September 28, 2014
Here’s what I want today:
1. - No more Shame or Guilt. Shame for being same sex attracted – I want it [shame] to go, especially knowing I had nothing to do with it. Guilt for being fired from DSU – That was
over a year ago, & it happened outside the boundaries of reasonability (not
my exclusive opinion). I want it [shame] gone. It doesn’t belong here. Shame & Guilt for being addicted to gay
porn – I don’t want to deal with that anymore!
It feeds off of [emphasis mine] my same sex attraction for pete’s sake! I don’t allow myself to have sex with men,
therefore I want to use gay porn to create a virtual circuit. All that’s understandable. I’ve moved on knowing how foolish utilizing
gay porn really is. Shame for being an
illegitimate child – I had no control over that! Guilt over my Mother’s infidelity – I don’t
want that anymore. I’ve forgiven her. Shame over my Father’s emotional retardation
– I want that to cease. I cannot change
Bob or Darlene.
2. - No more worries about my vocation. Right now, I’m in counseling with Dad and
that’s only due to the fact that I’m employed by him. It’s the only leverage I have with him at
this point. The counseling is with Don
Waller who is awesome. We’re beginning
to scratch the surface of our broken relationship. My Dad will let me know where and when to do
what needs to be done regarding my job.
3. - To love myself.
My body – as is. My mind, my soul
– all of it. To no longer see myself as
anything other than loved and FORGIVEN by Christ exactly as I’m am.
4. - To enjoy life again. To have fun and anticipate. To serve. To recognize Providence and allow it to wash over me daily.
No comments:
Post a Comment