I'm an only child. Typical for Mississippi, my parents got pregnant with me whilst dating as teens and subsequently chose to get married. From there, they chose to not have any additional children, therefore the closest I had to siblings were my numerous cousins (all of which were boys).
This past week, I volunteered at Lakeside Presbyterian during Vacation Bible School. I've done this for several years now, and essentially, I serve year after year as the 5th grade guide. This means I lead the 5th graders from room to room, activity to activity each day. For example, last week our first stop was the craft room, from there we went to Bible Study, and so forth.
As a upper elementary student, due to the fact that I had no siblings, spending the night with other boys was really appealing to Rob. I'm sure this was similarly appealing to Bob & Darlene (my parents) due to the fact that I shadowed them closely (typical for an only child). At times, I'd seen my friends up close and personal entangle themselves both physically and emotionally with their older siblings during these sleepovers. This was no doubt awkward to witness, but for the most part, I instinctively stayed out of the line of fire.
On one occasion though, I remember being much more than uncomfortable. In fact, what I witnessed (& am about to describe) concretized my perception for some time of just how influential an older sibling could be - for better or for worse.
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When I was in 6th grade (back in 1984 / 1985), I had the privilege of staying over one Friday evening with my new friend, Mike. Mike's parents were much older (& wealthier) than my own. Their home was sprawling (at least thrice the size of the Turner rancher), and subsequently, it was well suited to accommodate a family of 5 people versus 3. It featured beautiful finishes and soaring ceilings within the living spaces whilst situated on an exquisitely manicured lot amongst very mature landscaping.
Mike's parents had a master bedroom suite that contained a massive bathroom (with a bidet) and separate den. This is where we ended up hanging out, watching TV 'till we were sent to his room to turn in. I can still remember the wood paneled walls and thick carpeting. It was perfect for us two innocent (almost) middle schoolers. Super fun times.
Mike was overweight. Not by much, but enough for everyone to take note. He wasn't at all athletic, and overall, I'd describe his personality as reserved. But underneath it all, he was kindhearted and thoughtful. All of these attributes, I liked a lot, but mostly, I enjoyed hanging with Mike because he just seemed to need a solid friend.
After milling around the following Saturday morning, Mike and I found ourselves with little to do except listen to some music in his room. From what I recall, it was getting close to lunchtime, therefore I knew I'd soon be called home by my mom. Unexpectedly, Mike's older brother appeared in his doorway. I don't recall his name. Not that it matters. He didn't bother to say a word whilst staring at both of us.
Keep in mind that Mike's older brother was built like a grown man. Their father was very tall and athletically built and big brother was no different. Though he was likely only 17, he looked to be 25.
What happened next, I can only describe as horrifically disturbing from a 6th grader's emotional point of view.
I witnessed my friend Mike getting beat up by his older brother to the point of him crying hysterically whilst pleading for him to stop over a period of 5 or so minutes. The pummeling happened right there in the bedroom on the floor with me staring in disbelief throughout. I was terrified to move or speak out of fear, and when it was all over, his older brother simply walked out of the bedroom, leaving me to deal with the fallout.
Mike, as you can imagine, was humiliated to the point that I never actually spoke to him again after that day. There were no more sleepovers. No more watching TV in the master suite. No more rinsing my bumhole via the bidet. The unexpected, undeserved beating severed what little platonic progress he and I had made that weekend.
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Each year at Vacation Bible School, as the 5th grade facilitator, I'm given a few youth helpers to assist me throughout the week. I was fortunate this year to work alongside a soon to be 7th grader who was mature and confident beyond his age. Looking at him, there was no doubt he was pre-adolescent, but overall, he was as much of a young man as I'd ever met.
By the time we had lead our 17 elementary students to their 3rd stop on the first day, I began to see why my youth helper (we'll call him Ben) was as mature as he was.
Ben's older brother was also helping out at VBS, but in a more concentrated role. As we lead our 5th graders for the first time into the Recreation space (gymnasium), it didn't take me long to recognize Ben's older brother. In many ways, he looked identical except built like a young man (post adolescence).
What was really intriguing to me though during this juncture was how magnetic Ben's older brother's influence was over Ben. You could sense the swell of pride Ben felt just being in his older brother's presence.
Why was that?
Because Ben was seeing firsthand his genetically confirmed potential right before his eyes.
How cool is that?
I have never witnessed such indirect familial protection as I did on each of the 4 days that these two siblings were together within the same space during VBS. It was such a gift!
It makes my heart smile just thinking back on this.
The power of a respectful, loving, healthy big brother is incredible to witness. Incredible. I feel so fortunate to have this recent memory to replace that which has haunted me for close to 4 decades.
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