As a couple, & in very specific terms, Angie & I sit on the opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to making peace with the theology of our individual bodies. Now, as a married couple, we are - by God's definition - one flesh, and we can both vouch for that. There's simply no such thing as singular husband / singular wife - within a marriage under God. As such, she & I are thoroughly combined, and this is the core reason for there being such general richness within our 25-year betrothal.
Taking that into account, Angie's relationship with her body has always been one of mistrust / suspicion, and as such, this has rightly been validated since her 2020 stroke. Yet, I can confirm, having known her since we were teens, that she's always wrestled (as opposed to being at peace with / ignoring) by default with all that can come with existing within our God-given bodies.
For Rob, my "bodily" relationship hasn't been so much about mistrust but complete unrecognition / avoidness / blindness of that which I exist within. Therefore, in its steed has been an unhealthy default towards other's (men's) bodies in lieu of my own. And this sin laden approach is where my struggles with same sex attraction (particularly as it relates to consuming gay porn - arguably the most efficient means of doing this) grew out of.
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Ever since Angie's stroke (late May of 2020), I've relied on her to tell me if she might be interested in having intercourse. Before that life altering event, Angie was in (& had been for a few years) the throes of perimenopause (which she still is), therefore with her menstrual cycle being so unpredictable, she was - & this harkens back to her body mistrust outlook - very rarely interested in sexual activity of any kind.
Here was and still is my take on my wife regarding this: Sex certainly cannot and will not be something you feel comfortable participating in when you mistrust your body. Sex is an obvious working in tandem (50/50) with your spouse to execute this very intimate act. Therefore if 1/2 of that equation isn't at all confident / at peace in its body's ability, that's going to present a problem.
I share that commentary as its helped me come to grips with - at times - a very minimal / oftentimes negligent-feeling sex-life situation. But Angie's body politics aren't all that's been brought to the surface over the past 1.5 years. Remember, I am no doubt her lesser half (remaining 50%).
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Because there's so little internal conception / acknowledgement of me my bodily self, I frankly don't fare any better than she at offering up much "sexual assuredness / comfortableness" relative to my 50%.
Hence, my focus can often be too much on her (or elsewhere), and as such, she's often aware of this, complicating things even further.
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All this oversharing above points back to what the priest summarized within the embedded video and the difficulties we can have as individuals therein with these truths. Those truths being that we are both spirit and flesh, image-bearers of the living God, embodied by the Holy Spirit. And as he states, God is love. And that definition of love is clearly spelled out in God's word. So how do we love our bodies, particularly if - as a married couple - a sizable portion of our body isn't our own but our spouses?
Angie spent close to a month within a rehabilitation hospital in Jackson post-stroke. This hospital worked her each (business) day regarding physical, speech, and occupational therapy. From there, she came home and continued with her therapy, though it was outpatient in nature. Her reception towards all this therapy was with open arms, and not just from the standpoint of an immediate physical recovery but too, as an educational opportunity.
The core issue for Angie relative to her mistrustful relationship with her body comes down to magnanimous self-awareness. This being just an off the charts - in real time 24/7/365 - self examination of herself from stem to stern. And as such, taking part in certain activities - that are out of the ordinary (her comfort zone) - can amplify this.
I'm on the opposite end of this spectrum. For so many years, I solely invested in examining / worshipping other bodies (men's) in response to the void of me being successful in examining my own. So much so, in fact, that it's as if I'm that guy in the film Memento with the short-term memory loss issues. Hence, I have a narrative of how my body came to be (from 5,000 feet up) but no relevant experience with it in the here and now (or ever). Even the protagonist's many, handmade tattoos speak to his detached relationship to his body.
Which, in a lot of ways, makes it as if I don't either have a body to begin with or am borrowing someone else's.
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Earlier today, Angie and I went to Y and strength trained. She started joining me in the gym well before her 2020 stroke (for regular workouts), therefore post-stroke (with the aforementioned rehabilitation knowledge in tow), it's not been at all difficult for her to continue forward.
What's no doubt different now (versus pre-stroke) is her slow progression towards making peace with her disabled body. I can actually see this occurring as she makes more and more baby step gains each week. And yes, I typed that correctly. Angie making peace with her now disabled body.
Perhaps this change of heart is pragmatically tied to progress - tangible progress - within her routine, but I'm convinced too that it has a lot to do with that mistrust (of her body) finally being validated / confirmed.
This reckoning of her's is the weirdest thing I've yet to witness within our very weird marriage. Particularly from the standpoint of how it's indirectly bringing about my own.
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In conclusion, my hope lies today in what my wife is doing now to continue to rebuild strength / mobility within her post-stroke body, and me having the good fortune of witnessing this awesome, multifaceted work. In the end, as an outcome of this good work, my hope for her is to love her body well as she slowly makes peace (yet not completely trust) with it going forward.
For we both benefit, taking into account our one-fleshness.
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