The Story of Trying a Triad
When I went to my first Samson Society meeting I knew what I was getting into, but I was reluctant to engage in a Silas relationship. I had two tapes playing in my head: “Check in every day?! C’mon, you can’t even talk to God every day. You’ll never be able to do it. You’ll be marked as a non-compliant wanna-be.” And the other one went something like this: “You don’t need a Silas. You can do this on your own. Just keep this between you and God. Anyway, how’s that guy going to help, he’s here for the same reason you are.”
Okay, full disclosure, I was partially right on the first one - I suck at daily check-ins, but I was dead wrong about the possibility of recovery without a Silas. The Silas relationship isn’t a recovery option, it is an essential.
Once I swallowed hard and asked Walt to be my Silas, I discovered why it is central to the Samson Path. That said, after a few years of check-ins, irregular as they may have been, I was wanting more, looking for some sort of next step in my recovery. I discovered Walt was too.
I wondered if adding a third and making it a triad of Silases might be that little something extra - you know, that cord of three strands thing. My thought was to increase availability, accountability, and add another perspective. Maybe that would spice things up a bit and enhance all of our recovery efforts.
There would be no Silee, we would each function as Silas/Silee with each other, all responsible for daily check-ins. We decided to give it a go and we added Lonnie. Now after two years of doing a Silas Triad we can confidently affirm it works.
Here are the takeaways from our Silas Triad experiment:
• It is a good enhancement after a year or two of the traditional model. Our reasoning is it takes a while to get used to checking in with a Silas, trust the system, and value the process. Before it gets stale, switch to the triad.
• It is harder to fall into a rut of same-old-same-old check-ins.
• It is harder to BS two guys.
• The shared wisdom of three is far more impactful.
• When one is struggling, the encouragement of two is also more impactful.
• One out of the three will always be available, making an in-the-heat-of-the-moment live check-in more doable.
After some trial-and-error, we settled in on daily three-way text check-ins (we still fail at “daily” but grace abounds), an extended phone call every 2-3 weeks, and an in-person get-together once a quarter-ish, either at a local restaurant or one of our backyard fire pits because we live relatively close to one another.
The traditional check-in model is: "This is what I'm feeling...thinking...doing...and thinking of doing." We have modified that, adding ND (which stands for “not doing”), Trig (which stands for “triggers”), and PFM (which is, how you can “Pray For Me”).
Here’s what a typical text check-in will look like:
→ F - I’m feeling tired and stressed
→ T - about how far behind I am at work
→ D - nothing bad but last night I was SO close to the ditch
→ ToD - checkin in with you guys more frequently - I need it
→ ND - I need to call when I’m super tempted but I don’t
→ Trig - girls at work in spring dresses AARRGH!
→ PFM - relational warmth between my wife and me
More often than not the text check-in takes about 90 seconds and responses about 30 seconds just to let the sender know he's been heard. Longer feedback is always appreciated. The periodic three-way phone call takes about 60 minutes, and the get-together is an evening.
If your Silas relationship is getting stale, or if you’ve cycled through several Silases, try the Silas Triad, it just might do the trick.
Drop me a line with questions and feedback. If I get enough I’ll update everyone in a future NBB: Tom Moucka, tom@samsonhouse.org 
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