Of all the Samson guys I've had the privilege to befriend, Henry was the one I learned from the most. He showed up at a face-to-face Samson meeting I was facilitating (2018?), having been invited by a mutual friend. Immediately, he asked for me to be his Silas (he'd been smitten by Rob's authentic self, crassness, and propensity to encourage), and from there, we were off and running.
Henry was unlike any Samson guy I'd ever met. Eventually, I discovered why. He was depressed...perhaps even clinically depressed and had been throughout much of his life. In spite of his youthful vitality (he was in his late 20s), it was apparent that something was off relative to this extremely intelligent, ambitious young man.
Henry was very successful for his age. He had a beautiful wife, multiple small children and a position at a large international corporation that paid handsomely. But, like so many people who struggle with depression, Henry was easily agitated and very moody. Too, he simply had little, if any spark, at all, for living life. As such, he had few friends / little interests in making friends. His stock rejection recusal was as follows: "It's their loss, not mine..."
Because of his seemingly lifelong depressed state, he medicated himself with sex / lust, and this brought on tremendous guilt (Henry was a devout Christian). Particularly considering that he was a homeschooled pastor's son (who loved his parents fervently) who just happened to be reared within the Deep South.
The humdinger regret for Henry was his past (years-long) fornication with his sweet wife. They went about this whilst being in college together (he was a commuter / she was living within the dorm). The shame / regret therein regarding this carnal disobedience to God's word seemed to have stained Henry's soul permanently. Yet, the virgin excitement / passion had effectively worked as a distraction to his depression.
As a run up to this, Internet porn / sexual fantasies effectively distracted too as Henry dealt with run-of-the-mill adolescent (high school years) rejection from both the opposite (romantic relationships) and same (platonic) sex. Once he was gifted a laptop from his parents, (remember he was a saintly homeschooler) he dove right into the online fun - unfettered / unmonitored.
Henry rationalized this behavior via what he described as "anger towards God" (primarily as a result of romantic rejection), but I never bought it. Instead, I now believe it was solely his depressed state that he was looking to buoy against.
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So, what did I learn from my then friend, Henry?
No amount of anything from me could truly help Henry because Henry refused to acknowledge his depression.
Too, Henry believed therapists were a waste of time.
I can remember actively attempting to encourage my friend, Henry (as a husband, father, worker bee), yet in spite of our friendship, it was apparent that everything within his field of view was marginalized by his depression.
Eventually, this young man turned on me via slander as he attempted to setback friendships I'd pre-Henry / concurrently established with mutual Samson guys. (This was his attempt to absolutely be IN THE RIGHT.)
From there, he stopped communicating with me.
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Fast forward to today.
I have two active Samson friends who're taking prescription meds to manage clinical depression. Both are successful husbands / fathers / businessmen just as Henry was, yet both admitted (years before I had the privilege to befriend them) that there was something else going on - in the background of their minds, so to speak - that was hindering them day to day.
Both of these men talk openly about their meds and how they've found hope via their prescriptions. They also regularly meet with their psychiatrist regarding these drugs relative to being closely monitored therein.
How different would Henry's life might have looked had he been properly diagnosed and treated (as a teenager) for his depression? Specifically, would this homeschooled pastor's son chosen to not repeatedly fornicate (his greatest moral regret) with his girlfriend - within her dorm room, over a two-year period, in advance of their nuptials? Would he have been less susceptible to brood regarding nascent romantic rejection, thereby reducing the pull towards concretized, rebellious online habits (porn consumption)?
When I first befriended Henry, his marriage was on the rocks, due to him being captivated by a sultry female colleague at work and their "friendship" therein. This colleague was in no way a good fit for him, but he was so emotionally numb, she (her sultriness / mysteriously "mature" sensuality) was no doubt a fitting distraction to his mental illness.
And it's that word, distraction, that Henry was always looking for. In the end, I believe it too was all our friendship amounted to. For his depression was far greater than anything else within his life.
Oh, Henry. I pray you've sought out professional help.
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