Why Close Friendships Are Important for Men's Health (verywellhealth.com)
Saturday, August 12, 2023
Wednesday, August 9, 2023
"I Found Jesus In Prison..." Ethan #7
"For it is true, we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so, it's those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love them completely without completely understanding."
Norman Maclean ~ A River Runs Through It
Tuesday, August 8, 2023
Why Aren't There More Mormons Involved Within Samson Society?
I think it has to do with stigma more than anything else.
What is stigma?
A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.
Mormons are high, high, high performers. As such, they're typically VERY concerned about avoiding being stigmatized.
Samson Society is a gang of merry Christian men who celebrate (have a great time doing) recovery. In so many ways, we're paradoxical due to our approach (attitude). It's as if we embrace (laugh-off) the stigma wholeheartedly, having come to understand that being stigmatized isn't at all in line with healthy recovery.
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Weekend before last, I met a new(comer) Samson guy within my go-to, virtual Samson Society meeting. During the after-meeting, he asked me to be his Silas. I replied by thanking him before requesting that he think / pray about choosing Rob for one week. He did so, and now I'm his Silas.
Firstly, I asked him for his story. I had that within 24 hours.
It wasn't long before he divulged (he recorded the majority of his story within an audio file) that he's a lifelong member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (two-year mission, BYU alum).
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The first Mormon I ever met was an associate architecture professor at Mississippi State University (the year was 1994). The attribute I recall mostly about his man was his work ethic. It was unbelievable (compared to his professor peers). The other attribute that stood out was his humility / meekness / kindness.
How I knew he was Mormon, I don't remember, but I'm assuming it was whispered around not long after classes started my fourth year. As such, I always did feel sorry for this man from the standpoint of being such the (fervent) religious anomaly within small-town Mississippi.
Nonetheless, he was just as much of a hard ass as the other professors (if not harder). He came - this close - to failing me relative to my final fourth year project due to it being "incomplete" (his words).
What I have continued to admire about this professor is he's stayed the course at MSU's School of Architecture. Year after year, he's continued to teach / lead, and I believe he's still going strong.
That's persistence within a less-than-ideal (for him) environment.
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I'm excited to be this Mormon's Silas. I've always wanted to befriend a Mormon, but have never had the opportunity. (We've never even had any Mormon missionaries come to our door.)
And now, one just approached me - out of the blue - during the Samson Society "Brain Changers" meeting. Wow. I feel immensely blessed.
Please pray for me as I walk with my new friend as his Silas. I'm looking forward. (Samson Society truly is a very big pond.)
Sunday, August 6, 2023
Saturday, August 5, 2023
Unpretentious Exposure Then Rebuke
The intensive weekend trip was to south Mississippi where we rented a cabin adjacent to the Okatoma River (for one night). After traveling down Saturday morning, we kayaked / canoed the river (during a harrowing thunderstorm) before using the late afternoon / evening for "share time" around a lovely campfire. There were only +/-10 Samson guys, therefore only a few shares bled over into Sunday morning before our departure.
I chose to kayak the river (single-man kayak) shirtless. I did this because I knew it would be personally contradictory relative to the engrained shame I was experiencing relative to my body. Essentially, I knew that de-shirting there at the "put-in" would be tough, but over the course of the +/-3-hour river trek, I'd become more comfortable. And that was definitely the case, for there were hundreds and hundreds of rednecks on the river that particular Saturday, and many of the guys were shirtless.
Too, another Samson guy (who I was serving as a Silas for) also (eventually) de-shirted. And this was to my delight due to how affirming it felt to me. Furthermore, I felt validated via his willingness to do this, and this made me truly grateful.
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My first significant "physical exposure" experience(s) were actually pre-Samson Society involvement. Back in 2011 / 2012, I acquired my first Silas (though neither he nor I were privy to that term). This man was four years my junior, and as such, we met weekly (Tuesday nights) to run, talk and pray (concretizing the absolute provocativeness / solidarity baked into relational accountability).
The running we'd accomplish shirtless (unless it was unusually chilly). And what was interesting about this was how it impacted my Silas as much as it did me. To be more specific, he found himself motivated to "get in shape" (strength training) as a result of his weekly exposure. Hence, about four months into our routine, he'd muscled up significantly.
These weekly (mostly after dark) shirtless runs went on for well over a year. As a result, I came away deeply grateful for how they validated / encouraged me as a late-30s man who'd never had such an experience.
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Post the aforementioned 2015 Samson Society intensive weekend (the following week), I decided to email my "Silee" in order to thank him / provide commentary as to why him too removing his shirt during the Okatoma River trip was so very affirming to Rob. It's important to know that this younger man was in a canoe (with the facilitator of our Samson group), and that he stayed far behind my more easily navigable kayak throughout the trek.
In response to my email, I received a phone call where he rebuked me for "assuming he was sexually attracted to me". I vividly recall panicking as he bared down via his rhetoric. For I kept seeing all of this getting back to the Samson group facilitator who might very well ask me to leave the group. Whilst attempting to hold back tears, I pleaded with him not to share my email with said facilitator or anyone else (even though it didn't even hint of impropriety). For I was too broken / weak to stand up for myself / my true intentions at this time.
It's important to note that I'd only been a part of the Jackson Metro Samson community, when this occurred, for 10-11 months, and that - again - there was only one local face-to-face group.
Too, you should know that my "Silee" was decidedly straight (he'd been a pastor who'd successfully seduced then bedded numerous parishioners before being removed from his position), and though he was a strikingly handsome guy, he was definitely not in line with my masculine archetype.
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Fast forward to 2018. By now, I was facilitating my own Samson Society group at Lakeside Pres (my home church), and young "Henry", to my delight, I had the privilege of becoming a Silas to.
It didn't take me long to discern that Henry was uber conscientious about his body. He was quite lean at the time that I came to know him but had been overweight too just a year or so prior. Due to the fact that he and his family lived less than a mile from us, we decided to take up running together not long after he nonchalantly disclosed that he'd run a marathon as a high school student.
Though we only did this a handful of times (his work schedule eventually changed + they welcomed baby two), each run was rewarding in and of itself.
But unbeknownst to me, I inadvertently touched a nerve within my young friend during one of these outings. And that had to do with wanting him too to run shirtless (which had been my default during previous runs). (His rebuke, ironically enough, came within the form of an email.)
Why was it so important to me that he choose to do the same (run shirtless)?
I certainly wasn't sexually attracted to Henry's image-bearing bod. No, that wasn't it. Essentially, I wanted to (re)experience what I'd so enjoyed from all those years prior with my first Silas.
That sense of affirming that I've only experienced via shirtless endeavors with friends. It bonded us. Unlike anything I'd ever experienced.
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One last story.
During the second Samson intensive weekend I experienced (2016), our itinerary included rafting down the Chattahoochee River during most of that Saturday. Since it was April, all of us rafters (which consisted of the majority of the Samson guys who'd chosen to attend the weekend) wore wetsuits. Upon our return to the outpost, every man made a beeline to the showers. Unfortunately, the facilities were woefully inadequate in terms of number of showers / room to change, ventilation, etc. Nonetheless, we'd all had such fun throughout our river run that this inconvenience was easily overlooked.
As I made my way into the men's changing room / showers / restroom, it didn't take long for another Samson man to put everyone on notice (altruistically) as to my presence therein. I distinctly remember brushing this off due to how energized I felt relative to the day. Nonetheless, I came away feeling unfairly singled out.
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There's truly no way to know how other Samson guys will react regarding your story. I believe that's why I consider it such a privilege to receive stories from guys whilst doing my darndest to not (over)react. For if a man's courage to reveal his story results in ostracization / scorn / mistrust - of any ilk - there's a good chance he's going to reconsider being as open / authentic down the road.
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