When (and How) to Avoid Contentious People (thegospelcoalition.org)
Wednesday, February 10, 2021
Tuesday, February 9, 2021
Sunday, February 7, 2021
You Are Not Responsible For Other People's Feelings
Let me qualify this statement firstly.
As a Christian, it's your responsibility to manage / take advantage of your influence, always considering its impact relative to Christiandom / the gospel. And this means being an ardent listener first who's slow to speak.
So, what about the "Other People" portion of this statement? Does that include a man's spouse? His parents? Siblings? What about his employer?
This is where things can get tricky. For this is where we must consider / take into account those infamous expectations. As such, there are times when we simply must come to grips with just how disappointing we truly are to those around us.
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Have you ever been told that you're not respecting enough? As if respect or the giving of respect were quantitative?
I have.
And it was from one of those four cited above. Obviously, I have no siblings, therefore you're left with three choices there.
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Just a few months prior to being fired from Delta State University as the institution's Campus Architect / Physical Plant Director back in 2013, I was handed a handwritten list by the newly hired CFO (my superior) of the institution during one of our weekly meetings. If I remember correctly, it was a list that had to be pieced / taped together from various scraps of paper. And upon attempting to read it, it was obvious that numerous individuals had written on it in a fast, flowing pen with little thought as to its ramifications.
Per my boss, the list had originated from the newly appointed President of the institution. In looking back, I'm fairly sure its initial author was the President's daughter who'd been to the university to visit her parents on a few occasions. She was also an attorney (like her father) who at the time was living in her parent's abode back in D.C. while they were now residing in small town, Mississippi (where he'd been reared long before becoming a bureaucrat in Washington).
The list represented how disgruntled / frustrated the President and his cabinet were with the aesthetics / upkeep of campus. As such, it featured very specific items, such as specific golf course hole upkeep or peeling paint on soffits and fascia boards on various buildings. And I'm here to tell you that by the time it had no doubt been passed around to everyone and their brother, this was now a freaking long list.
I remember my boss telling me as he slid it across his 4-person table there in his office that "this isn't normally how I choose to handle things..."
Nonetheless, my heart fell into my stomach relative to this critique. I cannot even begin to tell you how overwhelmed that experience made me feel, taking into consideration the fact that I'd only been working there +/-9 months.
From there, this list served as a reckoning for me as it sat on my desk afterwards. One that read - Your value as an employee of this institution is tied directly to the upkeep / beauty of campus per our specific expectations.
Why?
Because I believed just that.
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The Bible is clear regarding honoring your parents, and it gives instructions too regarding the husband as it pertains to him serving / giving to his wife as Christ does / did to the church.
It also addresses how to behave if you're a slave, but leaves out any specifics relative to being a Campus Architect / Physical Plant Director.
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Assertion isn't a topic that's highlighted often in Christian circles. The Bible doesn't mention it (I don't believe), yet we see this personalized approach in the accounts of Jesus within the New Testament as well as many other Bible characters throughout the 66 books.
Assertion is rooted in confidence in whose you are as a Christian, recognizing the ultimate authority of God within your life and the plan he has for it. Assertion is also anchored in humility and meekness. And as such, it's never in bed with haughtiness or pride.
Because of this, I believe assertion or assertiveness grows out of suffering. Suffering that's been made peace with, if not celebrated. Therefore, it's relegated to the inevitable passing of time which brings trials, growth (hopefully), and perspective.
And of course, all of this assertion / assertiveness applies absolutely to even those who place their respective demands on us.
What's most interesting to me about assertion or assertiveness is how young a man Jesus was whilst demonstrating this position during his 3-year ministry on Earth. I think it's what made him - in so many ways - the man that he was / is.
Friday, February 5, 2021
Wednesday, February 3, 2021
Holding The Line As A Silas
Eventually, your friendship with your "Silee" will likely reach inevitable plateaus. These are wonderful times since there's no climbing involved within the relationship. And as such, there can be temptation to simply stay put within that horizontal plane. Yet this runs counter to the theme of this Samson Society friendship. That being relational accountability.
My first Silas, pre-Samson, and I too reached this platonic plateau and stayed there for around 9 to 10 months. And you need to know that both of us were serving as "Silases" to each other (neither of us were privy to Samson Society back in 2011). During this perceived lull, I was experiencing great victory over my struggles with lust, and this was due to what I assumed was also simultaneous ongoing victory within my friend's life.
But then I started asking those hard questions again, in spite of the fun we were having as close friends, only to find out disappointingly that he wasn't really even pursuing victory any longer over sexual sin.
But, oh the fun we were having!
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And this is where these kind of relationships get hard.
For you must choose to either keep climbing upward (under the guise of relational accountability) or simply redefine (downgrade / repurpose / augment) the relationship entirely. And hinged on that decision is the risk involved in continuing to "hold the line" as a Silas, despite the inevitable fatigue, going forward.
No-expectations-attached friendships are so much easier than a Silas / "Silee" relationship.
And this is because you're much less likely to piss off your friend.
Why is this an important truth?
Because pissing him off (enough) may just (eventually) sever the friendship, and as such, all that platonic investment will feel as if it's simply going up in smoke (which it really isn't, but Satan will lie to you about that).
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In my opinion, a Silas / "Silee" relationship is far more valuable than a traditional friendship, therefore it's worth the risk to steadfastly hold the line you've been asked to hold. Please don't settle for the plateau. Continue upward together, facing the strain and ultimately reaping the rewards - together - of the struggle towards holy living.
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