Reproduction

An old Samson friend updated me yesterday regarding his being obedient to the call to disciple.  A friend of his who he'd left behind in the Carolinas (due to a subsequent relocation to MS years ago) received (from my friend) a gift that made quite the impact.

It was this book.

From there, after the book was digested, his Carolina friend gifted it to another Carolina man, and the rest is history.

Now there's a fledgling Samson Society group in South Carolina that reproduced from our Metro Jackson Samson Society groups.

And I just think that's amazing.

Who can / should you share the book with?  Decide on that today, and use it to introduce your true self to those you care about.

Rank & File / Hierarchy Of Heardness

I've always been a complainer.  Maybe it's because I'm an only child.  I've just never been shy about letting my frustrations be heard.

Now, I do know when to call it quits relative to complaining.  In fact, that's usually fairly clear immediately following the reaction (positive / negative / neutral) to the initial complaint.  And also, I attempt to thoughtfully consider my complaints before I "release them" into the ears of those I'm not happy with / want something from because I know everyone "hates a complainer" and subsequently considers "those people" suspect.  

I could list memorable complaints here and divulge their outcomes (there are a boatload), but I won't bore you with that.  I will say though that having served as a representative to homeowners within our 'hood (homeowners' association) for many years, I know the importance that most everyone sees / considers in being heard.

And that's the whole point of complaining to begin with.  Wanting to be heard.

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So what is the most important lesson I've learned in all my years of complaining?

The very first question that's asked regarding the complaint(s) is the following:

Who's behind this, and just how much authority / influence (if any) do they have over me?

The reason everyone's so obsessed with politics most days is related back to this very question.  We as citizens typically believe profoundly that if / when "our party" is in power, our chances of being heard (complaints) will increase.  Let's call it political leverage.

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Now, let me also say that in line with my propensity to complain, I too am an encourager.  And to take that a step further, I work hard to encourage far more than complain.  Always.  Always.  Always.

So, what in the world does this have to do with Samson Society?

Complaining is welcome at Samson Society meetings.  In fact, if you'd like, you can complain to your heart's content during your share time.  And...(and this is the good part) you will be heard as a brother and friend no matter if you're a decorated military leader, lowly ditch digger or anything in between.

For as you likely know (& subsequently the reason most people choose to not complain), most complaints are never really heard despite one's attempts to relay them forward in a timely manner.  That is not the case within the Samson community.

Samson Society, The Anti-Cult

Okay, I realize the word cult is too strong here, but if you'll humor me, I'd at least like to utilize it as a point of reference.  Cult is such a great word because it's short for occult which is one of the headiest words in the English language.

Cults are closed societies / organizations.  Zero outside influence is the end goal.  These closed communities are typically lead by a figurehead who manages the perimeter - so to speak - in order to keep threats (to his / her influence) out.  

Think of a cult as homeschooling for adults, and of course, this is its paradox.  Adults and homeschool makes no sense from the standpoint of adults needing to be able to think for / educate themselves, and this is what makes these closed societies / organizations dangerous as a mixture.

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Parachurch organizations can be like some churches in that they're extremely top heavy.  Strong, strong influence via the pastor, director, leader, minister and this influence is what draws individuals to those organizations - like a moth to a flame.  Some would argue - on both sides - that it's either gullible / vulnerable patrons who flock to these or intensely capable leaders who spearhead these - or some combination of both.  Again, it's a distinctive mixture.

But what of those parachurch organizations that don't have that heavily influential head man whom its members hang on every word from?  Too, what of those parachurch organizations that draw men in who're highly intelligent / discerning, most of which hold fast to humility / servitude and aren't necessarily looking for an end-all / be-all solution provider?

I would argue these orgs are the ones who're less at risk for toppling over upon themselves and far less at risk for hurting / disappointing / confusing its "members".  Not to beat a dead horse, but again, mixture speaks volumes here relative to maintaining this particular healthy / (long-term) helpful status quo.

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As a child, I had the experience of attending religious / pyramid scheme meetings with family / friends of family that represented organizations like these.  Even then, I knew something was awry.  And frankly, I have to say whilst looking back that it was the gullible / vulnerable attendees who were they themselves primarily to blame. 

Early on in my now new career (summer of 2015), coming alongside my 'rents, a savvy client of my dads convinced me to join in my one and only foray into the world of pyramid schemes.  Therefore, having paid our +/-$1,000, Angie and I then gained access and from there, I began my own investigative work as to what this thing truly was.

And it turned out to be a sorta, kinda cult thing with people at the top of pyramid jumping up and down acting like Rainbow vacuum cleaner salesmen.  So, that was it for me.  See ya.

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Sorta, kinda cult things make me feel like an idiot, and what I mean by idiot is one whom can't think for himself.  An idiot has little to any higher brain function either via genetics or trauma or some combination of both.

I know as I age that my mental skillset declines, but to counter that comes wisdom from a life lived and subsequently analyzed.  Therefore, I'm hoping the idiot category is one I successfully avoid altogether.  

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The world we live in today contains men from all manner of walks of life.  Their educational background, economic status, and so forth play into where they're conceivably going to land on either side of these extremes.  And I would argue one is far more sustainable long-term both overall as an org in and of itself combined with the notion of being an asset to its "members".

Samson Society - The No Bull Briefing Newsletter - July 2020

THE NO BULL BRIEFING NEWSLETTER - July 2020

Feature Article by Nate Larkin What's So Bad About Cross-talk? One thing that mystified me when I started attending recovery meetings was the weird rule against cross-talk. Why on earth, I wondered, is it so important for me to refrain from commenting on what someone says during the sharing time?  After all, we are meeting to help each other, aren’t we? What is so helpful about listening to a guy who doesn’t know what he is talking about?  If he is confused, why not enlighten him?  If he is depressed, why not cheer him up?  Why am I expected to patiently endure whatever someone says, no matter how messed up it might be, without offering any advice, correction, or biblical insight? Over time I came to see the wisdom of the No Cross-Talk Rule.  I learned that although the sharing time is a communal experience, its purpose is intensely personal. The circle of brothers is a sacred space, a safe place for discovery and self-disclosure.  When I open up during the sharing time and speak honestly out of my own experience, I am shaking off the shackles of shame and stepping into the light.  When I find the courage to make an uncomfortable admission or pursue a dangerous thought, I am pushing back against a culture of conformity and pretense. In this vulnerable moment, any unsolicited feedback from another participant, however well-intended, can completely shut me down.  And I am not the only one who suffers, for by focusing on me rather than on himself the cross-talker forfeits his own opportunity for fresh insight and risks turning the entire session into a seminar or a circular firing squad. In my mind, there are at least Five Good Reasons to Avoid Cross-Talk: Cross-talk is usually just correction in disguise.  When we choose to direct our statements toward a single person it is usually because something they said—or something they failed to say—made us uncomfortable. Feeling that our brother has fallen prey to falsehood or has overlooked some vital facet of the truth, we decide that we cannot let the moment pass without setting him straight.  We may try to do so without contradicting him, but our intent is clear to everyone in the room. We are correcting him. Correcting a man in the presence of others is shaming. Every man is sensitive to shame.  It was our fear of exposure, the deep belief that our true selves are unacceptable, that sent us into hiding in the first place. When our attempts at authenticity are met with anything other than respect—especially in public—we feel shame, and our natural reaction is to retreat and cover up. That’s why correction, even gentle correction, should be done privately whenever possible, and always by a friend. It is in two-man conversations rather than in public forums that “iron sharpens iron.” I might be wrong.   It is tempting for me to believe that I understand exactly what a brother is feeling or thinking or what he is really trying to say.  But what if my perception is distorted by the filter of my own experience?  If that is the case, then my effort to admonish or encourage my brother will feel to him like an unfair accusation. It is also possible that my stock answer is actually a relic from another time, a treatment that never really worked very well, even for me. If I will force myself to sit humbly in the discomfort of the moment, stifling the urge to dispense an easy answer, then a clearer vision and a deeper insight may arrive for both of us. It is a crime to steal another man’s epiphany.  When I can clearly see something that someone else is searching for, my first instinct is to point it out to them. I want to be helpful, and it is agonizing to watch a brother fumble for an answer that is obvious to me.  Any time I short-circuit a brother’s search for wisdom, however, I rob him of a personal discovery.   This is unfortunate, because secondhand wisdom has a very short shelf life. The insights of others tend to evaporate quickly. The statements that stick, the words that have the potential to change the course of a man’s life, are the ones he hears himself say in his own voice. My most helpful course of action, therefore, is to stay with my brother while he searches, providing only the feedback he specifically requests until the moment of illumination. Love listens.  Although cross-talk can sometimes be a twisted bid for dominance, most of the time we choose to preach because we are honestly striving for accuracy, for perspective, or for doctrinal purity.  Regardless of our motivation, however, we wind up behaving like Job’s friends, offering explanations and advice when what our brother really needs is company. More than answers, he needs empathetic friends, men who are willing to sit with him in his uncertainty and pain, who care enough to listen without lecturing. Our deepest longings are to be seen and known and loved.  Christ commands us to love one another, and love begins with listening. I am not suggesting that we must always avoid confrontation or that it is never right for Samson guys to engage in debate. Debate can be healthy, and there are times when confrontation is absolutely necessary.  Difficult conversations, however, are only productive when they are conducted in the proper atmosphere, an atmosphere of trust. And trust can only be built over time in relationships.   While cross-talk is discouraged in our regular meetings, it is not at all unusual for Samson guys who know and trust each other to launch a designated discussion group or a feedback meeting in which cross-talk is allowed by mutual consent. Even in these meetings, however, charity remains the rule. Our purpose is always to assist one another in our common journey, and we now know that it is better (in the words of St. Francis) “to understand than to be understood.” Ready to Meet In-person Again? Here's How to Add Newcomers to Your Group Roster Get the word out you are meeting again. Send an email to past group members. Post an in-person meeting notice on Slack. Notify local therapists and churches. Be sure to comply with your host facility Covid precautions. When newcomers join your group, be sure to add them to the group roster Sign in to SamsonSociety.com Go to "My Groups" on the Samson Society website Tap on the downward arrow Tap on "Group Members" Tap on "Add Member" - you'll need name and email If you haven't already, check out the new "Getting Started" tab on the Samson website! "Me when I think about how tomorrow is Monday" - Rhys Ferris Pay-It-Forward Idea Prioritize your recovery - when you consider all the things you spend your money on, how high on the priority list is your recovery? If Samson Society has made a difference in your life, add it to your monthly budget by making it an important line item. DONATE HERE. From Carey Nieuwhof: 21 Things No Leader Ever Regrets Doing 1. THROWING YOUR HEART INTO WHATEVER YOU DO I’m increasingly convinced that a white-hot sense of passion is one ingredient in churches and other organizations that are doing an outstanding job these days. Far too many leaders are phoning it in. If that’s you, hang up. Fully engaging the task before you with all your heart is one of the best shots you’ve got at making an impact. Too many leaders are phoning it in these days. If that's you, hang up. Click to Tweet 2. TAKING THE HIGH ROAD It’s easy to get pulled down into mud…arguing, jostling and getting caught up in cheap accusations that lead nowhere good. Don’t. Take the high road. You know what that is. Be kind. Don’t fight back. Prepare to be misunderstood. Forgive. Show grace. The high road isn’t the easy road, but it’s the best road. You simply never regret taking it. The high road isn't the easy road but it's the best road. You simply never regret taking it. Click to Tweet 3. SAYING YOU’RE SORRY It’s easy to apologize when you’re new or just starting out. Everyone expects you to make mistakes. It’s harder when you’re the leader. It’s hardest when you’re a successful leader who’s been leading a long time. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’re above reproach. You’re not. In fact, I think the leader should be the FIRST to apologize (I outlined why and how to apologize well here). So apologize. (CLICK HERE TO READ MORE) ANNUAL RETREAT UPDATE We're still on, but ... Lakeshore Camp and Retreat Center have to follow the Tennessee Governor's Covid 19 Guidelines, and those guidelines have been changing. We have agreed with Lakeshore a decision must be made by the first week in September. We are going to have a retreat one way of the other, even if it has to be online. We'll keep you posted through this Briefing, and we will post any immediate updates on the website.

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