And interesting read: Bradley Cooper, Benedict Cumberbatch and the Golden Age of Nude Men - WSJ
The School of Architecture, back in the early '90s, had a photography studio within the building. It was staffed by a dedicated faculty member who - as far as I know - oversaw its operation exclusively. We students were encouraged to have our models / drawings photographed at least annually in order to "build our academic portfolio". From there, that portfolio would then represent our skillset as we looked to land a job post Mississippi State University.
When I was a third-year student, I was assigned to a small group of exceedingly creative peers, and we decided to execute our mundane site analysis project (which had been assigned to us) via an over-the-top Avant Garde video presentation. One of the students within my group did have a laptop (a rare find back then) with an early version of Photoshop on it, but none of us had a video camera. Therefore, we sought to "check one out" of the school's photo studio.
Our group had a blast filming / editing / presenting our project. The end result was extremely unique. And for the most part, I ended up being the cameraman throughout its production. This was my first foray relative to using a video camera, and as a result of this, my curiosity definitely peaked as I thought through what I potentially could do with said video camera in my spare time.
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I had the good fortune to backpack throughout Europe during the summer of 1994. I was with a group of mostly architecture students, all young men from MSU. As such, we visited most every architecturally relevant site we could throughout the eleven countries we visited during those two months. Antiquity is on prominent display throughout Europe. As such, commissioned sculptures are displayed throughout, much of it depicting prominent historical - Biblical / mythological figures, etc.
One thing that you notice within the ubiquity of this 3-D art is that full / semi-nudity isn't / wasn't / hasn't been out of the ordinary for Europe.
Hence, there are plenty of breasts, vaginas, and penis / testicles beautifully rendered (usually in stone). And these figures' physical features no doubt add to the overall aesthetic. They're striking yet not at all salacious.
In line with this general observation was my distinct first encounter with this European norm. I've no doubt their culture of "reduced / zero shame" crystallized within my mind just a few minutes after disembarking from our flight into Paris. As such, throughout the airport there were supersized print ads featuring semi-nude models, and these were on display prominently. Over and over again.
Being an American reared in Mississippi, I'd seen very few images of women revealing their breasts. Hence, I remember instantly feeling exceedingly uncomfortable whilst encountering these very normalized images. Shameful really.
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Growing up as an only child, I had no brothers - either younger or older - to grow up alongside. Hence, there was no 24/7/365 familial measuring stick for me to associate with / compare myself to. Too, I was not at all an athletic boy. Therefore, locker room / gang shower experiences weren't ever part of my narrative (which I was very much thankful for).
Hence, when I did have a handful of isolated changing room experiences during my early teenage years, the end result unfortunately was me coming away feeling exceedingly less than my peers. So much so in fact that I only sought further to loathe my physical self (in contrast to what I considered my masculine ideal). And this wasn't as a result of how I was treated / perceived / adjudicated by my peers within that changing room setting. It wasn't that at all. Every bit of this devastating shame was internalized.
It was as if someone's intent was to eradicate any semblance of self-dignity that should have taken root as expected.
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What I didn't realize as an adolescent (nor understood how to respond positively to) was how starved I was to make peace with my masculine - physical self. Hence, photography of semi-nude male models did make one clear cut statement to me. And that was that these individuals were where I wanted to be. Yes too, I enjoyed the salaciousness behind many of these images, but deep down, I saw people who'd decisively understood their intrinsic physical value. Or at least I thought I had.
Now of course, regarding photography, this was all a ruse. But I didn't understand how photography (especially photographic imagery) really worked, nor what much of its true intent was. My ignorance was truly being taken advantage of (mostly by Satan).
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Now let me circle back to those private ideas I dreamed up whilst serving as the cameraman for my fun-filled, overly creative site analysis (architecture school) project.
Filming oneself masturbating was no doubt really intriguing to Rob and having an empty dorm room to do so in (combined with access to a video camera) sealed the deal.
The funny part of this story is what I decided to lubricate my toolset with as I was "performing" within my first solo video.
Dishwashing liquid (Joy, Dawn, Palmolive) ARE NOT choice lubricants for self-pleasure. But I didn't know this until firsthand (sorry) experience. Yes, there was certainly enough viscosity provided coupled with a very pleasant fragrance, but dishwashing liquid is designed to clean dirty dishes. Really dirty dishes. Dishes that have burnt food clinging to them from last night's dinner party.
Therefore, when you apply said liquid to bare skin, particularly very sensitive, very elastic skin (like your genitalia) and rub it in for 10-15 minutes (sans water), the end result is going to be bad. Really scary - I'm never going to be able to reproduce - bad. Like so bad that you're convinced that your junk isn't going to pull (sorry) through.
The lesson here is DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME.
Nevertheless, Rob learned a boatload about what photographic imagery truly represents via this humorous DIY encounter with his own ignorance.
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When lust occurs relative to a photo / video, you're lusting after light. Do you realize this?
And it's light that's professionally manipulated. With an intent. And that intent, if the photographic imagery is successful, can really mess with / impress upon your mind. And this is especially true if you're a child. For children have no clue as to just how expertly that light has been manipulated relative to its intent. Therefore, they are sitting ducks.
With the advent of digital photography, the ubiquity of much malicious intent has perpetuated some serious mental health issues amongst both young people and the young at heart. For they seemingly cannot remove themselves from the light. They're puppets. Consistently not at peace. Enslaved to something they do not understand that they're constantly bombarded / faced with.
Educate yourself. Unpack how you yourself came to be so transfixed by light. And then go spend a lengthy period of time in the locker room (within reason), at the pool, on the beach. Put on some dark sunglasses, take off your shirt, and be mindful of your place there amongst the semi-nude (or perhaps completely nude if you're not in America) throngs.
Light isn't real. Its intent cannot be trusted. Learn from your mistakes. You're no longer a boy. Refuse to be manipulated any longer.
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