Being same-sex attracted has always been my sexual norm. I've never known anything different. When I began dating my future wife (mid-'90s), I was far more attracted to her holistically than likely other potential suitors might have been. And this springboarded off of our childhood friendship which became far more important than either of us realized 'till we began dating. Angie was tender. Her touch was soft and consistent. Plus, she was loyal to a fault. I could go on, but my point here is I had the benefit of being able to easily look beyond the sole opportunity to lay with her (intercourse), as her husband, in regard to potentially marrying.
Another norm for me is the Deep South culture. A big portion of which basks in college football competition / rivalries. This one too is experienced by Rob in ways that don't necessarily fit the typical Mississippi redneck.
It's important to know that Mississippi is all I know relative to a home. As such, it's a hotbed of football-loving and has been for as long as I've known it. My dad, Robert, Sr., grew up immersed in this Southeastern Conference culture. As such, it's as definitive as the very blood type that circulates through his veins.
I joined the marching band (clarinet / drum major) in middle school out of curiosity (& as an escape route from PE class) more than anything else. As such, Friday nights during each of my subsequent fall semesters were mostly spent back on the private academy's grounds - at each and every football game.
From there, I segued into my college's marching band where again, I spent every fall weekend (along with three bowl games!) supporting the team, but this time, I was wearing a maroon & white band uniform. At the conclusion of 1994, my tenure as a Maroon Band member bittersweetly came to a close.
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Whilst looking back, regarding football, I really was like a submerged frog in a pot of gradually heated water. Yet, there were two confounding constants: 1) how undecipherable the game was to me as a teen & subsequently 2) the reality that every matchup occurred under the cover of darkness.
For I'd certainly never played the game. Therefore, having only very rarely tossed a pigskin with my father, I found myself sitting in those rickety wooden stands feeling more like a comatose queue (on standby to march during halftime) than an actual spectator.
But now, as a 51-year-old, I can comprehend the game well enough to follow the action. Nonetheless, even if I squint my eyes closed, I have the ability to keep up with the plays with relative ease.
And this leads me to the following realization: Football players, after all these years, are now becoming recognizable as individuals. And not just for their specific assigned positions on the field. Their names on the back of their jerseys, specifically, are beginning to register within my brain, proving to me that these are real men.
Some of which are very physically attractive men.
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Today (specifically regarding the past three seasons), I've interloped yet again into the routine of supporting football games. And this is in line with my oldest daughter being a pep squad member at her collegiate institution of choice with me (& Angie) being the supportive parent(s).
Disappointingly, her college's football team hasn't performed well during the majority of these seasons, therefore it's been absolutely no fun to attend the games - from that perspective.
Hence, I have found myself, throughout these 4+ tedious hours, doing everything in my power to simply endure the mercilessly horrific gameplay.
As such, this has led me to take note of one player in particular, who just happens to station himself almost directly in front of our seats. And all I know to say about that is, thanks be to God for beautiful men.
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At this stage in my recovery, I don't consume gay porn in order to lust. Why? I simply see that approach as past tense for Rob. Nonetheless, when I do choose to delve into it, it's in pursuit of two things: 1) videos / photos of guys who fit my masculine archetype being sexual - to some degree or another, and 2) these same guys displaying acts of physical tenderness towards each other.
There's not a lot of porn out there that fits this bill because...
A sizable number of porn models who participate onscreen in homosexual sex aren't actually same-sex attracted. The vast majority are simply guys who're enduring, not unlike I tend to be whilst attending the aforementioned culturally ubiquitous college football games. Many of these models certainly have a track record within the gay porn industry, but it's exclusively that reputation that they build their simulated performances on as they contractually agree to collaborate within countless (sometimes hundreds, if not thousands) mechanizable features.
I too have a football game track record that (either as a pep squad / band member or spectator), for me, now spans decades of my life, but it doesn't mean I have today or will ever have in the future any real interest in football.
The big money for attractive, muscular, masculine (straight-acting) porn models is within the production of gay porn. Why? A lot of folks (particularly same-sex attracted folks) consume it very, very regularly. And yes, that includes women who're completely uninterested in seeing women within their porn palette.
But the quagmire here is can these straight, college / pro football player-like men display genuine tenderness - towards each other - within this genre? Especially considering the fact that tenderness is absolutely uncalled for within heterosexual porn features.
Mostly no. Thankfully no. & most of the time, if they make the attempt, it looks incredibly forced.
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I'm fortunate to only have one additional year of college football spectatorship that I must endure (my pep squad daughter will be a senior next year!). From there, my plan is to never attend another college football game unless someone leads me into one at gunpoint. For I have truly had my fill of it for a lifetime.
And thanks be to God that there's so little online - today - relative to gay porn that captures my interest. I suppose I've literally become, yet again, a boiled toad in this regard as well.
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