Weekly meetings available to you are as follows:

Tuesday at 6:30 PM, Truitt Baptist Church - Pearl. Call Matt Flint at (601) 260-8518 or email him at matthewflint.makes@gmail.com.

Wednesday at 6:00 PM, First Baptist Church Jackson - Summit Counseling Suite - 431 North State St. Jackson. Call Don Waller at 601-946-1290 or email him at don@wallerbros.com.

Monday at 6:30 PM , Vertical Church - 521 Gluckstadt Road Madison, MS 39110. Mr. Roane Hunter, facilitator, LifeWorks Counseling.

Wednesday at 7:00 PM, Crossgates Baptist Church. Brandon Reach out to Matthew Lehman at (601)-214-4077 for further info.

Sunday night at 6:00 PM, Grace Crossing Baptist Church - 598 Yandell Rd. Canton. Call Joe McCalman at 601-201-5608 or email him at cookandnoonie@gmail.com.


Sunday, August 29, 2021

The Sperm Of The (Gulf Of Mexico) Hurricane

Tulane University championed a sperm study post Hurricane Katrina (16-years ago) that resolved the unexpected influx of impregnated women immediately following that catastrophic event.  The assumption was that romantic interludes sprang forth from bored couples who were left with "nothing else to do" post-Katrina except have intercourse.  But that didn't explain the exorbitant amount of pregnancies that resulted during that natural disaster.  For as we all know, birth control practices don't just cease to be when our normal way of life is turned up on end.

Hurricanes borne out of the Gulf of Mexico are unique in that their barometric pressurization is massively low.  Because of this, as researchers at Tulane have proven, sperm production within men's testes is uniquely impacted.  

Sperm's mobility is a result of flagella.  Flagella are "tails" on the end of sperm cells that whip about violently, and therefore propel the cells forward in search of the ovum.  

Men's testes are constantly manufacturing a gosh-awful-lot of sperm cells each day, and under normal atmospheric conditions, these sperm have flagella that are all the same length.  But within the unique atmospheric conditions needed to manufacture a Gulf of Mexico hurricane, sperm's flagella length & energeticness is massively impacted.  

Therefore, for about 2-3 weeks following a hurricane event, those men who're situated (hunkered down) within the direct line of the storm's impact will likely see their sperm production mutated as such for better (mind blowing sex) or worse (additional dependents) via these sorta now hipster single cell organisms.

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A sperm cell must puncture the ovum (or egg) within a woman's fallopian tube successfully in order for a zygote (fertilized egg) to spring forth.  The pathway up through the woman's reproductive organs is chemically hostile to the sperm, therefore most do not survive the journey.  Hence, when the few who do successfully locate the ovum attempt to penetrate, most are unsuccessful, due to physical degradation (fatigue).  

But this precludes the small window of occurrence of the Gulf of Mexico hurricane sperm (for those certain geographically & atmospherically situated guys).

These little buggers can travel up to 5x as swiftly than their normal flagella-ed brethren.  And as we know, accelerative speed not only equates to ovum penetrative power but far less exposure to those nasty uterus toxins.

Hence, females are successfully impregnated with stunning efficiency by their all-the-while ignorant mates...unbeknownst to them.  

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Another outcome of the Tulane study solved the prophylactic question as well.  At least regarding condom usage.

It was successfully proven that these Gulf of Mexico hurricane sperm were so vivacious / energetic that standard latex condoms weren't of high enough millage to hold them back (inside the rubber).  Often, upon ejaculation, these little buggers would simply power their way through the rubberized membrane, instinctively seeking out their target like so many heat seeking missiles.

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In conclusion, as we all know, a man's orgasm is a result of sperm's flagella "tickling" the stud's uretha gleefully as it ferries its way "to infinity and beyond".  This is what causes the intense pleasure of the man's reproductive organs at orgasm / ejaculation, with particular emphasis at the penis' head as the sperm blow past the authorities in pursuit of their final "launch" outside of the dude's body.

As such, Gulf of Mexico hurricane sperm, with their "super flagellas" exhibit such over the top orgasms for men, that the urge to have sex no doubt increases exponentially.   

This too, per the Tulane study, accounted for another factor in the sizable pregnancy uptick post Hurricane Katrina.  In essence, the average coastal dude became a stud overnight.  In spite of the fact that his pad had no electricity or potable water to speak of. 

Therefore, be mindful, all you guys down in NOLA / along the Gulf Coast.  Though the hetero sex you participate in over the next few weeks will be arguably the most intensely pleasurable of your life, you're moreso likely going to end up with a(nother) kid to tend to as a result.  

As I've always said, pregnancy sex is the best sex.  But especially during the few weeks after riding out a Gulf of Mexico hurricane.

  

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