"What will people think?"

Realistically speaking, they're not going to spend any length of time sizing up your situation because, like yourself, they spend 99.9% of their time consumed with themselves.

Therefore, go ahead and invest in your passions, speak up about the hard subject matters, pursue unrealistic milestones, and involve yourself with people that you'll likely never truly become completely comfortable with.

The Enemy's lie is that your value / security is somehow vested in others' opinion of you.  That's ridiculous.  Your value is in Christ through his atonement and grace, but too, your primary focus as a Christian should be on the value you place on God himself and your knowledge / faith in him.

If you must be concerned with what someone thinks of you, consider being obedient to God, and pray that everyone around will follow suit...if they do choose to notice you.

$ clip

During the era of '80s excess, a trend in men's accessories was the infamous money clip.  Oftentimes it was fabricated from heavy gauge sheet metal.  The ones I remember were brass or stainless steel.  Money clips were an unnecessary, ostentatious way to carry cash around in your pants pocket in lieu of keeping it (or all of it) in your wallet.  From there, at a point of purchase, you'd be given the opportunity to remove your money clip from your pocket, displaying those folded greenbacks to whomever was there to see, prior to paying up.

Money clips didn't function without a fairly thick wad of cash on hand.  It wasn't like you could only clip one single bill in place.  Typically, the design of the clip was such that it was really only suitable for 3/8" to 1/4" of folded currency.

Within the 2019 world we live in, we as men are no less considered worthwhile or valued by how much cash we have on hand at any given moment.  Hence, so many guys pursue monetary wealth with a vengeance, doing anything they can to earn as much as quickly as possible.  From there, they fall in line with our western culture which demands that we use a large quantity of that wealth - not to give, but to consume for ourselves as if the supply of cash will surely never run out!

Our entertainment - Internet, TV is financially underwritten by the advertisement industry.  The majority of those ads are designed to coerce us to believe in the ridiculousness that I've described above.

It's an endless loop of easy to swallow lies if you bookmark it up against Scripture, therefore it is a hugely successful distraction to men everywhere.  But especially to men who are looking to follow Christ.

So...

Keeping that money clip well stocked takes a lot of work.  Work that's futile and oftentimes reprehensible in God's eyes because it's stealing precious, finite energy away from sanctification.  Sanctification is the process that God takes men through to become more like Christ, and never, under any circumstance, has this process been achieved overnight.

Christian men should be concerned about their biggest problem:  sin, if they're being sanctified.

No, you won't receive a sin statement in the US mail each month as you do for the earnings you've received within your bank account.  In fact, you don't need one.  You're smart enough to know where you're compromising and how long it's been going on.  And of course, God knows too.

Jesus said, "Sell everything and give to the poor.  Then follow me."

In other words, prioritize your soul over everything else, prior to allowing the faith imbued within you to point the way forward.  That's the truth relative to what this life is all about.

Arrogance deterrent / Humility Safe House

If you're interested in being a part of a community of men where arrogance is hard pressed to rear its ugly head, consider Samson Society.

We're no doubt all sinners, therefore our pride won't be fully defeated 'till we meet Jesus.  Nonetheless, Samson Society serves as a powerful antibody to this particular sin.

There is no rank in Samson Society.  No hierarchy whatsoever.  There's not an appointed leader in sight, therefore what we as men typically utilize to impress or gloat with, doesn't hold water.

There are doctors, lawyers, engineers, architects, ditch diggers, pharmacists, mechanics, school teachers, etc. that take part, but none of these titles mean anything within.

Within Samson Society, you're valued and respected simply by showing up and taking part because everyone knows that doing so took effort on your part, and that effort was fueled by a need to offer / find support relative to whatever situation you might find yourself in.

Short circuiting our tendencies toward codependent friendships

Ms. Rosario Butterfield is one of my favorite people.  I heard her speak a few years back at First Presbyterian Church here in Jackson, MS.  She's articulate and doesn't shy away from topics that can be quite politically incorrect to argue for / against.

But, when you search Scripture as diligently as she has, with that research in tow, her commentary  rings true with much practicality.

My very first authentic friendship with another man - that truly began to point me towards Christ - was one that was very, very long distance.  My friend was in Australia and I was here, and we corresponded electronically for about 18 months.  His story was strikingly similar to my own, and due to the strength and encouragement our friendship gave me, I began to open up to other Christian men here in the Jackson metro.  That opened my eyes to how incredible it was to obtain authentic friendships amongst men - especially men who were already somewhat physically present (church, neighbors, work) within my life.

This truly was a jumping off point for me.

One of the local men I befriended as a result of this newfound freedom was living a particularly thorny existence.  There was all kinds of behind the scenes activity complicating things immensely within his life.  I knew this immediately as he was brave enough to be absolutely transparent with me.  But unfortunately, at that time, there was no Samson Society (at least here locally) for either of us to situate ourselves as Christian brothers within, therefore we clung to each other platonically for support.

Eventually, I unintentionally skewered the friendship as a result of my wanting to bring into our circle other men whom might also walk beside both of us together.  In other words, I took the step of disclosing some things about my friend to some of our mutual friends in hopes he would yield to my concern that we simply shouldn't be walking with this much baggage on our own.  And to be more specific, these other men were pastors, therefore they were perfectly suited to shore up our community of two - even if it was only from a distance.

Ms. Butterfield walked away from a homosexual lifestyle prior to becoming a Christian.  She's written a number of books that chronicle her journey.  No doubt her experience there gives her insight into codependency.

I have been involved in our local Samson Society ministry for close to 5 years and have befriended countless men as a result.  What gives me resolve and peace of mind more than anything else is knowing firsthand how unworkable long-term co-dependent friendships really are due to the fact that I've tried to make them work.  What I've found is men need a community of men.  Jesus gathered his disciples, and they walked together.  Yes, there were certainly his favorites who were in on some matters that others weren't, but overall, it wasn't Jesus and one or two other men - all the time.

I really, really like this model from a pragmatic standpoint, and find much peace knowing that it's scriptural.  The icing on the cake is the fact that Samson Society falls in line with that model perfectly.

Lagniappe

Unanswered letter

Yesterday, I visited the grave of a friend from college.  I did an Internet search a few weeks back, only to shockingly find his obituary.  In the past 18 to 24 months, I'd found evidence online that his life had taken a very dark turn.  From there, I reached out in desperation, but my letter was unanswered.

The letter detailed my own authentic story and served to introduce my friend to Samson Society.

Now, as of last November, my friend is dead.  He was 46 (my age).

As I stood there over the mound of dirt, I felt as if I'd failed my friend.  Especially as it relates to our college days.  I remember vividly how overwhelmed I was by him, having never met someone with such charisma and zeal for life.  Unfortunately, back then in 1991, I found myself discreetly backing away, citing (internal) exhaustion.  But that was a lame excuse.  What truly motivated me was selfishness.  I simply didn't want to be bothered by his unique, effervescent, highly volatile personality.  Looking back, I regret abandoning him.  Especially now that he's dead and buried.

I wonder if he actually received my letter from a year or so ago, and if he did, what he thought about it.  Did he despise me for such tardy care and concern?

I now have even more resolve to be intentional as a men's minister.  Know this, as a Christian man, you're no less qualified than I to do the same.

Keep sending those letters - tardy or not.  I know I sure am.

"Are you staying busy?"

An old friend, whom I hadn't seen in some time, asked me this question earlier this week.

For anyone who's male and working full-time here in America, this is an age-old adage.  Though it's framed as a question, it's a rhetorical one, therefore I see it as an adage.  If you were to unwrap the question prior to reframing it, you'd end up with:

Life is a rat race, and if you're not with the program (in the race), I can't relate to you.

Men should not be lazy, but a rat race isn't what God called men to.  Instead, Christ modeled intentionality with his time / motivations.

When you strength train or run or participate in any high intensity exercise program, you're intentional about it.  If you participate in a Bible study or read a novel, you're intentional about it.  If you dedicate yourself to a community of men, you're intentional about it.  It has nothing to do with the rat race.

Being intentional takes the race out of the equation and puts God's priorities first.  God wants nothing more than for men to glorify Him.

That's impossible to accomplish without a clear mindset towards intentionality.

Exposing sin / temptation within Christian community

As Christian men, we're constantly battling our propensity to sin.  For many men, their method of coping with this pull is to ignore it.

Sin is an unrighteous solution to some form of fleshly desire.  Christians are filled with the Holy Spirit as God's children, therefore there's definitive knowledge of righteous living that's available from the inside out.

Despite that knowledge, there's always a choice to be made as to whether sin is to be participated in.  Whether it's deep inside one's mind or fully engaged with another individual.

Take for example, the fleshly desire to feel secure and safe.  That desire can be placated in innumerable ways via sin, and of course, our pagan culture is here to assist!

Out of sin grows shame.  At first, this is healthy shame, but once a man engages in chronic sin, the shame itself can become the problem due to the fact that it cultivates the "rationale" to isolate oneself.

Have you ever seen an animal who's been physically abused?  Say, a dog?  These pets tend to behave very differently than their healthier cohorts.  I don't know if an animal can feel shame, but abused animals certainly know what it feels like to experience fear based on their circumstance.  And when those feelings consume the natural identity within that animal, certain behaviors emerge that prove the animal's true identity has been compromised.

I clearly remember the first day I walked into a Samson Society meeting back in 2014 at First Baptist Church, Jackson.  The shame relative to my sin was immense!  It was as if my entire identity in Christ had been hijacked.

Now, too, I brought to the Samson table a boatload of worthlessness.  Worthlessness that I'd wrestled with since I was a boy.  Again, this worked against my true identity as a believer.

Jesus lived within a community of men as he ministered here on Earth.  We see that chronicled within the gospels, and I believe that setting fostered his ability to be in perfect communion with his true identity as the Messiah despite the fact that he was also 100% fully human.  Of course, Jesus didn't sin.  Instead, he looked to his Heavenly Father to fulfill every desire he had.  But, Jesus was tempted to sin, therefore he understood how pursuant to a resolve sin can look to be when men desire.

Stating firsthand one's goal to fulfill every desire in Christ / Father God certainly sounds admirable, but how do we model that today? 

For Rob, Samson Society is a clearinghouse that provides me with platonic support in the midst of this pursuit.  All manner of men are involved, and each speaks from his place in life as a bachelor, husband, father, brother, son, and so forth.  From there, inevitably, dialogue involving temptation and sin occurs, and it's kept in strictest confidence.  Every man who's willing to participate is warmly accepted.  None are shirked or shunned so long as they bring their authentic selves.

This is what Jesus' disciples modeled for us.

Were they perfect in their community?  Of course not.  But, they were far better off walking alongside each other than on their own.

What's been made of my shame?  Today, it's in proper proportion to my identity in Christ.  In other words, it's healthy shame.  Which means, I can actually learn from it versus being defined by it.  Plus, I better understand now my desires, thanks to my involvement in Samson Society, and this in itself has given me insight into the intentional need to seek fulfillment of those desires in ways that please my Heavenly Father / align with his will.

For everyone who knows me, I relish the opportunity to talk about my sin / past failings.  It's never been a waste of my time to bring failures into the light nor the continued draw towards unrighteousness in all its many shapes and forms.

I want to be the best man I can be as I serve those around me.  Samson Society promotes that by resisting that god awful worthlessness within a setting that harkens back to the community of Jesus.  Thanks be to God for Samson Society!