I hope to successfully relay here an experience that took me off guard whilst retreating last weekend in Blue Ridge, GA, and I want to do that to hopefully drive a point home about what can be the healthy, helpful uncomfortableness of pursuit.
Having arrived last Friday, (7/9) at the beautiful venue there in Blue Ridge with my colleagues, I was dog tired, having been up since 3:30 AM that morning. The majority of the +/-7 hour drive I'd either farmed out to others (who I retrieved en route) or experienced entirely as a carpooler. And that made for a much easier trip, yet I couldn't deny my exhaustion mixed with excitement.
A Samson guy from Mobile, AL had agreed to rendezvous with me (& an old Samson friend whom I'd retrieved in Northport, AL), and we did so in Montgomery, AL. This guy was referred to Rob by one of the retreat co-leaders (my old friend, Mr. Chris Inman). Being from Mobile, AL (as the co-leaders were), he'd therefore be driving through Montgomery. As such, it made sense to meet up there.
Upon doing so, I found myself queried a good bit from the front seat whilst en route from Montgomery on up to north GA by my now very new Samson friend / practically a stranger chauffer. And these inquiries were no doubt promulgated by my initial decision to volunteer an encapsulated version of my story (focused primarily on the past 9 years and my subsequent involvement in Samson Society). I did this with the hope (as usual) to create some sense of trust / comraderie. Plus, my new friend, despite his needing to command the wheel of his Camry, was listening with unusual attentiveness as his eyes shifted back and forth between the traffic ahead and backseat me in his rearview mirror.
We arrived at the beautiful retreat venue just a few minutes after start time (5 PM EST). And from there, delved immediately into the weekend's programming with all 14 very excited to be retreating Samson guys. That evening, as you might imagine, I slept like a dead man with so much involuntary snoring to annoy all of my three bunkmates.
More retreat programming was to be had Saturday morning after a hearty breakfast until Saturday afternoon arrived. From there, we had free time to do whatever suited each individual, and as such, some went fishing (Ocoee River), others hiking. But for me, I went napping (after a hot shower and shave).
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What surprised me were four words that sprang forth reflexively from my aforementioned very new friend from Mobile, AL later on that Saturday afternoon. Hence, the title of this post.
After I awoke from my wonderful nap (there alone in the then vacated lodge), I eventually re-engaged with another new Samson friend whom I'd met there at the retreat itself (late Friday evening), and this guy also happened to be named Rob (what luck!). He'd just returned from an afternoon outing to some waterfall with a small group of retreat guys, and from there, we both agreed to situate ourselves on the rear porch (overlooking the canopies of the Tulip Poplars) in order for him to relay his story to me (I had asked for his permission to hear his tale earlier Saturday morning).
45 minutes passed as he so graciously unfurled his past. Some tears were shed. It was a heady experience that I absolutely cherished.
Then we made our way back inside, for we knew we had just a few minutes to reassemble within the primary gathering space to continue forward with the weekend's group programming.
And that's when the unexpected happened.
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If you know anything about me and how I operate within the Samson universe, but particularly how I tend to operate during Samson retreats, I'm the guy typically doing the [intentional] pursuing. I do this because I like maintaining some perception of control over my environment, but especially environments where I'm surrounded by loads of masculinity.
Too, I enjoy to the nth degree staying within the background - as much as possible - during these retreat experiences. For it allows me to observe, observe, observe versus react, react, react.
But there are times when individuals force my hand in this regard. And that makes me super uncomfortable yet thankful too for their brazenness because as we all know, uncomfortable is good, if not best overall when it comes to seeing God move within our hearts.
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The Samson guy that I rendezvoused with in Montgomery, whom had taken such a keen interest in hearing my story during the ride up on Friday, (7/9) is named Bill. Bill slept on a trundle bed adjacent to my own up on the mezzanine / loft there within our beautiful Blue Ridge lodge. He'd poked fun at my terrible snoring Saturday, (7/10) morning, and surprisingly after lunch, he made a point to inquire as to where I'd be spending my free time Saturday afternoon (1 PM - 4 PM). Upon me stating that I'd be staying behind to shower and nap, he looked surprised and a little disappointed. But I immediately discounted this. Though I did find it really generous of him to tell me where the keys were to his Camry in case I did choose to go out and explore on my own (post nap). I mean, who does that? I was practically a complete stranger to this guy.
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So, as I was saying, after making my way back to the kitchen (from the porch where I'd just spent 45 minutes listening to "Rob 2"'s poignant story) to find some more bottled water, I ran into Bill who'd obviously arrived back at the lodge with his new group of Samson friends while I was "out back".
And it was then that he asked the following of me: "Where have you been?".
And he didn't ask this in a sarcastic tone with emphasis placed on the word you which is what you might expect from this very jocular guy. Instead, the entire phrase was stated with some semblance of urgency, which implied care / concern, with the emphasis on the words Where have. It was almost as if Bill had been anticipating reuniting with me upon his return (prior to our group programming formally resuming) there at the lodge.
I replied with some off the cuff smartass response before quickly making my way back to my seat in the gathering room, feeling quite uncomfortable, having been caught off guard entirely.
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Often within my Samson Society meeting introductions (& I even did this Friday night during our introductory Samson Society meeting at the retreat), I state that my primary issue is worthlessness. And I say this because it's the truth. And as a side note, what I've found, more often than not, is that many Samson guys struggle with the same distorted view of themselves.
Ever since my only-child childhood, I learned to pursue others with aplomb. Every friend and therefore most every engagement was arranged by me myself. And I didn't mind this for it amounted to normalcy for Rob. Looking back on that, I think it plays homage now by me being a decent Samson Society meeting facilitator.
But, through all of that, I did not receive much of anything (of any real significance) in return (except very controlled engagements with others). All and all, in spite of the few good laughs and the notion that I did have a handful of "friends", I was expected to do the majority of the relational heavy lifting throughout.
College was in many ways the same. And as the postcursor from high school friendships, my platonic modus operandi transferred over seamlessly.
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"Where have you been?". It's that one phrase that continues to resonate with me regarding last weekend. Despite the fact that it's been just one week since. I can easily hear it within my head.
Bill and I are slated to chat tomorrow, (7/18) night. He and I have text messaged most every day this week, and all that I'm sharing with you here, I've relayed to him within a series of iPhone message bubbles (with him acknowledging those and providing reply commentary).
I'm looking forward to feeling more uncomfortableness. It's a welcome change and such a blessing received from last weekend's Blue Ridge Samson Society retreat.
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