Many years ago, I was running my typical course through the older neighborhoods north of our own when I began to be chased by a large dog. I can't remember if I was training for my first 5K or not. Perhaps. I do know it was early one Saturday morning during the cold (for Mississippi) winter months. Nonetheless, the dog bit me on my left leg at my Achilles' Heel (as I continued on my way), and, as you might imagine, it hurt and frightened me terribly.
As a result, I stopped and followed the dog (after turning to face him for the now second time) back to his home. I was very upset over this, having felt completely violated.
This had never happened to me prior, though I'd run this route many times before. At the time, I wasn't necessarily mad at the dog, but the dog's owner. And that's exactly who I now wanted to have a word with.
After repeatedly ringing the doorbell at the front door of the house where the dog returned, there was no response. So then, I made my way around to the back door. I remember this particular house was built on a lot adjacent to the water, and the house itself, in terms of its design, was quite lovely with its modern design appeal. From there, I started banging (literally) on the back door that was only accessible from the home's rear deck.
And that's when the homeowner opened the door. And what happened next wasn't the least bit expected.
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What I'm going to attempt to provide commentary on here isn't applicable to every man. It's important that I say that upfront.
But, I do believe it's applicable to many men. Too, I believe this commentary is timely considering the new year.
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During January, many men begin to rationalize the notion of leaving their wives / (girl)friends, etc. behind for greener pastures. And not necessarily with anyone else(s) in particular in mind. Their rationale is rooted in the notion of being left to their own devices without having to "put up with" their current significant other(s). And keep in mind here that I'm not just referring to romantic / marriage relationships but platonic ones as well. It's this notion of heading west relationally as a means to define who you are specifically as a man.
Pandora brought this song into my queue recently. It speaks to exactly what I'm referring to here.
Doesn't that look correct? Worthwhile? Meaningful? It really does due to its comedic packaging.
I wonder how many men followed suit after hearing this song play, over and over within their Internet radio's queue. Greener pastures, if you're faithful enough to believe in their eventual surfacing, sure look good, don't they?
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When my mother cheated on my father back in the early '80s, my parents had been married for +/-10 years. She cheated repeatedly with her then boss over a +/-6-month period, yet my dad chose to not divorce my mother once she'd finally quit working for her (much older and more established) lover. Biblically, my father had righteousness on his side had he chosen divorce, yet he chose to stay with my mother instead.
The following 2-3 years were less than ideal for our family, but it's important that you know that prior to that, their marriage had been built on a less than substantial foundation, having been "forced" to marry due to their unexpected pregnancy (me) when they were both in their late teens. Therefore, in many ways, they literally had to reboot the marriage in its entirety at that 10-year mark, or perhaps a better way to frame it would be to start fresh as adults.
I admire my dad, having taken the long view as he did, despite his continued (justifiable?) mistrust towards my mother (that goes on even within the present tense).
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I believe most men can fairly easily toss their "ball and chain" to the curb with little emotional afterthought, especially when they see their idols / ideals do it seemingly with such aplomb. Women aren't so adept at this (though they'd like for us to believe so). And, I believe, (again regarding men) the knack or wherewithal for pulling this off can reinforce / amplify for a guy his potential to "start fresh".
Now back to my original dog stalker story.
The homeowner who opened his back door was a man likely 15 years my senior, and he was stone cold drunk or high (or both) when he did. So much so that he could just barely comprehend any portion of my verbal assault. And like I said, I was really pissed at this point, having never been bitten by a dog whilst running prior.
The man eventually closed the door on me prior to me turning and walking back towards the street still seething.
On days like today, whilst running adjacent to that same route (I don't dare go back through that same 'hood sans a stick), I can't help but think about that guy, wondering all the while why he was inebriated that early on a Saturday morning.
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Who are we as men? Biblically, we're identified right up front as being "not best left to our own devices" (see very early on in the book of Genesis). Jesus brought together twelve distinct disciples to travel with him during his earthly ministry. Even he did not do his work on his own.
Godly men (again, per Scripture) are often seen "putting up" with an awful lot from their spouses. And who can forget one of the clearest statements in the entire Bible (addressing relationships)? "God hates divorce." It literally says that.
So, let's talk divorce for a few minutes prior to wrapping this one up.
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Both architects I worked for within the private sector (as a young man), whilst being both an intern and licensed architect, were divorcees. What was obvious about their second marriages that these employers of mine were partaking in was as follows: it looked to me to be more of a roommate situation than anything else. A convenient assemblage of two people who just happened to be the opposite sex and both divorcees.
And within that arrangement, there's the constant fear of comparison to whomever occupied that same position (boyfriend / girlfriend / husband / wife / friend) in the past. There's no ignoring the fact that it's impossible to outrun a precedent.
And from there, there's the potential for divorce number two. And that's territory you only wish on your worst enemy because everyone knows divorce number two is old hat since you've already traveled that road once before. As such, you then ushering in the bleakest of existences. That being one blanketed in stigma.
Now, I had no interest in knowing the particulars relative to these men's divorces. At the time, I was in my twenties and so very grateful to have employment - fresh out of college. Perhaps the had biblical grounds to divorce. I don't know. What I do know, in light of the point I'm trying to make here, is that their failed marriage made a distinct negative impression on me as their employee, intern, and friend.
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What possesses a man in his forties to be absolutely inebriated at 9 AM on a Saturday morning while his dog chases unsuspecting runners down the street in front of his house?
Most men (including me) need to drop to their knees and thank the good Lord above they're not in that dude's shoes. Left to their own devices.
