Interdependence: mutually reliant on each other
My lawn maintenance man quit today. This was his second season to maintain the Turner patio home yard for $40 a cut, edge, blow. He even cleaned out my gutters this past winter. What an awesome lawn maintenance man he was! I'd always try to message him afterwards, letting him know how pleased I was with his work. Sometimes in the summer, he'd bring his sons (which he did today), and they'd work alongside him. This man was a professional who "cut yards on the side". I've known of him for many years.
Unfortunately, he damaged the finish on my home with his string trimmer late winter whilst manicuring my liriope. The repair for this work wasn't cheap, and I asked that he pay 1/2.
His rationale for quitting was that working for me was too stressful due to my expectations. He also cited that he knows my parents, and their standards would also be too high for him to work under.
So...he's going to continue to work for my neighbors (one of which recommended him), and now I'm left to find a new lawn maintenance man.
How delightfully awkward it will be to pass by his work truck and trailer in two weeks as he's maintaining my neighbors' yards and ignoring my own! There's a part of me that wants to simply not have our yard maintained anymore during this growing season, but I really cannot do that because...
-------------------------
Years ago, I served as President of the Homeowners' Association in our 'hood. Our patio home development was brought to fruition in two phases, and at the very back, there was a "gap" (for lack of a better word) in sidewalk that existed where one of the streets crossed over a gas pipeline ROW. The contractor who was working on spec homes adjacent to the sidewalk gap also constructed a home on our cul-de-sac years prior (one of our neighbors). Therefore, I decided to kindly ask him to consider completing that sidewalk gap when he poured the sidewalks for his spec homes.
Not only did he not acknowledge my request for assistance (letter), but he chose to ignore the gap. 6 months or so into the future, he attended a party at my neighbor's home (which again, he'd constructed), and interestingly enough, he chose to park his contractor truck far up our street in lieu of in front of the Turner abode.
It was then that I realized what a threat any relationship with the Homeowners' Association President seemingly posed to him.
-------------------------
Relationships are like higher education. To obtain a degree, years and years of college classes must be accomplished, and each of those classes make up a curriculum that aligns with your chosen degree. Therefore, the more classes you complete within that curriculum, the more you experience their interdependence as it relates to your degree field. Eventually, you're so far into this process that the classes you're finding yourself taking are relatable only to that specific degree. Hence, walking away at that point would result in a sizable loss of time and energy since those classes aren't applicable to an alternative degree field.
-------------------------
At the start of the work week, my mother chewed my ass out over a "bee in her bonnet" (her words). This was literally at the beginning of the workday on Monday. I became enraged at both her choice of words as well as her timing, therefore I knew it to be best to hole up in my office for the remainder of the day. The bee was her frustration at feeling powerless over me as the father of her grandchildren and the husband of her daughter in-law. Powerless to the point of lashing out versus dialoguing with me like a mature, 65-year old adult.
That evening, my wife paid an unexpected visit to my 'rents' home and dialogued (Angie's too sweet & smart to ass chew) with them about our beloved, 23-yearlong marriage hierarchy (complementarian).
I love my wife. Our marriage is the epitome of interdependence. This is why she's my bestest female friend.
-------------------------
Ever since I was a teenager, my father has taken me saltwater fishing off the Louisiana coast. We do this with various fishing guides, therefore all we have to do is show up with an ice chest and plenty of sunscreen. The guide provides the boat, tackle, and expertise needed to locate the speckled trout / redfish throughout the day.
When I was in my mid-twenties, a friend of my dad's came along with us. This man was a CPA, though he could have easily been a professional storyteller. During the entire 30 - 45 minute boat ride (50+ mph) out to our fishing destination across the water, Mark told me sad, frightening story after sad, frightening story of his experience working within a business partnership (with a fellow CPA) at the onset of his career. Eventually, he walked away from that setup, no longer wanting to take the risk, but unfortunately, he couldn't maintain the workload as a sole proprietor. Therefore due to stress-related medical issues, he had to sell his beloved accounting practice well in advance of retirement age (or demeanor).
-------------------------
I am no sex therapist nor am I attempting to qualify the following statements either within or outside of marriage:
I believe intercourse promotes the idea of emotional interdependence between a man and woman, and within that interdependence (to whatever degree), there comes the threat of losing control over your heart. I realize this is an extremely conceptual statement, but nonetheless, I feel compelled to include it.
Intercourse is an anatomical picture of pleasurable interdependence, but for the woman in particular, it's a highly emotional / physical yielding that presents high stakes relative to feelings of powerlessness down the road. Quantity of intercourse in proportion of threat of interdependence and subsequent powerlessness.
I realize this is vague. I apologize for that.
-------------------------
So why did I lose my lawn maintenance man today? For the same reason my dad's friend bought out his partners. The stakes tied to the relational interdependence were too high to maintain.
Why did I finish my 5 years of architecture school curriculum? For the same reason I'm still married to Angie. The interdependence I saw / see as an asset and not a liability.
Earlier in the week, I had lunch with a new friend. I felt compelled to share my story, and of course, it includes references to Samson Society. I followed up with him the next day via email, sharing a Desiring God blog post that I felt was awesome. To my chagrin, he replied with a request to be left alone. Why did he do that? I wonder if it had something to do with that god forsaken fear of powerlessness. That threat of losing total control due to the give and take and subsequent interdependence that's involved within any healthy, growing friendship(s).
I admire my friend for taking action early on to avoid any potential pain, but I must admit to being disappointed. He seemed like an ideal candidate for Samson.
Perhaps he'll be willing to take the risk at some point in the future.
Relationships are wonderfully complex. I pray that God oversees each that I have the privilege to be a part of (for however long). Without them, I typically find myself headed towards self-destruction.
No comments:
Post a Comment