Life In The Margins

My great grandmother never obtained a driver's license.  She lived in a 2-bedroom dogtrot house in Humphreys county within the south Delta region of Mississippi.  I remember "Grandma Ray", as everyone called her, as somewhat of a shadow.  Inevitably, she'd walk down to my grandparents' home upon seeing Bob & Darlene's car pass by her own.  I never understood why my 'rents didn't stop to pick her up, but that's neither here nor there.

Her house has long since been demolished, though a few of the enormous pecan trees are still positioned in what was once her front yard.  These trees shaded the porch perfectly, allowing her to swing there most afternoons protected from the heat of the harsh afternoon sun.

Grandma Ray always wore her gray hair short.  Her figure was quite petite, perfectly suited really to her simple knee-length dresses.  And this made her appear much younger than she really was.

Upon arriving at my grandparents' abode (within 15 minutes of our arrival), she'd sit adjacent to the door, never saying a word to anyone.  And this wasn't out of disrespect.  It's just how she operated.  Grandma Ray was an observer, choosing to live her life in that regard.

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As a boy (pre-teen), I was the motor mouth.  Talks Too Much In Class was consistent criticism of my elementary school teachers on each and every report card.  I did this because I loved the attention.  Plus, I was articulate.  Therefore, you put 2 + 2 together...

But once I reached middle school (or junior high, as it was called in my day), I quickly shifted my approach to life.  For it was at this point that I soon realized that observing those around me was a much smarter (& safer) means of operating.

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My best friend in high school's 'rents purchased him a new obsidian black Dodge Daytona.  If I remember correctly, it was an '89 model, and frankly, I liked the car because it seemed to meld with Greg's persona.  Greg would regularly take us to Sonic in Ridgeland for fried cheese sticks and cherry limeades in this car with me riding shotgun and our mutual friend, Todd, riding in the very cramped backseat.

One night in particular stands out to me as we were returning home from our favorite fast food drive-in.  Whilst turning from County Line Road to Old Canton Road, an adjacent car full of teenagers cut forward into our lane.  Had Greg not applied the brakes, we'd have easily plowed into the rear end of their car.  It was an obviously sloppy error on the part of the driver that could have resulted in a significant fender-bender.

Stupidly, in response, I reached over and honked the horn of the Daytona by pressing the far right horn button on the car's steering wheel.  This obviously alarmed my two friends, and in response, I immediately regretted my knee jerk reaction.

And that's when the car in front of us stopped right there in the middle of the road, and my heart sank.  In response, Greg stopped too.  The distance between us and car ahead was probably 75 feet.

Many awkward seconds went past.  What were we to do?, I thought to myself.

Greg expertly observed their next move as if he'd walked this road before.  Eventually, they sped away into the night, and we slowly made our way home relieved.

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One of the most curious present day developments relative to our individual social standing as a people is the ubiquity and therefore dominant forcefulness of social media.

And this is especially curious to me within circumstances that demand / require "regularly scheduled" face to face social interaction.  Take, for instance, church.  This place you become a member of and revisit week after week, rearing your family there among-st the "body of Christ".

Social media is built upon the premise of living loudly by digitally communicating constantly.  This is lauded as a necessity to staying socially relevant whilst influencing, influencing, influencing.

Therefore, your social media identity is established well in advance of ever stepping foot into the church house (or place of employment, holiday gathering, etc.).  Hence, there's a Facebook or Instagram version of everyone that's positioned to worship, work, holiday amongst all the other Facebook or Instagram versions who've similarly positioned their own selves.  It's essentially digital posturing that reinvents itself day after day after day.

Even our pastor nowadays provides commentary about what's he's read on social media about his parishioners, sometimes scolding the masses even, regarding the identity they're consistently working to construct.  It is the weirdest and most bizarre, technologically-fueled masquerade ever, and in so many respects, it's no different than what I experienced in junior high.

Therefore, social media just like junior high thrives on the craving we have here in the West to be popular among-st our peers.  Popularity that hopefully will serve to draw like-minded people to us in order for them to confirm our worth / value technologically and otherwise.

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Rob became an observer as a teenager because I was a loser by definition.  Neither handsome nor masculine, not an athlete nor a Mississippi outdoorsman, I was therefore defined as none other than a L-O-S-E-R.

There were only +/-45 of us in my private academy class, most of which I'd grown up with since kindergarten, and man, I fit in there as a middle / high school student like RuPaul would as a freshman at Brigham Young University.

And as I alluded to earlier, through all of this, what I learned most importantly to do in order to compensate for this ungainly situation was to keep my mouth shut and observe.  Not only to protect myself, but to try and make sense of / come to grips with what I'd found myself having to deal with day after day after day.

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Today, I continue forward within this same modus operandi, and it works for me.  If you're ever in a Samson Society meeting with Rob, you'll see quite the vocal version of me, but otherwise within "regularly scheduled social programming", I tend to live in the margins.  And I like that approach.  It harkens back to my great grandmother and my high school best friend.  Two people I respected dearly.  Plus, it's the only means I've found to understand / make sense of people - at least from my own personal point of view.

There are many reasons I eschew social media, but primarily it's due to what I've described here.  Middle school represented the worst years of my life.  Therefore, why embrace / waste time on something that rings true with all that ridiculousness?

Christians are called to live "quiet lives".  I'm in sync - wholeheartedly - with that approach, but keep in mind that there are venues where men are expected to be as direct and in your face as they feel lead to be.  And, of course, you know of one option to you here in the Jackson Metro.

Won't you join us?

Beauty King Pastor

When I was a middle schooler, my youth pastor became a target for Rob's penchant for lust.  Rick was absolutely not interested in having sex with 7th or 8th grade Rob (nor any other of his students as far as I knew), but that didn't stop me from using my hormonal-charged brain to fabricate these sexualized scenarios internally.  I, in fact, relished the imagined, secretive flings and all the implied pastoral naughtiness involved.  Ultimately, they served as a means for me to exploit my sexual attraction to Rick, and unfortunately, I chose to do this with depraved aplomb.

And this went on, for the most part, throughout my tenure within our church's youth ministry 'till Rick was abruptly terminated.  From there, I would see him on occasion, as it wasn't too difficult for him to relocate to "the baptist church across town".

Seemingly harmless sexualization, right?  Keep in mind that I was only in middle school.

Of course not.  There is nothing harmless about sin.  Especially sexual sin which is specifically against (young) man's body.

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Pastors minister to people.  They do this by leading, teaching, counseling, and so forth.  Sometimes this is accomplished from a (physical) platform or perhaps, at times, one on one.  There's an air of service that exists with every good pastor.  It's an expectation we all have for them as men, and without it, usually serves as the linchpin in their demise.  Therefore, pastors typically choose to never shun or discount anyone within the confines of the church (if not otherwise).  It's simply not to be in their ministerial DNA.

So, what if this guy (pastor as described) is exceedingly sexually attractive, and that serves as the physical package parishioners are faced with on the surface?  What if his build, face, and voice all extol attributes of masculine beauty?  Is that a virtue or curse to the parishioners?  Or does it matter at all?

And do remember that some of the most notable Bible characters were very good looking men.  Think Saul and David to name a few.

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Within Samson Society, I've cycled through 2 Silases and am now onto my third.  The first two were cross pollinating friendships (we were Silases to each other), whereas 3.0 is not.  But, number 3 is also more along the lines of a brotherhood.  This man's value system is wired almost identically to my own.  Therefore, we both imagine (& hope for) more of a long-term friendship than most Samson Society Silases experience.

One unique feature of our friendship is Silas 3.0's physical presence.  He's one of these guys who draws envious looks whilst entering a crowded room, yet isn't self-aware of that on any level.  I've observed him while introducing him to friends of mine (outside of Samson), taking note of how respected his presence commands due to his handsomeness.

For me, the aforementioned brotherhood piece typically counteracts my being tempted to revere him similarly, but I must admit that there are times (in certain settings with him) when I'm amazingly reminded of how much influence physical beauty can command.

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And all of this leads me here.

There's no doubt that photography has greatly influenced how we see and what we value as human beings.  In the not too distant past, photos / videos weren't digital, therefore they were relegated to a select number of "means of distribution".  Today however, they're everywhere.  All the time.  Giving us opportunity to consume imagery at an unprecedented pace.

And everyone knows, looking at photographic imagery takes much less brain power than reading or writing.  In fact, doing so for most people is considerably relaxing.  Therefore, the more, the better, right?  Who's not into effectively relaxing?

At First Baptist Church Jackson (my home church), my pastor during the 1980s, Dr. Frank Pollard, preached 3 sermons most Sunday mornings.  He was an amazingly effective conduit for the gospel of Jesus Christ, and at that time, pastor of one of the largest Southern Baptist churches within the Southeastern United States.  Dr. Pollard was not an impressive specimen physically.  He'd played baseball in college, and had retained his slim physique within his later years, but otherwise, he was just another average-sized looking / built man.

If you were to compare his physical build / presence though to my aforementioned youth pastor, there was no comparison.

And back then, I believe, parishioners felt more comfortable with pastors that looked / behaved like Frank much moreso than pastors who looked / behaved like Rick.  In other words, Rick was the exception.

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Today, the largest church in Mississippi is not far from where we live.  This past week, I was at the Y working out, yet I could not help but overhear a conversation taking place adjacent to where I was doing floor stretches.  The dialogue was between a middle-aged man and a younger couple, and the topic was the pastor of this megachurch as well as the church itself (service times, ministries, etc.).  So, as you might imagine, it piqued my interest.

A few months back, I was in Wal-Mart perusing the produce when a very handsome man caught my attention.  And when I say very handsome man, I'm referring to underwear model handsome.

And then I realized who it was.

The man was dressed way too casually to be the pastor of the largest church in our state, but nonetheless, there he was in his workout clothes.  And as you might imagine, this attire did a fine job of extolling his sculpted physique there amidst his fellow shoppers (including me).

Of course, I couldn't help but think back to Dr. Frank Pollard.  And that's when I started to get angry.

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There's no doubt that physical beauty is a gift from God, and like every gift, it should be used only for his glory.  That being said though, I'm one to urge caution / skepticism when encountering it within the pastorate. 

The conversation at the Y that I overhead was flush with mancrush for this pastor.  The older gentlemen positioned himself as if he was the man's bestest friend based on the level of personal trust his commentary rang of.  And maybe that amount of reverence was deserved, but I can't help but question what that situation might have looked like were the pastor not a beauty king.

We are a people wired by our culture's obsession with photographic imagery.  And those same persons make up the western church today.  There's no differentiating us from everyone else.  The same amount of social media is consumed, television is watched, and Internet porn is masturbated to.

And it is programming us to elevate what we see with our own two eyes far beyond where we were back in the analog days.

In the past, I believe men were certainly given credit where credit's due for their physical looks.  Today though, they're elevated / revered (words I doled out earlier), and this is very stupid indeed.

Firstly, sexy physiques must be maintained.  And this is no easy feat.  As far as I know, sexy underwear model pastor competes in Iron Man triathlons year after year in order to "stay fit".

That's an awful lot of pressure.

Secondly, our eyes are the absolute worst judges of character and sincerity.  They are so easy to deceive.  And very few of us are at all knowledgeable to this.  Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks upon the heart.

Take it from a man who's struggled with homosexual desire all of his life.  When it comes to what truly counts in a man of the cloth, it isn't looks.  What counts is integrity, genuineness, and faith.  So much so that even if the physical package makes you slightly weak in the knees, never back down on maintaining a clear, level head as you vet his teaching through God's word and the theology of the church he represents.

And please, for goodness sakes, don't be like I was.  Sure, it's okay to be sexually attracted to someone, whether they're a pastor or not, but absolutely do not act on those attractions within your mind.  And if you cannot resist that temptation, do your soul a favor and find another church home. 

These Damn Women!

My father's mother was argumentative, abrasive, and patronizing.  The woman intimated everyone by consistently settling on a modus operandi that was as such.  Her position within the Turner family fueled this behavior, and that made sense to me, but when I began to encounter these same traits within much younger woman when I was in college, this is when I truly began to scratch my head in confusion.

Eventually though, I did start making attempts to put 2 + 2 together in my head by asking the question, why?  Why define yourself this way as a young (or older) woman, particularly within an environment where you're essentially forced to live, recreate, and be educated together?  In other words, why wouldn't you just want to get along?

Amy was the first college student I encountered as such.  I was a freshman, she was a senior.  Brilliant young woman.  She was in the veterinary program at MSU, but man did she intimidate with her attitude / persona.  I remember vividly watching her verbally assault a fellow student (male), cursing and screaming all the way during a Bulldog pep rally one Friday afternoon.  It was intensely awkward to witness yet riveting to behold.  I had never been party to anything like it.  She was fearless in her attack.  Literally like a pit bulldog tearing its prey limb from limb.

There's a bumper sticker that reads "Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History".  Where did this come from, and why would any woman gloat their chutzpah as such by adorning the rear of her truck with such a phrase?

Do you remember the Bible character whose wife kept leaving him in order to prostitute herself?  She did this over and over again, and yet, he'd go after her prior to bringing her back home.  As a Sunday School lesson, this is often seen as analogous to Christ and his Church (being his stubborn, yet relentlessly pursued bride).  But I believe there are other lessons here too, of a more pragmatic nature.

I believe some women are set on self-destruct just as certain men are, but their form of self-destruction is characterized by an overpowering urge to isolate themselves from everyone, every institution, every demand that's thrown at them.  And the most effective means of isolating is via their argumentative, abrasive, and patronizing approach.

What are we as men to do with these damn women?

Not yield.  That's for sure.  No, we must demand they care for themselves firstly by no longer isolating / using methodology to garner an isolated state.

My grandmother died alone.  She was in her late 80s, full of bitterness and rage, even going so far as attempting suicide over familial "threats" to put her in a nursing home.  (She did this by slicing open her wrists with kitchen knives).

My mother in-law is headed down the exact same road, and she's in her early 80s.

Isolation kills, my friend.  Male or female.  I believe this is one of the most effective deceptions Satan uses on mankind.

Worthwhile

If you consider the first few chapters of the gospel of John, and contrast that to the entire gospel of Mark, you see an entirely different approach to chronicling Jesus' ministry.  Entirely.  Mark's gospel reads like a graphic novel and John's like a Charles Frazier' novel.  The former is action directed, event-oriented while the latter is deeply introspective and thoughtful.  It's as if John was inspired to write a book that served more as an anchor of faith for those who were looking to understand the life of Jesus versus an eye-witness accounting.

I delved into the book of John at the end of last week, and by the time Friday night came, I was awestruck at what I was reminded of there.

For a man who struggles mightily with worthlessness, being reminded that we as Christians are "Children of God", "born of both water and spirit" resonates.  In fact, more than simply resonate.  Blanket.  Enlighten.  Elevate.  You know, those words that we overwork within religious circles in an attempt to describe being filled with the knowledge of God's grace / love for us.

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I was thinking this morning about the apostle Paul, and his call to rejoice through suffering.  Of course, this begs the question of "How?" and always has.

How do this and not be hypocritical?  Where find the genuineness to rejoice amidst the horrific pain of life's sufferings?

It's supernatural.  That's it.

You'll never find it from within yourself.  Just as I'll never find much value within Rob.  Rob as a standalone human being.

But when you consider Rob as a Child of God, born of the Spirit, that changes everything.  It brings such peace knowing I was chosen as such.  And then there's the mindset that comes with this truth.  A deep seated peace that I've been bought, never to be snatched from the hand of my Heavenly Father and his love for me.

It's not unlike waking up to the understanding that you're nothing more than a child who's been adopted into the most elite, prestigious, loving, thoughtful, healthy family of all.  The family of God.

I like this analogy because I'm well aware of the failings / misgivings within my own biological family due to the fact that I rub shoulders with them most days.  And the same can even be said of our church family.  Again, another fine example of imperfectness and at times, relational happenstance.  Too, I see these people more often than not as we're heavily involved at Lakeside Pres.

Last night before bed, I prayed explicitly that my understanding of these gifts / my identity in Him would expand further and further into my mind / soul.  Why?  Because it serves as the antidote, the healing elixir if you will, for my broken down heart.

I am a Child of God, born of the Spirit.  Please Lord, keep me from becoming a jaded middle-aged man who's emotions hold sway over him moment by moment.  May I rejoice, no matter the circumstances presented before me.

World Book Encyclopedia - When Content Takes Precedent Over High Quality Presentation

When I was a boy, my grandparents (on my mother's side of our family) lived in a +/-900 sf ranch house next to a Mississippi Delta drainage ditch.  It was sited adjacent to a gravel road in rural Humphreys county, Mississippi.  My parents lived with my grandparents soon after they married, and it's important that you know that their marriage came about upon their realizing that they were pregnant with me.  At this time in 1972, they had nothing but their love for each other combined with their aspirations situated demonstratively underneath an umbrella of faith, and I must admit that's very scary and weird for me as their only child to think about today due to the fact that they were only 17 and 18 at the time.

Nonetheless, by the time I was 4 to 4-1/2 years old, we were living here in Jackson in an apartment complex.  My father had obtained his degree and now was working as an advertising salesmen 40+ hours a week.  Taking where they were as a couple into consideration, they did venture back to Humphreys county often to see family and friends.

My grandparents had a complete set of World Book Encyclopedias.  These were all crammed together on the second to lowest shelf of a wooden bookcase within one of the minuscule bedrooms at their house.  One of my most favorite ways to bide my time as a boy was to pick out an encyclopedia volume to read.  I would spend hours and hours perusing the pages of whichever volume I'd chosen, learning and absorbing everything along the way about our world as presented by World Book.

Today, as a 47 year old, I'm similarly always eager to read in an effort to know and understand the world, but today, it is the Internet that is my encyclopedia.

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As an adult, I make a point to know and engage with intelligent people.  My best friend in high school was one of the most intelligent boys I'd ever encountered, and this is the primary attribute that drew me to him.  Prior to our becoming friends, I'd always been enthralled at his intellect and how articulate he was as a teen.  Plus, he was very musically inclined, playing both the piano and clarinet.  I admired all of these attributes, but mostly because his intellect made for a razor sharp sense of humor that was unlike anything I'd experienced prior.

Writing is no doubt a sign of intelligence.  And to write really well is very difficult to pull off.  I know this because I speak from experience.  Great writing takes a monumental amount of work combined with creativity.  Plus, you must know and understand your audience which is arguably the most difficult task of a writer.

Considering all of this, I really enjoy reading well written articles / diatribes online due to the fact that it speaks to the individual who took the time to write it.  Hence, I'll get to know them better, and subsequently, follow their work if they're a regular contributor to a site while learning / expanding my own knowledge base.  And I love these things very much because it provides a means to connect intimately with another person's intelligence whom you've never met.

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Today though, I'm making the choice to walk away from a particular URL, and this is not easy to do as I've attempted to do it once before.

Rob visits about 3 to 4 sites at least once every day, and all of these but one are news / commentary sites (the outsider is a popular video site).

The one I've chosen to walk away from is the most intelligently written and therefore, to me, arguably the most captivating of all of my favorites, but it's also a holistically pagan and anti-Christian site.

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I can remember being in college and choosing to jettison my Indigo Girls and Erasure CDs due to their emphasis / celebration on / of the homosexual lifestyle.  I had come to a point where I could no longer stomach the notion of supporting these entertainers who were so vocal relative to their beliefs regarding human sexuality.

That's not really where I'm at with this aforementioned URL, yet the feelings accompanying this decision are similar.  I do not own these sites, but unlike what the music on the CDs was doing, the ever changing content does make an impact on me as I choose to consume it.

Have you ever felt constrained by your faith?  That's how I feel today about this, but at the same time, I know firsthand how unhealthy and completely pagan so much of the daily content offered via this site is.  Nonetheless, it's fun and very stimulating to read, and makes me feel much smarter than I really am.  Again, I'm drawn to intelligence.  Plain and simple.

Like a country boy in the big city, if you know what I mean.  It's sorta that feeling of being swept away...

So long.  Farewell.  God bless.  It's time I shored up my mind / soul despite my being enthralled with such high quality presentation.

Man, there are some smart people out there.

Lagniappe

Resisting Societal Pressures In Pursuit of Holiness

You're never going to hear the word holiness within mainstream culture.  Just as you'll never hear the word sin.  That's because they simply run counter to what our culture elevates / celebrates / embraces day after day after day.

Cultural norms embrace depravity.  Sin is normalized.  There is no higher standard, i.e. perfection or comprehension on any level of God's love / grace for his people because man is god himself.

What drives these lies is the illusion of authority each of us is exposed to on a daily basis.  Our own independent authority.  This is authenticated by the single family home, the singular automobile, my pocket computer, my vocation, my retirement account, my children, my hobbies, my church, my sexuality and so forth.  All of which reinforces the singular concept of ME and my rights and my independent authority.

Ultimately, it comes down to being convinced that I'm accountable to no one and that none of these aforementioned items are anything other than RIGHTS.

Well, that's just horseshit.

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God brought you into being.  It's by his grace that you exist and receive the tangible "rights" that are at your disposal each and every day.  He put you on this Earth at this point in time on whatever soil he chose - for one reason - to glorify him.

But, if you were to listen to our culture, that truth would never come through.  And without that truth, we're simply never going to comprehend holiness because we do not on any level comprehend God.

Therefore, what can we do to comprehend God?

Look to his Son.  It's the easiest, most prolific source of knowledge relative to God and his holiness, and what's so helpful about studying the life of Jesus, as it's presented within the gospels, is you'll in tandem see a man who glorifies God (his Heavenly Father).

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But Jesus didn't have a single family home, an automobile, a pocket computer, a vocation, a retirement account, children, hobbies, church home, or even have sex - all of which separate my mindset from his own!  All I can say to that is he was 100% God and 100% man all at once yet still served as the perfect standard for achieving consistent holiness, day after day after day.  My advice to you (and to myself) is to put those cultural shelters aside within your mind / soul long enough to empathize with Christ.  And I'll say it again, he was 100% God and 100% man all at once.  Marinate on that truth.

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In closing, why pursue holiness?

It's the only thing worth living for because God is the only trustworthy, unchanging absolute in man's life / existence, and he's proven that through his son and what his son did on our behalf (atonement).

Be faithful to what God created you to be today by being obedient to him and ever aware of whose you are each and every moment.  This is what brings true joy and peace that surpasses understanding, and those two gifts / absolute rights (as adopted sons of God) fuel our pursuit of holiness as our eyes are continually opened to the erroneous "truths" within our culture.

"But as many as received Him, to them He gave THE RIGHT to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God."

John 1:  12-13

No One Really Cares About Your Problems (Except Perhaps Your Momma)

I met one of the most devout Christian men I'd ever run across back in 2006.  He was from small town Mississippi, having recently been appointed to a state government administrative position here in Jackson.  This position entailed he soon replace his "second in command" who was a man whom had served within the state agency he'd been appointed to for decades.

Within most administrative state government positions / lineage, individuals stay put 'till their eligible via PERS to retire.  This devout Christian man was no different, though via this new appointment, he was given the opportunity to work within a more challenging / influential position and subsequently, make more money (both then and expectedly during his future retirement tenure).

I was overjoyed to be interviewed by this man for the aforementioned "second in command" position.  I was young, but had the leadership skills / drive to do the job well - and man, did I ever want to take on this challenge!  Nonetheless, I didn't make the cut.  And especially considering this man's obvious Christian stance, I was no doubt extremely disappointed.

Christian bosses had never been part of my vocational narrative up to that point.  Ever.  Even during architecture school - if not especially during architecture school - pagans lead the way.

The entire notion of working for a devout Christian was incredibly appealing to me.  I just knew I would excel within that kind of environment - knowing that I would be reporting directly to him!

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Two years past and I received a telephone call from this man - my devout Christian superhero!

The good news of an open position hit me like a love bomb.  I was elated to now have the opportunity to work for this man.

Henceforth, I was on my way to becoming a bureaucrat!  Hurray!

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Despite my not being appointed at this time to the originally sought "second in command" position, I excelled as a minion, working diligently to use my skillset on behalf of the state of Mississippi.  I really enjoyed the work and actually didn't mind the arduous workload despite my not actually seeing my Christian Superhero much at all.  On the exterior, it was all such a breath of fresh air for me.

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Now, let's talk about what was going on personally within Rob during this time.

This was well before I became privy to Samson Society, therefore my struggles with worthlessness / Internet porn were running absolutely unchecked.

To demonstrate this, I remember clearly one day whilst sneaking a quick peek at salacious material online at my bureaucrat cubicle.  There came from behind me the following statement:  "This was the reason I chose Frank over you."

I swiftly swiveled around in my cubicle, only to see my Christian Superhero there shaming me.  I remember looking up at his disappointed countenance, and being so shocked at what he'd just spoken that it left me completely speechless.

"This.  Was.  The.  Reason.  I.  Chose.  Frank.  Over.  You."

Essentially, I had now received confirmation of the fact that Rob was (and perhaps always had been) nothing more in his mind than a liability.  Just.  Like.  That.

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Christian Superhero never spoke to me after he made that adjudication.  Not.  One.  Word.  (I kind of like separating my words like that).  And this was despite my additional 3 to 4 years of working at that bureau.

It reminded me (whilst looking back) on the time my father shamed me intensely (as a middle schooler) over my masturbation habit by repeatedly attempting to catch me in the act.  I can only assume that Christian Superhero must have suspected something, and therefore took it upon himself to take the same approach my father had all those years ago.

Suffice to say, overall, my father has quite the penchant for reminding me of how I qualify within his mind as a liability - for numerous problematic reasons that go far beyond my middle school days.  Hence, I steer clear of him as much as I can.  As you might imagine, from this point forward, I did the same with Christian Superhero, though thankfully, that wasn't all that hard to do because as I mentioned prior, he seemed to intentionally steer clear of me after this particular juncture.

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The hard lesson here for all of us is that a man's hopes and dreams of being intentionally cared for in relation to his own personal struggles (whatever they may be) aren't likely to pan out outside of a community like Samson Society.

Even within the most well-intentioned churches with the most devout Christian Superheroes, if there's an opportunity to discount / label another man as a liability to the group (body), that labeling will typically come about.

And we all do this as sinners.  In fact, I find myself doing it every day whether I'm panning the congregation from the choir loft at Lakeside Pres or eyeing the panhandler standing on the curb on my way to the office each morning.

Liability there.  Liability there.  Liability over there.  Liability there.  Liability there.  Liabilities everywhere!

It just feels so good to look down on people.  Doesn't it?

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This is why it's so critical that men seek help (and hopefully eventually find it) for their problems / personal struggles.  If not, their problems / personal struggles will dramatically undermine both their present and future as it relates to their marriage, vocation, and so forth.  It's only a matter of time.

All the more reason to take the resource of Samson Society very, very seriously, and give thanks to God for making it available to you and me both.