Pay Heed To The Reactionary Brain But (Whilst Appropriate) Refuse To Yield To It.

Fight or flight.  You've heard that term.  It represents how the reactionary brain responds to situations that pose a threat to it.  

Typically, the reactionary portion of our brain lies dormant 'till we're in need of some immediate reaction, but there are times when it kicks in unbeknownst to us as a result of unintentional (or intentional) re-traumatization of some sort.

Keyword here is re-traumatization.  Repeat.  Rerun.  Redo.  

Let's say you were reared by a belligerent, intimidating, control-freak father who abandoned you at birth, agreeing instead for you to be reared by his in-laws (your grandparents) within the same small town where he resides.  You do see him & his new honey on occasion (every other weekend), but you're no doubt on his watch (schedule) throughout.  Therefore, even clothes shopping with him (as a teenage boy) is stressful, seeing how he monitors the clock constantly, rushing you through a process that's not meant to be rushed.  Hence, please allow this short descriptor to serve as a glimpse into the circumstances which resulted in the emotional trauma.

Now, fast forward +/-20 years and you're a strapping young man with a beautiful wife and two lovely daughters, but you don't realize just how susceptible / vulnerable you are to re-traumatization in this regard because you don't recognize it as such.  Instead, all you see is "how things always were with my dad".  And you take this approach because ultimately, you don't want to do the work needed to analyze your asshole father relationally / circumstantially.  We all know that thorough analysis takes time.  But, in your mind, that's time better spent doing other things.  Things that don't seem so superfluous.  Yet, in the end, it's your laziness that destroys both opportunity and friendships as re-traumatization occurs.  And, at times, in the most clandestine of situations when you least expect it to.

The takeaway here is to do the work.  Especially as you're seeing more and more collateral damage result.  The relational corpses are pleading with you here.