Single Men with Many Sons: How to Be a Spiritual Father | Desiring God
Sunday, November 12, 2023
Friday, November 10, 2023
"Careful In Nothing" - JR Everhart
I’m at a point in my life where there is a long list of things I don’t care about. I’m done climbing career ladders that lead nowhere. I’m careful about who I allow into my world and even more careful what conversations I step into from day to day. The foundation of becoming a healthy actor in life instead of a react-or is understanding that not everything deserves a reaction. I do recognize that I’m a big personality and always have an opinion about just about everything. But at this point in my life, I don’t feel the need to police the world with my thoughts and views. I am who I am, and if you invite me into your conversation and it seems like something worthwhile, we can converse. Otherwise, you’re going to get a short answer, and I’m going to politely fade into the background before disappearing. I just don’t have the energy or desire anymore to weave through people’s opinions and feelings. Here's my mantra: Believe whatever load of bull butter you want to believe. As long as it doesn’t negatively impact me, I’m good. Live and let live!
I just spent the evening at my favorite local sports pub watching the game. Sitting next to me was two guys and one of them thought he was a beer bottle shrink. He was full of horrible advice that was sugar coated with compliments and encouragement. These are the most dangerous people to surround yourself with. It’s like the piped piper feeding you fake encouragement while leading you in the exact opposite direction of healing and restoration. This man seemingly spoke with authority and was really a buzzkill to the whole area of guys just trying to enjoy the game. I had a thousand opportunities to jump in the conversation and steer them in the right direction, but I asked myself why? They were drunk and stroking each other with layers of misguided wisdom, and I just didn’t have it in me to spend three hours unraveling their mountain of dysfunction. Plus - and pay very close attention to this next statement. They weren’t asking me for my help or opinion! Therefore, I just ignored them and made the most of the game and food and went on with my life.
This is acknowledgement of growth for me.
As such, this is what my maturing looks like. Me understanding that not every conversation that crosses my path requires an investment of time and "personal wisdom." I'll say it again: live and let live. Focus on your own issues and live your life. If I had all the time back that I’ve wasted talking to people who were blind to reasonable thinking / deaf to solid advice, I’d be 20 years younger. What I’ve learned is there're people don’t want to grow and heal. Some just want to bellyache and complain about all their problems without ever actually attempting to do anything to fix them.
And our codependent behavior is never going to fix them either. We can desire to see a friend better themselves with every fiber of our being. But if they don’t stand up and start making the proper changes in their lives to do their work, all your desires fail to materialize.
It’s amazing how better my life became when I removed the insanity of trying to fix everybody's everything.
Wednesday, November 8, 2023
Tethered / Untethered
I made a discreet exit Sunday, (11/5) morning from the '23 National Samson Society retreat in anticipation of worshipping at Marshall (TX) EPC church at 10:45 AM. Angie and my youngest daughter were my ride out of Van (Sky Ranch) having spent the majority of the weekend in the Big D. Hence, a plethora of proactive farewells had to ensue in light of this.
Post Presbyterian church service, we had lunch with the pastor and his beautiful family (wife and two preschool children), and I watched in amazement as he (my pastor friend) as the dad, quietly / respectfully parented their 3-year-old son there in the restaurant dining room via his physical presence alone. The boy was - as all boys are - completely captivated by 3-D space (the maze-like restaurant interior). Hence, he simply was naturally compelled to explore it / sensory experience it as he moved around playfully on the tile floor. His dad, my pastor friend, kept one watchful eye on him throughout our verbose dialogue, and when warranted, would relay a direct vocal command or simple finger snap expertly. The boy would respond almost instantaneously to his father's direction with zero protest, having a clear-cut understanding of both his role as the boy (dependent) as well as his father's (parent).
My pastor friend's son was mischievous but not overly. And his exuberance / joy relative to engaging therein was infectious. I found myself in awe of this parenting dance as my friend and I caught up almost seamlessly.
All the while, my pastor friend's daughter (5 to 6 years-old) stayed close to her mom at our dining table as all of this - w/ younger brother - was transpiring. She seemed oblivious to her sibling's exploratory dance as she listened via comfortably situating herself with the adults (and her baby doll).
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Whilst at the 2023 National Samson Society retreat, our neighborhood homeowners' association annual meeting transpired. Hence, I was a no-show.
Two of the current 3-member board of directors are ready to step down, therefore the primary purpose of this meeting was to establish (nominate & vote-in) successors (fresh blood). Because I serve as the nominating chair (having served as HOA board president from 2003-2011), I'd had a letter sent out +/-45 days ago explaining the soon-to-be vacancies to our (81) homeowners.
After arriving home late Sunday, (11/5) evening from our weekend of travel, I felt so grateful to no longer have any direct responsibility to that important administrative group. Hence, I experienced not even the slightest hint of embarrassment having not been available to offer my physical support via being present the day prior.
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This 2023 National Samson Society retreat afforded me the opportunity to volunteer (in advance of my arrival), and I did so relative to the registration table(s). Because I knew well the man who was overseeing this post, helping out was a joy. Plus, seeing the countenances of the hundreds of Samson guys funnel through to register was a delight to behold.
Overall, though, it was incredibly emotionally exhausting. I was there throughout most of the afternoon and evening.
Nonetheless, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
The retreat was so massively influential that I'm still processing everything that went down. From the keynote speaker to the workshops to the rekindling / solidification of friendships. It was a true level up for Rob on all fronts.
Tuesday, November 7, 2023
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