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Decent Jocks Choose Not To Invest In (Nor Advertise Towards) A Harem Of Whores

Professional athletes (male) aren't just physically superior on the playing field.  For coitus is a physical activity too.  And alongside coitus is libido for which pro athletes typically have in spades.

I remember the occasion like it was yesterday.

My family had chosen to take a new friend's (our church's then Associate Pastor) children to a "Gatti Town" pizzeria for dinner / game night (the year was 2010).  Whilst seated in the dining area, eating the restaurant's unimaginably greasy pizza, there playing on the wall television was none other than the following:

What's interesting to note is that this young man apparently loathed the fact that his own father (who'd been dead for four years when this press conference was taped) had a penchant for surrounding himself with whores.  Earl Woods was very close to his son.  So close, I believe, that he was his son's golf coach for much of his life.  The harem of whores his father entertained were part of their traveling road show as Tiger played professional golf around the globe.  

Strangely, like father, like son.

But the most shocking pro athlete sex disclosure (that I've heard) was this one:

Damn.  That's disgusting.  Talk about vagina masturbation...

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Earlier this evening, I screened 20-30 minutes of this video:

What struck me is how decent Ms. Swift's pro athlete boyfriend is.  You can tell that he's made a decision to invest in knowing this very different human being really, really well despite their likes / dislikes / vocations / backgrounds.  Another observation:  Ms. Swift is no Amazon.  Instead, she's no doubt a normal-scaled adult female (all around).  As such, in contrast to her beau, you have to wonder how she's overcome the physical disproportion between her and her boyfriend.  And speaking of her boyfriend...

He recently had a high profile photo shoot that exemplifies the fact that physically, he's in his prime.  

If you know anything about the girl he's romantically attached to, she's introspective, extremely creative and the epitome of salt of the earth.  

Yet, he's a physical powerhouse.  Competitive, aggressive, forceful, masculine, jock, meathead, etc.

So, let's get down to the nitty gritty.

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If Ms. Swift's pro athlete boyfriend is to continue forward with this relational investment towards her (to the degree that he's sincerely displayed here), he's going to have to continue to wrangle his pro athlete size sex drive / high voltage allure 'till death do us part.  

How is that possible?

I think first & foremost, he's got to choose to be satisfied in her holistically versus exclusively as a bed partner.  

Ms. Swift has been very creatively public about her romantic history with men (her melodic compositions attest to this).  In doing so, she's made it very clear that experiencing further (romantic) relational hurt is in no way a priority.  As such, I have no doubt that her pro athlete beau has long since been privy to this (although I doubt he'd listened to much of her music prior to their first date). 

Too, she's no longer a spring chicken.  In other words, her eggs ain't getting any younger which is causing her biological clock to tick that much louder.  Therefore, being upfront about her expectations / coupled with an intentionally slow descent into romance had to have been a huge priority for her.  This is always a wise move, and she's obviously a wise (for her age) woman.

Of course, it's easy to see that he's just a big goofball.  Fun-loving and kind.  But that doesn't change the fact that he's a physical powerhouse.  Competitive, aggressive, forceful, masculine, jock, meathead, etc.

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So, in conclusion, if they've had intercourse / any other form of sexual intimacy (& hopefully they haven't since they're unmarried) when did it occur and how often has it happened?

I'd speculate just recently and very, very little overall.  

Why?

Sexual intimacy for nuanced women like Ms. Swift equates to an interweaving of deep seated emotions between her and her bedmate.  As such, this is where the "rubber meets the road" so to speak relationally.  Therefore, if the future holds a breakup, that decoupling will be exponentially more painful as a result of this emotionally validated genital connection.

(This is one obvious reason why the marriage bed is the VERY BEST place for sexual intimacy.)

All this being said, what about Ms. Swift's pro athlete beau's pro athlete-size libido / body / attention-seeking ambition?  What's to be done with  that?

This is what worries me.  Especially considering the recent, high profile photo shoot.  

Like so many pro athletes, Ms. Swift's beau undoubtedly feeds off of attention.  And very recently, he's not been shy about appearing sexy and available in order to obtain it.  

If he were my potential future son-in-law, I'd be asking, "What the hell were you thinking when you chose to allow those photos to be published?  Within almost all of them, you look like a half naked oaf."

Living Out A Marriage Built On Lies / Deceit (HIGH RISK!)

I've been swimming moreso this summer than I've ever swam.  This being the result of my gosh awful foot sprain (no more running!).  Ouch.  We're members of the Y, both of which have pools (two indoor / one outdoor).  

One recent weekend, I couldn't help but notice a fellow sun worshipper / swimmer (young husband / father) stolen away from his lovely fam.  As was usually the case on a Saturday, the pool was hopping with rednecks.  This young white guy was lounging on the pool deck close enough to Rob for me to hear him covertly dialoguing with someone over his pocket computer.  His verbiage was low and muffled, but distinct enough for me to know for certain that he was talking on his phone (sans holding the device up to his head).

I quickly surmised that he was there begrudgingly for an "all Saturday afternoon" outing alongside one other nuclear unit (friends from church / the travel sports team?).  As such, for those few long minutes, both his wife / girlfriend and the children (his?) were splashing around without him, no doubt, all the while curiously wondering why he'd chosen to steal away.   

His female companion eventually sashayed over adroitly in frustration.  And that's when he lied to her about what he'd been up to.

From there, he exited stage left to the outdoor men's restroom.  I have no doubt that another cellphone call ensued only this time, it was behind closed doors.

I strongly suspected he'd been / was now chatting to someone his wife / girlfriend wouldn't approve of.

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When Angie and I were dating (mid '90s), we traveled together to NOLA for some event related to one of her friends from college.  If you've an avid reader of this blog, you know NOLA is where I first longingly gazed upon / consumed full frontal male nudity (photos within Playgirl) when I was a high school student.  

As such,, as a follow-up to what had occurred in 1990, I took it upon myself to at least attempt to view some additional print smut whilst in the Crescent City.  Nonetheless, I had to lie to my girlfriend / future wife in order to maneuver around her constant sweetheart presence (long enough to attempt to peek).  

Had to lie.

Had to.

Lie.

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When I was participating in my third in-person Samson Society spring intensive / retreat in '17, a longtime Samson brother sheepishly admitted to having affairs with 26 women whilst married to his then wife.  He said this with a grin on his face, having not gotten caught even once.  

It wasn't long after that retreat that we unorthodoxically brought our families together for a restaurant meal.  It was undeniable that my brother's primary intent therein was to adjudicate the looks of my wife in steed.  I distinctly recall his decades-long bride being lovely, though my heart broke at her naivety.  

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Mr. Nate Larkin has often triangulated me into friendships with married men who, like myself, experience same-sex attraction.  And some of these have fucked A LOT of other horny men through the years.  What's unique about these guys is the "seasons" of illicitness they tend to fall into, taking their entire adult lives into consideration.  

Too, many of these men have wives that seem not the least interested in knowing the full extent of their husband's unfaithfulness.  Instead, she chooses for it to stay much more conceptual.

This can make for a recipe for disaster.  

Why?

Full disclosure as it pertains to unfaithfulness can do two / three extremely important things instantaneously.  

1.  Protect the wife's health.  If she's privy to her husband's affairs, she can take steps to protect her physical body - both in that moment & on down the road.

2.  Dramatically increase the chances that her husband won't cheat (at least to the same degree) again.

3.  Kickstart / turbocharge her husband's recovery effort. 

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Now, what's the future to look like post full disclosure?  No one knows 'till that particular couple cross that bridge.  And that's why so many men shy away from that journey.  Especially if they're same-sex attracted men.  For the shame over their attractions tend to burden them intrinsically.  Not to mention having to deal with outside (normal) points of view (spouse / family) in respect to Full Disclosure.

On the flip side of this is the straight married man who runs headlong into illicit behavior unchecked, amassing years upon years of downright mind-blowing adulterous behavior (marathon / serial cheater).  These are dual persona husbands / fathers who gravitate towards strip clubs, massage parlors, phone sex and porn as if they have two dicks to contend with.  

When these men finally reach the end of the line with their tortured spouse / family, though they may beg / plead for mercy, everything related to those previous familial relations will be lost forever.

I've seen it with my own two eyes.  Samson Society has delivered that fatalistic point of view to me on several occasions.

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Hosting A Samson Society Newcomers' Meeting Has Bolstered Rob's Recovery / The Beauty Of Giving Back

Prior to me "gaining access" / being formally invited into the First Baptist Church Jackson in-person Samson Society group back in August of '14, the host, Mr. Don Waller, vetted me via a one-on-one counseling session.  I know for a fact that I was somewhat unique in that regard because I watched, over time, as uncounseled bros would simply step into our meeting with no one having any prior knowledge of them or their story.  As such, there were some individuals who arguably weren't well suited to be involved in this ministry.  

If you know me at all, you've realized that I'm a very straightforward guy.  As such, if I'm going to invest my time / energy in something, unless I'm unable (for whatever reason) to decouple myself at will, I'm going to need to believe that it's not a waste of my time in order to continue forward.  

This is why I partake so little in culturally significant entertainment here at age 53.  It's just so hard for me to look past the notion that I'm staring blankly at a plastic / projection screen whilst pushing plastic buttons.

Too, entertainment isn't real.  Everything is scripted.  Everything is staged.  Everything is driven by profit.  And frankly, it's just the same as it's always been ('80, '90s to today).  

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There's never been a moment when involvement within Samson Society has seemed / felt like a time waster (& that's even when I was hosting an in-person Samson group at our church & there were just one or two brothers faithfully attending).  

Another attribute of Rob's is I feel obligated to give back whenever I've received generously in kind.  I believe this is via the Holy Spirit.  Of course, this isn't always intrinsically possible, but when it is, I'm onboard.

And that leads me to why I jumped at the chance to host a "Newcomer's Meeting" when a slot came available.  

Imagine counseling nine men simultaneously.  I had the opportunity to delve into that during the latest weekly "Newcomers' Meeting" that I had the privilege to host.  

Now, do I do anything other than listen to their stories?  No.  Do I do anything other than listen to how they found this ministry?  No.  Do I do anything besides listening to what their expectations are regarding participating within Samson Society?  No.

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It's like I'm Don Waller now.  Gently assuaging.  Deliberately analyzing.  Deftly summarizing (Samson Society as a whole).

What a privilege to give back.  What a privilege too to be on the cusp of where the Lord will take these brave men as they delve into The Path

 

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What's The Secret To Long-Term Involvement Within Samson Society?

There're two parts to properly answering this question.

1.  You must have a strong backbone.  Specifically, you're going to encounter all manner of men.  With stories & personalities that run the gamut.  Over time, you're going to suspect that some of these men aren't part of this community in regard to their recovery.  And it's those that, once you realize this, can truly wear you down / get on your last nerve.  Some of them wear a "recovery persona" (during meetings, in particular) that they use to qualify their presence because they're conscientious to their true intentions (otherwise they'd be mentally ill). 

Samson Society is free / open to the public, therefore all manner of men gravitates to it (in line with their specific "interpersonal crisis" / needs).  Considering the virtual meetings, it's even more of a free for all.  And, I would argue, that much more "socially fluid".  In other words, it's very easy to disguise oneself when you only truly exist within a thumbnail window / within a private chat network like Slack.

As such, keep in mind, this ain't no private, members-only Country Club.  & it absolutely shouldn't be.  This is one of the primary reasons I've invested of myself herein for as long as I have.  

A quick tale:  My wife and I are Presbyterian.  There're numerous reasons for that, but one minute one is Presbyterians tend to not be crazy-ass or dumbasses (low intelligence).  Earlier this year, a crazy couple showed up to our church (there're A LOT of crazy-ass / dumbass people in MS) and immediately began annoying the heck (accosting) out of anyone they were successful in making eye contact with.  Eventually, they drifted away from the church as more and more Presbyterians would bolt whilst seeing them coming their way.  

Samson Society has its proportional share (miniscule minority) of these folks.  And it should.  It's not a church (& certainly not a Presbyterian one).  As such, you must learn to filter through these encounters whilst keeping a high-altitude / overarching perspective.  In kind, you're going to need to brush past the tangential skirmishes that these men tend to provoke within the community itself (whilst absolutely refusing to get involved / passing judgement).

Another hint that works wonders for me:

Focus, focus, focus on the motive behind why you're truly here.  And this leads me to point #2.

2.  You must be a men's minister at heart.  Firstly, for yourself and then for others.  So, what does it mean to be a men's minister?  

You must have a specific curiosity towards men that drives you forward.  All manner of men (including the crazies).  Young, middle-aged, old.  Every demographic, race / creed and sexual orientation.  As such, this curiosity will provide a never-ending drive towards discovering / engaging with men as Jesus exemplified within the gospels and as scripture alludes to as a whole.  

And you do this firstly FOR YOURSELF and your own recovery.  Not to make lifelong friends or to pad your resume.  

Men's ministers feed off other men, and in turn, they're shored up / buttressed in kind.  How?  

I find that first & foremost, it happens by forcing me out of my own head.  Thereby, by marinating on other needs / stories, I can best manage my own (forced perspective).  

Is there anyone on planet Earth who's more "upstairs" than Rob?  I doubt it.  Blame it on me being an only child, I suppose.  Each & every time, via my intentionality, Samson Society provides the opportunity for me to step out of the attic and into the sunlight.

In closing, Jesus made a point to tolerate the Judases and Peters, "sons of thunder" and so forth.  And he did this without driving wedges / tipping his hand as to what his true feelings were for any and all individuals within that motley crue.  Sure, he had his favorites, but those feelings were likely mutual.  

In the end, he loved these men as the ultimate men's minister!  Therefore, it's his example that we should follow as we continued forward along The Path.

Stay committed men.  Samson Society needs your tenure.

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