Back in 2007-2008, I found myself withering on the vine via (authentic) platonic isolation (an ideal situation for Rob's uninhibited gay porn consumption or worse...). It hadn't been long (October '06) since I'd left my job in the private sector to work for the State of Mississippi. And I was honored to take that position, but it was nearly instantaneously obvious that I wouldn't be making close friends there. As such, I had no desire to look back towards my vocational peers from the past either.
The Internet (Yahoo! Groups specifically) came to my rescue. Thanks be to God.
Scott, my newfound Aussie friend, was a master of the language arts. It wasn't long before the "L" word was rolling off his tongue. And I delighted in that, reciprocating blithely, for I'd never had another man say that word to me. But I have to admit that it felt a bit hollow and quite forced. For I'd never met Scott in person. Instead, it was simply email and telephone / Skype calls that worked to congeal our relationship to the best of our ability. Eventually, our very long-distance friendship diminished in relevance within my mind, and much to his chagrin, we took a one-year break.
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Within the Samson Society, there's no shortage of hugs and "L" words. Simply attend an Intensive or National Retreat, and you'll see what I'm referring to. Arguably, it's the language of Samson. In that regard, we're the gayest group of (mostly) straight men you'll likely ever encounter.
Sidenote: When I was a senior in high school, I gifted a neighbor friendboy (same age) a mixtape. This friend had unexpectedly come back into my life during that one year, having moved away the summer prior to our sixth-grade year. Despite both our (historical) platonic closeness as elementary-age boys (we were "best friends") as well as our (senior year) reestablished proximity, our friendship DID NOT "pick up where we left off". Defeated and acting somewhat neurotic, I refused to give up hope. And that's where the high school graduation mixtape gift idea came to fruition. Unsurprisingly, it detonated any semblance of remaining dignity within our friendship bond.
No gifting mixtapes please.
Within certain cultures, best friends hold hands - in public - as a symbol of their love / commitment to each other. You'll never see that amongst pirate monks, though I do think there's some merit to that innocent gesture.
But what about men who have no interest in Samson Society, yet are just as fiercely loyal as friends (if not more so)? How should we express love to them in a way that's respectfully effective?
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Here's an overall qualifier:
One of the greatest gifts the Samson Society has afforded me is practice loving on men. Especially from the standpoint of catering that love specifically to that individual man.
I have rarely hugged a man who's not / who wasn't involved in Samson Society (except within circumstances that were quite forced / awkward).
So how do I respectfully communicate love sans the fraternity of Samson Society providing oversight / ground rules / safety?
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Here in Mississippi, arguably the greatest fear of parents of boys is that they'll end up / turn out gay. Having a homosexual son is a massive point of shame here in the Magnolia State. As such, these children are usually written off completely / ignored outright within traditional southern communities. And I believe this is primarily due to how dismissed / frowned upon any dialogue (identifier) regarding sexuality is within the buckle of the Bible Belt. Hence, boldly proclaiming / admitting to one's same-sex attraction (& admitting to enjoying acting out on it) is akin to openly discussing one's viewpoint on southern race relations / Catholicism. It amounts to instantaneous relational ostracism.
As such, it's what drives middle to upper / middle to upper-class white parents to elevate / ratify hetero norms to the nth degree (in hopes of future-proofing their boy's budding sexuality).
For example, these teenage boys are given full-size pickups to drive NO MATTER WHAT. Is there no more hetero-normal vehicle than a body-on-frame full-size, gas-guzzling truck? Absolutely not!
And preferably, it should be a domestic-designed / manufactured truck. Toyota / Nissans simply aren't as hetero-normal as Ford and Chevrolet / GMC.
I could go on. (Travel) team sports, boy scouts (tent camping), hunting / fishing and so forth.
Oh, and if the full-size truck is customized (Carolina squat / rims, glass packs, etc.), all the more peace-of-mind parents can obtain regarding their son's unfettered sexual attraction towards wet vaginas.
Straight son = parenting job well done.
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Intentional touch. Mostly via handshakes, but on occasion, via a grasp (strong grip) or tap. But also, there's the art of body proximity / politics.
It's that shared space between two brothers. Whether you're stationed together within a battalion, swimming semi-nude within a river, working out together or simply leaning over the empty bed of a (domestic) PICKUP TRUCK chewing the fat.
Men's bodies radiate relational energy. It's like a scent / body aroma that only the canines are actually privy to. Therein, you mix that with your brother via proximity and emotional affirming can most certainly occur. Powerfully. Effortlessly. Simply by spending time together. It truly is magical to witness / experience.
And I would argue there's a lot to be said for this approach in terms of its subtleness. Healthy men desire nothing greater than the respect of other men / women within their lives. Understanding how to effectively express love candidly yet respectfully towards your special friend, I would argue, is key to sustaining said friendship.
It took me a long time to learn this.
And you don't have a drive a full-size truck to do this well (though your friend may very well need to own one).
You're welcome.
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