Harnessing The Intense Pain Of Rejection To Justify Revengeful Murder

Commenting on current events very rarely happens here, but I must say that the active shooter mass shooting in Kentucky yesterday, (4/10) tied my stomach up in knots.  

If the newsfeeds are to be believed, the shooter had been terminated very recently (last week?) from the bank where his livestreamed assault occurred.

Per everything that's been published about the young man, he lived a very blessed, fully supportive life that many would envy having had the opportunity to experience.  

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When I was terminated from Delta State University in September of 2013, the lack of professionalism therein was shocking.  Ultimately, to be demonized and have the majority of your dignity stripped from you via people you look up to is powerfully defeating and isolating.

I too remember, in response to the intense emotional pain I was left with, having thoughts of seeking some sort of murderous revenge.  I recall how disgusted I was at these intrusive scenarios, yet in spite of this, they were at times, quite hard to dismiss.  

Nonetheless, I had the good fortune of being able to easily relocate our family from that setting within +/-30 days of the termination occurring.  Putting that distance between helped tremendously relative to beginning the process of analyzing what had occurred and why in tandem with putting a damper on my vengeful thinking.

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My termination happened unexpectedly, having worked there for almost one year.  Hence, their ridiculously harsh adjudication hit me like a lightning bolt.  The campus architect position was quite demanding overall (& equally as fulfilling).  Therefore, once I was termed, everything came to a screeching halt.  

If I can say anything here that you, dear reader, might take to heart regarding rejection, it is this:  Though you may experience it horrendously from your work, family, friends, God has NOT rejected you.  Too, in time, you will very likely find people who're willing to come alongside you and support you in light of your circumstances.  

The prospect of exacting revenge on individuals who reject you IS NOT IN LINE WITH GOD'S WILL.  

The Bible is clear.  It is God's place to exact revenge.  Not ours.

May the Lord's presence be ever so close to the victims' families as well as the family of the (now deceased) active shooter there in Kentucky.

Lagniappe

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Grit Required (Samson Guy Job Description)

Suicidal ideation is never to be taken lightly.  

Let me state firstly that when I initially walked into a Samson Society meeting back in August of 2014, I certainly sensed that fostering friendship was at THE CORE of the ministry, and that these friendships would be borne out of GREAT need (as a result of men being either within or having experienced the bitter taste of crisis). 

Prior to this, I myself had quite recently dealt with intrusive suicidal thoughts (over the course of a handful of months), and in actuality, it was those oppressive ideations that ultimately fostered me into said Samson meeting (kudos to my dad for his help).

But I suppose it was my naivety that cloistered me into suppressing any notions of actively befriending other Samson men who might similarly walk this dark road.

Because here we are, and no doubt, suicidal ideation is one of Satan's most widespread ploys.

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There's a local (Metro Jackson) "Christian" periodical that features the serial writings of a therapist (who just happens to be paralyzed and subsequently wheelchair-bound), and he's not at all shy about commenting on his longstanding confrontation with suicidal ideation.  

It can be unsettling reading his work, and I'd be willing to bet a dollar that most readers quickly take a detour whilst encountering his willingness to nonchalantly reveal this particular roosted personal demon. 

Now that I think about it, it's probably not too different from hearing someone announce that they're same-sex attracted, particularly if they're active within a fundamentalist church / presenting themselves as a "traditional, Biblical sexual ethic" believer.  

Nonetheless, suicidal ideation is a tough, tough subject that needs to be discussed on a regular basis.

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The primary descriptor for Rob is either level-headedness or arrogant asshole, and I first came to realize this during my teen years.  The Operator of the Chick-A-Fil I was employed at made this observation.  

I believe a lot of this trait (pick one) can be attributed to my best friend during that same era.  His influence was paramount in this regard.  Greg was unflappable when it came to the stress of standing up to opposition / difficulties of any kind.

My mom, too, genuinely displayed this cool-headed quality (level-headedness).  I couldn't help but be influenced by her modeling of this approach.  

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Nonetheless, you needn't be a Vulcan to be an effective Samson guy, though grit cannot be underestimated in its effectiveness relative to handling hard topics / situations.

And this is because you're going to face many of those (either past or present) as you walk alongside your Samson brothers.  Grit is simple determination to keep pressing forward no matter how difficult the circumstances become.  It's a mindset versus a character trait, and it can be called upon by ANYONE.

Regarding walking alongside a brother whose faced / facing suicidal ideation, I cannot stress the need for grit enough.  For there're simply few other topics more inexplicitly depressing, worrisome, triggering (I hate that word!) than this one.  

Why muster the determination to not back down from carrying the weight of this macabre topic?

Because, everyone who's brave enough to step into Samson Society needs to be seen.  No matter where there at for such a time as that.

Happy Easter !

 HAPPY EASTER 2023!

Lagniappe

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The Ultimate Parasocial (Imaginary Friend) Relationship(s) - An Explicit One OR 5K Unassuming (Fully Clothed) Ones?

Recommended reading:  Parasocial Relationships Are Just Imaginary Friends for Adults - The Atlantic

At some point during my middle school years, my next-door neighbor relayed some 900#s (prerecorded phone sex blurbs) for me and my friends to delve into.  If I remember correctly, we called firstly at his abode, and from there, I naively took the handful of numbers home for further investigation.  This was during the mid-80s. 

It wasn't long before I was calling these "pay by the minute" numbers (Imaginary Friends) regularly after school.  My father had a "home office" crammed (literally) into one side of our third bedroom, and on his desk was a phone that I'd often use if I wanted any privacy.  

Oblivious to the "pay by the minute" phone charge, how shocked I was to have my parents approach me therein relative to the exorbitant telephone bill!  I recall apologizing before quickly blaming the neighbor boy's influence.  

This really has been my only exposure to phone sex of any ilk.  Whilst looking back, I'm thankful that I was too young / naive to understand half of the explicit words being said into my ear via the sultry prerecorded 900# voices.

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A huge part of my trajectory relative to my recovery from chronic gay porn (Internet) consumption was me gaining an understanding of my longing / need / desire for being seen clearly by other men.  Particularly men who I had respect for.  Consuming gay porn enabled that illusion with remarkable ease (Imaginary Friends).  But at the same time, it (these Imaginary Friends) perpetually served as a misanthrope (feedback loop) in proportion to the greater intrinsic need that Rob had.

Nonetheless, I LOATHED consuming Internet porn because I'd long since earnestly privately rejected the trappings of culturally normal, if not celebrated, parasocial relationships (available via mainstream entertainment) as a college student (well in advance of the Internet coming to fruition).  Therefore, I felt deeply immature regarding my bondage to Internet porn as a result.  

So, what qualified Internet porn so differently than mainstream entertainment, in terms of fostering a parasocial relationship (Imaginary Friendship)?

For Rob, it was the overt explicitness.  Right there on my private computer screen.  Beautifully photographed / filmed, extraordinarily sexy and naked men having sex with themselves and other men.  

I'd never seen anything like it.  It was mind-boggling to behold.

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Yesterday morning, I worked out at the Y.  As there's been a handful of other times, a lovely blonde woman (about my age) working out too.  It's always been apparent that there's a bit of chemistry between us, though we've only spoken in passing.  She's about my age, and obviously quite dedicated to her own physical fitness.  

This AM, she was intentional about flaunting her spandex clad back end as I was doing floor-based roll-outs adjacent.  I remember thinking how awkward I would be feeling had I been straight.  

Nevertheless, I kept my head down throughout as I repetitively endured my set of roll-outs, choosing to not take advantage of the opportunity (ogling / flirting).

Whilst thinking back on that, even if I had been straight (& single), how akin it would have been for me to covertly seek out engaging within a parasocial relationship (Imaginary Friend)  (modeled perhaps after her "back end") than one directly with her.

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I'm at Sam's Club weekly, purchasing everything from fresh fruit to premade entrees (kale pasta salad!) and bottled water / staples for our family.  A few weeks back, I observed a couple "parking lot flirt" with each other as he assisted her in checking the fluids within her aging Honda Civic.  Throughout, they were sharing a vape while she took every opportunity to touch / embrace him (mostly from behind) as if he were a big teddy bear.  

She'd arrived firstly onto the vast asphalt pavement.  From there, he strategically pulled his full-size pickup alongside within just a matter of minutes.  

I made no attempts to disguise the fact that I was observing their flirtatious behavior in real time.  

Eventually, they walked into the giant discount retail store together with her arm around his waist.  And even whilst inside (I bumped into them), she continued her tactile affirmation.  

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I'm not convinced women overall find themselves ensnared by the pervasiveness of explicitness as we men so often are.  Most women are interested in far more subtle means of sexualization.

+/-15 years ago, I gave my sweet wife a freshly purchased copy (Amazon) of Bondi Work by Aussie photographer, Paul Freeman.  And I did this on Valentine's Day, hoping she'd "drop her guard" and begin to relish the naturalistic beauty of superbly (explicitly!) photographed men.  

Perhaps she'd have received my gift with a more positive response had there been less genitalia so prominently displayed throughout the coffee-table book.  

Nonetheless, it's a book of photos taken by a same-sex attracted man, therefore there's no shortage of digitally enhanced junk.  

In the end, my gift fell as flat as the time I gifted my mom (a six pack) CFL light bulbs for Christmas.

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A close friend recently divulged his belief that he's "rejection phobic" in tandem with being ADHD.  As far as I know, my friend's not been clinically diagnosed ADHD, but based on his own personal research, he very much believes himself to be.

I felt so humbled to have been bequeathed this discovery from him.  So much so, in fact, that I've now found myself historically ruminating on it, on occasion, ever since (I've known this friend for well over a decade).

What strikes me as slightly unconvincing though regarding his revelation has to do with him unaccounting for his deep entrenchment with parasocial relationships (Imaginary Friends).  Whether they're explicit (pornographic) or not.  For social media has been and is today's parasocial relationship floodwater(s), having inundated almost every facet (demographic, race, individual, corporate, nonprofit, religious & on & on) of humanity's existence.  My friend's (& his wife's) life is no different than the average bear relative to social media.  They are (& have been for a decade plus as far as I know) deeply entrenched therein.  As such, THEY ARE CULTURALLY NORMAL.

Nonetheless, is there no more culturally relevant place to be impacted by the parasocial (Imaginary Friends) than social media?  Social media, with its seemingly harmless yet infinitesimal display of photos, videos, memes, emojis, likes / dislikes, truncated statements, and on and on?

Question:  Has my old friend accounted for the role social media's been allowed to play within his life over the past 10+ years relative to the difficulties he has today whilst engaging face-to-face? 

I can't help but wonder about this.

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And this leads me to...

My argument against social media is as follows (in line with the notion that real, authentic relationships more often than not, take a back seat):

1.  There's less time ("crowding out") for them (taking into account the time spent engaging with parasocial- Imaginary Friends - relationships online).

2. I'm of the opinion that social media junkies' brains have literally been re-wired to devalue authentic relationships in comparison to the vast quantity of parasocial ones (due to the brain's allegiance / time spent therein to social media).

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In closing, I circle back to the young couple flirting in the Sam's Club parking lot as well as the aforementioned fitness beauty at the Y.  

Though I didn't engage with these individuals beyond observation, there's no doubt they were not Imaginary.

In fact, regarding the latter, I'll perhaps see her again in a few weeks (depending on when I next visit the Y).  

What sets these individuals apart is I had / have the opportunity to engage with these folks.  And there's miniscule risks that any of them are going to shed their clothes as a result.  This is normal human relational behavior that can be built upon - no matter what the outcome might be (rejection or otherwise).

Now, go back and re-read that article.  It's profound and incredibly thought provoking.  I'm of the opinion that it can be applied to every Samson guy's life.

Lagniappe

More lagniappe 

Recommended Reading

Tree of Shame: The Horror and Honor of Good Friday | Desiring God

Recommended Reading

I'm A Therapist Who Treats Hyper-Masculine Men. Here's Why My Work is So Important. | HuffPost HuffPost Personal

Recommended Reading

 How exercise leads to sharper thinking and a healthier brain - The Washington Post

Recommended Reading

 How mobile phones have changed our brains - BBC Future

Recommended Reading

 Seniors, here's why you really should exercise - MediaFeed

An Evening (In Gluckstadt, Mississippi) With Mr. Nate Larkin!

Thursday, April 13, 6-8:30 PM Vertical Church

(Dinner 5-6 PM)

All the details can be found here:  Nate Larkin — Lifeworks Counseling

How Might Chronic, Sexual Sin (Adultery) Impact A Man's Long-Term Physical Health?

Prologue:  I'm more interested in adultery here versus fornication because typically the latter is tied to younger men, and younger men are usually overall physically healthier.

Too, adultery (chronic or standalone event), if successful, requires a husband to be deceptive.  Deceiving one's spouse (in tandem with going against one's internal moral compass) takes coordination and a willingness to break vows.  This cheating will instigate a strong physiological response.  I believe, for some adulterers, they're (sickly) more drawn to this response than the sexual trysts themselves.  

Fornication typically represents a pattern of sexual sin that's in line with one's "youthful" paganism.  In other words, it's not at all out of sync with a bachelor's "culturally expected modus operandi" as a playa.

Adultery, within western culture, (thankfully) is still strongly frowned upon for spouses to participate within.  That, I believe, is what could make it all the more deadly (for both the marriage and the adulterer).

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Adultery being rooted in deception / lies relative to how a spouse is spending their "down" / free time cannot be underestimated in terms of its debauchery potency.  For not only does it, by definition, involve lies, but it loops in a third individual (by definition innocent) whose life is also being intimately affected.

So what does this do to a man's physical body when adultery, particularly chronic adultery, occurs?

Firstly, there's the obvious.  The potential to becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. 

Besides that, I'm really wanting to hone in on the moral dilemma / fallout / stress (& all the physical ramifications therein) that adultery brings to bear. 

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Russian husbands are culturally expected to be adulterous.  Mistresses = masculinity within that country alongside being inebriated via vodka (prolonged weekend binges).  In fact, I'd argue that it could be one of the latter's primary purposes - to chemically mask over the former's moral heartburn.

Based on my observations, regarding husbands residing on domestic soils, more often than not, they're quick to confess their moral failings (to their wives) in order to:

1.  Hopefully acquire immunity to becoming a repeat offender

2.  (Within their mind), most efficiently reckon with the overtly burdensome guilt / shame resulting from their actions.

Taking into account an American husband who's constantly repeating his sinful shenanigans, whether it's prostitutes, massage parlors, phone sex, anonymous hook-ups, and so forth, could his lifespan be tremendously shortened as a result?

I believe so.

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When the brain is rutted towards adulterous behavior, the culprit therein is a false identity that's taken hold of the husband.  An identity that's somehow feeding off of the man's need relative to identifying himself as worthwhile / valuable.  

If a husband's primary desire is respect, wouldn't that desire firstly be rooted in self-respect?  What more efficient (read:  fast), more masculine way is there to achieve that than via chronic adulterous behavior - especially taking into consideration the seduction dance, acknowledgement of attraction, and ultimate sexual experience (all of which can be successfully pulled off within a matter of hours)?

I realize it sounds animalistic, but the point here is to focus on the false identity.  

And it's this false identity (hypocrite) that's so polluting.  For when it's in control, it's hijacked the rationale of the husband.  Therein lies the high-risk to his health / well-being.  For it's grounded in counterintuitively misaligned values which then promulgate a roller coaster day-to-day existence (constantly being on the lookout for illicit sex opportunities).

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I have a divorced & remarried Samson friend who's in his mid-60s and his health is failing.  The majority of his life, he was the chronic adulterer, having had illicit sexual trysts with hundreds, if not thousands of women.  

The origin of this brain rut, for him, was a sexual relationship he developed (freshman year in college) with the mother of his then girlfriend (who also happened to be the wife of his pastor).  

The false identity (that I cited above) was borne out of this reprehensible amoral relationship (which took flight whilst he was a young man).  A sexual relationship that continued to thrive for close to a decade.  Hence, this false identity became Godzilla-like relative to deeply rutting this man's psyche.  

Could the damage done via this - Godzilla-like false identity - be what prematurely ushers him to his grave?

It's important to know too that the pastor's wife had many teenage young men suitors (similar to my friend).  

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This question comes down to the following:

Are our bodies negatively impacted via morally despicable behavior?  Particularly morally despicable sexual behavior?

The Bible speaks to this.  For it cites sexual sin as "sin against the body" which sets it apart.  It also mentions our bodies being vessels for the Holy Spirit.  

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If my retired Samson friend HAD NOT participated within those illicit adulterous sexual relationships as a result of him refusing the initial advances of his girlfriend's mother (his pastor's wife), would he today be a physical healthier man?

I'm convinced he would be.  Yes.  Absolutely.