Negative push back is possible whilst attempting to convince your Silas to alter course (change of plans, etc.) on your behalf (or on behalf of someone else).
Let's say you're interested in seeing him join up with you - a few days ahead, but he's already got plans and isn't willing to alter them. And despite the fact that the - a few days ahead event - isn't anything particularly noteworthy, you may just not appreciate, much less want the negative push back (for such a time as that).. But this may be especially true if you've been apt to alter course on behalf of your Silas in the past.
Samson Society is double stacked with Type A personas. And I suppose this is akin to us types preferring / gravitating towards isolation. Hence, our need for Samson Society, a formalized friendship-making (whilst in recovery) machine.
Type A's like to maintain control, and as such, they prefer for those around them to yield in reaction to their lead. (& yes, I too am a Type A.)
Considering this truth, somebody's got to yield at times, or forward movement simply isn't going to happen and bitterness will likely take root. That being said, let's not discount the fact that there are men (my Silas is one of these) within (& outside of) this community whose value is implicitly linked to carrying out their set schedule to a tee.
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I used to believe that men who struggled with same sex attraction were more stigmatized by the notion of platonic rejection, but I've come to discover that this was muddled thinking (Rob's abandonment issues) on my part. It doesn't matter what a guy's sexual orientation is, if he's invested in a relationship with another man, it's unlikely he's not at least somewhat fearful of losing it. As a side note to this, posturing amongst men, I find, grows out of these fears. For posturing (kid's glove bullying) reinforces the notion of rank. Even when rank isn't supposed to exist. It is a weird dynamic that often keeps me in awe as more of an observer-type.
Now, circumstances being what they are (particularly for the younger set), guys can "level up" into new vocational, geographic arenas, etc. that might bring more (convenience, in particular) opportunities for platonic connection. Hence, his established friendships may lose some of their luster. Nonetheless, rejection is still rejection (whether by circumstance or not), and as such, it is by far one of the greatest fears of men relative to the process of seeding new, healthy friendships (whether you're recently leveled up or not).
Within the reverse vein, as men age, investing in new friendships could perhaps become more and more repetitive. This combined with the assumptions that come with middle / old age. Those being that preexisting "old friendships" (perhaps as far back as childhood) are no doubt superior grade and therefore surely are sufficient to endure the long haul.
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There's a young man YouTuber, that I've featured within a previous post, who positions his videos on the notion of attempting to cope with his loneliness / isolation (that's a result of his friendless existence). This guy has professional good looks, always with the perfectly styled hair / trimmed beard. Not to mention tee shirt defining muscular physique. Yet, he claims to be friendless. To such a degree to be making rambling YouTube videos about his solitary existence. It is a weird watch but also enlightening (taken with a grain of salt).
I'm convinced that were he not just another normal guy (like the rest of us), he'd not be experiencing this problem. That being, the terrific trepidation tied to potential rejection. To such a degree that it's simply keeping him on the safe side - which is the isolated side. In fact, if you screen enough of his videos, you'll notice how he's also adept at manly posturing (as mentioned above), yet it's done to relegate / justify his isolated position.
The takeaway: men are weird when it comes to relating to other men, and at times, scared shitless.
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As Christians, our main relational squeeze is our Heavenly Father. That relationship should always be number one. But it takes work. Prayer, Bible study, church fellowship.
Here's an observation: A boatload of Christian men refuse (or simply don't harbor the skillset) to read. And what I'm referring to is reading comprehension. Therefore, they won't delve into Scripture because it's a waste of time for them to even try. And this presents a problem. Seeing how God gave us himself within the writings of those 66 books.
For Rob, a sizable part of my approach to friendship has been trusting that God will see to it that it's sustained so long as it's his sovereign will to do so. Too, I trust that he's a provider of future friendships as well, either serving to enhance (quantity) existing friendships or replace entirely.
Therefore, this is why I choose to almost always yield and, in turn, actively work to disrupt the notion of platonic territory (for I own nothing within these relationships). As such, I simply feel no obligation to protect myself from rejection at this point in my middle-aged existence.
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