Failure is still a pathway to winning. So many times I’ve heard stories of successful people having had to suffer many things in order to find success. There’s no doubt suffering is a major part of the human experience. But in my life I spent so many years struggling and feeling like a big fat loser that once success started showing up in my life, it felt foreign to me.
I grew up very poor and was the 11th of 12 kids in my family. Needless to say, I learned the art of being content early on in life. From there, I was out on my own by 17, taking on the world as a very naive and uncultured country boy from WV. I’ll never forget how amazed I was when I started working on the road and traveling to major cities. Not to mention that first time at the beach at 18. I had so much to EXPERIENCE, yet all the while, I was as blind as a bat to the effects my childhood trauma was having on me as a young adult. From there, I spent the meat of my adult life (+/-20 years) as a bull in a china shop, attempting to rear my children in spite of my two divorces in tandem with a host of failed romantic relationships. For many years my life just felt like one failure after another. And this was especially true when the third divorce came knocking at my door.
Ultimately, never did I think I would ever be as happy and secure in my skin as I am now.
I can remember the very first time I realized my compulsive behavior and dysfunction was no longer running my life. It was like I had lost part of my identity. It was comparable to the relief one feels when the neighborhood bully moves away. I felt free for the first time in a very long time. There was finally hope for me. Hope that perhaps my gifts and talents wouldn't go to waste. Today, I'm many years beyond that and experiencing success on levels I could have never dreamed. Nonetheless, it just feels weird.
In conclusion, I keep waiting for the bubble to pop. As a result, I struggle to let go of the assumption that disaster may very well be waiting around the corner of every decision I make. As such, this is my reality.
I’ve learned, just in the past couple of years, that it’s okay to win. And that NOT EVERY WIN WILL BE FOLLOWED BY DISASTER. I’m extremely thankful to be free of that pessimistic outlook. Specifically, God has established me at the table of my enemies more times than I can count. I’m so grateful and blessed that he loved me enough to challenge me to grow beyond my narrow vision of life. I am nothing without him, and all glory belongs to him and him alone. He’s sent so many people across my path that initially seemed suspect in their motives, but eventually played a vital role in my maturing forward.
Nothing irrigates the ground of growth like a storm, and God knows I’ve weathered my share of those. But I am still here! Still holding my head high. And yes, I still do have problems, but now I have healthy coping skills in place to navigate this rollercoaster we call life. I'm convinced that health and success are available to anyone brave enough to walk on the hot coals of personal growth and self-inventory, accepting the hardships of being sifted like wheat and refined in the refiner's fire.
It’s not a road for the faint of heart. The strong grow, and the weak self-medicate via the low hanging fruit of self-gratification. All the right choices are on the table in front of us every day. It’s up to us to choose our pathway, no one is coming to make those choices for us. And we all live by the choices we make.
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