of your friend.
If you're smart, you'll recognize the opportunity when it's presented via respectfully embracing this portion of your friend at face value by asking curiously about its personal origins. From there, attempt to insert yourself therein as a means to tangibly support this powerful identifier. Respect will then begin to deeply take root. Trust me, it never fails.
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