I've seen numerous relationships either end abruptly or slowly die, and these, of course, fall into the friendship category. That's life. Rarely, if ever, do friendships last very long. Especially if there's no reoccurring theme that they're built around (Bible study, support group like Samson, etc.).
I remember vividly experiencing my first friendship dissolution in the 5th grade. It was so unexpected and hard (seemingly much moreso to me). My friend (who was like a brother) had been close to me since 3rd grade, even to the point of walking to school with me each day. Then he moved away. I worked through a number of other friends after that, but none panned out quite like the first.
You'll recall here where I recounted some of my experiences with mentoring. Of course, mentoring is a form of friendship. It all falls into the same category. These type relationships are difficult enough to kickstart, much less cultivate long-term.
The truth is, it is our lack of formal connection that protects our hearts here. We may use the term "brother" but it's an implied moniker that's based in either men's mutual faith in God or simply the sense that two men could be related genetically, therefore they draw each other in that much further with the term.
-------------------------
I have 3 daughters. Their ages are 16, 14, and 8. I remember vividly being a new father, especially from the standpoint of dealing with the physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. I was working two jobs in order for my wife to stay home with our new baby, all the while medicating my loneliness (& aforementioned exhaustion) with my newfangled discovery of Internet porn. Our first child was a very difficult baby to handle. She didn't sleep through the night 'till she was close to one year old, and her cry wasn't so much an audible reminder of discomfort or need as a shriek that implied intense suffering and pain. And this came no matter her condition. For Caroline, she was either quiet or at level 10. One or the other.
Neither this firstborn nor her younger sister were ever truly allowed into Rob's heart. I was too afraid to risk the emotional aftermath of potentially losing them. In other words, I treated them - as if it was in response to - having already lost a child, though that's (thank God) never occurred.
Cowardly, I know.
Thankfully, daughter three is an altogether different story.
This child was unexpected. Great sex and a fertile wife (unbeknownst to either of us) brought about Laura, therefore in many ways, Laura is a special child, and from the beginning, I let my heart's guard down. This proves that I can do this, and yes, henceforth, I do treat daughter 3 differently.
So...what to do about daughters one and two and the emotional arms-length I've kept them at over the course of their lives?
Angie has challenged me to move in. She's challenged me to shut up and listen more. To stop solving their problems and instead, simply making myself available to listen to their problems.
This is likely the biggest challenge I've ever received within my life because I'm their dad. I'm not supposed to listen. My purpose is to solve their problems.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [That was a scream.]
Please pray for me to take the necessary risks to win my older 2 daughters' hearts. I know this is important due to the fact that they only have one dad (me).
No comments:
Post a Comment