The Successful and Worthless Husband: Five Marks of Foolish Men | Desiring God
Monday, October 9, 2023
Saturday, October 7, 2023
Reflections on a "Desiderata Life" pt. 1
Reflections on a "Desiderata" life, pt. 1
The word "Desiderata" can be traced back to the root word "Desidero" in Latin. Loosely translated, it simply means "desires of the heart."
The Latin Word dēsīdĕro
has several meanings. Of these several meanings, the most fitting one can be seen as:
To desire or to want, to long, to wish for, to request, to require, to need
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Sometimes, life is just noisy. Right now, I am in a season of life where I have very little "alone time." The moments, the hours, the days and the months...they are quickly fleeting and vanishing. Many times, I have to remind myself to slow down and take it all in. The moments when my soon to be ten year old son says something funny that makes me truly laugh from deep within or the moments when my fifteen year old dog wants to lay next to me in my favorite chair and snuggle as he rests his weary body...moments such as those are quickly fleeting and will soon vanish.
As someone who struggles with (but is recovering from) anxiety and depression stemming from past abandonment and rejection issues, isolation and alone time can be dangerous for me. As an introvert with a capital "I," isolation comes naturally and quite easy for me. Indeed, I love to isolate and be alone; I find it easy to tell myself that I don't need people...
But the honest truth is, I do need people. I really do. And people need me (or at least I would like to believe they do.) As crazy and non-stop busy as life is at times, I remind myself that I need to be mentally present, be engaged, and love others while doing life. And so it is, that I choose to go "placidly amid the noise and haste" that is my everyday life. But there are small pockets of precious time, windows of opportunities if you will, that I am afforded times of silence. Sometimes my old dog and I sit together in our favorite chair as I read God's word or a novel. Sometimes I will leave my desk and take a quick stroll around the beautiful campus of the venerable and esteemed institution I work for. It is there that I find peace; I find peace in the silence.
Nearly five years ago, on a cold January day in 2019, my oldest friend had brain surgery at Vanderbilt University Hospital in Nashville. As a surprise to him, I drove to Nashville the day before his surgery to be with his family and sit with them as he went into surgery the next morning. Because of work and school commitments, this was a solo trip and my family did not accompany me. As soon as he went into recovery the afternoon of his surgery and I knew he would pull through, I left to make the return trip back to Mississippi. On the return trip home, nearly 7 hours in length, I never once turned on the radio or had any distracting noise in the car. My time during that trip was spent in conversation with God as well as ruminating in my own thoughts. To this day, that has been one of the most peaceful trips I've ever been afforded the privilege of having. 7 hours of glorious silence. It did my soul an amazing amount of good.
"Loving others as God loves me." This has long been my mantra in life. Even as an introvert, I have discovered in my middle-aged adult years that I am incredibly needy when it comes to having others (especially men) in my life. As much as I love to isolate, isolation is dangerous to my soul. Very dangerous. As an adult male, I have been blessed to have found incredible friendships, camaraderie, and support in other men who have risen up and helped to heal the broken young boy who still lived inside of me. They have done this by meeting me where I was, loving me unconditionally, and walking with me down roads that were not always easy to travel on. Loving others does not mean that I must always get along with everyone or even agree with everyone's opinions. Quite the opposite. It means that I am willing to rise up and meet others where they are as I love them for who they are. It means that I hold on to my own convictions and beliefs while simultaneously stating to them "I hear you, I love you, and I am willing to listen to you even as I hold on to my own values." We don't have to agree with everyone about everything in life. That would be a fallacy. It is also impossible to do. True beauty in life can be found in peacefully co-existing with others and valuing them as fellow human beings even in times when you don't always agree.
My challenge for you this week is to go "placidly" amidst the noise and haste that might perhaps invade your everyday life. Love others whom you encounter during those "noisy" times. And most of all, look for those beautiful moments of silence (though small they may be) and cherish them as you use them wisely; let those moments of silence, those moments where you find your peace in the solitude, be the fuel that gives you strength to go through the noise and haste in life.
~S
Thursday, October 5, 2023
Wednesday, October 4, 2023
Join Us! 2023 National Samson Society Retreat - Van, Texas
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"I Found Jesus In Prison..." Ethan #13
Yesterday marked the 2nd Anniversary of Ethan's death. I still miss him and wish I could go back and talk to him one more time.
~S
In Memory of Ethan
February 28, 1991 - October 3, 2021
"For it is true, we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so, it's those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love them completely without completely understanding."
Norman Maclean ~ A River Runs Through It
Tuesday, October 3, 2023
What Does It Mean To "Do The Work"?
I can only speak for myself as a Samson guy whilst answering this question.
Doing the work for Rob is positioning myself in healthy ways to "be seen". And not by everyone mind you. Instead, I'm referring to only the select (mostly Samson guys) that I'm interested in bringing in close.
I've written recently about me identifying with an innate "invisibleness" that's haunted me throughout my life. Similarly, my wife identifies with this void as well. It's one of the ties that bind us together as a couple.
Invisibleness is centered around the feeling of (or actuality therein) being dismissed / overlooked / marginalized when you're confident that you shouldn't / don't deserve to be. The last part of that explanation is centered on you yourself recognizing your own value / understanding it to the nth degree.
Because Samson Society is so very horizontal as an organization, from day one, I've felt comfortable pursuing friendships with men therein. What I mean by horizontal is the vast majority of Samson guys are involved - & rightly so - due to crisis. Marital, vocational, personal, spiritual, sexual or some combination. Hence, due to this homogenous trait, there'll never be any semblance of Samson Society attempting to mimic the Rotary Club (no one's there seeking a leg up).
In light of everyone finding themselves welcomed into the community - literally face down in the dirt - the desperation for help absolutely levels the playing field. As such, guys like me (desperate to be seen) raise few, if any, suspicions whilst pursuing intimate platonic relationships. And even if that someone targeted is seemingly far different than I seem to be - at least on the surface.
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Being seen by Samson friends (& otherwise) strategically undermines my desire to consume gay porn. How? To answer that question, I firstly must explain the role gay porn plays in Rob's mind. For me, today, as a 51-year-old, consuming gay porn satiates my need to "be seen" via a technique I've dubbed "bisecting".
Bisecting is me placing myself within the role of the porn star(s) and basking CONFIDENTLY in the cinematic / photographic attention. And this is particularly easy to do if these men meet my masculine archetype whilst sufficiently persuading me, as their audience, that their actions are rooted in love / tenderness versus animalistic desire.
There's a lot to digest there. But that sums up the role gay porn has paid / continues to pay within my life.
Now, how might relational accountability via friendships with Samson brothers (or otherwise) strategically undermine my desire to consume this false reality (gay porn)?
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I had to reach a crisis point of my own in order to be positioned to look away long enough (from my gay porn consumption modus operandi) to chart a new path. And God allowed that to happen in September of 2013 via my job loss from Delta State University. It was absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to me despite the fact that it was the most painful / emotionally debilitating.
Had that re-positioning (perspective) not occurred, I would have never taken The Path seriously enough to find the slow forward march of recovery at all worthwhile.
From there, I turned my attention - one Samson guy at a time - towards the pursuit to be seen HEALTHILY. And oh, the satisfaction in finally finding a worthwhile means to "right this ship" / manage my trauma, etc.
In closing, following The Path is the most selfish of pursuits for it demands constant course correction as you navigate relationships within (& eventually outside of) this community. What I mean by that is your recovery is of the utmost importance, even far outweighing the long-term cultivation (via commitment) of friendships within this community. Commitment is for marriage. Not friendship. That being said, King David honored Jonathan, his dear friend (whom he loved moreso than any woman), long after his friend's death on the battlefield. King David did this by acknowledging his legacy via his offspring. It was a sweet gesture, but it in no way implied that David's love for Jonathan was as intense / relevant as it once was.
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Thank you, dear reader, for your faithfulness to my posts. You too are part of that strategic undermining of my compulsive sin-laden go-to, and for that, I'll forever be grateful. I feel seen today - in some small way - thanks to you.
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