When I was a boy (I'm 53), it wasn't unusual for bachelors / divorcees to be roommates. Perhaps they shared a house / apartment. I vividly remember this within the 'hood I grew up within, and I used to think it was very cool. How fun / pragmatic! These were my cursory thoughts, never once looking back in suspicion. What might one suspect?
My how things have changed.
I screened Masters of the Universe Tuesday, (6/16) with two of my girls. The protagonist and his BFF (Earthly roommate) both sport very non-machismo personas. And this point is driven home by their individual interests, personas, the way they dress. All the while, there's no indication whatsoever that they're NOT sexually attracted to the opposite sex (we witness the protagonist on a dinner date). It's just implied that they're two close male friends who're by no means "bros" in today's sense of the word / culture.
Too, these men share / have shared their stories with each other. The film actually makes room for this onscreen. And, of course, Adam's is quite bizarre (& he's quite passionate whilst relaying it to those he cares for).
One of my favorite aspects of the film is that the protagonist never loses his exceedingly non-machismo persona despite the transfiguration that eventually occurs once he's brought back to his home planet. In other words, his physical form / appearance certainly intimidate / represent well his appointed / chosen role yet makes little to no difference as to who he is on the inside as a (He-)man.
The film represents the most earnest guilty pleasure I've experienced in a long time, all the while working overtime to utilize source material (a cartoon / toy line from the '80s) with as much fanboy respect as possible. Recommended screening.
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My Silas and I long to spend time together (shared physical space). We've been walking with each other ever since the tail end of December of '25. What's unique about him is how culturally passionate he is. As a result, physical displays of affection are not an issue. For me, I'm both culturally and intrinsically avoidant of this, particularly considering my sexuality.
All this leads me to the inevitable which is the Samson Summit in October (where he & I will finally meet).
It's going to be very interesting to see how things play out.
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As I've discussed numerous times before...
Years prior to stepping into Samson Society (I attended my first Samson Society meeting in August of 2014), I obtained my first "Silas", and therefore as a result, began experiencing relational accountability (there was a lot about each of us - personal hard wiring - that was similar in tandem with many, many differences). Eventually, I took the initiative to ask him for permission to "demystify" the male physique with him serving as my crash test dummy. Of course, none of these exercises involved either of our genitalia, but nevertheless, the average bro would have been extremely uncomfortable therein.
Throughout this process, it was inevitable that me choosing to ask him permission to go through these exercises (and him agreeing) telegraphed my emotional / sexual confidence for / towards him in a way that would not have been possible otherwise. Why? Men emote via the physical.
And, of course, all of this taught me a great lesson in how important restraint truly can be in demonstrating love for others. In other words, a little can go a long way (after asking permission and putting expectations in place).
In the end, I came away having mentally deconstructed much of the idolism I'd attributed to the masculine male form which then began to crystalize my own (healthy) point of view of myself (as a reference point to everyone else).
These experiences also served to permanently close a door due to what I just described. As a result, my personal growth as a man thankfully hasn't slowed from this singular foundational experience.
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My second architecture firm job (1996) immediately put me in a position, as an intern, to become a mentee of one of my (four) bosses. And I embraced this due to the understood order of that particular profession. Too, I was practically fresh out of school, looking to learn / engage as much as possible (about my profession / myself). What I didn't realize at the time was how broken my boss truly was. For it wasn't long before I'd stepped into my position as his intern that his personal life had completely fallen apart resulting in him being in process rebuilding.
As the years past, I grew more and more uncomfortable with the role I'd been handpicked for, and most of this discomfort centered around my boss' intrinsic priorities as a man (which didn't at all align with me becoming my own man). As such, despite these priorities / values being well hidden / justified to those he engaged with (as was to be expected), they proved his shallowness to young Rob / clearly exposed all the unmet needs (it's important to note that I was ten years his junior).
Year after year (ten years total), I would pull farther and farther away. And my heart would somewhat break as I observed his disappointment therein. When I reached a breaking point, I was actually very close to leaving architecture behind entirely. Whilst looking back, I'm in awe at the ultimate influence he had on how I saw / see that particular career / myself therein.
(At least once a month, I dream about working, once again, for him. When I awake, I tend to exhale at the relief that "it was only a dream".)
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In summary, here's my advice to you:
1. Be yourself. Even if you're called to step into positions that seem better suited for other men. A softer, more tenderhearted approach may very well appeal to you. Don't be ashamed of that.
2. Be upfront with at least one man you believe you can be safe with. This is all hinged on you having specific needs as I did. If that's not the case, honest communication should still be a mainstay between you and those male friends where physical expression of love needs to / can occur to enrich. Communication is a key to success. And yes, honest physical affirmation from male friends can most definitely supplement / replace what may or may not be occurring between you and the Mrs. in the bedroom.
3. Have proof that you're capable of rejecting / decoupling friendship well before moving in this direction. As such, you're likely going to have to move past your "young man years" in order to obtain those credentials / street cred. Discounting a relationship isn't something that comes easily, yet opportunity abounds therein in building the necessary callouses to engage fearlessly - down the road - via the heartfelt platonic pursuit (cynics need not apply).
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