Wednesday, October 4, 2023
Tuesday, October 3, 2023
What Does It Mean To "Do The Work"?
I can only speak for myself as a Samson guy whilst answering this question.
Doing the work for Rob is positioning myself in healthy ways to "be seen". And not by everyone mind you. Instead, I'm referring to only the select (mostly Samson guys) that I'm interested in bringing in close.
I've written recently about me identifying with an innate "invisibleness" that's haunted me throughout my life. Similarly, my wife identifies with this void as well. It's one of the ties that bind us together as a couple.
Invisibleness is centered around the feeling of (or actuality therein) being dismissed / overlooked / marginalized when you're confident that you shouldn't / don't deserve to be. The last part of that explanation is centered on you yourself recognizing your own value / understanding it to the nth degree.
Because Samson Society is so very horizontal as an organization, from day one, I've felt comfortable pursuing friendships with men therein. What I mean by horizontal is the vast majority of Samson guys are involved - & rightly so - due to crisis. Marital, vocational, personal, spiritual, sexual or some combination. Hence, due to this homogenous trait, there'll never be any semblance of Samson Society attempting to mimic the Rotary Club (no one's there seeking a leg up).
In light of everyone finding themselves welcomed into the community - literally face down in the dirt - the desperation for help absolutely levels the playing field. As such, guys like me (desperate to be seen) raise few, if any, suspicions whilst pursuing intimate platonic relationships. And even if that someone targeted is seemingly far different than I seem to be - at least on the surface.
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Being seen by Samson friends (& otherwise) strategically undermines my desire to consume gay porn. How? To answer that question, I firstly must explain the role gay porn plays in Rob's mind. For me, today, as a 51-year-old, consuming gay porn satiates my need to "be seen" via a technique I've dubbed "bisecting".
Bisecting is me placing myself within the role of the porn star(s) and basking CONFIDENTLY in the cinematic / photographic attention. And this is particularly easy to do if these men meet my masculine archetype whilst sufficiently persuading me, as their audience, that their actions are rooted in love / tenderness versus animalistic desire.
There's a lot to digest there. But that sums up the role gay porn has paid / continues to pay within my life.
Now, how might relational accountability via friendships with Samson brothers (or otherwise) strategically undermine my desire to consume this false reality (gay porn)?
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I had to reach a crisis point of my own in order to be positioned to look away long enough (from my gay porn consumption modus operandi) to chart a new path. And God allowed that to happen in September of 2013 via my job loss from Delta State University. It was absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to me despite the fact that it was the most painful / emotionally debilitating.
Had that re-positioning (perspective) not occurred, I would have never taken The Path seriously enough to find the slow forward march of recovery at all worthwhile.
From there, I turned my attention - one Samson guy at a time - towards the pursuit to be seen HEALTHILY. And oh, the satisfaction in finally finding a worthwhile means to "right this ship" / manage my trauma, etc.
In closing, following The Path is the most selfish of pursuits for it demands constant course correction as you navigate relationships within (& eventually outside of) this community. What I mean by that is your recovery is of the utmost importance, even far outweighing the long-term cultivation (via commitment) of friendships within this community. Commitment is for marriage. Not friendship. That being said, King David honored Jonathan, his dear friend (whom he loved moreso than any woman), long after his friend's death on the battlefield. King David did this by acknowledging his legacy via his offspring. It was a sweet gesture, but it in no way implied that David's love for Jonathan was as intense / relevant as it once was.
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Thank you, dear reader, for your faithfulness to my posts. You too are part of that strategic undermining of my compulsive sin-laden go-to, and for that, I'll forever be grateful. I feel seen today - in some small way - thanks to you.
Monday, October 2, 2023
Give Yourself Credit Where Credit's Due / Look Towards The Future
The first Samson Society National Retreat I attended was during the fall of 2017 (I believe it was the first weekend of November). The venue was a Tennessee state park smack dab in the middle of the Volunteer State. The weather was perfect that weekend. I vividly recall the fall foliage being spectacular.
The (earlier in 2017) email invitation which touted this retreat described it initially as a Samson Society meeting facilitators' retreat. And it's important to note that back then, there were no virtual Samson Society meetings. Every meeting across the country was face-to-face.
As the date for this 2017 retreat loomed closer, the description of said retreat changed. What started out as a Samson facilitators' retreat morphed into a Samson Society retreat (come one, come all).
I recall my Silas and I (who'd already signed up for the retreat) being disappointed therein. For we were both fledglings facilitating face-to-face meetings at our respective church homes.
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One week prior to our departure, there were three of us Jackson, MS Samson guys signed up to go (the plan was to carpool in one man's SUV), but at the very last minute, my Silas convinced one other longstanding / tenured Jackson, Mississippi Samson man to come too. At this time, this man was having tremendous difficulties relative to his recovery, therefore my Silas, being the sympathetic man he was, felt compelled to pressure him to take this step / deep dive (as a last resort).
This upended my plans to spend some quality time with my Silas during said 2017 retreat, and frankly, that greatly disappointed me. For this fourth man would now be(come) the focus throughout the weekend. I realize that sounds petty, but I honestly felt as if I was dealt an unfair hand regarding.
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The Tennessee state park where the retreat was hosted had a motel attached to it. Hence, these were our accommodations. Overall, from what I recall, there were around 50 - 75 Samson guys at this retreat, and those who'd come some distance (as we had) stayed on site two-men to a motel room.
I begrudgingly agreed to room with our Samson retreat straggler in lieu of my Silas. And it was this lodging arrangement where the problems for me were centered.
This struggling Samson guy (fourth man) was an expat from Central America. He'd lived in Mississippi most of his life but had family and numerous mistresses back in his native land. In anticipation of his scheduled return to his home country (not long after this retreat). he was in the throes of sexting these mistresses in anticipation of his homecoming.
I was privy to all this due to me inquiring as to why he was constantly using his pocket computer while we were there together (& otherwise) within our assigned motel room.
I vividly recall wanting to vomit numerous times throughout the weekend as I worked hard to ignore his shenanigans.
Keep in mind that my wife and I had dined with he and his wife 3-6 months prior to this retreat (they were 8-10 years older than us), therefore we'd had the opportunity to get to know his native Mississippi bride then (he was estranged from their grown children due to his serial adultery).
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As you can imagine, I had to make the best of a really horrible situation. As such, it tainted my outlook / turned the tables on my hopes for this initial National Samson Retreat experience. It's important to note that I hardly even spoke to my Silas throughout this weekend (I was extremely pissed at him).
Like every Samson National Retreat I've attended, this 2017 retreat was no different in that it consisted of loads of free time. Hence, due to my motel roommate's ongoing wretched behavior, I made a point to find any feasible excuse to vacate our shared space.
One benefit of this venue (Tennessee State Park) was its proximity to a public golf course (right across the highway). I recall heading over there numerous times to run the golf cart paths (thanks be to God I brought my running shoes). Again, the weather was absolutely perfect for being out of doors during this particular weekend.
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After this 2017 retreat concluded, none of the other three Samson men attended another Samson National Retreat (except one guy in 2021 but only because he was asked to lead a workshop).
Yet, I soldiered on by attending in 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, & 2022.
Why?
In 2018, the venue changed (Methodist Retreat Center in Eva, TN), and that really was the deciding factor in motivating me to attend once again. Two, I knew I'd not be a newbie going forward. And three, our Jackson, Mississippi expat Samson colleague vanished immediately following the 2017 retreat.
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Many of you have had less than ideal Samson National Retreat experiences, and as such, refuse to even consider a return.
That being the case, please know that EVERY SAMSON SOCIETY NATIONAL RETREAT WHICH SUCCEEDED THE 2017 WAS FAR MORE ENJOYABLE FOR ROB.
Give yourself credit where credit's due. If you're like me, you made the initial attempt. That says a lot. But if your initial retreat experience didn't live up to your expectations, don't allow that to give you credence to write off future opportunities. So many variables exist that are completely out of our control regarding these weekends. Be open-minded. Take another step forward, and please join us at the 2023 Samson Society National Retreat in Van, Texas (brand new venue!). Who knows, this year's retreat may be an absolutely life-changing experience for you.
Friday, September 29, 2023
Communication (Within Samson Society) Is A Key To Success
Saturday, (10/7) is slated to be the day Mr. Nate Larkin hosts the second official "Samson Society Meeting Host Training" via Zoom. The first one occurred back in February of this year. Throughout all my years of involvement within Samson Society (since August 2014), there's been nada training for meeting hosts. Hence, this is a surprising, very exciting change that's immensely helpful to all of us involved.
Digital communications really took off within Samson Society in April of 2018 with the launch of the monthly emailed publication, "The No Bull Briefing". This is an easy to read, snapshot newsletter that captures / informs really well.
But as of late, digital communications have been much more repetitious (there's been numerous emailed robo-emails touting the forthcoming 2023 National Samson Society Retreat). These are all unique, fresh splash announcements that are eye-catching / engaging.
Communication is a key to success.
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A summarization of Samson Society resources (w/ hyperlinks):
Sustaining Member Sign Up:
https://www.samsonhouse.org/member-registration
Sustaining Member Sign Up Password: NoBullBrotherhood
Giving:
https://samsonsociety.com/help-us-reach-more-men/
Sarah Society:
https://sarahsociety.com/
Samson Store:
https://samsonswag.squarespace.com/
National Retreat 2023:
https://samsonhouse.regfox.com/samson-society-summit-2023
No Bull Briefing and Daily Encouragement Registration:
https://signup.e2ma.net/signup/1891992/1898197/
Pirate Monk Podcast:
https://samsonsociety.podbean.com/
National Suicide Hotline: US: 988 (Call or Text)
Canada: Call 1-866-585-0445 OR Text WELLNESS to 741741Communication is a key to success.
Thursday, September 28, 2023
"I Found Jesus In Prison..." Ethan #12
"For it is true, we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so, it's those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love them completely without completely understanding."
Norman Maclean ~ A River Runs Through It
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