Whilst providing commentary early on during the weekend, I made this statement during the February Samson Society regional retreat that I attended in Gulf Shores, AL, and understandably, it freaked everyone out a bit. These retreats are about bringing individually prepared stories (of blessing & of harm) to the group setting prior to formally presenting (reading) each. There're no more than 15-18 Samson guys in attendance at these, therefore the scale isn't too overwhelming, especially if you're not a newbie (which I wasn't).
Friday, (2/18) afternoon, I arrived at the retreat location around 3:30 PM. The Airbnb that Chris & Kris had reserved for our group was nicely situated between the Gulf and Bay. It was quiet enough for us with plenty of chilly Gulf breeze to remind us of our proximity to the water.
Upon making my way inside, I arbitrarily chose a bunk on the top floor of the elevated structure within a room that could easily sleep six within three metal-tube framed bunkbeds. After putting some clothes in the washer downstairs (I'd already been on the AL roadways during the latter half of the week), I made my way back upstairs to unpack my things for the weekend. And this is when I met my newfound friend, Ben.
Ben also chose a bunk within the six-man capable room I was now situated in, and he looked absolutely nondescript. So much so in fact that it was almost as if he was wanting to be invisible yet, of course, still very much present.
-------------------------
Interrogation is my strong suit. I know it's a trait that was honed during my architectural career. Back in the day (early involvement within Samson Society), I was dubbed "The Dentist" for good reason. Drilling down seemingly comes easy for Rob.
Why take this approach? Self-protection. It's a technique that allows me to vet individuals with laser precision relative to their threat level.
Threat-level?
That's a figure of speech, but there's some truth (still) to it.
When I first stepped foot into a Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society group back in August of 2014, I was overwrought emotionally. Blanched. Spent. Played out. Languishing. Punished. Beat up. Therefore, I, by default, began asking questions. Lots of questions of everyone around me (within that first group). It was all I knew relative to protecting myself from further harm. Think of it as a defense mechanism disguised as curiosity.
-------------------------
Ben was middle-aged like myself, and immediately, he reminded me of someone from my past due to both his vocal inflections / tone and build. That person being a neighbor who understandably rejected me (almost two decades ago) upon gaining (I chose to divulge) a cursory understanding of my sexuality. Hence, I allowed myself to see Ben (to some degree) as such, thereby giving myself permission to lay down my defenses (having long ago privately forgiven this individual), taking into consideration this weirdly doppelganger reboot-like experience.
There was a somewhat quiet mezzanine space within the Airbnb that Ben and I spent time together on both Saturday and Sunday mornings prior to group time (around 9 AM both days). He drank his coffee while I sipped ice water out of my insulated cup. The leather sofa and loveseat provided us with a cozy spot that wasn't too private. And our time together felt equal which was very cool.
Now let me expound on that statement.
Ben was / is where I was (somewhat) in August of 2014, yet he's not so determined to shield himself by being intrusive.
So what's the point of this tribute to the regional retreat?
I've been serving Ben as his Silas for a few weeks now, and ever since Monday of this week, he's been serving as my Silas.
Ben represents my third long-distance Silee (he lives in Atlanta), but what's unique to our relationship, & subsequently has been really helpful this time around, is the relational foundation that was laid during the retreat. I simply cannot underestimate that opportunity enough.
If you're willing to travel, participating within these retreats is yet another opportunity for God to work in and through your life as a Samson guy. This is why they're very important to me.
Plus, there's something quite special about bringing your own self to a newly formed group, made up of individuals from far and wide. Therein, it's easy to drop your guard and simply enjoy the experience with little to no fear.
No comments:
Post a Comment