Sunday, August 17, 2025
You Have No Control Over Your Friend's Priorities (Especially His Spiritual Priorities) As He Himself Leads As A Husband / Father
A few years back, I was blessed to meet Zane. I'd felt so moved to participate in a day mission trip with our church, Lakeside Pres, in order to expose my youngest daughter to "Delta Streets" in Greenwood, MS. This private all-boys academy was founded by a man who'd grown up in our church, and I knew enough of it to know of its impact and solidarity as a ministry.
It was a steamy summer day in '22 when our group of 15-20 Presbyterians made the early morning trek. Zane, at the time, was only officially visiting Lakeside Pres with his wife and two elementary age daughters. He'd heard about this Saturday missional opportunity, and despite not knowing anyone all around, showed up to participate.
And this speaks to one aspect of what initially and continually draws me to him.
Zane is like Superman. Selfless and willing to work really hard to help others. And this correlates too as it pertains to his physical stature. Though he's not a head & shoulders taller than most men, his upper body is built like an ox. That combined with the 4" neatly manicured black beard / olive skin makes him appear like some sort of lumberjack mercenary.
What I soon discovered too, that also correlated similarly (Man of Steel analogy) is that Zane sees himself as "not at home in this world".
He grew up impoverished in rural Mississippi, and though he physically exited that setting immediately following graduating high school, his heart never did. Every family member of his (& he's fiercely loyal to each) is still there, and they communicate regularly. As such, when opportunity knocks, he points his GMC truck southwest 'till he arrives in remote Franklin County. And once he's there, he'll stay as long as conceivably possible.
Zane's father died unexpectedly 2-3 years prior to me meeting him. In fact, according to Zane, as his father's health failed, he chose to suffer privately, and in lieu of seeking out medical care (his excuse was his lack of health insurance coverage), he passed away quickly as a result.
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With our family's platonic support (we quickly took these younger folks - they're about ten years younger than us - under our wing), Zane's troop joined Lakeside Pres. In line with that, his oldest daughter became involved in the church's youth ministry! This child is socially awkward, quiet and reserved. As such, it was a big leap for her (she's one year younger than our youngest daughter).
Up to the past few months, Zane and I have lunched regularly. He's a fantastic listener / very intelligent / great conversationalist, and I've found him to seemingly warm up to "life in the big city" as I've had the opportunity to expand his horizons a bit. Lol.
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What I've discovered though about Zane, that I cannot reconcile at this point, is how he prioritizes for himself & his side of the family (his people back home), the opportunity to fill shoes that belonged to his dad. Is it guilt or loneliness or laziness / rut, or is this actually normal behavior that I shouldn't even question?
His dad's deer camp is the epicenter of this role play.
For those of you who've no idea what deer camp is, let me provide a quick overview.
A large percentage of rural (& urban) Mississippi white men aggressively hunt the white tail deer (& prepare extensively year-round to do so - via bow & gun season) at their individual deer camp. The camp itself consists of hunting land along with some semblance of a centralized waylay point. This hub can be as basic as a series of makeshift structures large enough to shelter antiquated RVs to elaborately designed / built lodges that feature every imaginable, present day luxury.
What Zane has access to back home, now that his dad is deceased, is far more in line with the former than the latter.
Nonetheless, when his dad died, he chose to purchase his father's membership within his particular club, and from there, he's never looked back.
The older men who were once his father's community have now become his community, and he absolutely loves the experience of "carrying the torch" forward. These men, no doubt, love Zane as they loved his dad in their own unique ways. Like father, like son. As such, I've no doubt they, in turn, grieve their loss of Zane's father through his very presence.
As such, though he's loathe to admit to it, investing his time / energy therein is his main emotional / spiritual priority. It feels natural and safe. Plus, it's home for him.
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What I'd hoped for in Zane when he and his brood joined our church was for that commitment to be more than checking a box. And as you can imagine, me seeing him VOLUNTEER his time so selflessly early on only added to that hope.
But his deer camp family is where it's at, therefore his church family has always been / continues more & more to be kept at arm's length. And it may remain that way for as long as I'm privileged to call him friend.
Why does this matter?
If Zane were a bachelor, it wouldn't. But he has a wife and two daughters, one of which just entered high school.
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White women who're wives / mothers, typically do the prioritizing (choosing) to either put their families in the church house on Sundays, Wednesdays, etc. or never darken the door. Women tend to care about their family as a unit, and for those who see holistic church involvement as an asset, they're going to own that pursuit for their brood. Therefore, their husbands need not necessarily lead in this regard. Instead, the role of deacon / elder may serve to be their primary focus therein.
Within Zane's family, this isn't the case, therefore due to Zane's priorities being elsewhere (as I've described above), church has slowly taken even more of a backseat for his entire clan.
Zane's wife is, like so many women her age, captivated by every facet of social media. To the point that she's a conspiracy theorist. She also struggles with her physical self image, but partially due to the social media captivation, makes no committed, ongoing effort to address the issue.
Zane's now high school daughter literally has her pocket computer glued to her face whenever she's awake (which based on my understanding is far too much considering the typical 24-hour day). And this child is highly intelligent and very, very secretive / manipulative.
And then there's the youngest daughter. She's sort of the tagalong of the fam. She's a tiny little thing, loathed by her older sister due to her ability to instantaneously draw attention / concern from seemingly anywhere.
All that being said, if Zane doesn't "rally the troops" each and every Sunday / Wednesday, ain't nobody he's responsible for darkening the door of Lakeside Pres. And I can't change that.
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In conclusion, here's another caveat for you to chew on regarding this friendship of mine.
Zane strength trains regularly far more than I do. In fact, we'll unexpectedly rendezvous at the Y during the week in the early evenings. In fact, that's become a more regular occurrence (when we first met, he was going during the wee hours of the morning).
And he's just as disciplined as I am regarding his specific routine. In other words, he's not there for any other reason than to put in the work.
If I didn't / hadn't come to know him through Lakeside Pres three years ago, I would NEVER approach him therein within that setting. In fact, it's quite humorous (internally) to me as I imagine what it must look like for he and I to chitchat whilst leaning over the bed of his GMC truck out in the Y parking lot (as the sun sits low over the western horizon) post workout. We're an odd coupling, for sure.
And we could talk for hours. For whatever reason, he considers me safe and I too see him as such in turn.
I think in many ways, I'm like one of those older men from his Franklin County deer camp, but I just happen to be here in the "big city". And I'm fine with that. I just worry about his brood as I see time / opportunity slipping away. But is this worry misplaced / overblown?
And that's how I prove to myself that I love this man like a brother. It's my desire to want the very best for him and his family.
Nonetheless, I can only pray and provide support in light of the influence I've been afforded for such a time as this. This brother is NOT a Samson brother. Hence, restraint is expected. Ultimately, I need faith to let him lead his life / family as he sees fit. It's the respect I owe him just as he's afforded that same respect towards me.
Saturday, August 16, 2025
Recommended Reading
The Mission of My Life, John Henry Newman
"God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about."
Thursday, August 14, 2025
Decent Jocks Choose Not To Invest In (Nor Advertise Towards) A Harem Of Whores
Professional athletes (male) aren't just physically superior on the playing field. For coitus is a physical activity too. And alongside coitus is libido for which pro athletes typically have in spades.
I remember the occasion like it was yesterday.
My family had chosen to take a new friend's (our church's then Associate Pastor) children to a "Gatti Town" pizzeria for dinner / game night (the year was 2010). Whilst seated in the dining area, eating the restaurant's unimaginably greasy pizza, there playing on the wall television was none other than the following:
What's interesting to note is that this young man apparently loathed the fact that his own father (who'd been dead for four years when this press conference was taped) had a penchant for surrounding himself with whores. Earl Woods was very close to his son. So close, I believe, that he was his son's golf coach for much of his life. The harem of whores his father entertained were part of their traveling road show as Tiger played professional golf around the globe.
Strangely, like father, like son.
But the most shocking pro athlete sex disclosure (that I've heard) was this one:
Damn. That's disgusting. Talk about vagina masturbation...
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Earlier this evening, I screened 20-30 minutes of this video:
What struck me is how decent Ms. Swift's pro athlete boyfriend is. You can tell that he's made a decision to invest in knowing this very different human being really, really well despite their likes / dislikes / vocations / backgrounds. Another observation: Ms. Swift is no Amazon. Instead, she's no doubt a normal-scaled adult female (all around). As such, in contrast to her beau, you have to wonder how she's overcome the physical disproportion between her and her boyfriend. And speaking of her boyfriend...
He recently had a high profile photo shoot that exemplifies the fact that physically, he's in his prime.
If you know anything about the girl he's romantically attached to, she's introspective, extremely creative and the epitome of salt of the earth.
Yet, he's a physical powerhouse. Competitive, aggressive, forceful, masculine, jock, meathead, etc.
So, let's get down to the nitty gritty.
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If Ms. Swift's pro athlete boyfriend is to continue forward with this relational investment towards her (to the degree that he's sincerely displayed here), he's going to have to continue to wrangle his pro athlete size sex drive / high voltage allure 'till death do us part.
How is that possible?
I think first & foremost, he's got to choose to be satisfied in her holistically versus exclusively as a bed partner.
Ms. Swift has been very creatively public about her romantic history with men (her melodic compositions attest to this). In doing so, she's made it very clear that experiencing further (romantic) relational hurt is in no way a priority. As such, I have no doubt that her pro athlete beau has long since been privy to this (although I doubt he'd listened to much of her music prior to their first date).
Too, she's no longer a spring chicken. In other words, her eggs ain't getting any younger which is causing her biological clock to tick that much louder. Therefore, being upfront about her expectations / coupled with an intentionally slow descent into romance had to have been a huge priority for her. This is always a wise move, and she's obviously a wise (for her age) woman.
Of course, it's easy to see that he's just a big goofball. Fun-loving and kind. But that doesn't change the fact that he's a physical powerhouse. Competitive, aggressive, forceful, masculine, jock, meathead, etc.
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So, in conclusion, if they've had intercourse / any other form of sexual intimacy (& hopefully they haven't since they're unmarried) when did it occur and how often has it happened?
I'd speculate just recently and very, very little overall.
Why?
Sexual intimacy for nuanced women like Ms. Swift equates to an interweaving of deep seated emotions between her and her bedmate. As such, this is where the "rubber meets the road" so to speak relationally. Therefore, if the future holds a breakup, that decoupling will be exponentially more painful as a result of this emotionally validated genital connection.
(This is one obvious reason why the marriage bed is the VERY BEST place for sexual intimacy.)
All this being said, what about Ms. Swift's pro athlete beau's pro athlete-size libido / body / attention-seeking ambition? What's to be done with that?
This is what worries me. Especially considering the recent, high profile photo shoot.
Like so many pro athletes, Ms. Swift's beau undoubtedly feeds off of attention. And very recently, he's not been shy about appearing sexy and available in order to obtain it.
If he were my potential future son-in-law, I'd be asking, "What the hell were you thinking when you chose to allow those photos to be published? Within almost all of them, you look like a half naked oaf."
Living Out A Marriage Built On Lies / Deceit (HIGH RISK!)
I've been swimming moreso this summer than I've ever swam. This being the result of my gosh awful foot sprain (no more running!). Ouch. We're members of the Y, both of which have pools (two indoor / one outdoor).
One recent weekend, I couldn't help but notice a fellow sun worshipper / swimmer (young husband / father) stolen away from his lovely fam. As was usually the case on a Saturday, the pool was hopping with rednecks. This young white guy was lounging on the pool deck close enough to Rob for me to hear him covertly dialoguing with someone over his pocket computer. His verbiage was low and muffled, but distinct enough for me to know for certain that he was talking on his phone (sans holding the device up to his head).
I quickly surmised that he was there begrudgingly for an "all Saturday afternoon" outing alongside one other nuclear unit (friends from church / the travel sports team?). As such, for those few long minutes, both his wife / girlfriend and the children (his?) were splashing around without him, no doubt, all the while curiously wondering why he'd chosen to steal away.
His female companion eventually sashayed over adroitly in frustration. And that's when he lied to her about what he'd been up to.
From there, he exited stage left to the outdoor men's restroom. I have no doubt that another cellphone call ensued only this time, it was behind closed doors.
I strongly suspected he'd been / was now chatting to someone his wife / girlfriend wouldn't approve of.
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When Angie and I were dating (mid '90s), we traveled together to NOLA for some event related to one of her friends from college. If you've an avid reader of this blog, you know NOLA is where I first longingly gazed upon / consumed full frontal male nudity (photos within Playgirl) when I was a high school student.
As such,, as a follow-up to what had occurred in 1990, I took it upon myself to at least attempt to view some additional print smut whilst in the Crescent City. Nonetheless, I had to lie to my girlfriend / future wife in order to maneuver around her constant sweetheart presence (long enough to attempt to peek).
Had to lie.
Had to.
Lie.
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When I was participating in my third in-person Samson Society spring intensive / retreat in '17, a longtime Samson brother sheepishly admitted to having affairs with 26 women whilst married to his then wife. He said this with a grin on his face, having not gotten caught even once.
It wasn't long after that retreat that we unorthodoxically brought our families together for a restaurant meal. It was undeniable that my brother's primary intent therein was to adjudicate the looks of my wife in steed. I distinctly recall his decades-long bride being lovely, though my heart broke at her naivety.
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Mr. Nate Larkin has often triangulated me into friendships with married men who, like myself, experience same-sex attraction. And some of these have fucked A LOT of other horny men through the years. What's unique about these guys is the "seasons" of illicitness they tend to fall into, taking their entire adult lives into consideration.
Too, many of these men have wives that seem not the least interested in knowing the full extent of their husband's unfaithfulness. Instead, she chooses for it to stay much more conceptual.
This can make for a recipe for disaster.
Why?
Full disclosure as it pertains to unfaithfulness can do two / three extremely important things instantaneously.
1. Protect the wife's health. If she's privy to her husband's affairs, she can take steps to protect her physical body - both in that moment & on down the road.
2. Dramatically increase the chances that her husband won't cheat (at least to the same degree) again.
3. Kickstart / turbocharge her husband's recovery effort.
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Now, what's the future to look like post full disclosure? No one knows 'till that particular couple cross that bridge. And that's why so many men shy away from that journey. Especially if they're same-sex attracted men. For the shame over their attractions tend to burden them intrinsically. Not to mention having to deal with outside (normal) points of view (spouse / family) in respect to Full Disclosure.
On the flip side of this is the straight married man who runs headlong into illicit behavior unchecked, amassing years upon years of downright mind-blowing adulterous behavior (marathon / serial cheater). These are dual persona husbands / fathers who gravitate towards strip clubs, massage parlors, phone sex and porn as if they have two dicks to contend with.
When these men finally reach the end of the line with their tortured spouse / family, though they may beg / plead for mercy, everything related to those previous familial relations will be lost forever.
I've seen it with my own two eyes. Samson Society has delivered that fatalistic point of view to me on several occasions.
Wednesday, August 13, 2025
Tuesday, August 12, 2025
Sunday, August 10, 2025
Hosting A Samson Society Newcomers' Meeting Has Bolstered Rob's Recovery / The Beauty Of Giving Back
Prior to me "gaining access" / being formally invited into the First Baptist Church Jackson in-person Samson Society group back in August of '14, the host, Mr. Don Waller, vetted me via a one-on-one counseling session. I know for a fact that I was somewhat unique in that regard because I watched, over time, as uncounseled bros would simply step into our meeting with no one having any prior knowledge of them or their story. As such, there were some individuals who arguably weren't well suited to be involved in this ministry.
If you know me at all, you've realized that I'm a very straightforward guy. As such, if I'm going to invest my time / energy in something, unless I'm unable (for whatever reason) to decouple myself at will, I'm going to need to believe that it's not a waste of my time in order to continue forward.
This is why I partake so little in culturally significant entertainment here at age 53. It's just so hard for me to look past the notion that I'm staring blankly at a plastic / projection screen whilst pushing plastic buttons.
Too, entertainment isn't real. Everything is scripted. Everything is staged. Everything is driven by profit. And frankly, it's just the same as it's always been ('80, '90s to today).
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There's never been a moment when involvement within Samson Society has seemed / felt like a time waster (& that's even when I was hosting an in-person Samson group at our church & there were just one or two brothers faithfully attending).
Another attribute of Rob's is I feel obligated to give back whenever I've received generously in kind. I believe this is via the Holy Spirit. Of course, this isn't always intrinsically possible, but when it is, I'm onboard.
And that leads me to why I jumped at the chance to host a "Newcomer's Meeting" when a slot came available.
Imagine counseling nine men simultaneously. I had the opportunity to delve into that during the latest weekly "Newcomers' Meeting" that I had the privilege to host.
Now, do I do anything other than listen to their stories? No. Do I do anything other than listen to how they found this ministry? No. Do I do anything besides listening to what their expectations are regarding participating within Samson Society? No.
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It's like I'm Don Waller now. Gently assuaging. Deliberately analyzing. Deftly summarizing (Samson Society as a whole).
What a privilege to give back. What a privilege too to be on the cusp of where the Lord will take these brave men as they delve into The Path
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