No matter your age or "time of life", no matter your temperament or personality, pursue friendship with other men that you believe might benefit from your support and vice versa.
Solid, reliable friendships between men is worth the false starts, miscommunication, and disappointments.
Be vigilant in your pursuit, and do not hesitate to be upfront with your intent. It may feel too risky to use the word friendship as your end goal, but take my advice, and let the other man know where you're coming from at the getgo.
Lastly, it's worth it to ask how you might shore up your role as a friend on occasion, listening always for opportunities to better hone your skills on behalf of your buddy. Conversely, if a friendship implodes or false starts, don't fret. Instead, pray for patience and understanding as you stay centered on how Christ modeled friendship for his beloved disciples. Patience, patience, patience.
As a Samson Society man in particular, you might just become like me in that you're always on the lookout for opportunities to expand your platonic portfolio.
It could happen.
Sunday, July 7, 2019
Saturday, July 6, 2019
Fornication: The Dating Ruse
My parents were involved in fornication. I know this because they in turn became pregnant with me. Subsequently, as a 17 and 18 year old, they chose to then marry back in January of 1972. Perhaps they would have never married had they not been involved in fornication. Nevertheless, that decision to have premarital sexual intercourse changed their lives forever and instigated mine.
What is fornication really, and why is it considered a sin by God?
I've heard so many men in particular justify fornication within their pasts, and I've heard a handful of women detail it as simply part of the learning curve relative to "aptitude in bed".
Fornication is blasphemy because it takes what's clearly detailed relations by God - husband / wife and misrepresents it. It's no different than two friends simply choosing to be sexual. That's abnormal behavior due to the two parties involved (friends), therefore it's out of line with God's will.
As a Christian, it's hard to not be disappointed in the fact that my father made the decisions he chose to all those years ago, and I realize that probably sounds contradictory from the standpoint of my very existence today. Considering all of the fallout that I've witnessed follow suit from that decision, allow me to continue...
Here's the truly pivotal rationale as to why it's so important to eschew sexual intimacy before marriage.
You're improving your chances of not ending up with a bad marriage, and believe me, no amount of memorable dating sex can outweigh the heartache that's mated to a difficult, if not impossibly unworkable marriage.
Keep in mind I said marriage here. Not friendship between roommates, or acquaintances who tolerate each other's presence. Marriage. Two becoming one flesh.
-------------------------
Sexual intercourse in particular is intoxicating. Particularly when it's virginal and mated to young love. Therefore, it quickly becomes the focal point of the dating relationship which is decidedly unfortunate.
If the two individuals are Christians, they're now dealing with private, yet shared guilt and shame, and oftentimes, they're working just as hard out of bed attempting to cover over their tracks as they are in bed to achieve multiple orgasms.
What's truly sad is when abortion occurs as a result of all of this foolishness.
But let's return to the intoxication portion of sexual intimacy.
Young adults who are sexually active whilst dating are benefiting from being at their sexual peak physiologically. Young men are making loads of healthy sperm and young ladies' eggs are ripe for fertilization, and their bodies know this (despite the fact that they aren't married). Hence, the sex is intense and overwhelmingly pleasurable to both.
Plus, their bodies themselves are young. Therefore sexual stamina is at its peak, positions are often limitless, and those feelings of invulnerability are at times ever present.
Of course, all of this inevitably clouds judgement because the fornication is just that - a celebration of rebellion against God versus marriage under God. And all of this sexual sin compounds as the dating relationship progresses 'till eventually (if the couple chooses to marry), they both find themselves having to deal with ramifications related to the erasure of the line of demarcation that actually signified the marriage itself. And those ramifications can be extensive. God is not mocked. Marriage is a representation of Christ and his bride, the church. This is seriously stupid behavior we're talking about here that not just one person has been involved in but two.
Many of you know that I have 3 daughters - ages 16, 14, and 9. I pray often for their future husbands. In particular, that they'll respect and honor the role that sexual intimacy should play only between a husband and wife. And this is primarily because I don't want them married to a Schmoe. Ordinary simply isn't acceptable in my book for my girls. Let those men be someone else's son-in-law.
What is fornication really, and why is it considered a sin by God?
I've heard so many men in particular justify fornication within their pasts, and I've heard a handful of women detail it as simply part of the learning curve relative to "aptitude in bed".
Fornication is blasphemy because it takes what's clearly detailed relations by God - husband / wife and misrepresents it. It's no different than two friends simply choosing to be sexual. That's abnormal behavior due to the two parties involved (friends), therefore it's out of line with God's will.
As a Christian, it's hard to not be disappointed in the fact that my father made the decisions he chose to all those years ago, and I realize that probably sounds contradictory from the standpoint of my very existence today. Considering all of the fallout that I've witnessed follow suit from that decision, allow me to continue...
Here's the truly pivotal rationale as to why it's so important to eschew sexual intimacy before marriage.
You're improving your chances of not ending up with a bad marriage, and believe me, no amount of memorable dating sex can outweigh the heartache that's mated to a difficult, if not impossibly unworkable marriage.
Keep in mind I said marriage here. Not friendship between roommates, or acquaintances who tolerate each other's presence. Marriage. Two becoming one flesh.
-------------------------
Sexual intercourse in particular is intoxicating. Particularly when it's virginal and mated to young love. Therefore, it quickly becomes the focal point of the dating relationship which is decidedly unfortunate.
If the two individuals are Christians, they're now dealing with private, yet shared guilt and shame, and oftentimes, they're working just as hard out of bed attempting to cover over their tracks as they are in bed to achieve multiple orgasms.
What's truly sad is when abortion occurs as a result of all of this foolishness.
But let's return to the intoxication portion of sexual intimacy.
Young adults who are sexually active whilst dating are benefiting from being at their sexual peak physiologically. Young men are making loads of healthy sperm and young ladies' eggs are ripe for fertilization, and their bodies know this (despite the fact that they aren't married). Hence, the sex is intense and overwhelmingly pleasurable to both.
Plus, their bodies themselves are young. Therefore sexual stamina is at its peak, positions are often limitless, and those feelings of invulnerability are at times ever present.
Of course, all of this inevitably clouds judgement because the fornication is just that - a celebration of rebellion against God versus marriage under God. And all of this sexual sin compounds as the dating relationship progresses 'till eventually (if the couple chooses to marry), they both find themselves having to deal with ramifications related to the erasure of the line of demarcation that actually signified the marriage itself. And those ramifications can be extensive. God is not mocked. Marriage is a representation of Christ and his bride, the church. This is seriously stupid behavior we're talking about here that not just one person has been involved in but two.
Many of you know that I have 3 daughters - ages 16, 14, and 9. I pray often for their future husbands. In particular, that they'll respect and honor the role that sexual intimacy should play only between a husband and wife. And this is primarily because I don't want them married to a Schmoe. Ordinary simply isn't acceptable in my book for my girls. Let those men be someone else's son-in-law.
Our Dollar General / Game of Thrones culture. Practically free and tastes really good.
Internet capable devices provide men with the ability to foster sexual fantasies that run in tandem with their day to day life. Many of these men have fetishes that they nurture through these Internet capable devices. And oftentimes, they do this whilst utilizing mainstream social media which provides an almost infinitesimal amount of photographic imagery for them to draw from.
This morning after the Lakeside Pres Samson Society after-meeting had concluded, I did something I'd never done before. That being shopped at our local Dollar General. This particular store has been there / here for many years now, but never have I felt compelled to shop there.
Dollar General has become a mainstream grocery / staples store for almost everybody in 2019. They're located literally on most every corner, from urban to rural areas, and for the most part, they're identical to one another. Their namesake though is their pricing strategy. Everything's in increments of the good ole American dollar bill.
When I would visit my grandparents as a boy during all those scorching hot summers back in the '80s, we'd at least one time shop at the downtown dollar stores. In the small Mississippi town that they lived adjacent to, there were two of these. One was a Fred's and the other was a Bill's.
Dollar stores, here in Mississippi at least, grew out of small town necessity. Small, uneducated, impoverished populations flocked to these due to the fact that there simply wasn't anything else locally available.
-------------------------
So what exactly is a Dollar General store?
Today, Dollar General represents the adult bookstore version of grocers.
Society would argue that they're commodities. They're built on the propaganda of being located where "no other retailer will locate", but the truth is there ubiquitous because they cater to those who purchase and consume actual garbage due to the fact that it's practically free and tastes really good.
These consumers don't care about anything but those descriptors. Practically free and tastes really good.
Practically free and tastes really good.
Practically free and tastes really good.
And Dollar General stores are packed to the ceiling with this garbage. Their moniker should be dimly lit, smelly (chemical odors), and crammed from floor to ceiling with practically free and tastes really good.
Of course, there is the back wall of actual name-brand commodity products like dish soap and carpet shampoo, but they're not priced any less than what you'd pay at Wal-Mart or Target. And again, that's not why consumers shop at Dollar General, though they may use it as an excuse to frequent the store.
--------------------------
Many, many men use the Internet as an extension of what they run across day to day to fuel their sexual fantasies. Men are men due to testosterone. It's a hormone that is responsible for certain distinct, manly physical attributes, but it also has a lot to do with their sex drive. Considering those facts, our culture caters to it as a result of corporations of almost every ilk being gluttons to a seemingly conscientiously blind approach towards driving revenue.
Let's say a man is at the pool as I was today with one of my daughters, and during his time there, he takes note of a woman who's also swimming with her children. And this woman is sexually attractive to the man due to the fact that she has certain body parts that are very well accentuated via her very wet bathing suit. So, he takes note of her specific beauty, stealing glances her way throughout his time there, and at some point in the future, he jumps online to carry forward his jollies by attempting to fantastically harvest similarly large breasted, very wet swimsuited local women via social media. Think about the rows and rows of all manner of flavored soda pop / fried potato chips to choose from at the Dollar General which are practically free and tastes really good, and you'll understand what I'm describing here.
Social media (also like Dollar General) is also seasonal! Did you know that a sizable percentage of Dollar General's profit margin are from seasonal garbage? In fact, even though it's July, they're beginning to stock their many regional warehouses (one of which is in the Mississippi Delta) with these wares even as I type this! Therefore, it too all syncs up with our desires / expectations in real time.
And speaking of real time, the season of summer brings with it scantily clad, bikini wearing broads who post photos of themselves and their breasts and their friends' breasts all over social media. Literally like clockwork - 24/7. And from there, these men eventually ejaculate in real summertime to their posts. Over and over again.
It's practically free and tastes really good, and it's happening even as you read this!
-------------------------
Now, let's look to Game of Thrones. And keep in mind that I've never watched an episode of this smut. In fact, I don't watch TV period because it's just a huge waste of time.
Game of Thrones falls on the opposite end of the spectrum as Dollar General does. It's appeal is so brilliantly camouflaged that its creators are essentially modern day snake oil salesmen. There are some smart (and very wealthy) puppeteers behind the scenes here.
Game of Thrones is superbly lit, expertly acted, and thoughtfully written to appeal to the most hard to please, moody, and bored to tears television audience. And it also happens to be practically free and tastes really good just like our favorite local retailer, Dollar General.
But it's the former that gives it its present day street cred, and it's that credibility that's used to disguise it's true appeal.
Remember the film, 300? I believe it was written and directed by a similarly adept snake oil salesman. 300 was a forerunner of Game of Thrones. Beautiful imagery. Incredible visuals. Superbly lit. Practically free and tastes really good.
So, what's the true appeal?
You may not realize this, but there exists in certain cities sex clubs. These aren't strip clubs which allow just about anyone in off of the street who has a pulse combined with a sex drive. They're sex clubs. Essentially, if you're a member, it's an opportunity to have sex with beautiful strangers in front of other beautiful strangers. Of course, to be a member of one of these, the first qualification is physical beauty and the second is money. Pay to lay.
This may seem surreal to imagine, but these do exist in cities all over the world. You might call it controlled hotness at your local, corner orgy quick stop. Perhaps one's Church of Semen?
All of this naughtiness appeals to the opposite consumer from Dollar General, but they're still looking for the same: Practically free (relative to them) and tastes really good.
This is Game of Thrones. More opportunity for men to entertain their sexual fantasy lives as they engage with the culture just as everyone else chooses too. Think of it as contrived and fictitious as social media but ultra pure in opportune lustful pleasure. Garbage in 12x concentrated form. Efficient and effective whilst being intellectually stimulating!
God help us see that practically free and tastes really good are to be avoided due to the fact that they only satisfy us moment by moment, therefore we cannot help but become chained to them as a dog is chained to a stake. And from there, our minds are dulled as our appetites rage. And we continue to dream of fantastical sex outside of God's will, eating our vomit again and again. And this is not at all unlike all those pitiful fools who indulge regularly in so much orange flavored soda, jalapeno flavored potato chips, and heart palpitating energy drinks from their local Dollar General, or the imbecile who embraces award-winning debauchery like Game of Thrones.
This morning after the Lakeside Pres Samson Society after-meeting had concluded, I did something I'd never done before. That being shopped at our local Dollar General. This particular store has been there / here for many years now, but never have I felt compelled to shop there.
Dollar General has become a mainstream grocery / staples store for almost everybody in 2019. They're located literally on most every corner, from urban to rural areas, and for the most part, they're identical to one another. Their namesake though is their pricing strategy. Everything's in increments of the good ole American dollar bill.
When I would visit my grandparents as a boy during all those scorching hot summers back in the '80s, we'd at least one time shop at the downtown dollar stores. In the small Mississippi town that they lived adjacent to, there were two of these. One was a Fred's and the other was a Bill's.
Dollar stores, here in Mississippi at least, grew out of small town necessity. Small, uneducated, impoverished populations flocked to these due to the fact that there simply wasn't anything else locally available.
-------------------------
So what exactly is a Dollar General store?
Today, Dollar General represents the adult bookstore version of grocers.
Society would argue that they're commodities. They're built on the propaganda of being located where "no other retailer will locate", but the truth is there ubiquitous because they cater to those who purchase and consume actual garbage due to the fact that it's practically free and tastes really good.
These consumers don't care about anything but those descriptors. Practically free and tastes really good.
Practically free and tastes really good.
Practically free and tastes really good.
And Dollar General stores are packed to the ceiling with this garbage. Their moniker should be dimly lit, smelly (chemical odors), and crammed from floor to ceiling with practically free and tastes really good.
Of course, there is the back wall of actual name-brand commodity products like dish soap and carpet shampoo, but they're not priced any less than what you'd pay at Wal-Mart or Target. And again, that's not why consumers shop at Dollar General, though they may use it as an excuse to frequent the store.
--------------------------
Many, many men use the Internet as an extension of what they run across day to day to fuel their sexual fantasies. Men are men due to testosterone. It's a hormone that is responsible for certain distinct, manly physical attributes, but it also has a lot to do with their sex drive. Considering those facts, our culture caters to it as a result of corporations of almost every ilk being gluttons to a seemingly conscientiously blind approach towards driving revenue.
Let's say a man is at the pool as I was today with one of my daughters, and during his time there, he takes note of a woman who's also swimming with her children. And this woman is sexually attractive to the man due to the fact that she has certain body parts that are very well accentuated via her very wet bathing suit. So, he takes note of her specific beauty, stealing glances her way throughout his time there, and at some point in the future, he jumps online to carry forward his jollies by attempting to fantastically harvest similarly large breasted, very wet swimsuited local women via social media. Think about the rows and rows of all manner of flavored soda pop / fried potato chips to choose from at the Dollar General which are practically free and tastes really good, and you'll understand what I'm describing here.
Social media (also like Dollar General) is also seasonal! Did you know that a sizable percentage of Dollar General's profit margin are from seasonal garbage? In fact, even though it's July, they're beginning to stock their many regional warehouses (one of which is in the Mississippi Delta) with these wares even as I type this! Therefore, it too all syncs up with our desires / expectations in real time.
And speaking of real time, the season of summer brings with it scantily clad, bikini wearing broads who post photos of themselves and their breasts and their friends' breasts all over social media. Literally like clockwork - 24/7. And from there, these men eventually ejaculate in real summertime to their posts. Over and over again.
It's practically free and tastes really good, and it's happening even as you read this!
-------------------------
Now, let's look to Game of Thrones. And keep in mind that I've never watched an episode of this smut. In fact, I don't watch TV period because it's just a huge waste of time.
Game of Thrones falls on the opposite end of the spectrum as Dollar General does. It's appeal is so brilliantly camouflaged that its creators are essentially modern day snake oil salesmen. There are some smart (and very wealthy) puppeteers behind the scenes here.
Game of Thrones is superbly lit, expertly acted, and thoughtfully written to appeal to the most hard to please, moody, and bored to tears television audience. And it also happens to be practically free and tastes really good just like our favorite local retailer, Dollar General.
But it's the former that gives it its present day street cred, and it's that credibility that's used to disguise it's true appeal.
Remember the film, 300? I believe it was written and directed by a similarly adept snake oil salesman. 300 was a forerunner of Game of Thrones. Beautiful imagery. Incredible visuals. Superbly lit. Practically free and tastes really good.
So, what's the true appeal?
You may not realize this, but there exists in certain cities sex clubs. These aren't strip clubs which allow just about anyone in off of the street who has a pulse combined with a sex drive. They're sex clubs. Essentially, if you're a member, it's an opportunity to have sex with beautiful strangers in front of other beautiful strangers. Of course, to be a member of one of these, the first qualification is physical beauty and the second is money. Pay to lay.
This may seem surreal to imagine, but these do exist in cities all over the world. You might call it controlled hotness at your local, corner orgy quick stop. Perhaps one's Church of Semen?
All of this naughtiness appeals to the opposite consumer from Dollar General, but they're still looking for the same: Practically free (relative to them) and tastes really good.
This is Game of Thrones. More opportunity for men to entertain their sexual fantasy lives as they engage with the culture just as everyone else chooses too. Think of it as contrived and fictitious as social media but ultra pure in opportune lustful pleasure. Garbage in 12x concentrated form. Efficient and effective whilst being intellectually stimulating!
God help us see that practically free and tastes really good are to be avoided due to the fact that they only satisfy us moment by moment, therefore we cannot help but become chained to them as a dog is chained to a stake. And from there, our minds are dulled as our appetites rage. And we continue to dream of fantastical sex outside of God's will, eating our vomit again and again. And this is not at all unlike all those pitiful fools who indulge regularly in so much orange flavored soda, jalapeno flavored potato chips, and heart palpitating energy drinks from their local Dollar General, or the imbecile who embraces award-winning debauchery like Game of Thrones.
Friday, July 5, 2019
Friday, August 2nd - Metro Jackson Samson Society Dinner
What: Metro Jackson Samson Society Dinner
When: Friday, August 2nd, 2019 at 6:30 PM
Where: Grace Crossing Baptist Church - Gluckstadt, MS
Who's catering?: Primos restaurant
Who's invited?: Every Samson man and his spouse / significant other
Why participate?: This is the 3rd such event we've organized. The two dinners we had in 2018 were well attended and fun. The food and fellowship further solidified friendships and promoted new. This dinner is especially significant due to the fact that it's being hosted by Grace Crossing Baptist Church in Gluckstadt.
-------------------------
Tickets are are $20 per adult and can be purchased from any Samson Society meeting facilitator by Saturday, July 27th, 2019.
When: Friday, August 2nd, 2019 at 6:30 PM
Where: Grace Crossing Baptist Church - Gluckstadt, MS
Who's catering?: Primos restaurant
Who's invited?: Every Samson man and his spouse / significant other
Why participate?: This is the 3rd such event we've organized. The two dinners we had in 2018 were well attended and fun. The food and fellowship further solidified friendships and promoted new. This dinner is especially significant due to the fact that it's being hosted by Grace Crossing Baptist Church in Gluckstadt.
-------------------------
Tickets are are $20 per adult and can be purchased from any Samson Society meeting facilitator by Saturday, July 27th, 2019.
Thursday, July 4, 2019
Interdependence Day
I feel as if holidays are for children, and since I'm no longer a child...
But, I have a wife and three daughters, all of which are still children, therefore we celebrate holidays within the same boring vein as most middle to upper class white southerners.
Today, unlike any other holiday in the past, I felt as if I belonged whilst celebrating Independence Day with my family at my 'rents' home. In the past, time with them at their abode has always instilled in me a sense of being out of place as their only son. Now, keep in mind that I'm an architect, therefore I'm more attuned to buildings / design than most, therefore I realize that has something to do with it.
Know too that my 'rents behave with superb hospitality. Holidays with them are always festive and beautifully rendered with all the traditional trimmings.
Growing up with Bob and Darlene, I soon began to feel out of place whilst in my late teens. I can remember coming home from college during the summer months and being keenly aware of it. Because they built their dream home during this period of my life (which they still reside in), that had to have enhanced these feelings of being an outsider.
Soon after I acquired my first job as an architect intern, I moved out into my own apartment. My mother in particular didn't agree with this move, but oh, how I loved my new digs due to the fact that I no longer felt alone within the family home.
So, what's changed?
All I can come up with is the interview I gave last weekend at FBC Petal. Perhaps somehow that experience dislodged / clean sweeped away any remaining shame that remained relative to my own story as it relates to being the son that I am of my parents.
I feel damn near empowered. What an awesome holiday this has been!
But, I have a wife and three daughters, all of which are still children, therefore we celebrate holidays within the same boring vein as most middle to upper class white southerners.
Today, unlike any other holiday in the past, I felt as if I belonged whilst celebrating Independence Day with my family at my 'rents' home. In the past, time with them at their abode has always instilled in me a sense of being out of place as their only son. Now, keep in mind that I'm an architect, therefore I'm more attuned to buildings / design than most, therefore I realize that has something to do with it.
Know too that my 'rents behave with superb hospitality. Holidays with them are always festive and beautifully rendered with all the traditional trimmings.
Growing up with Bob and Darlene, I soon began to feel out of place whilst in my late teens. I can remember coming home from college during the summer months and being keenly aware of it. Because they built their dream home during this period of my life (which they still reside in), that had to have enhanced these feelings of being an outsider.
Soon after I acquired my first job as an architect intern, I moved out into my own apartment. My mother in particular didn't agree with this move, but oh, how I loved my new digs due to the fact that I no longer felt alone within the family home.
So, what's changed?
All I can come up with is the interview I gave last weekend at FBC Petal. Perhaps somehow that experience dislodged / clean sweeped away any remaining shame that remained relative to my own story as it relates to being the son that I am of my parents.
I feel damn near empowered. What an awesome holiday this has been!
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
Monday, July 1, 2019
Vicariously peering through Bill's rearview mirror
My now old friend Bill was too scary for Rob during my freshman, sophomore, and most of my junior year in college, therefore I considered him only as an acquaintance, never once imagining him as a candidate for friendship. And considering that, had he not been an architecture school classmate, I would have left him in the dust. He was just way too inside himself, angry, and negative relative to the vibes he off gassed.
In high school, I'd attempted to be intentional about reaching out to classmates who were obviously in need of a friend, and more often than not, I found that other than being a temporary ally, I could do no more. I have to admit that as a believer, it was frustrating because I expected God to intervene on my timetable. In other words, I wanted to be privy to their situation improving, but more often than not, I was the one left in the dust, only to be frustrated and feeling slightly used.
I haven't had the privilege of running across too many "Bills" since my college days, but my experience between '90 and '95 with my (now) old friend gives me credence to not only look back in remembrance but to also contrast today's friendship (we have lunch regularly) with yesterday's long ago fear. Fear that I'll hopefully never forget, and for good reason.
Allow me to be more specific...
-------------------------
Back in 1990, Bill and I were freshmen at Mississippi State and, upon me first seeing him, it was obvious that he was unusually insecure, especially considering our shared, very demanding major. Eventually, I also came to know of his obsession. That being affirmation from females. There was nothing he desired more than to be affirmed by women he was attracted to, therefore he considered friendship with other guys to be of little value. Therefore he was by choice, a loner who was continually angry (primarily at himself but also his view of the world around him).
His personality was as follows. He didn't have too much to say, and was an obvious introvert (long before I knew what that word meant). And he was ashamed of his body. In particular, the fact that he was lanky, lean - certainly not athletically built. We'll just say awkwardly proportioned.
Eventually, I also unearthed the fact that he'd come from a rough public high school experience where he'd been the target of much ridicule over the previous years, growing up in small town south Mississippi.
And finally, he drove this piece of shit Izuzu pickup. Manual transmission. Glass packs. Hideous custom paint job (with chrome decals). What was he negatively thinking, (this question ran through my mind regularly) and how does anyone spend that amount of time doing just that?
After actually befriending Bill (during the second half of our college career), we took this piece of shit all over Starkville in search of cheap food (Bill loves pizza). Keep in mind that at that point, he was a very differently tempered young man altogether than what I've described here despite the fact that he did not lose any of his core quirkiness, much of which had been covered over before.
-------------------------
Fast forward to today.
Bill is now 46 (as am I), and he's seen a handful of psychiatrists / therapists through the years, taken some anti-depressants and anxiety meds and he's not at all ashamed of this. He (like myself) is married with children, works full-time and is a deacon at a local Baptist church. And keep in mind that I've also seen a handful of therapists myself! (Water seeks its own level.) I love this man like a brother.
This is what he shared with me at lunch last week regarding his former acquaintance (to Rob and most everyone else) self:
"I had to reach a point where I was fed up with feeling that way about myself and about my life, and I did this when I hit rock bottom. Therefore once that occurred, I changed everything I could in order to improve my negative thinking about myself, my situation, and all the bad circumstances from my past."
-------------------------
Why is this important?
Because it gives me access to a turning point in someone's history whom I know and love today but didn't even attempt to know back then, and this gives me hope and understanding for other men whom I know and love today who are still on the far / other side of that line.
Despite the fact that I'm no longer scared to relate (as best I can) to present day men who are seemingly as insecure as Bill once was, I need as much hope and understanding as I can attain, taken from Bill's story or otherwise. Again, and I cannot emphasize this enough, Bill was troubled by his situation, overall insecure in his manhood and in bondage to all types* of female affirmation. All of this I could not relate to on any level which only added to my fear and (presently - considering more recent friendships) worry, worry, worry.
*including pornography
I am indebted to my old friend Bill for showing me where I likely need to reside emotionally (relative to one particular present day friendship) through this portion of your pre-Rob story. What a gift.
God is faithful in using all kinds of unlikely means to enlighten us within the present relative to those he's placed within our circle of influence. Thanks be to God!
In high school, I'd attempted to be intentional about reaching out to classmates who were obviously in need of a friend, and more often than not, I found that other than being a temporary ally, I could do no more. I have to admit that as a believer, it was frustrating because I expected God to intervene on my timetable. In other words, I wanted to be privy to their situation improving, but more often than not, I was the one left in the dust, only to be frustrated and feeling slightly used.
I haven't had the privilege of running across too many "Bills" since my college days, but my experience between '90 and '95 with my (now) old friend gives me credence to not only look back in remembrance but to also contrast today's friendship (we have lunch regularly) with yesterday's long ago fear. Fear that I'll hopefully never forget, and for good reason.
Allow me to be more specific...
-------------------------
Back in 1990, Bill and I were freshmen at Mississippi State and, upon me first seeing him, it was obvious that he was unusually insecure, especially considering our shared, very demanding major. Eventually, I also came to know of his obsession. That being affirmation from females. There was nothing he desired more than to be affirmed by women he was attracted to, therefore he considered friendship with other guys to be of little value. Therefore he was by choice, a loner who was continually angry (primarily at himself but also his view of the world around him).
His personality was as follows. He didn't have too much to say, and was an obvious introvert (long before I knew what that word meant). And he was ashamed of his body. In particular, the fact that he was lanky, lean - certainly not athletically built. We'll just say awkwardly proportioned.
Eventually, I also unearthed the fact that he'd come from a rough public high school experience where he'd been the target of much ridicule over the previous years, growing up in small town south Mississippi.
And finally, he drove this piece of shit Izuzu pickup. Manual transmission. Glass packs. Hideous custom paint job (with chrome decals). What was he negatively thinking, (this question ran through my mind regularly) and how does anyone spend that amount of time doing just that?
After actually befriending Bill (during the second half of our college career), we took this piece of shit all over Starkville in search of cheap food (Bill loves pizza). Keep in mind that at that point, he was a very differently tempered young man altogether than what I've described here despite the fact that he did not lose any of his core quirkiness, much of which had been covered over before.
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Fast forward to today.
Bill is now 46 (as am I), and he's seen a handful of psychiatrists / therapists through the years, taken some anti-depressants and anxiety meds and he's not at all ashamed of this. He (like myself) is married with children, works full-time and is a deacon at a local Baptist church. And keep in mind that I've also seen a handful of therapists myself! (Water seeks its own level.) I love this man like a brother.
This is what he shared with me at lunch last week regarding his former acquaintance (to Rob and most everyone else) self:
"I had to reach a point where I was fed up with feeling that way about myself and about my life, and I did this when I hit rock bottom. Therefore once that occurred, I changed everything I could in order to improve my negative thinking about myself, my situation, and all the bad circumstances from my past."
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Why is this important?
Because it gives me access to a turning point in someone's history whom I know and love today but didn't even attempt to know back then, and this gives me hope and understanding for other men whom I know and love today who are still on the far / other side of that line.
Despite the fact that I'm no longer scared to relate (as best I can) to present day men who are seemingly as insecure as Bill once was, I need as much hope and understanding as I can attain, taken from Bill's story or otherwise. Again, and I cannot emphasize this enough, Bill was troubled by his situation, overall insecure in his manhood and in bondage to all types* of female affirmation. All of this I could not relate to on any level which only added to my fear and (presently - considering more recent friendships) worry, worry, worry.
*including pornography
I am indebted to my old friend Bill for showing me where I likely need to reside emotionally (relative to one particular present day friendship) through this portion of your pre-Rob story. What a gift.
God is faithful in using all kinds of unlikely means to enlighten us within the present relative to those he's placed within our circle of influence. Thanks be to God!
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