What Does It Mean To "Do The Work"?

I can only speak for myself as a Samson guy whilst answering this question.

Doing the work for Rob is positioning myself in healthy ways to "be seen".  And not by everyone mind you.  Instead, I'm referring to only the select (mostly Samson guys) that I'm interested in bringing in close.   

I've written recently about me identifying with an innate "invisibleness" that's haunted me throughout my life.  Similarly, my wife identifies with this void as well.  It's one of the ties that bind us together as a couple.

Invisibleness is centered around the feeling of (or actuality therein) being dismissed / overlooked / marginalized when you're confident that you shouldn't / don't deserve to be.  The last part of that explanation is centered on you yourself recognizing your own value / understanding it to the nth degree.

Because Samson Society is so very horizontal as an organization, from day one, I've felt comfortable pursuing friendships with men therein.  What I mean by horizontal is the vast majority of Samson guys are involved - & rightly so - due to crisis.  Marital, vocational, personal, spiritual, sexual or some combination. Hence, due to this homogenous trait, there'll never be any semblance of Samson Society attempting to mimic the Rotary Club (no one's there seeking a leg up).  

In light of everyone finding themselves welcomed into the community - literally face down in the dirt - the desperation for help absolutely levels the playing field.  As such, guys like me (desperate to be seen) raise few, if any, suspicions whilst pursuing intimate platonic relationships.  And even if that someone targeted is seemingly far different than I seem to be - at least on the surface.

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Being seen by Samson friends (& otherwise) strategically undermines my desire to consume gay porn.  How?  To answer that question, I firstly must explain the role gay porn plays in Rob's mind.  For me, today, as a 51-year-old, consuming gay porn satiates my need to "be seen" via a technique I've dubbed "bisecting".  

Bisecting is me placing myself within the role of the porn star(s) and basking CONFIDENTLY in the cinematic / photographic attention.  And this is particularly easy to do if these men meet my masculine archetype whilst sufficiently persuading me, as their audience, that their actions are rooted in love / tenderness versus animalistic desire.    

There's a lot to digest there.  But that sums up the role gay porn has paid / continues to pay within my life.  

Now, how might relational accountability via friendships with Samson brothers (or otherwise) strategically undermine my desire to consume this false reality (gay porn)?

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I had to reach a crisis point of my own in order to be positioned to look away long enough (from my gay porn consumption modus operandi) to chart a new path.  And God allowed that to happen in September of 2013 via my job loss from Delta State University.  It was absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to me despite the fact that it was the most painful / emotionally debilitating.

Had that re-positioning (perspective) not occurred, I would have never taken The Path seriously enough to find the slow forward march of recovery at all worthwhile.  

From there, I turned my attention - one Samson guy at a time - towards the pursuit to be seen HEALTHILY.  And oh, the satisfaction in finally finding a worthwhile means to "right this ship" / manage my trauma, etc.

In closing, following The Path is the most selfish of pursuits for it demands constant course correction as you navigate relationships within (& eventually outside of) this community.  What I mean by that is your recovery is of the utmost importance, even far outweighing the long-term cultivation (via commitment) of friendships within this community.  Commitment is for marriage.  Not friendship.  That being said, King David honored Jonathan, his dear friend (whom he loved moreso than any woman), long after his friend's death on the battlefield.  King David did this by acknowledging his legacy via his offspring.  It was a sweet gesture, but it in no way implied that David's love for Jonathan was as intense / relevant as it once was.

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Thank you, dear reader, for your faithfulness to my posts.  You too are part of that strategic undermining of my compulsive sin-laden go-to, and for that, I'll forever be grateful.  I feel seen today - in some small way - thanks to you.