Friendships have a cadence. A flow. Therefore, "sight reading" can be vitally important if you're just getting started (with a new Samson guy or otherwise). It's paramount that you at least pick up on the tempo. Otherwise, you'll likely fall flat fairly quickly.
Many years ago, I befriended a younger man (this was my first foray), and he admitted to "not knowing how to do friendship". This admission was quite unexpected as he had an immense amount of personal and professional confidence / ambition. Whilst looking back on that multi-year friendship, I believe his failed platonic track record had a whole lot to do with his generational wiring (this guy was much younger than I was).
Relating to people takes being able to read people well enough to react personally (keyword) respectful.
Never not having the Internet to distract seems to make for some less than stellar - patiently listening / observing - people readers. And not because that generation isn't capable. No, I believe it has more to do with either refusing to be distractable, or easily / by default consistently being distracted. As such, the former attribute is readily perceived as a cop out whereas the latter exemplifies laziness. No matter, however it's perceived, distraction away from your friend isn't doing your friendship any favors.
All and all (overarching truth), observing people takes an immense amount of curiosity if the observation is to be genuinely charitable.
And curiosity must be structured as a long game. Weeks, months, years.
On a similar note, but quite different overall, is novelty which is momentary. Hours, minutes, seconds. Our culture is built on novelty. It is child's play. (Watching TV, playing video games.) Grown ass men need not apply.
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Great friendships are built on you depositing the necessary service - expected of your friend - for he / she to then value your own personal needs. Now, that sentence is referring to a GREAT friendship, not just a friendship. And ideally, both sides of the steadily growing, anticipated GREAT friendship take this same approach, but I've only been party to a relationship as such - once in my lifetime.
The only way to do this serving, with the proper care, is to listen well both in the moment and long term. For timing is everything when it comes to relationships. Hence, you must be present - at all times.
Curiosity, for me, comes into play relative to no particular rhyme or reason. It's just there or it isn't. For Rob, the word curiosity can be substituted with attraction.
Without curiosity (attraction), both regarding your friend as well as regarding the potential longevity / outcome of the friendship, there's no other way to go the distance needed relative to service required.
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Before Christmas, I handed my business card to a guy at the Y who coached my middle daughter in Upward Basketball many years prior. I'd re-introduced myself to him a few months prior to this, assuming he remembered me (especially with my daughter there with me in the gym working out alongside). Whilst handing off the card, I asked him to contact me to schedule a lunch after the holidays, and he feigned genuinely intrigued.
When my daughter was under his Upward Basketball (head)coaching guise, my father was also in the picture as this man's Assistant Coach. From what I remember, I'd asked my dad if he'd be interested in filling that role (Upward Basketball is a volunteer youth basketball program that utilizes church gymnasiums for practices / games), and he obliged. How I actually logistically orchestrated that detail, I've no idea.
All of this Upward Basketballing was going on just a few years after we'd returned here from Cleveland, therefore it was around 2015. Nonetheless, I distinctly remember this very respectful guy who served as the head coach of my daughter's team. Hence, when he and I bumped into each other at the Y, I felt compelled to speak up.
But I didn't want to.
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As an introvert, it is so hard, if not impossible, to motivate myself to pursue. Knowing how much energy will be needed to do so.
But let me tell you this. It's worth every drop.
Relating to other men is the very best means to demonstrate our Christ-likeness. Jesus actively related to those around him. And he did this through humility and a deep-seated desire to serve. Physically, Jesus was all human. Therefore, he too was either an intro or extravert or somewhere in between. And, in spite of his relatively young age, there were physical and emotional limits he was faced with.
Allow God's spirit to motivate you to pursue. To be intensely curious. And to observe with laser focus. From there, you'll find your voice as a GREAT friend within Samson Society or otherwise from which a GREAT friendship may emerge.
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