The familial devastation within the black community here in America is to be blamed on black men's unwillingness to lead as husbands, fathers, and from there, leaders within their community. Therefore, it is the black females who are tasked with these roles which they're not equipped to carry out. This perpetuates the cycle of impoverishment and marginalization within the black community - all across the US.
The black family - as a definitive unit - is so devastated that it's broken the foundation of they themselves as a people group.
Everything, everything, everything is rooted in the family. If it's toxic and dysfunctional, generational toxicity and dysfunction will grow forth. If it's healthy and functional, generational health and function will grow forth.
And this familial devastation within the black community here in America had a starting point. Interestingly enough, it synced up with the passage of civil rights legislation. Legislation which was good and needed. Legislation which many, many fought and died for (of all races) back in the 1960s. But, as this milestone federal legislation was implemented, the black family, for some reason, seemingly began to fall apart.
Instead of further unity within their family units (post-Civil Rights Act), the reverse began to occur. And today, it's a lost cause. Unreturnable. Through. Finished. Failed. It's mind boggling.
And what's so weird to me about these facts is prominent, present-day black men, who garner massive influence culturally, cower away from facing / harping on this present truth. As if it's not a truth at all.
Again, it's mind boggling.
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Elephants exist within herds. Herds are basically family units for these giant beasts. And these herds have a distinct hierarchy.
As such, when young bull elephants are sans an older bull elephant to relate to within the herd, there are relational problems between both themselves and others within the group. Specifically, the behavior of the younger males is far less helpful relative to their roles as bulls.
If you introduce an older bull elephant to a herd where young bull elephants have been running amuck, over time, the young bulls will "mature forward" via the very presence of these wise, older bull elephants.
It's how God intended these elephant herds to thrive. Top down. All thanks to older maleness leading the way.
And that really serves as an exact analogy to human beings as well as their families, which I love.
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My first architecture job (as an architect intern) out of college was with a sole proprietor architect here in Jackson. He'd one very large telecommunications client, and fortunately for me (in hindsight), this client's balance sheet - overnight - took a devastating turn (with the introduction of a failed signature product) exactly one year into my tenure there. As a result, I was soon to be laid off. And that was hard because this was my first job, but from the standpoint of me being properly mentored by my boss, it was the very best thing that could have happened.
The low point relative to me working for this architect was the day he called me and an interior designer colleague of mine into our small conference room to discuss an ongoing interior renovation project (for a law firm a number of floors above us within the downtown mid-rise we were occupying). The conversation soon turned accusatory (by our bossman), and then suddenly, he stood up in his chair, overcome with rage. I responded by also standing, for I felt certain I was about to be physically assaulted. My dear friend, the female interior designer, almost peed her pants at this point.
I'll likely never forget his words that day as he glared at me.
"All you want is to take over my firm! It's your name you wish to be on the door!"
I have no idea how me, as an unlicensed, early 20 year-old architect, was supposed to actually carry out this preposterous conspiracy, but nonetheless...as I said, that was the low point relative to my tenure there.
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I cannot even begin to count how many fantasy men I've either had gay sex with within my mind or observed having sex (with each other) throughout my lifetime (again, within my mind). And I do / have done this in response to my pent up loneliness as a younger man. For I can control the fantasy, bringing high quality, extraordinarily beautiful men into the fantasy. And oh my goodness, the climax! It's exhilarating.
I do this to placate my pain, some of which has manifested itself from the seemingly endless rejections from older men, both personally and professionally.
Now, let me share a more present situation.
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Working for my parents is wonderfully ideal (for me), in terms of the environment, but considering my setup holistically, there's no denying the heartache I experienced early - especially - on relative to somewhat forcefully (& quite jarringly) leaving my architecture career behind (almost eight years ago).
As professionals, all three of us here at the office are members of local / national trade organizations that promote our industry politically and otherwise. And those orgs host local events which bring together membership for educational purpose, updates, etc.
Right from the start of working with Bob & Darlene, I jumped headlong into these events, and this provided the opportunity to rub shoulders with numerous other professionals working within our field throughout Mississippi, many of which were older than I.
Yesterday, I attended yet another all-day (semi-annual) meeting sponsored by one of these trade organizations, but due to conflicting circumstance, my parents weren't with me. Hence, I dressed extra sharply (in light of representing them) and went alone.
The table I sat down at eventually half-filled up with other men, two of which were father / son (& in business together). I had the privilege of sitting adjacent to the bull elephant (the father). And keep in mind, I've known these two men tangentially (church) for much longer than I've worked with Bob and Darlene.
To my dismay, this bull elephant refused to initiate any dialogue throughout the entire day. Even during lunch / breaks. I asked question after question, for I knew just enough about his previous vocation to inquire about even that. Therefore, by the time I'd volleyed 12-15 interrogative sentences with no reciprocal questions sent forth, I gave up. From there, we simply sat in silence awkwardly.
All this being said, I was keenly reminded of how warmly affectionate he is towards his son. For I could see that firsthand yesterday as they seemed supremely comfortable there together, muttering small talk under their breath whilst passing handouts between each other throughout the event.
I grew envious. For I don't have that kind of relationship with my dad.
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My late father in-law lost much of his vision due to complications from macular degeneration just one year after Angie and I were married (25 years ago). At the time, he was working downtown for a large bank, in anticipation of retiring a littler farther down the road, but driving himself to work suddenly became out of the question.
I also worked downtown (very close), therefore I volunteered to be his chauffeur. And we did this for close to one year - to (& sometime) and from work every day.
I saw this as an opportunity for me to sit daily with a bull elephant (my new father in-law!) and be loved / supported there in my 1991 Mitsubishi Eclipse.
But it wasn't like that at all.
My father in-law never once spoke. Instead, he stayed silent for the entire duration of the trip each and every day. It was like ferrying around a mannequin or better yet, a corpse. This was one of the most disappointing outcomes of my adult life. For my father in-law was a respected, intelligent, extremely articulate, devout Christian man.
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Many men at times act like idiots. It's simply the sad truth of this broken world we live within.
Don't be one of these dumbasses. Especially if you're fortunate to be a bull elephant at this stage of your life.
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