"The High Cost Of Transparency" - JR Everhart

That’s my sin hanging on the cross of Calvary.  It’s a symbolic display of all my darkness and evil placed on the shoulders of innocence and kindness.  Though ultimately it was my Heavenly Father who sacrificed / executed Jesus, it was the weight of my sin that killed him.  I was part of the mob crying out - "Crucify him!" - every time I refused to walk away from sin in my life.  I was the one that helped set a murderer free (Barabass) instead of Jesus, because he stood in the way of the things I loved so much about this world.  I was the evil ruler who doubted his truth.  It was me that spit in the face of God and said “only I can know what is truly right and wrong in this world…”  that if God loved me he’d stop judging my selfish desires, which is the only shred of comfort I can find from my trauma and pain.  I’m the one melting down my treasures God blessed me with to mold it into the God of my choosing.  Into the thing I worship over God's distant and vague “relationship”.  I then certainly mocked Jesus with my rebellion and twisted his truth to align with my own, exactly like the Pharisees did their law.  A little twist here and a little twist there, deforming God's requests for holiness into a perverted gospel that speaks religious dogma, only benefiting those lost in their own lustful pride for life.  My eyes are never satisfied and my heart holds nothing sacred.  I betrayed my brother and raped my sister while Jesus stood at the door of my heart knocking.  So, before I can ride my religious high horse into the sunset of sin, I must first stare into the face of what scares the hell out of me… Truth! 

It’s only in the face of my dying savior, weighted down by my sin, hanging on a bloody cross dying the worst kind of death for me, that I can even begin to understand his love for me.  It’s only through watching him suffer for my sin that I can understand the hope of the resurrection.  It’s only through a brokenness that reaches to my core that I can fully surrender all my evil desires to him. Understanding his great love is what ignites hope in me, helping me to see that I need his forgiveness each and every day. 

Oh, wretched sinner that I am… forgive me of my rebellion and pride!  Humble my heart and draw me closer to you.  I have no hope without you in my life.  I am tired of hurting the people I love, and need your wisdom to open my eyes to your truth.  Help me lord!  Have mercy on your servant, for I desire what is right but get so lost in the dark carnival of my desires.  Guide me Lord, and restore my soul. Shine your loving kindness on me and establish me as your faithful servant.  Open my eyes to your understanding and enlighten me to your will.  Build my faith, Jesus, and imprint your truth on my heart. Purify me and comfort me in times of temptation.  Reveal the enemy’s lies to me as if I was a 7-year-old, and set my feet on your solid rock.  Thank you, Lord for never giving up on me… in the wonderful name of Jesus… Amen.