The Dangers of Alone: Five Questions for Single Men | Desiring God
Monday, October 23, 2023
Sunday, October 22, 2023
Recommended Viewing
The traumatization that occurred due to my job loss in September of 2013 shut the trap door and bolted it shut, leaving my brain under the complete control of "the monkey part" (hippocampus). As such, I could not healthily process memory / grieve, and therefore (within 3 months) I developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This consisted of tremendously debilitating flashbacks of my humiliating / shame-laden termination that went on (at least once daily) for 18 months.
Up until this occurred, I'd had access to my cortex (trap door open), and it served me well throughout my adult life. Particularly from the standpoint of coping with my identity as a same-sex attracted Christian man. To be more specific, my cortex's control (point of view) always rendered hopefulness. Therefore, without it, I eventually became suicidal. Such was the fatiguing contrast that I was experiencing.
This video does an excellent job of breaking down / categorizing the power of trauma on the three components of the brain whilst simplistically defining each. As such, it was super helpful to me.
Recommended viewing.
Saturday, October 21, 2023
Do You Advocate For Your Children / Grandchildren, Or Are You A Militant Asshole / Absentee Father? Or, Is It Somewhere In Between?
Within the city of Jackson, Mississippi (Mississippi's capital), there resides three urban universities and one seminary (I believe I'm correct in my count). One of these universities is public while the other two are private. Understandably, the public university is much larger overall (more affordable tuition).
My two oldest daughters are university students within the largest south Mississippi city, Hattiesburg. There're two urban collegiate institutions there, one public and one private, the former of which is very close to the same size as the aforementioned public university in Jackson. Hattiesburg, MS is overall safe and thriving economically. It has a distinct character and strong sense of place.
This aforementioned public (& again, by far largest) university within the city of Jackson resides within the most unsafe / economically depressed region of the city. The institution itself is not walled off (security fencing) from the city as one of the two private institutions are, therefore like a traditional urban college, I'm fairly certain that it resides seamlessly within the urban fabric of the capital city of Mississippi. A city that's overall unsafe and floundering economically (Jackson is losing populace faster than any other city in America). This, in recent years, has led to an overall depressing character and undeniably hopeless sense of place relative to how the city of Jackson is perceived as a whole (think third world country).
My wife, Angie, graduated from Baylor University back in the early '90s. Baylor resides in Waco, TX. It's a city that, per my wife's commentary, combined with my own short stints visiting, is overall safe and thriving economically. It too had / has a distinct character and strong sense of place.
Taking all of that into consideration, under no circumstances would I allow a child of mine (no matter the gender) to enroll at the public university (the largest of the three institutions) within the city of Jackson. No. Matter. What.
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As a parent, seeing a child off - college bound - takes breathtaking courage. But it also requires parental guidance.
I can remember reading years ago of a Baylor University student who was killed via a hit & run there in Waco. He was riding his bike (alongside another student) after dark when it happened. The boy was a musician from the Midwest who'd chosen to attend Baylor in spite of no previous familial connection therein.
As you can imagine, the university was heartbroken, and the parents were devastated. Eventually, the driver was located and charged. From what I recall, the manslaughterer was a middle-aged white woman (educator within the local K-12 public school system) who was driving drunk.
This was tremendously out of character tragedy for the city of Waco, home to Baylor University.
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College students are within that "in-between" stage of life. No longer children but too, not exactly adults either. College provides a great petri dish experience for this age group to establish some independent work ethic via a semi-controlled environment.
This past week, a university student (from out of state) at the aforementioned public university in Jackson was murdered on campus (at a university-owned apartment complex). The suspects in this murder are also college students, but from other institutions outside of central MS.
What would you do / how would you react if your college student son / daughter was murdered on their college campus? Especially considering your child's supposed stellar track record as a student / human being.
Would you question the role that you played relative to agreeing to support your child's enrollment within that institution? Ultimately, how would you manage the emotional aftermath of seeing your child murdered not only during his most springboard season of life but at the very institution / within the very city where that springboarding was supposed to occur?
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This hits home with Rob.
As Dr. Dobson says, parenting isn't for cowards but simultaneously, parenting isn't rocket science.
God help this family, and God help the city of Jackson and all who reside within it.
For those of you Samson men who are parents / grandparents, be forewarned. The effectiveness (performance) of your role as a parent / grandparent is in direct proportion to the seriousness of / commitment to your recovery. Your dependents' lives may very well depend on it.
Thursday, October 19, 2023
"I Found Jesus In Prison..." Ethan #15
"For it is true, we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so, it's those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love them completely without completely understanding."
Norman Maclean ~ A River Runs Through It
Answer: I'm Content With The Status Quo. My Recovery Is Going Just Fine. As Such, I'm Not Interested In Retreating.
Here's the 2023 Samson Summit (10th anniversary of National Samson Society retreats!) itinerary / workshop breakdown:
The Summit Schedule | ||||||||||||||||
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On Property Activities Schedule of Availability: Tree Top Towers: 9 am - 12 pm and 1-3:20 pm Ziplines & Hatchet Throwing: 9 am - 12 pm and 3:40-6 pm Canoes & Giant Swing: 1-6 pm | ||||||||||||||||
Workshop Descriptions | ||||||||||||||||
WORKSHOP OPPORTUNITIES: SESSION ONE Processing Spiritual Abuse with Chris Inman If you’ve ever felt that you were a bad person in your spiritual life, then this breakout group is for you. Join us as we address many of the shaming aspects intertwined in religion. We will root out these lies while sharing an experience of God’s unconditional love and acceptance. In doing so you will see how to disempower much of your addictive struggle and take a great leap forward your recovery journey. Curious and Compassion: An IFS Approach to Addiction and Trauma with Don Williams Internal Family Systems (IFS) recognizes that as men created in the image and likeness of God (Imago Dei Self), we have parts that try to protect us from trauma and unwanted feelings. Instead of treating our addictive impulse as the enemy, we can learn to access Self so we can get to know the addictive part from a place of curiosity and compassion. Join us to learn how these parts make you whole and lead to healing. Rebuilding Marital Intimacy Through FANOS with Jim Ozgunduz It is very difficult to heal a marriage after betrayal. FANOS is a tool that has helped build trust by providing my wife and I a way to be vulnerable with one another. I am grateful for the opportunity to share how this tool can help you. Finding the "Why" In You Recovery with Patrick Peters Do you know why you're leaning into recovery? Not why anyone else says you should, but why you want to do all this work? Starting from Simon Sinek's "Start With Why" (the 3rd most popular Ted Talk of all time), we'll adapt those principles to recovery. Divorce, Recovery, Singleness and the Desire for someone to Play with Your Penis with Aaron Porter and Mark Shelley Recovery is challenging enough on its own, but what happens when you add in divorce and being single again? How do you navigate things like doing recovery just for you? Or dating and recovery? Join us to share some stories and hopefully a bit of wisdom. WORKSHOP OPPORTUNITIES: SESSION TWO Complex Trauma and the Origin of Unwanted Behaviors: How What Happens Before Your 21st Birthday Sets You Up to Struggle and How to Get Your Life Back with Scott Cone This engaging and fast-past workshop will teach you about attunement, affect regulation and attachment…the three developmental A’s…and why these are so critical to to the formation of our minds, identities and relationships; what happens to us when these needs aren’t met and how this sets us up for turning to unwanted behaviors; and, walk you through practical strategies, processes and tools designed to help you heal the effects of trauma and recovery your authentic self. From Victim to Ownership - What does ‘Do the Work’ actually mean?” with Scott Tomlin Moving from understanding to application. Scott will discuss his journey and how he has made application to his daily routine, which has provided safety and healing for him and the primary relationships in his life. Processing Spiritual Abuse with Chris Inman If you’ve ever felt that you were a bad person in your spiritual life, then this breakout group is for you. Join us as we address many of the shaming aspects intertwined in religion. We will root out these lies while sharing an experience of God’s unconditional love and acceptance. In doing so you will see how to disempower much of your addictive struggle and take a great leap forward your recovery journey. Process Addiction" or Distress Reduction Behavior - Understanding the Differences and Why it's Important with Roane Hunter Process addictions are not the same as substance addictions. While substance addictions involve the use of drugs or alcohol, process addictions involve compulsive behaviors in the areas of sexual compulsivity, eating disorders, money (gambling/shopping), technology (iPhones, gaming, social media), reactive aggression, and reactive avoidance. These behaviors have been labeled "process addictions" when, in reality, they are emotional distress reduction behaviors. Addiction to a chemical substance has life-threatening physiological effects as opposed to distress reduction behaviors that produce negative psychological effects. The reactive avoidance trauma model is a theory of how trauma can lead to the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The model proposes that when a person experiences a traumatic event, they learn to associate the event with danger and threat. This association leads to the development of a fear response, which can manifest as avoidance behaviors, hyperarousal (anxiety), and intrusive (unwanted) thoughts. This workshop will help you understand the difference between addiction (chemical) and distress reduction behavior (emotional). We will examine the roots of how reactive avoidance is based in emotional dysregulation, disattunement, and impaired attachment. Understanding Shame: We'll delve into the intricate layers of shame, its origins, and its impact on the recovery process with Roe Hunter Participants will gain valuable insights into recognizing and addressing shame in their lives.
Whether you're in the early stages of recovery or seeking to strengthen your resilience along the way, "Embracing Resilience" is designed to support and inspire you. Reclaim your life, heal from shame, and develop the skills to tolerate distress without turning to addiction. Join us for this empowering workshop and take a significant step toward a brighter, healthier future in recovery. | ||||||||||||||||
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Wednesday, October 18, 2023
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