At "opportune" times, my father channels my late grandmother (his mother) with aplomb relative to his harsh, critical words / tone. And because he's my dad, his words carry far more weight than those from anyone else (besides my wife).
Our Independence Day holiday was spent with my folks, and it was a delightful, fun-filled day, but Robert, Sr., in turn, thanks to that time spent, was given the opportunity to silently critique that which was available to him (me and my family) therein.
And silently critique he did.
Therefore, yesterday, he chose to relay his criticism to me off the cuff while we were going about our business there at the family business (I work for my parents).
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Harsh, critical words from loved ones, especially older loved ones, hurt like hell. So much so, that I can see clearly how people who endure this abuse chronically often turn to drugs / alcohol / porn to cope with the emotional scars. It's only through God's grace that I've never chosen to do this, though I've certainly consumed countless hours of gay porn of my own accord.
As Christians, we are compelled and commanded to be honorable to our parents. This is a Biblical mandate. But, heavens to Betsy, this is tough to follow through with when your 'rents behave like assholes on occasion.
So what can be done?
Two things.
One, protect you yourself from the asshole. And I believe the best approach to this is respectful avoidance.
Two, pray for the asshole. Pray that he sees himself clearly and is convicted to repent.
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At times, we all say things that we regret. We all choose to behave at times - through our speech - harshly and with little to no care. This is a fact.
Put your focus on Christ today. His encouragement. His grace. His love for you. And let go of everything else. But especially harsh, critical words that have cut into your heart. Refuse to allow harsh, critical words from the assholes within your life to make any more of an impact than they already have.
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As a sidenote, I perused through the tome, Hope Heals by Katherine & Jay Wolf early this AM. It's a book that Angie was recommended, the story of which resonates (with both of us) relative to her 2020 stroke.
The book is written alternatively between both Jay and Katherine's perspective as they endure the trauma of Katherine's medical ordeal, therefore it's a very compelling (& easy) read. Highly recommended.
A section that stood out to me this AM was the patriarchal support Jay received from his pastor dad immediately following his wife's medical diagnosis and the subsequent daylong neurosurgery she needed to survive her specific stroke. Though Angie's situation last year was far less serious, I felt a bit hollow inside as I read about Jay's time with his dad praying, embracing, and weeping together.
My experience last year regarding Angie's stroke as it pertains to my dad was altogether different. Though no one could visit her in the hospital (COVID-19 restrictions), I was blessed to be geographically close by (our office is one mile from St. D.) during the day. Experientially though, for me, other than my mother asking a handful of questions each day, my dad never prayed with me, spoke any words of specific fatherly encouragement regarding Angie's situation, or even embraced me. In essence, there was no shoulder offered to cry on whatsoever.
It was as if what had happened to us was best chalked up to simply bad luck (or perhaps judgement), and as a result, he was now better positioned overall (since it hadn't happened to him). Or at least that's what it sort of felt like.
People have asked me through the years why I work for my dad once they realize just how pervasive his posturing really is. And it's hard for me to answer that question. For you see, it's all I've ever known. To me, it's Rob's version of normal.
In closing, I know many of you can relate to some degree to this travesty. You are not alone. All that being said, hold your head up as Christian men, and remember your Heavenly Father's love, affirmation, and specifically catered care.
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