An SL is a man with Short Legs. Essentially, his upper body and lower body are more or less equal in length. Hence, the moniker SL. Therefore, these men aren't tall which is one of those preferred physical attributes for men within our western culture. My assumption regarding this particular preferential treatment falls in line with the notion that physical stature equates to physical strength or somesuch.
The first SL I came to know was the Operator of the Chick-A-Fil I worked at in high school within Northpark Mall. Chris was not on the lower end (unreasonably short in stature) of the SL scale, but nonetheless, he was definitely an SL. I remember looking at his build one day and realizing how equalized his upper and lower body were, yet despite this, it in no way changed my opinion of him as a man. He simply looked like what I'd come to know as Chris - my boss, my friend, and all in all, a surrogate father in many ways.
A lot of guys are SLs. Many of which are very successful men, but mostly stratospheric success comes to men who're not SLs. At least whilst taking into consideration all of the non-SLs (tall guys) lumped together collectively.
An SL friend had lunch with me recently, and he implied that were he me, he'd not have motivation to live life. He did this via a rhetorical question that I'd never been asked prior (& believe me, I've been asked some humdingers). And the root of this implication was grounded within the notion that I'm permanently disabled (due to my sexuality) with no means of even internally (to myself) pretending otherwise.
I've been pondering this affront / his point of view for some time since, and this has got me thinking a lot about what I've observed of him over the years that we've been friends.
My SL friend wears lifts or cowboy boots almost exclusively. In fact, throughout my time of knowing him (+/-4 years), there's only been one occasion when he was not "artificially heightened". And I distinctly remember this occasion for his stature was +/-1.5" less, and this was quite the noticeable difference.
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This same SL friend likes to tout the hotness of his wife and how much regular sexual intimacy they participate in. Too, he's not one bit remiss to point out other hot women and how decidedly alluring to horny, heterosexual men they truly are (according to his point of view).
Therefore, as you may sense here, the majority of his confidence is rooted in a distinct heterosexual narrative.
Did I happen to mention that my SL friend is a pastor? In turn, this further complicates what I'm to think of his adjudication of Rob.
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You'll recall my participation within the Samson Society Blue Ridge retreat a few weeks back. This retreat was co-lead by my first Silas who now resides in Mobile, AL. The period of time that he and I were formally connected (Silas to Silee & vice versa) was during the latter third of 2010 to first quarter of 2012. And it's important to note that our relationship ended swiftly. It occurred via a schism that I never imagined would eventually be mended, resulting in complete relational (supernatural) restoration. But it did. My participation within the Samson Society Blue Ridge retreat was testimony to that unbelievable restoration.
Did I also mention that my first Silas from long ago was also (at that time, but no longer) a pastor?
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I love the church. For without it, I'd certainly not be a Christian. Plus, I'd not have met my sweet wife, Angie. Too, I revere more than any other vocation the pastorate. In fact, one of the primary reasons I agreed to befriend my first Silas was due to him being a pastor at the time.
Pastors make little money despite (at least within the Presbyterian Church) being required to obtain lengthy credentialing. They often experience burnout and yet are expected to give of themselves - above and beyond - what they initially envisioned their calling to be. Many of them have few real friends who aren't parishioners within the church they themselves pastor. And most, hope forlornly for more affirmation and less criticism, though few receive it. It's a tough, tough job. If not the toughest job.
Pastors' families are never out of the spotlight. Forever expected to be perfectly suited to their roles as wife / children of "the man". I cringe at the notion of rearing my own children within that particular paradigm.
As such, based on what I've SOMETIMES witnessed is this informality within their role. A comfortableness that's almost in line with being a government employee (bureaucrat). In tandem with that bureaucratic outlook is the notion that so few really want their job to begin with, therefore...I'm free to let my hair down completely. No holds barred.
Now, I'M NOT INSINUATING HERE THAT ALL PASTORS ARE SUPER INFORMAL, GOVERNMENT-EMPLOYEE TYPES.
But I have befriended some who most definitely are (or were). And I'm grateful for this, but also motivated to pray for these men despite the bruising that's come from their own hands.
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Now, let's return to this notion of SLs wearing lifts or cowboy boots to disguise their true height.
The question here is as follows. Are they (internally) better off disguising their SL-ness via their lifts / cowboy boots, or should they simply make peace with their build and stop pretending that they're taller than they truly are?
Another question - Is this method of disguising their true height, taking into consideration all of the implied hoops they go through to maintain the illusion, doing more to falsely bolster their confidence than the illusion is actually attempting to provide?
If you'd allow me to circle all the way back to the beginning of this post, you'll recall me mentioning Rob's archetypical SL. That being the Operator of the Chick-A-Fil during my high school career there. This wonderfully influential man made no attempts to disguise his height, and was altogether at peace with his stature / build. Plus, he knew me just as well as my current pastor friend despite my only being a teen. Yet, he never, ever implied that I was destined to live my life sans hope or peace despite my obvious struggles (which were readily apparent even then).
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In closing, it's hard to make peace with yourself, no matter who you are. Especially whilst putting so much stock in how other's view you. This is a sobering truth that applies to everyone.
But what's worrying is when pastors are struggling more with this than perhaps they should be or want to admit to. I mean, they're pastors. Shouldn't they be the most centered, assured, intrinsically selfless of all of us?
This friendship has now presented a confusing relational quagmire that I've no answer to (which is absolutely okay), but I am now convinced that whilst it not being resolved, said pastor's point of view (projected onto others) is doing some significant distorting.
I do know this. Pastor, get a grip / get some help. We need this of you. So much of our worth is dependent on how you choose to see us to be / become. For you represent our understanding of Jesus - in the flesh.
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