Should I Obey When I Don’t Feel like It? (thegospelcoalition.org)
Thursday, November 30, 2023
Wednesday, November 29, 2023
Monday, November 27, 2023
Saturday, November 25, 2023
Healthily Spotlighting The Intense Pleasure Of Youthful Masturbation
Friends of ours have an adolescent (homeschooled) son who's freaking them out via his interest in (compulsiveness regarding?) women's shoes.
How did this come about?
They've unintentionally barged in on him wearing mom's stylish dress shoes (buck naked) whilst lying down on his bed, and they've taken note of his Internet search history (images of stylish women's shoes).
This boy is the only biological child of this couple. He does have an older half-sister, but she's college-age and therefore out of the house throughout most of the day.
Their son isn't effeminate, but he has had a lot of trouble (sitting still / becoming distracted) excelling within a traditional (school) learning environment. Hence, he's spent A LOT of his time under his mother's wing, at home, while his peers were being educated within a classroom setting.
-------------------------
Years ago, a Samson brother described to me how he spent a portion of his adolescence covertly trying on his grandmother's stockings as a sensual ramp up to masturbating therein.
As an adult, this man eventually ended up a convicted felon due to his penchant for voyeurism (Peeping Tom). This unsettling behavior (I would argue totally unrelated to his short-lived stocking fetish) unfortunately did grow forward out of adolescence. Being a schoolteacher at the time of his indictment, this criminal turn-on sent his educational career / family-life into a tailspin.
-------------------------
My father spied on his only son (when I was an adolescent) until he was successful in confirming that Rob was indeed masturbating. From there, he immediately confronted me as if he'd never been a horny adolescent boy himself. As a result of this, I only redoubled my efforts to be covert whilst pleasuring myself. All the while, I unfortunately lost a tremendous amount of respect for my dad. For it was one of those critical moments where I was almost more ashamed for him relative to his ridiculously incompetent parenting skill (regarding this specific milestone) than actually how I came to feel relative to being singled out like some teenage pervert.
-------------------------
When Bill Clinton was POTUS, he appointed a black woman, Dr. Jocelyn Elders, to be Surgeon General. She may have been the first black female to do this, but her appointment was short-lived due to her views on educating children regarding all forms of sex education (including masturbation).
This occurred in 1994.
-------------------------
I had a Samson brother dismiss the notion of him being qualified to rear a son due to his fear that the boy's scheduled puberty would inevitably cause the dad to crater relative to becoming sexual with his son. And this man had no history of either being molested or molestation.
Nonetheless, he did rear two daughters and is now a grandfather (of an adolescent grandson).
I'm convinced the gaping holes within this man's own upbringing, as it pertains to being respectfully educated regarding all manner of male sexuality, had left a sizable blind spot. A blind spot that somehow put him on some sort of private, moral blacklist. Therefore, he'd convinced himself that ignorance via poor nurturing had carried forward into parental disqualification.
-------------------------
When a boy moves into puberty, a lot of frighteningly fast physical change is taking place, but the most shocking one is his penchant for experiencing sexual arousal. And those experiences won't necessarily have a rhyme or reason.
Let's remember too that adolescent sexual arousal is a whole-body experience. In turn, traveling down that particular rabbit hole of pleasure (via masturbation) is also going to involve the entire body for the teen. Hence, it is, by default, a nuclear-scaled experience.
And this is why it is so important for adolescent boys to have an older, trusted male in their corner to help them put proper words to what they're experiencing and why (especially when unexpected bodily fluids start showing up).
And yes, even if they enjoy masturbating whilst wearing their mother's high heels.
In closing, what's so very polarizing about Dr. Jocelyn Elders is that as a black female, she actually had the guts to address these topics - for the record - running headlong into political / societal controversy.
Considering that, I have to wonder.
What if she had been a he (Dr. Jock Elders) and preferably white. Would some semblance of a productive dialogue been kickstarted back in 1994?
In closing, shouldn't it be influential men from their positions of power / authority doing this sort of heavy lifting?
For the majority of us had a youthful masturbation experience similar to the one I had with my own dad. Hence, there're bound to be chronic blind spots throughout the manosphere that most of us can relate to.
Why isn't this topic being addressed publicly with some needed care / respect? Particularly considering the ridiculous ease of access to pornographic material that's been part of western culture for decades now.
Enquiring minds want to know.
(& btw, whilst looking back, I wish I too had been wearing my mother's high heels when Robert, Sr. decided to spy, yet again, on me as the overly horny adolescent.)
Thursday, November 23, 2023
What Is The Greatest Gift You've Given Your Wife?
Engineered heat sinks are typically bulky and not at all very aesthetically pleasing, therefore they have to be discreetly positioned within the device in order to not draw unnecessary attention away from the whole. When they're doing their job well, the machine can run at maximum efficiency, performing remarkable work whilst being protected from the inevitable but deadly waste heat.
That being said, Earth's oceans are a God-designed heat sink. They do their job by absorbing radiant heat from sunlight throughout the day whilst slowly radiating that absorbed heat energy into the atmosphere during the evening. This oceanic heat absorption / release cycle is paramount to regulating Earth's weather patterns whilst also allowing our planet to benefit so fully from unencumbered sunlight as it spins away on its axis.
-------------------------
Not long after Angie and I were married (27.5 years ago), we agreed to participate within an evangelism education program at First Baptist Church Jackson (where we were church members). The 8–12-week program met on a weekday night, and after sharing a meal / listening to the evening's evangelism training lesson, teams of three set out into the city of Jackson to evangelize. Because our church was as large as it was, there was usually a plethora of recent church visitors who were our first targets.
I distinctly remember my team visiting a soon to be divorced young wife and her two children. She was beautiful yet obviously very stressed, sitting there perched on the edge of the stylishly upholstered couch cushion within her family's sizable northeast Jackson home. Everything about her telegraphed the stress of her still new reality. It was unmistakable and very unsettling to observe. From the way her eyes darted around her living room to how she nervously reigned in her restless (& soon to be somewhat fatherless) elementary-age children. It was as if she had been a victim of such the unexpected trauma (which she had), and as a result, everything looking ahead had a deep-seated brokenness framing it.
I came away horrified at how powerless I was to this woman's woundedness, having never in a million years expecting to be faced with such the despairing situation during a routine church follow-up. I cannot stress enough the awkwardness between our evangelism team (of three) and this smoldering heap of hopelessness of a human being, during those few minutes. For it was literally off the charts.
-------------------------
I first befriended my wife when we were in high school. She was an overweight, overly dolled up (cosmetics) porcelain doll of a girl with enough black head hair to easily manufacture three wigs with. Angie was terribly shy yet so very intelligent / articulate (when she would actually speak). Whenever I found myself with her (which wasn't very often), I always attempted to make her as comfortable as I possibly could. And usually, that involved me attempting to inject humor into both the situation we found ourselves within along with the dialogue.
Angie was naive but only because of her upbringing. Her parents were much older (20+ years) than most girls her age, and overall, they were prudish to a fault.
Eventually, she broke free of most everything I've described here (related to her childhood) by attending college far enough from Jackson, Mississippi that she was essentially given the opportunity to reset her entire existence.
Nonetheless, one absolute treasure that came about, in spite of her stifled upbringing, was the emotional counterbalance she naturally developed with her father. For were it not for that, she and I would not be married today.
-------------------------
"I can no longer trust him with my feelings."
This mantra is often repeated like a drumbeat within the minds of scorned wives / girlfriends. For no matter what her man did to warrant this statement, once it's concretized within her mind, it's often a point of no return.
So, what does that statement actually mean? Never - under any circumstances - would a husband / boyfriend be inclined to say this about his woman.
"I can no longer trust her with my feelings."
-------------------------
Women crave security from their man just as men crave respect from their woman. And that security extends to providing her with a means to contextualize / organize / engage with the vernacular of her (specific) real-time emotions. And he doesn't have to be physically present for this to occur. Not at all. But he must be emotionally compatible therein and have made (some sort of) a commitment to that compatibility being used to her / their benefit.
On the flipside of that process, most men (husbands / boyfriends) naturally reciprocate / counterbalance this "heat sink" role via sexual intercourse.
In essence, the notion is that once he's reached a certain emotional capacity, he uses that reserve to perform sexually. Therein naturally releasing that excess via coitus before the process starts all over again.
This is why so many marriages fail as a result of adultery, if you follow this logic. For it signifies that the husband has found someone else who's just as (if not moreso) compatible as the wife once was. As a result, the marriage appears to be an outdated one (not unlike a high mileage machine).
-------------------------
In closing, this compatibility truly is something special when it's discovered. And, oh my goodness, does it drive women crazy when it's first set in motion (dating). Hence, the reason fornication is so prevalent (easy for guys to seduce towards) early into a relationship. For these ladies are experiencing an incredibly optimized state of being during those initial romantic days. It truly is being fully alive for them whilst radically buttressing their man's ego throughout.
-------------------------
When Angie was in the rehabilitation hospital in Jackson, post stroke (2020), I was so thankful to be allowed to have dinner with her every day in spite of the COVID-19 visitation restrictions. Whilst looking back, I'm still unsure as to how this accommodation was made for us. Nevertheless, whenever I'd show up after work, there'd be an extra plate of hospital food waiting for me.
Oftentimes, I'd wheel her down to floor three, and we'd enjoy our dinner out-of-doors on the covered patio overlooking the adjacent (under construction) children's hospital wing there at University Medical Center. She'd recount the therapy sessions she'd experienced during her day, and we'd chitchat about the girls / my work. But I could feel her during those moments, so very efficiently, using me for her own emotional good. For there was so much emotional energy within her - both positive and negative - during this trying time.
-------------------------
In conclusion, if your marriage is healthy, you're very likely married to a woman who had a father who demonstrated a proper compatible male / female emotional relationship. From there, she grew to become a woman and eventually found a similar compatibility in you. BE THANKFUL FOR THIS.
The beauty of all this is in how effortless it operates within the relationship. For it's God's beautiful, perfect design.
As such, it should be cherished, protected, regaled.
Happy Thanksgiving 2023!
|
Wednesday, November 22, 2023
Tuesday, November 21, 2023
Dr. Addison's Reverse-Engineered (Holy Spirited) Catfishing
My sixth grade Sunday School teacher at First Baptist Church Jackson was an up-and-coming local attorney. He had a beautiful young family (wife / two elementary-age children), and they lived not too far from where we reside today.
This man was an only child (if I remember correctly) who was reared exclusively by his mother. And, oh my goodness, did he ever love his mother relative to the single-parenting duties she'd endured (he reminded us most every week of the arduous task she endured therein).
Up to this point in my childhood, I remember little of my Sunday School teachers / coursework. And I believe that's because I didn't attend regularly enough for proper memories to crystallize.
I believe Sunday School attendance became more of a priority for our family - around my sixth-grade year - due to my father being ordained a deacon (at FBCJ) around this same time (1985). For deacons are expected to fully commit to church attendance for themselves and their families.
-------------------------
There were only 5-6 of us boys (no girls allowed in this particular class) who regularly attended this sixth-grade Sunday School class, and it was only because we had no other choice. Those who did have a choice attended only once before never returning.
Dr. Addison (as we covertly salutationed him) was incredibly earnest and so very hellbent to make a distinct spiritual impression on each of us boys. Whilst looking back, I can appreciate that, but his heavy handedness / dourness was always too much for us preadolescent children to endure.
For example, at the very beginning of the "school year", he announced that we'd each be expected to submit a paper - on a predetermined theological topic - at some fixed point during the spring. Each of these papers would then be adjudicated, and the winner would receive - wait for it - an NIV Study Bible! Too, he'd on occasion have us boys pray quietly there at our stackable chair - down on our knees. Each of us would place our '80s freshly blow-dried hair into our hands (elbows supported via the plastic seat), and with our eyes closed, quietly recite our verbiage to God (until given the go-ahead to get back up).
In short, every 45-minute Sunday School class was militantly executed by a man who had not one iota of fun / humor within his staunch makeup. And we, do doubt, were the absolute wrong audience for this. Yet, we were stuck with this dude at the outset of each and every Lord's Day.
-------------------------
Around Thanksgiving of that year (1985), on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, Dr. Addison had us meet him at his abode with a grocery bag of predetermined (list) food items in hand. From there, we prayed together that God would lead us to a needy family to gift these staples to.
After driving a half hour or so into the city, our teacher's SUV pulled into the driveway of a very small, nondescript house in a part of Jackson that I'd never been to. From there, Dr. Addison knocked on the door beneath the carport before stepping inside to (seemingly) explain our serendipitous intentions. Around 5-10 minutes later, he returned to his idling vehicle full of sixth-grade boys to retrieve the collective goods. I remember sitting quietly there within the back seat with the others who'd come along, all the while feeling excited yet strange as this took place.
-------------------------
Eventually, our surprisingly happy teacher returned to the driver's seat, having delivered all of the grocery sacks, before we sped away. But this was without any of us boys having the opportunity to visit with (or even be introduced to) our now bequeathed, needy Jacksonian family.
It was during our return trip to the suburbs that our devout leader divulged that God had miraculously led us to his maid's home for these non-perishables to be delivered / gifted to for the holiday season.
Let me repeat that:
It was during our return trip to the suburbs that our devout leader divulged that God had miraculously led us to his maid's home for these non-perishables to be delivered / gifted to for the holiday season.
I was too young, naive and intimated to question Dr. Addison's sincerity here. In fact, as a 12-year-old boy, I bought it hook, line & sinker. And I believe my peers did the same.
Whilst looking back, I have to wonder what his intentions / motivations truly were.
Monday, November 20, 2023
Saturday, November 18, 2023
Even When The Glass Partition Is Removed, It Can Take A Sizable Amount Of Time To Muster The Emotional Courage To Swim Outside Of Its Familiar Boundary.
Firstly, I want to encourage you, dear reader, to take a few minutes today to memorialize (those which you can recall) the men who've advocated for you in the past. Perhaps it was a peer or someone older / wiser, but in lieu of dismissing / looking down on you, they did the opposite.
When I was a junior at Mississippi State ('92-'93), I once again (third year) lived within the dormitory (Evans Hall) with a potluck roommate. This man was at least ten years my senior, having served in the military - active duty - for a number of years. Steve was immediately identifiable as cold hearted and jaded. He seemingly felt slighted by most everyone around him (including God). And above all else, he loathed Christianity. Hence, he was friendless and estranged overall from his devout family. If I could use one modern-day phrase to describe this man, it would be slow burn.
It was via this matchup that I truly learned to lay low around another man (outside of my immediate family) for Steve made me feel anxious whilst in his presence, considering his consistently dark moods.
Across the suite from our room was another older student, and this man too was honorably discharged active-duty military. I recall too that throughout the majority of that year, he was without a roommate. Potluck roommate, Steve, and this about-the-same-age man (we'll call him Frank) were friendly, and I just always assumed it was due to their shared military resumes.
The remaining two suite dorm rooms were occupied by guys that refused to even be polite. Inevitably, I'd run into them within the bathroom / shower at the end of the hall, but I'd might as well have been invisible. Hence, I reflected / projected just as much indifference in response.
Considering just how diminutive / odd-man-out I found myself feeling, I remember vividly how Frank chose to engage with me during the sporadic times we'd encounter each other there within that soulless, bunker-like building.
-------------------------
A huge paradigm shift has occurred within my vocational circumstance. This shift has been anticipated for years, and as such, throughout the majority of 2023, much behind-the-scenes work (thanks be to God for my CPA wife) has been done to see it through. Now that it's accomplished, and various players (family members) have been "reassigned" accordingly as a result, I'm now finding myself struggling to "swim free".
And I know that's due to how blithely transactional this shift has been framed as. To the point that it's beginning to make me question my own emotional vitals.
For this is my now upended reality in contrast to the last ten years.
-------------------------
When I was in middle school ('86-'88), I took Shotokan karate classes two days a week at a northeast Jackson aerobics studio (which my mom happened to be employed at). My Sensei, Mr. Terry Vandeventer, advocated for me like nobody's business, and I loved that (in spite of me feeling undeserving). Throughout those few years, I tended to be one of the oldest boys in his class, yet I was the least confident in my physical self / ability.
Mr. Vandeventer's class consisted of an hour on Tuesday afternoons (4 PM - 5 PM) practicing technique / katas, and an hour on Thursday afternoons sparring (against each other). I privately loathed sparring, though I realized that I was the exception out of the other boys within our class.
What eventually motivated me to quit the class was a neighbor boy (he lived behind us) of mine who also decided to join in the karate fun. This punk had always been extremely intimidating to young Rob, and he therefore used that intimidation to his advantage.
One Thursday, I was paired up with this kid, and he wailed on me throughout our 10-minute sparring match. It was humiliating and profoundly stigmatizing. As a result, within just a few weeks, I hung up my Gei for good, much to the chagrin of Mr. Vandeventer.
-------------------------
I remember discovering that Frank was a runner by listening in on an exchange between he and Steve. This surprised me for two reasons. Firstly, we were full-time college students (who makes time to exercise - particularly running - in college?*), and secondly, Frank was far more muscular than what I'd considered at the time to be an ideal "runner's build".
Now, let me expound on Frank's physicality. Being around the age of 30, this stallion of a man had the body of an Army Ranger. In fact, though I wasn't privy to what an Army Ranger was at the time, it wasn't hard for me to imagine him being within some sort of elite military unit. I'd never seen a man with so little body fat combined with such muscular bulk. That combined with his incredibly handsome face (he sported a dapper mustache that fit perfectly therein) made him almost impossible to not envy / admire to some degree.
Frank wasn't one to see and be seen, but when he was, I couldn't help but take notice. Especially when he was semi-nude (community bathroom). Too, he was usually wearing a thin gold necklace. That too looked great on him, fitting perfectly into his very uniquely masculine physique.
Lastly, if I remember correctly, Frank had no shortage of body hair, particularly on his chest and stomach. As such, it's location / thickness only served to amplify his build / enhance his looks.
*The Sanderson Center had yet to be constructed on MSU's campus.
-------------------------
This past Friday afternoon (yesterday), I yet again head butted against my spontaneously reactionary familial rival (who's 19-years my senior). As such, I felt deeply maligned to even consider moving out from this "invisibly cage-like" corner. From there, I cautiously reacted by looping in my closest ally. And it's important to know that by deeply maligned, I'm referring to behavior / tone / beliefs that were completely off the chart from the customary pettiness.
I'm still shaken. All the while attempting to keep myself calm enough to remember that I truly did nothing wrong via acting the part of my new ownership position.
-------------------------
The very last day I attended Mr. Terry Vandeventer's Shotokan karate class happened to fall on a Thursday (sparring day). It was during this class that our respected Sensei shockingly volunteered himself to spar with neighbor punk. It was then, right before everyone's eyes, that he put a vengeful ass whooping on this kid.
For every slick move neighbor punk would attempt, Mr. Vandeventer would counter by barreling through. As such, it was his lightening quick reflexes and almost psychic-like reflexive instinct that were no match for neighbor punk.
For we all were witnessing a high-level black belt up against a cocky peon.
Unfortunately, although I greatly appreciated this not-so-subtle theatrics, it wasn't enough to convince me to stay. For neighbor punk's audacity and confidence were far too overwhelming for Rob. It was as if there literally wasn't enough oxygen in the room for me to breathe with when he was present.
-------------------------
Frank always spoke to me respectfully when I ran into him there within the dorm suite. At times even, I vividly remember him seeming genuinely happy to encounter me. As such, I felt as if he could sense how (yet again) stigmatized I felt there amongst his larger-than-college-life physical self. In fact, I would go so far as to say that he may very well have taken my homosexual attraction towards him into consideration, yet despite this, worked that much harder to make me as comfortable as he could.
This was the very first one-on-one private, personal adult male encounter (Rob too as an ALMOST adult) where I felt as if I either wasn't ignored, shunned, or ridiculed outright. It was indeed significant.
Hence, this only amplified the beauty - in my eyes - of this glorious man. This man whose minute gestures made such a lasting impact on me during one of the most trying living situations that I'd encountered up to that point.
-------------------------
What's the lesson here?
Terry Vandeventer and Frank continue to support / validate me. Their memory shines light during the most frustrating of times (now).
There's no doubt in my mind that I will experience blue ocean eventually. For I will someday be granted the strength to leave behind this gosh awful present-day corner behind forever. Until then, I will relish these memorials from my past.
Friday, November 17, 2023
"Rob, I'm Concerned About Our Mutual Friend. It's Obvious That He's Setting Himself Up For Failure."
I've received two telephone calls regarding this. And YES, my old friend's recent statements / position (via hearsay) do sound concerning, but I'm not going to spend any energy researching it for myself.
Why?
Because I've seen this pattern with him numerous times before (we've known each other for over 15 years).
And that's the differentiator. Had there not been a precedent(s), I would immediately speak up.
-------------------------
When I was a boy, I distinctly remember my aunt regularly calling our house late into the evening to ask my father to go retrieve her husband (my dad's oldest brother / my uncle) from the local watering hole. These calls would often come around 11 PM or after, and the next day, I would sometimes ask my mom about it. Eventually though, I stopped asking due to the fact that they became so routine.
This happened for a number of years until my uncle became unemployed due to health issues. From there, he'd drink at home during the day. I distinctly recall stopping by his duplex back in 1993 in order to drop off a paperback copy of The Firm. For the film by the same name had just been released, and I thought he might enjoy reading it. When he came to the door, I could smell the alcohol on him. Within just a few minutes, he passed out there in his small living room, falling to the carpeted floor like a sack of concrete mix. Afterwards, I made a discreet exit after leaving the paperback on the coffee table.
I never returned to his abode until I was asked to assist in relocating he and his wife out and into an apartment not far from this location (decades into the future).
-------------------------
Past personal struggles with chronic sexual sin, particularly regarding pastors, can result in men like Mr. Nate Larkin. Men who write tomes which serve foundationally as the cornerstones of recovery ministries.
Sometimes therapists are borne out of this. Take Mr. Jeff Schulte of Tin Man Ministries (Jeff served as a keynote speaker at the 2019 National Samson Society Retreat).
But these are exceptions. Mostly, men with this story should simply move into personal recovery exclusively versus attempting to pivot their pastoral "calling" towards a public-facing attempt (either for or nonprofit) to assist others with their sexual sin.
Why?
IT TAKES A MASSIVE AMOUNT OF HUMILITY, AND I WOULD ARGUE, MOST PASTORS DON'T HAVE A TRULY HUMBLE BONE IN THEIR BODIES.
Hence, they simply resort to pulling a Jim Bakker. And that's so pathetically sad.
Thursday, November 16, 2023
"I Found Jesus In Prison..." Ethan #18
"For it is true, we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so, it's those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love them completely without completely understanding."
Norman Maclean ~ A River Runs Through It
"The No Bull Briefing" - November 2023
|
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)