"Bitterness" - Mr. Matt Flint

                 I have been in recovery from a lifelong addiction to porn for almost seven years now.  I often tell men that are new to Samson that recovery for me has been like getting a master’s degree in Matt Flint.  When I first walked into a meeting, there was a certain degree of trepidation, but I was a desperate man seeking a way out of the darkness I had lived in for so long.  By God’s grace, I found a community of men and slowly began the process of learning who I am and why I struggle with addiction.  

 In the recovery community, we like to throw around fancy terms such as “presenting behavior” or “trauma” or “medicating” to help us paint the picture of our lives and better understand what drives us to want to act out in compulsive ways.  As I have sought to break the chains of addition, it has been so helpful to really get to know myself.  Ultimately the desire to escape into fantasy is a way of numbing the pains of life that we don’t want to face head on.  Knowing why we do this and what triggers us is a crucial early step in the recovery process.  Numbing or medicating pain away is contrary to the Gospel; where Jesus invites us into the midst of our pain and promises that He will be there with us.  Think of the story of the Samaritan woman caught in adultery in John 4. Jesus met her where she was, in the middle of her misery and offered her living water.  See also Deuteronomy 31:6,8; Joshua 1:5; and 1 Chronicles 28:20 where God promises to never leave nor forsake us.

We talk a lot about things that we have suffered, different traumatic experiences we have endured, what secrets our formative years hold over us that keep pushing this urge to numb pain.  These are all things that have been done to us and we do well to bring them to light and deal with them accordingly.  There is another aspect to getting traction in recovery that I know I have overlooked for a long time.  Bitterness and anger.  Anger is towards the top of my list of triggers and there have been quite a few times where it has reared its head in destructive ways, both around my family and in the dark corner of isolation.   The question I have been asking myself is: What role does bitterness play?   I would guess probably more than I would like to admit.  Hebrews 12:15 describes bitterness as a root that springs up and causes trouble.    Job speaks about “the bitterness of soul” in chapters 7 and 10.  Proverbs 14:10 says the heart knows its own bitterness… The point I am driving at is that if bitterness is held inside and not dealt with it can wreak havoc in our lives both physically and spiritually.    

So that leaves us with the next question:  How do I deal with bitterness?  The answer is simple on the surface, but easier said than done.   Forgiveness.  As Christians we understand forgiveness to be one of the foundational teachings of our faith.  Christ shed his blood for the forgiveness of our sins, Matthew 26:28.    As we begin 2022 seeking to be better husbands, fathers, friends, and followers; I think we should be searching our hearts for areas where we are harboring bitterness and allow the Spirit of God to lead us into true forgiveness.  Forgiveness of others who, for a lot of men, have committed grievous wrongs against us, but do not stop there.   As men in recovery from addiction, we need also to forgive ourselves and feel the weight of the forgiveness paid for us by Christ our savior.   If bitterness and anger are the substances by which our hearts are hardened, forgiveness is the balm that softens and restores.   Proverbs 4:23 says “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life.” A gate keeper doesn’t only keep out those that want to do the city harm, he also lets in those who mean well and bring life. 

 Now, take a moment to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal where you are holding on to bitterness; then allow forgiveness to come in.  Much like recovery, forgiveness is a journey that takes time and perseverance.  If the person you need to offer forgiveness to the most is yourself, remember the words from step seven of The Path that ring so true: “Despite the lingering effects of sin, I am a restored son of the Sovereign Lord, whose spirit is at work in my weakness, displaying His glory and advancing His Kingdom.”