Recommended Reading

The Suicide Epidemic Deserves Our Attention (thegospelcoalition.org)

Enjoy The Weekend! The Lord Is Working In So Many Of Your Lives. Praise God.

Recommended Reading

40 Years Ago, One Underrated Chapter Book Helped Kids Talk About Trauma (fatherly.com)

Resist Being Relationally Territorial Within Samson Society. Remember, You're Only "Brothers" In Concept Alone. Nonetheless, Never Stop Considering The Relational "What If?"

Being an only child helps me in this regard.  I've no siblings to mar my relational outlook.  

What I mean by that is, (as a child) I always had to placate myself to the expectation that any and all friendships would be unpredictable / nonpermanent.  This point of view allowed me to stay hopeful, putting more energy towards the "What If?" versus the "Please don't leave me!".

(For I desperately needed friends.)

How did I do this?

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My favorite rock band throughout my childhood was Heart.  Had the two female band members not been sisters, I doubt the allure would have been nearly as strong.  Through Ann and Nancy, I vicariously enjoyed having / observing a sibling(s).  

What was so obvious to me about these two was the "order of operation" baked into the relationship.  Now, for those of you who know Heart well, you're privy to the fact that Ann wasn't the oldest child within the family.  There was an older sister still who just happened to not be a musician.  But if you know anything about these two rock 'n roll superstars, there's a definitive hierarchy combined with a steadfast, implicit value anchorage.  

In essence, Ann Wilson was the lead, and both sisters recognized the fact that they were far more valuable as a pairing than individually.

Both Ann and Nancy Wilson have recorded solo work.  In fact, Ann did so firstly by agreeing to perform within a rock duet (movie soundtrack from the mid '80s).  Eventually, Nancy did the same, though her efforts felt much more unsyncopated (in spite of the song's airplay) / unnecessary.    

When both sisters partner as song composers, they credit a pseudonym, "Connie" within the liner notes.  I've always like this.  It implies the seamlessness between the two, both carrying equal weight.  And that's cool.

In the not-too-distant past, Ann and Nancy Wilson had a public falling out.  This resulted in both women rocking (recording / touring) separately for a season.  Now they've made up and are once again together as if it never occurred.  

Why?

Because they're family.  As such, there's simply too much historical alikeness / sensibilities to not effectively keep them together.  

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I'm leery of friendships within this community that feel contrived.  I've been down that road with Samson brothers who're interested in befriending me, having received no indicators that I feel the same.  

Taking risks for Rob = feeling masculine.

This is my / many men's secret sauce pertaining to acting on the "What if?".

Personally, I especially like strong intelligence, but the rarefied attraction between two potential brothers involves identifying and acknowledging (being sympathetic to) his zone.  And doing so in a way that solidifies his trust in you / your trust in him.  This acknowledging will undoubtedly take creativity and a whole lot of deliberateness.

His / your zone = Whatever keeps a man up at night

Maybe it's work or children or his / your health (recovery?).  Whatever it is, if you / he can find a means to support him / you therein, doing so creatively and very intentionally, he's / you're demonstrating two things.

Firstly, your understanding of who you are / he is.  Secondly, your / his willingness to do the work needed to be "brotherly" in that regard.  

Ann Wilson loved music well before starting her band.  Not long after, Nancy joined too, bringing her guitar-playing skillset, songwriting ability, but mostly, she brought her willingness to support sis within an endeavor / "zone" that was no doubt her first love.  

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In closing, Heart's success as a rock band went into stratosphere during the MTV era of the 1980s.  And much of that had to do with the production team they agreed to work with.  A team that understood the era / cultural impact of music video production and how integral it was becoming to influence fandom (drive record sales / airplay).

Putting the dolled-up sisters on display, never too far from one another onscreen, did wonders to intrigue audiences (me).  For not only did they look similar, but there was simply a sibling rapport that was unmistakable.  Not to mention the fact that they were a lot easier on the eyes than Eddie & Alex or Chris & Rich.

Decades of time together, supporting / showing love whilst making entertaining music for all of us to enjoy = success all around. 

Your close brotherly friendships within Samson Society should be just as celebrated.  For they're no doubt similarly influential / entertaining to observe (despite the differences in last names).

Intentional Touch / Body Proximity, For Many Men, Is The Superior Way To Confirm Brotherly Love

Back in 2007-2008, I found myself withering on the vine via (authentic) platonic isolation (an ideal situation for Rob's uninhibited gay porn consumption or worse...).  It hadn't been long (October '06) since I'd left my job in the private sector to work for the State of Mississippi.  And I was honored to take that position, but it was nearly instantaneously obvious that I wouldn't be making close friends there.  As such, I had no desire to look back towards my vocational peers from the past either.  

The Internet (Yahoo! Groups specifically) came to my rescue.  Thanks be to God.

Scott, my newfound Aussie friend, was a master of the language arts.  It wasn't long before the "L" word was rolling off his tongue.  And I delighted in that, reciprocating blithely, for I'd never had another man say that word to me.  But I have to admit that it felt a bit hollow and quite forced.  For I'd never met Scott in person.  Instead, it was simply email and telephone / Skype calls that worked to congeal our relationship to the best of our ability.  Eventually, our very long-distance friendship diminished in relevance within my mind, and much to his chagrin, we took a one-year break.  

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Within the Samson Society, there's no shortage of hugs and "L" words.  Simply attend an Intensive or National Retreat, and you'll see what I'm referring to.  Arguably, it's the language of Samson.  In that regard, we're the gayest group of (mostly) straight men you'll likely ever encounter. 

Sidenote:  When I was a senior in high school, I gifted a neighbor friendboy (same age) a mixtape.  This friend had unexpectedly come back into my life during that one year, having moved away the summer prior to our sixth-grade year.  Despite both our (historical) platonic closeness as elementary-age boys (we were "best friends") as well as our (senior year) reestablished proximity, our friendship DID NOT "pick up where we left off".  Defeated and acting somewhat neurotic, I refused to give up hope.  And that's where the high school graduation mixtape gift idea came to fruition.  Unsurprisingly, it detonated any semblance of remaining dignity within our friendship bond.  

No gifting mixtapes please.     

Within certain cultures, best friends hold hands - in public - as a symbol of their love / commitment to each other.  You'll never see that amongst pirate monks, though I do think there's some merit to that innocent gesture.  

But what about men who have no interest in Samson Society, yet are just as fiercely loyal as friends (if not more so)?   How should we express love to them in a way that's respectfully effective?

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Here's an overall qualifier:

One of the greatest gifts the Samson Society has afforded me is practice loving on men.  Especially from the standpoint of catering that love specifically to that individual man.

I have rarely hugged a man who's not / who wasn't involved in Samson Society (except within circumstances that were quite forced / awkward).  

So how do I respectfully communicate love sans the fraternity of Samson Society providing oversight / ground rules / safety?

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Here in Mississippi, arguably the greatest fear of parents of boys is that they'll end up / turn out gay.  Having a homosexual son is a massive point of shame here in the Magnolia State.  As such, these children are usually written off completely / ignored outright within traditional southern communities.  And I believe this is primarily due to how dismissed / frowned upon any dialogue (identifier) regarding sexuality is within the buckle of the Bible Belt.  Hence, boldly proclaiming / admitting to one's same-sex attraction (& admitting to enjoying acting out on it) is akin to openly discussing one's viewpoint on southern race relations / Catholicism.  It amounts to instantaneous relational ostracism.   

As such, it's what drives middle to upper / middle to upper-class white parents to elevate / ratify hetero norms to the nth degree (in hopes of future-proofing their boy's budding sexuality).    

For example, these teenage boys are given full-size pickups to drive NO MATTER WHAT.  Is there no more hetero-normal vehicle than a body-on-frame full-size, gas-guzzling truck?  Absolutely not!

And preferably, it should be a domestic-designed / manufactured truck.  Toyota / Nissans simply aren't as hetero-normal as Ford and Chevrolet / GMC.

I could go on.  (Travel) team sports, boy scouts (tent camping), hunting / fishing and so forth.  

Oh, and if the full-size truck is customized (Carolina squat / rims, glass packs, etc.), all the more peace-of-mind parents can obtain regarding their son's unfettered sexual attraction towards wet vaginas.  

Straight son = parenting job well done.

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Intentional touch.  Mostly via handshakes, but on occasion, via a grasp (strong grip) or tap.  But also, there's the art of body proximity / politics.  

It's that shared space between two brothers.  Whether you're stationed together within a battalion, swimming semi-nude within a river, working out together or simply leaning over the empty bed of a (domestic) PICKUP TRUCK chewing the fat.  

Men's bodies radiate relational energy.  It's like a scent / body aroma that only the canines are actually privy to.  Therein, you mix that with your brother via proximity and emotional affirming can most certainly occur.  Powerfully.  Effortlessly.  Simply by spending time together.  It truly is magical to witness / experience.

And I would argue there's a lot to be said for this approach in terms of its subtleness.  Healthy men desire nothing greater than the respect of other men / women within their lives.  Understanding how to effectively express love candidly yet respectfully towards your special friend, I would argue, is key to sustaining said friendship.  

It took me a long time to learn this.

And you don't have a drive a full-size truck to do this well (though your friend may very well need to own one).

You're welcome.

Recommended Reading

The quiet crisis of older men in a world embracing mental health | The Seattle Times

Recommended Viewing - Pray For Those Currently Entangled Within The Production Of Porn. Ask God Too To Help You To Stop Lusting After / Objectiving Women.

Recommended Reading - Love This

No Suffering Is Unseen: Why Our Secret Pain Really Matters | Desiring God

Samson Society / Recovery Related Podcasts

PODCASTS

If you are not already taking advantage of this free resource, we encourage you to subscribe to the podcast made by pirate monks for pirate monks. We have interviews with some of the best voices in the community that can offer insights into your recovery journey. You can subscribe to the "Pirate Monk Podcast" on your favorite app or listen directly right here:  https://samsonsociety.com/.  

Promoting The Samson Society In Tandem With Word Of Mouth

 Please find a Samson Society flyer embedded herein for your use

Be Wary Of Attending National Christian Men's Conferences / Events. They Can Quickly Go Sideways (Based On My Experience / Observation). That Is, Unless You're Into That Sort Of Thing (Most Samson Guys Aren't).

National Christian men's conferences (1,000+ men) are unique.  My first exposure to them was "Promise Keepers" back in the '90s.  If I remember correctly, I believe I attended three of these (three separate years).  Two in Dallas, TX (Texas Stadium) with Robert, Sr. (my dad) and one in NOLA (SuperDome) with my best friend at the time.

We (primarily First Baptist Church Jackson members) left at dawn, here in Jackson, for all of these out-of-town all-Saturday men's gatherings.  Traveling by motor coach, it felt as if we were the middle / upper to upper class Christian white brigade.  

I remember liking the notion of a Christian men's conference that brought the throngs together for a big, one-day event.  

Why shouldn't I?

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It was during the second Dallas, TX "Promise Keepers" where things went off-the-rails.  One of the speakers happened to be black, and he was a fantastic presenter / speaker.  After his 45-minute commentary (I have no memory of his topic because of what occurred immediately following), the head facilitator of that particular "Promise Keepers" event felt so moved to publicly beg for forgiveness for being a white man bigot.  He did so down on his knees in front of the speaker - right there on the platform, and all of this felt completely unscripted (who knows if it actually was).  This begging & weeping went on and on and on to the point that it was obvious our time / energy / purpose to/of attend(ing) said conference was being hijacked via this stunt.  Plus, it simply didn't feel appropriately respectful of the setting for this dude to go about this in this way.  Everyone was thinking the same thing:  Why didn't he simply set some time aside privately to address his personal convictions with the token black speaker one-on-one? 

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I've met a number of men through the years whose anger regarding situations (& not necessarily nearly as large a gathering) like what I've described above continue to smolder.  And it's just enough to keep them from attending ANY version of a Christian men's conference - no matter the scale or what org its affiliated with (including Samson Society) ever again.

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Here's the truth.  The primary reason (the vast majority of) men attend church is because their wives / girlfriends insist they go.  Likewise for tithing / volunteering at the church house.  Otherwise, these ladies will no longer be present within these dudes' lives.  Men, on their own, do not gravitate towards church.  You're simply never going to hear a schoolboy say, "When I grow up, I want to be a deacon."

To motivate men (who're not in immediate personal crisis) to attend - ALONE - a relatively "low-cost" Christian men's conference / retreat for a day (or so) takes supernatural motivation.  As such, the programming must be top tier.  And not only from the standpoint of who's presenting but what they're presenting regarding.  Plus, they simply need to be speakers who're comfortable speaking exclusively to men, being sympathetic, first & foremost, to their masculine audience.

Why?

It's a hard, hard row to hoe.  For men are hard-wired to critique as they're rubbing their hairy shoulders against other (strange) men versus going about their daily, very comfortable, very active routine (back home).

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Now for my segue.

Please consider attending the inaugural 2024 Samson Society Recovery Marathon.  You can find more info here:  Home - Recovery Marathon.

Why?

It's a cool idea that's being spearheaded by none other than Dr. Tom Moucka (Director of Samson House).  

For the reasonable price of $145.00 you essentially have full control / ownership of your inclusion / degree of participation within this particular all-day men's conference experience.  Plus, you'll receive teaching from twelve extremely diverse individuals who're passionate about walking with Samson guys through recovery.  This Sunday, (4/21) event has Rob's full endorsement.  Especially considering the baked in flexibility / approachability via the digital venue.

I'm willing to bet they'll be no distractions / surprises either (knowing Tom as well as I do).  Hence, if this suits you, please sign up today!  Sunday, (4/21) is in five days.

   

Recommended Reading

Big New Way for Companies to Get Rich: Target Bored Young American Men (businessinsider.com)