9,125 days amounts to a lot of days waking up next to the same woman. For she'll change physically (due to her health failing or otherwise), sometimes dramatically, throughout the span of those years.
When Angie and I agreed to marry at First Baptist Church Jackson on June 1, 1996, we signed up as well for the obligatory pre-marital counseling. And this consisted of spending a Sunday afternoon with a very perky seminary student who asked really easy questions of both of us. At the conclusion of this session, he told us that we were very unlikely to have any major issues within our marriage.
It didn't take long for us to discern what a dumbass statement this was.
Within 24 hours of tying the knot, Angie's mental health went off the deep end relative to her general anxiety disorder. And this literally happened on the first full day of our honeymoon. From there, the following two years were extremely difficult relative to her state of mind and my complete ineptitude regarding being the young husband of a mentally ill wife.
Three years into our marriage, the Internet came on the scene, and immediately, I was hooked on the gay porn images (dial-up, though soon to be DSL) that were now readily available (& free!). I remember specifically telling Angie that this development would surely kill me for I'd never seen images like these (nor had them so conveniently made available).
Angie's parents - from the getgo - were (her dad's now deceased) a nightmare to deal with. They were completely unsupportive and critical of our marriage at every turn. As if it was a their lot in life to tear our marriage down - one brick at a time.
My mother really struggled with making peace with me now being married to Angie and as such, me no longer being her emotional crutch. It took many years for her to make peace with this new reality and subsequently cease from resenting my wife.
I lost my job within 30 days of our marriage, and then again, +/-17 years later (for breaking my employer's IT policy).
Need I say more?
Like I said, it was a dumbass statement. For there's no way to forecast a couple's marriage outlook via an initial 2-hour counseling session.
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My mother's infidelity, (back when I was in 4th grade) and the permanent ramifications therein, likely made the biggest positive impact on my own marriage, particularly as it relates to my personal choices made as a husband.
And I've told Darlene (my mom) that.
Watching the massive emotional fallout from my mom's ongoing six-month affair with her bossman, within our home (back in 1981), made a clear impact on how deadly I came to consider infidelity. As a result, I have avoided it (physical infidelity) like the plague.
As a segue from that statement, Angie's observation of her mother's alcoholism (when she was in middle school) made a similar impact on her relative to the ramifications that drugs can make on the home. Again, the emotional fallout was massive, and the impact long lasting. As a result, alcohol / drug usage isn't a part of our home and never will be.
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Through the years, I've had a number of Samson guys question my claims of fidelity. Some will ask the question, "Are you sure you've never cheated?" after hearing my story.
Obviously it's difficult to fathom a husband (married to a female), who struggles with unwanted same sex attraction, could remain faithful for 25 years. But, by God's grace, I've done it, and I hope to maintain that status quo.
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In conclusion, I want to include a controversial point of view that I believe to be worth mentioning regarding husband's cheating on their wives.
But in order to do so, I need to firstly talk about Russian men.
Russian men are expected to cheat. Just as they're expected to be (weekend) drunks. It's simply ingrained in what it means to be a Russian husband (particularly a straight husband) within their culture. These behaviors are accepted / expected due to how it syncs with Russian's understanding / embracing / elevating / celebrating of Russian masculinity.
I would argue many married (to a female) American men also declare / undergird / reinforce their masculinity similarly, though it's obviously frowned upon here to do this as a declaration of one's gender.
And here's another take on that that's even more controversial.
Gay men (Russian or otherwise) are inherently promiscuous. I believe sexual activity between gay men is often either a demonstration or infusion of masculinity (depending on each lover's inherent sexual desires).
Reinforcing / bolstering one's masculinity along with worshiping said masculinity can be genuinely experienced via illicit sexual activity.
I believe this can be a massive catalyst of infidelity, even within the most stable of marriages.
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It truly is a miracle that my marriage has been sustained for this long. When I meet men who've experienced divorce or who are in the midst of divorce, I count my blessings whilst never discounting their loss.
For those of you who're reading this and presently considering separation or divorce, I present the following to you: I've had the privilege of serving on architectural design teams for multiple municipal buildings here in Mississippi, backpacked throughout western Europe for seven weeks, worked to rear three beautiful daughters, and successfully run numerous 5K races, but none of these achievements compare to having a long-term singular marriage. It truly is the greatest blessing of my life. Considering that, my marriage to Angie isn't ideal, but none is.
Thanks be to God for my marriage. Here's to another 25 years!
