Finding yourself befriended by a high performance-oriented man when you yourself aren't wired similarly may inevitably bring about some semblance of a relational reckoning between the two of you. At least that's been my experience.
Partnering with a high performance-oriented man in business or even marrying one brings with it a much better chance for relational long-term success. Why? In both instances, security is often a nice, helpful side effect of these men - financial security, that is. And businesses (& most marriages) thrive on steady, reliable financial security. Plus, jettisoning a business partner / spouse involves attorneys, and attorneys charge fees. Walking away from a friend takes little to no effort.
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A question for Rob: What are the observed originators (their prequel) relative to my dealings with high-performance oriented men?
One, was / is high intelligence that was / is recognized early in childhood, and the second was being an outcast - for whatever reason. In particular, a social outcast within the childhood / young adult (collegiate) years. As such, if the dude that I've (over simplistically) described here, also chose to keep his nose clean whilst maintaining his emotional health (to some degree) along the way, you very well may now have the makings of a high performance-oriented man who's looking to prove himself to himself (& others) over and over ad nauseum.
Now, let me stop here and make a two-part statement that needs to be strongly emphasized before moving on to the whole relational reckoning mentioned earlier within this post.
Firstly, there's nothing, absolutely nothing wrong, out of sorts or diabolical - by definition - about these guys. In fact, many of them will go on to make significant cultural and technological advances to their respective fields and / or within their families. Secondly, and this one's the most important: If you find one of these men latched onto you as a friend, you've won the lottery, in many respects. For these guys, in their purest form, are few and far between, and besides that, they're the epitome of loners.
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Now, let's talk about the reckoning piece - that may very well will come - inside one of these friendships due to the implied (here) personality disharmony between you two as friends.
High performance men measure, constantly measure their gains - personal, financial, spiritual (as they recognize it). If they didn't, they'd have no means of proving their own value / self worth to themselves. And this system of measurement that they utilize is considered an unquestionable failsafe for them. At times (or maybe over time), a byproduct of this internal adjudication is a keenly deliberate hand at utilizing you - the friend - (& whomever else might be within their sphere of influence) as a reference point.
And this is where the reckoning may perhaps come about. For based on what I've experienced, the love of brotherhood is quite difficult to sustain within such conditions, though it can certainly can get kickstarted as such (with you either seen as an equal or demigod, though usually the latter).
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A month or so ago, I had lunch with a high-performance friend who I'm intentionally not very close to. I've known this man (who I highly revere for his commitment to his profession) for many years, and I needed to spend a meal with him in order to deliver some pertinent news - face to face. Towards the end of our juncture, he announced his surprise that our time together hadn't been more productive / useful (of he himself) towards me in light of my simple (to him unimportant) announcement. Now, not all high-performance men make as bold of statements as this friend trends to, but this guy is 8 to 10 years my senior, and as such, his approach has always been more gloating bull elephant than Pee Wee Herman.
Based on what I've both observed and been told flat out, the root behind much of this modus operandi for these men is deep seated insecurity. But you already knew that. And as a caveat to that, most all of them vehemently disagree with the label of arrogant. Therefore, regarding that particular label, I simply remain complicit, refusing to bring it up.
And that's where it can be so frustrating, especially if you've also wrestled with insecurity.
But, let's assume your approach instead to managing / facing it isn't an attempt to "prove it wrong" by performance. Instead, you may simply be doing what's arguably the hardest thing. To actually go beneath those feelings in order to execute a game plan to disrupt the habitual doubt altogether versus attempting to outrun it / prove it wrong.
Therefore, if you attempt to question your friend's high-performance approach as an impossible quest, the platonic reckoning may actually come from not only his now mistrust in your value (to him), but also his not being able to fathom moving away from an approach that's been his safety blanket throughout all his livelong days.
Let's quickly break these down before closing this out.
...mistrust in your value (to him)...
...his not being able to fathom moving away...
Firstly, he may very well be convinced that he's surpassed you (in value). And this can be a hard pill for you to swallow relative to these type of relationships (especially if the high-performance guy is dramatically younger than you are).
Secondly, he may be experiencing brainlock due to his approach being so ingrained to his way of doing his life.
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In conclusion, I'd like to circle back to an earlier statement I made, and that had to do with good fortune. Good fortune surrounding the rarity in befriending, truly befriending one of these men. Though it may only (likely) be for a season (as are most friendships), it's well worth the price of admission to observe an individual up close and personal who's completely in bondage to superlatives. You can learn so much of how not to do life healthily from them. And I mean that. That is not a smartass statement.
P.S. A word of caution. If your high-performance friend feels so moved to recalibrate / validate his high-performance MO due to your attempts to legitimately question either his approach or his overall competency, he may very well turn on you by driving wedges, in particular, between you and other men out of spite. Ouch. If you experience that unfortunate pain, remember to go light on him. For it's he who needs prayer (& support) relative to the bondage that is his life.
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