All of us, at one time or another, entered into this journey we call recovery. We arrived at different times in our lives and under different circumstances, but we are here. But what does the recovery journey look like?
Thankfully we have the musings of Nate, Aaron and others on the Pirate Monk Podcast to help us consider how we can struggle well as we seek healing in our behavior and our hearts. But for those who are just getting started,
or have lost their way along the journey, here are a few ideas about how to structure our lives as as we seek to recover from the brokenness of the past:
Community - The first place I found a safe and accepting group of men was during a men’s retreat in April 2012. I grew up the church and learned well how to play the religious game. On the outside I was a saint, but in my soul,
I was ashamed of my sin. There was no safe place to take this shame, until my experience with male community. The freedom that I found there to be myself, without fear of shame or rejection, was exhilarating. (I hope all of you have had that experience.) After
that retreat I thought I was healed — but that was just a feeling. What I missed in that first experience that I have since learned is that connection is not only the place we get well, but the place we stay well. I am responsible for my own life, but I cannot
live as God intended alone. I need the fellowship of others help me own my journey. That is why many find the community at weekly Samson meetings so helpful.
Vulnerability - Growing up in a broken home, I was desperate for people to see me. I would do or say almost anything to get the approval of others. (That included lying to make my life look more significant — a habit I took
into adulthood at great cost.) And while I longed to be known, I was never truly vulnerable. Would I overshare? Yes. Was I needy? Of course. But the truth was that while I longed for others to know me, I did not know myself. My efforts to be seen were a coping
mechanism for a deeper wound. I wanted to be loved, just for who I was. It was not until I learned the value of being vulnerable in a safe place that I truly experienced love. As I share my broken parts, sometimes in detail, with another man who empathizes
with me and reflects God’s love back to me, a little part of that lonely boy is healed. This happens over and over again as I sit with men on the recovery journey. And the more vulnerable I am, the more strength I have to walk the path. Jesus said that, not
me.
Structure - I love to fly by the seat of pants. Things just seem more fun that way. I know there are many who are terrified by that idea. But that’s how I roll. And that’s also how I struggle. Without structure in my life, I
am prone to rationalizing my behavior, falling into destructive habits and overall wasting my time. I thought that getting a fulfilling job, or getting married, would give me the structure I needed stop my porn problem. I was wrong. Not that responsibilities
and relationships aren’t helpful in some way. But they are only helpful after I learn to establish healthy structures in my personal life. Nate shared recently about the structures his sponsor encouraged him to begin as he sought to walk his recovery
journey. Keep a hour-by-hour schedule, vigorous exercise, self reflection through journaling, the daily phone call to a Silas, were all healthy habits he began when he got serious about recovery. I know in my efforts to ‘fix myself’ I never developed structures
like that in my personal life. I am finding them so helpful now, not only in recovering myself, but also in staying sober.
A final note on sobriety (a topic of discussion I hope you have had in your group) — it is impossible to maintain sobriety without recovery. Sure, you can ‘white knuckle’ your sobriety for a while, but the underlying habits
and beliefs that lead to your addictive behavior are still there. Without walking the path of recovery, the old demons that lead to your struggle will inevitably return. We need a new way of living, a way of grace and the gospel of Jesus Christ, in order to
heal. I pray you have begun to experience that in your recovery journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment