Your Reputation (Race / Sex / Sexual Orientation) Precedes You / Take A Chance On Me

What must it be like to grow up as a young man within this culture who happens to be black as well as a devout Christian.  To be more specific, a Christian who's motivated to remain faithful to all Scripture as well as his role as an adopted son of God, taking his faith seriously indeed, and therefore looking to eventually marry and have children, giving himself the privilege of leading as husband / father.

Within a similar vein, what must it be like to grow up as a young man within this culture who happens to be gay as well as a devout Christian.  To be more specific, a Christian who's motivated to remain faithful to all Scripture as well as his role as an adopted son of God, taking his faith seriously indeed, and therefore looking to eventually marry (a female) and have children, giving himself the privilege of leading as husband / father. 

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My local McDonald's was once (& may still be) managed by a black man named Charles.  Charles was close to my age (46), though a few years younger.  We'd chat on occasion when I was in the restaurant sipping an iced tea or mocha frappe.  I'd sometimes attempt to steer the conversation towards his faith by asking personal questions relative to church, and I recall specifically him citing his disdain for his local black congregation due to their propensity to embrace adulterous behaviors as part of the norm.  That was sad to hear but intriguing from the standpoint of him reneging on his people group.  Which leads me to...

sorta my own lot in life as a Christian man who's also one who struggles with homosexual desires yet chooses to see my fellow gay behaving brothers as headed in the wrong direction morally.  

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I grew up in the '80s at First Baptist Church Jackson.  At that time, the Senior Pastor was Dr. Frank Pollard.  In terms of articulation and humility plus intelligence, there's was none moreso than Dr. Pollard.  Considering FBC was a Southern Baptist church, this made his tenure there all the more special.  Frank Pollard was born and raised in west Texas, therefore in terms of minorities, it would have been Hispanics more than blacks that provided local color during his growing up years.

One Sunday morning during one of the three sermons he was slated to preach, Dr. Pollard made a statement that drew ire of the one singular black choir member up in the loft.  The comment amounted to him citing his pity towards blacks relative to their people group as whole, and from there, the black choir member took it upon herself to exit stage left.  As you can imagine, it was akin to other publicity stunts that people feel so moved to enact.  But, I must say, it got her point across.  And that is, no one, no one, no one needs to expose hard, unspoken truths.  That is, unless you're able to codify that truth with real world experience.  

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Powercoitus

+/-10 years ago, I dedicated myself to strength training / bodybuilding.  I started with a once a week workout before (after 6 months) graduating to twice a week.  7 or 8 years ago, I trained for a 5k with a group from Lakeside Pres and haven't looked back.  So, at the present, I strength train twice a week and run twice a week.  As a boy who shied away from athletics, instead embracing music and art, this was a significant paradigm shift for me that wasn't easy in the least.

Most middle age Mississippi men are overweight as a result of zero involvement in physical activity.  Fried foods and loads of carbs are their mainstay southern meals, topped off with either booze or diet soda.

And oddly enough, Christian men seem no different overall here in the great state of Mississippi.  I didn't want that for myself long-term despite the fact that it feels like a natural progression as men age.

This trend is fueled by a lackadaisical mindset towards being fit that's become epidemic.  Hence, a man's tastebuds rule along with his eyes.

See it, smell it = eat it (lots of it).  Physical fitness = zero interest.

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On Christmas Day last year, I went for a run with one of my daughters who was riding her bike beside.  I believe it was around 10 AM.  Our typical route is essentially an access road that runs parallel to adjacent neighborhoods to our own.  From what I recall, it was sunny out and very mild.  Whilst making our way to our turnaround point 1.5 miles from our house, I couldn't help but notice an SUV loaded up with four fat, unkempt mid-30s white men who were all glued to their pocket computers, poking and scrolling, punching and loving on those precious things.  20 minutes later, during our return trip, they were more or less in the exact same spot idling in the middle of the road, all doing the exact same thing.

Then I realized what they were doing.  Call it a cultural epiphany.

Christmas Day Pokémon.

I then stopped running and walked up to the vehicle.  It took a few seconds for anyone inside to take note of my presence before the driver rolled down his window.  From there, I asked him if I could pray for them.  He stared at me whilst rapidly blinking.  I then reached in and grabbed one of his hands.  He reflexively put down his cellphone and bowed his head.  My off the cuff prayer for these men went something like this.

"Dear Lord.  Thank you for this Christmas and for Jesus who we celebrate on this special day.  We pray this morning for a mindset of honor and respect towards your holiness and love for us.  We ask that you help us to be men who acknowledge the gift of your son, Jesus, throughout our lives.  Go with us throughout the remainder of this day.  In Jesus name I pray, amen."

From there, I smiled, thanked them and continued to run.  And I haven't seen them since.

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Over the past few weeks, I have made one change to my strength training regimen, and that's incorporating powerlifting (or some semblance thereof).  Powerlifting is maximum weight, but for Rob it's really just much more weight than I'm used to for a few less reps.  Still, it's been a shock to my system on one hand while truly invigorating me on the other.  There's something about pushing myself towards a breaking point within 10 steady, very heavy reps.  In fact, it actually hurts to do these reps at some of my joints.  All in all though, it's energizing to test my limits.  In many ways, I feel as if I've trained all these years to now move to this next logical level.  And not because I'm trying to prove something or gain additional muscle mass.  Instead, I'd like to think I'm headed in this direction as a natural physical progression - particularly considering that I'm not naturally athletic by any means.

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Back in 2014, a client of my 'rents up in the Mississippi Delta was interested in having us assist their hourly employees with enrolling them into Obamacare, therefore I was volunteered to take on this task.  Most of these were good natured, hardworking men who'd been employed there for some time.  It was interesting to assist them in enrolling, and obviously I learned a lot as they answered each enrollment question personally.

One fairly young man stated that he had fathered a dozen children via a dozen different women.  I asked him why, and he said he'd always wanted a lot of kids.  Thinking back on that today, I believe Eddie Murphy has a similar story that he's made no attempt to shy away from.  It also makes me think of men within countries like Belize or Africa where the notion of engaging in powercoitus is a way of life.

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So what is powercoitus?

It's the natural progression of intercourse when it's exclusively classified as a physical activity, divorced completely from the emotional / spiritual.  Not unlike strength training or running.

Coitus is meant to stay within the confines of marriage.  Whilst there, it represents the union between husband and wife.  But, of course, that's only by choice.  It's not like a husband's wiener will only fit within his wife's vagina.

So, what lays the groundwork for men to progress towards powercoitus?

Sexual activity early in life and multiple sex partners either prior to or during marriage.  Not to mention a propensity for some men to emotionally engage exclusively via sexual activity.

My Silas has stated that if there's one thing he could erase from his past, it would be his memories of the women he'd intercoursed with prior to marriage.  And this is due to the fact that those memories gnaw at him even today.  To be more specific, they complicate his relationship with his wife because they're part of a narrative that should never have been written with his body.

The Bible cites sinning against one's body.  Especially as a Christian, it identifies the body as the temple of the Holy Spirit.  Therefore, sins committed against one's body are distinct, and unfortunately make a lasting impression.

And this is where powercoitus begins to seed itself as a naturally feeling, physical progression.  All the while, the spirit of God living in us as Christians is prostituted.

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A new friend of mine (tangential to Samson Society), who's a resident of sunny Florida, has been married for decades to his beautiful wife.  They're in their late 50s, have grown children and numerous grandchildren.  This man is also into strength training (as is his wife), and we connected thanks to Mr. Nate Larkin at some point late last year.  It's been my privilege to walk with Todd over the past few months.

Throughout Todd's marriage, he's been unfaithful via +/-80 sex partners, and none of this powercoitus was anything more (initially) than for the fun of sexual activity alone.  On some occasions, the sexual relationship would develop into a friendship as well, but always, the initiator / language of connection (if you will) was sex.  If you do the math, taking into account a 20 year period of time, that equates to one new sex partner per quarter (every 90 days).  And that, dear reader, is a typical example of powercoitus.

Whilst dialoguing with my new friend about this eye-opening part of his story, he admitted that many, many more sex partners came to be - over the past 5 to 8 years - thanks to the advent of hookup apps.

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And that leads me to my conclusion.

Money making technology is being created / refined daily to exploit men's fleshly bent towards powercoitus.  That is sexual activity with no strings attached.  Hook ups.  Friends with benefits.  The swinger lifestyle.  And it's leading an awful lot of people straight to hell.

Therefore,

beware of powercoitus.  It feels so right and looks to make sense as a natural progression, but like everything else that works against God's will, it's a massive deception.

Lagniappe

Recommended Reading From My Favorite Pastor, J.D. Greear

https://jdgreear.com/blog/what-it-really-means-to-have-our-minds-transformed/

Traveling With A Liquid Drug In Your Hand

My first Silas found the motivation to commit to Samson Society via a cataclysmic juncture between his taste for booze (beer) and Louisiana law enforcement.  And unfortunately for him, this juncture occurred during a perfunctory business trip.  I'll never forget the privilege of accompanying him to his arraignment (+/-18 months later).  I watched him stand before the judge to officially start the lengthy legal process of living out the punishment / procedural hurdles for his wrongdoing.  Afterwards, I recall eating lunch with him at Five Guys (my first time) there in Lafayette, and though we were glad to be done with those proceedings, the brevity of what had just occurred within his life as well as the lives of all the other drunks / now criminals, seated itself deep within me.  In the end, it made me thankful that I'd been reared within a household where alcohol was absent.  It sent a message of normalcy downstream from my 'rents.  A message which elevated teetotalers as individuals who could have fun, be funny, feel confident and emotionally whole (be cool) sans booze.

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The private academy where I attended high school didn't do a lot of preaching to us middle to upper-middle class suburban white students.  There were only +/-40 in my class, therefore each K-12 grade had its distinctly averaged behavioral aroma, and as a result, the primary identifiers (students) within my class were definitely on the rebellious side.  Perhaps that's why an "expert" was tasked with coming in and dialoguing with us about alcohol.

I remember her asking us firstly what the most popular recreational drug was across the globe, and I spoke up and answered her with alcohol.  She seemed a little surprised at my response, and whilst looking back, I don't know how or why that particular word came to my mind.

Unless...

there is that one family member who is an alcoholic.  His shenanigans did make an impression on me as a child.

The "alcohol expert" was engaging.  To all of us.  She was confident and obviously smart not to mention physically attractive.  I felt fortunate to be hearing from her relative to being reminded of why I'd chosen not to drink booze.  As a teen, having outside (of parents) positive influence speaks volumes.

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Drinking alcohol is and always has been cool.  Kind of like tattoos are now cool and therefore will always be cool going forward.  It's an identifier of who you are based on the drug type - beer, wine, liquor, cocktails, etc.  Again, like tattoos, highly customize-able.  Therefore, most all adults drink alcohol, but I'm convinced that whilst traveling away from home, they do it much, much more in order to ramp up their cool quotient.

I know this because I've observed it firsthand, but too, I hear friends talk about how booze plays into their travel-time reflexively.

So, what does it mean to be cool?

To be cool is to not be a freak or seemingly freakish.  Cool people radiant that they belong within the crowd instead of on the perimeter of it.  Coolness draws no attention to itself, therefore it's in no way anamolous.  It blankets an individual and therefore imbues confidence.  In fact, it's a confidence that necessitates a desire for always being cool.  Hence, the pursuit of boozing.  Especially whilst experiencing the elevated stressors (new settings, inherent risks, unforeseen delays, dampened expectations, etc.) of travel away from homebase.

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I was in the southwest region of our beautiful country most of last week.  January had been declared a dry month (from booze) for a number of people who were with me whilst away.  One colleague exclaimed her anticipation and excitement of February 1 relative to returning to booze.

And there's the rub.  Boozing starts out exclusively for cool before becoming tasty and delicious on top of cool.  And oftentimes, it leads to intoxication which points back to the beginning of this post and the inherent risks.  This migration is risky in and of itself.

The next time you're traveling (preferentially by air), play a game.  That being, "I Spy".  Within all of the travel mags on the flight and otherwise, take note of the over inclusion of booze, photographed beautifully in order to emancipate the setting(s) from any implied un-coolness.  From there, observe people at eateries, those with and without bars, both in the airport and at your (assumed) vacation destination.  Take note of their beverages of choice.  And finally, watch yourself and how much you too are actually drinking to be drugged.  And remember, if you want to be cool, look to tasty and delicious booze.  Just don't ask yourself how much experience / usability by God you're forgoing whilst pursuing cool.  Personally, I do believe (within certain settings), the answers to those questions will be sobering and then you're back to un-cool.  And this is exactly where the alcohol industry wants you to shy away from.

Not uncool

What May Happen When They Find Out Who You Really Are

Demonization*

Get preferential help today by investing in yourself and others through Samson Society.

*Relative to morality, the Bible Belt exempts no one from marginalization.

What I Want In Lieu Of What I Need To Hear

Early on in my involvement in Samson Society, I watched a close friendship between two young Samson men implode seemingly overnight.  These brothers in Christ were closer than any two men I'd ever had the privilege of knowing.  They were both of similar ages, one was recently divorced and the other a bachelor.  Both loved adventure - playing games, spending time outdoors, knocking back a few beers together.  And each of them found each other within Samson Society here in Jackson.

And then it was over.  And from there, the bachelor jettisoned Samson Society from his schedule pretty much entirely.  It was so unfortunate.  He was one of the most articulate, compassionate, energetic men I've ever met, and man oh man, did he have an incredible backstory.

And then he was gone.

I ran into him at some point last year in the grocery store, and unfortunately, I could not remember his name.  It had been that long.

I realize friendships are typically short-lived.  That fact is not shied away from within the Samson Society charter.  But, many times, there's intentional sabotage when one party is offended or simply tired of hearing the truth relative to his situation in tandem with his proximity / distance to the truth teller(s).
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The topic that caused such consternation between these two young Samson men was too deadly for one to not ignore (out of love & concern) and too personally definable for the other to yield on (or to even consider yielding on), therefore implosion occurred.  Observing this dynamic was such the eye-opener to me relative to how difficult it actually is for we as men to digest criticism that we simply do not wish to hear, and subsequently how cowardly we can behave in response to our not wishing to face said difficulties.

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The 'hood I grew up in was '80s Madison through and through.  Cookie cutter ranch / usonian houses with little to no differentiation stylistically.  In other words, think of the opposite of what you find there in 2020.  Our hood was 50/50 blue and white collar whites, and where we resided on St. Augustine Dr. afforded us the privilege of living adjacent to a plumber, his wife, and their 3 children.

Whenever our kitchen sink would become clogged, our neighbor would generously come and unstop it shortly after receiving a succinct phone call from my dad.  And this seemed to happen often.  But when it did, this was the one time we'd actually see the patriarch from next door - up close and personal.  Never once do I remember my 'rents inviting them over for lunch or dinner.  To church or otherwise.  And all this purposeful / intentional distance stemmed from proximity (stone's throw) to one another.  Had our plumber neighbor lived with his family 10+ miles away, and perhaps had been a client of my father's, then maybe there'd been more of an effort made to minister / be hospitable.

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My point is this.  Samson Society moves you into the same "platonic neighborhood" with a group of men.  For the most part (99% of the time), these men are investing within the ministry in order to mature forward whilst being within an authentic - weekly meeting - community.  Over time, God's going to speak in and through some of these men.  Considering that truth, your greatest discomfort is going to come from facing the arbiter of that criticism again and again (whether you agreed with it or not) as your continue forward within the ministry.  And this is purposeful and healthful.  Keep "iron sharpening iron" in mind here.

The reason neighbors rarely invest relationally within each other is to avoid the risk of ticking someone adjacent off.  And to carry that analogy forward, it must also include the notion of possibly having to pick up and relocate (or vice versa) after being offended / ticked off, and who wants to do that?

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Samson Society is such the Catch-22 in this regard, and the only way around it (that I've found) is to be really inconsistent with one's attendance.  Therefore, those large gaps in time can serve as an emotional buffer zone.  Not at all unlike residing next to an Airbnb.  But who really wants to reside next to an Airbnb?  Nobody.

Parallel Coursework

I had some dear clients of mine ask recently about my experience (primarily collegiate) as an architect.  This inquiry stemmed from their middle son's interest, and their collective responsive apprehension.  Most educated people know that the pursuit of becoming an architect isn't for the faint of heart.  But as I detailed my thoughts to them, I couldn't help but recognize the similarities in character needed to also thrive within Samson Society.  Here are my top 10 (in no particular order):

1.  Courage to be vulnerable to criticism (lots of it) from people you don't necessarily respect.

2.  Team players need not apply.

3.  Strong work ethic

4.  Overarching generosity and selflessness relative to participating on behalf of the (betterment of the) community as a whole.

5.  Strong sense of humor (related to #10)

6.  Willingness to grow in one's faith

7.  Looking for a personal challenge

8.  A love to hate (at times) attitude

9.  Male (I realize I'm sexist)

10.  Humility as you look upstream at where you're headed

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The thought of being involved in Samson Society:

The reality of being in Samson Society:

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In the end, I encouraged them to spend a day with their boy at the School of Architecture, taking a private tour.  This will allow them to see firsthand what their expectations are.  Plus, he'll see students and their work on display throughout the building.  I distinctly remember making this journey for myself as a high school student back in the '80s.  And for me, it sealed the deal within my mind of what I felt compelled to move towards academically.

Similarly, if you're thinking about becoming involved in Samson Society, you should take the time to pay a visit to a local meeting.  And arguably do so multiple times (at multiple venues) in order to find the specific meeting which fits your own personal bill.

Standing back and looking into Samson Society from a distance is no good.  Take the dive today under the guise of "personal / spiritual reconnaissance work".