Recommended Reading

 Men find new ways to bond during the pandemic - The Washington Post

A Young Man's Vulnerability To Cruelty, Finding Strength By Being Contrary Whilst Realizing You're Not Really Ever Alone

Angie and I rented apartments 'till we'd saved +/-20% of what we'd budgeted to mortgage a home.  Plus, we eradicated our debt at the same time.  Therefore, apartment life was our mainstay for +/-5 years early on in our marriage, and we loved it.  For the most part.  Except the last of the two units we rented.  It was during those final 10 months prior to signing our lives away to the mortgage lender in late 2000 that we endured "the crappy apartment".

"Canton Square" apartments as it was officially called (when we lived there) had been constructed when Angie and I were children.  In fact, one of our youth pastors and his wife had lived there during the '80s.  Unfortunately, the construction quality was noticeably shoddy, even at the outset of our tenure there.  Nonetheless, it was cheap rent, and cheap is what we desired in order to accelerate our plans to acquire a mortgage.  Therefore, we swallowed hard and signed a month-to-month lease.

What I resented most about this place was how the cold, bitter winter wind would whip through our flat as if someone had intentionally left all of the many aluminum windows cracked (I used to check them regularly).  I vividly recall that early winter 2020 was the one where George Bush and Al Gore were legally wrestling over chads in Florida.  I'd watch the morning news shows every day during breakfast (wrapped up in a blanket) in order to hopefully see who'd finally been declared a winner.  It dragged on for forever.  

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Tommy Awesome was a classmate of mine for the majority of my high school years.  He was everything I wanted to be, yet I could tell that he was just as sensitive to both man's cruelty and witnessing man's cruelty as I was.  And that's what drew me to him versus some of my peers who either pretended they were invulnerable or were too distracted by life's pleasures to care.

It's that soft underbelly that's such the identifier of youth, and it simply comes with the territory, therefore, I would argue, you must come to grips with a strategy to deal with it - if you have the guts to acknowledge it firstly.  Tommy did.  I could see it, and that garnered my respect from the getgo.  It just wasn't the same strategy that afforded me.

My strategy consisted of embracing the notion of being a contrarian regarding much (but not all) of my choices versus buying into the notion of me simply being a freak (as my peers and setting would have me believe).  

Tommy's approach was to play along as if the cruelty he was witnessing wasn't necessarily all that bad to either acknowledge or witness unapologetically.  And this was a coalescence with his popularity and respect as a fine specimen of young manness.  Initially, I resented him for taking this approach until I realized the trap he'd found himself within no thanks to his perceived awesomeness.  

Me, on the other hand, backed away.  I had none of the goods Tommy had, therefore I simply could not play along on any level.  I was not the athlete nor the ladies' man.  Neither the brain nor an overly creative specimen.  Just your strangely effeminate yet overall average B- Mississippi boy.

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Fast forward to Rob being a young husband attempting to set up a permanent household.

Living in "Canton Square" apartments for those 10 months was testimony to me (& my now wife) finally beginning to embrace my true contrarian self versus hiding / pretending to be someone else.  And it was that stand that helped me embrace the notion of being labeled at times as a freak - circumstances being what they were - within the now "young married & childless" world Angie and I lived within.

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It's okay to reflexively go in the opposite direction.  Especially when it involves moving into territory that's likely not slated to become one's permanent home.  You may find that being a contrarian suits you despite the strange circumstances you may just find yourself in as a result.  Remember too, it's easier to swallow challenging circumstances when you refuse to play by everyone else's rules / consider them with a grain of salt.

Do know though that eventually, that soft underbelly firms up no matter what end of the spectrum you fall - between Tommy and Rob.  From there, you'll likely look back and shake your head in disbelief regarding what you endured.  This is one of the true gifts of middle age.

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In closing, Tommy is thriving in middle Tennessee.  He's definitely one of those guys that I'd love to have the opportunity to explain just how multifacetedly important he once was to me - from a safe distance.  High school was not easy for Rob (is it for anyone?), but it was then that I at least knew, through guys like Tommy, that I was not altogether alone - with my feelings - within that cruel climate.  Therefore that subtle empathizing with this model of youthful awesomeness served me firstly just as so many other men would down the road (mostly via Samson Society).  It was a stepping stone for sure.

Commit To Pray For the "P"s

Politicians and pastors both run headlong everyday in and through the shadow of their predecessors.  Their presence in our lives is not extemporaneous for they serve pivotal roles within our culture, and as such, our God should hear from us often on their behalf.  

Politicians make policies which guide our every day lives and pastors serve most all of us during those critical moments when we need them the most (death, birth, marriage, and so forth).  

Each of us harbor a concept of these two individuals.  It can be heavily based on previous exposure to others in their steed or simply our beliefs relative to what each represents to us.  

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Our senior pastor this AM admitted to the redundancy he's up against during this Xmas season relative to his sermons.  Plus, he's simply a textbook extravert, and therefore is sick and tired of all this pandemic safeguarding.  He and his fam have been at our church for +/-4 years now which means he's definitely "hit his stride".  Plus, he's sitting right square in the throes of middle-age with kidlets who're anticipating flying the coop.  He's the kind of guy who, like almost every other pastor I've known, loves to be heard, with no mouth fatigue in sight.  

I really found my respect for pastors well before I became involved in Samson Society.  Namely for their flexibility and resourcefulness.  Not to mention the constant demands they're under to serve whomever shows up on their doorstep.  

I'm convicted during this Xmas season and beyond to pray for both of these.  Their roles are huge, and there's no doubt they'll be blessed knowing my prayers (as with all prayers) will be heard on their behalf.

[REPRINT] - 2020 Lakeside Presbyterian Church Advent Book Excerpt

 Growing Faith

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

What a year 2020 has been!  I don't think I could have imagined a national shutdown, a pandemic, or the possibility of having a stroke if someone told me last year that those things were coming.  As far as I was concerned last November, life in the Turner home was rocking and rolling along just fine with kids, church, work, school, and extracurricular activities.  During the spring quarantine, our family enjoyed spending time together outdoors, playing board games, watching movies, and being still & quiet amidst the pandemic.  Now that I look back on those two months, I am eternally grateful for them.  Even though we didn't know it then, God was preparing us for a life-changing event.

One the morning of May 29, I had a stroke that affected the left side of my body.  From the moment it started, God's presence was real.  He worked out every detail in his perfect timing.  I have struggled with anxiety for a long time, especially anxiety related to my health.  But for the first time, I was not anxious that day - even riding in an ambulance down Lakeland Drive!  It was amazing & surreal!  God covered me with a blanket of peace and told me that he would never leave me.  I knew without a doubt that He was there.  I didn't know what the outcome would be, but God did.  He reminded me moment by moment to rest in Him because He already had it all figured out.  He also assured me that He would be glorified through this situation.  I was just along for the ride.  His peace was all I needed.  When my human nature wandered from those truths, He gently showed me that He hadn't left me.  Exodus 14:4 became one of my favorite verses:  "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."  There have been good days and hard days since May 29 as well as lots of hard work at therapy.  God continues to teach me to rest in him and trust His perfect plan.  And now, almost 5 months later, I can go to a doctor's appointment (& there are many!) without getting anxious even when there aren't clear answers for what's happened.  Never in a million years would I have thought that possible!  I look forward with anticipation to watching God's plan continue to unfold.  

This advent season, I challenge you to focus on God's continued presence and work in your life, despite what is going on in the world around us.  Immanuel - God is with us.  That is a truth that never changes.  He is worthy of our thanksgiving and our praise.  He allows suffering to come into our lives to ultimately bring us more contentment in Him and be less reliant on ourselves and the things of this world.  If it were up to me, I wouldn't have chosen to have a stroke and possibly have a physical handicap for the rest of my days on earth.  But far greater than that, I am so very thankful to God for walking this road with us and using this suffering to grow my family's faith.  We serve an awesome God!  To Him be the glory forever & ever, amen!

Angie Turner

Disembarking From The Anticipation Roller Coaster

The Children of Israel were needing to get a handle on their feelings during the beginning of their journey out of Egypt (where they'd been enslaved) to the Promised Land.  They'd been subservient to the Egyptians as their minions for 400 years, and when their rescue came, it was to God's dismay that they rather quickly jettisoned their gratitude, leaving behind the inability to relish their newfound (forever) freedom.

And this became the truthteller regarding their immaturity as a people group.  God despised this about them for it proved their focus was no longer on him but their own selfish feelings.

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I've heard preachers use this story in an attempt to quell criticism of shoddy preaching, but that's not at all correctly pitched.  The lesson in this story is about staying focused on God's rescue.  Paying heed to where you've come out of.  Seeing who's right in front, leading you forward today in all of his glory.  

But to do this, you must remember truthfully where you were prior.  And you must carry that with you into the present.  

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My "porn" as a child was the Service Merchandise / Spiegel catalog.  Especially this time of year.  Every day, often multiple times a day, I would gaze into this glossy-paged, oversized magazine and long for some toy(s) or electronic(s) that captivated by imagination.  And all it took was one professional photo of this object and a short descriptive paragraph to bide me over for those few imaginatory minutes.  Keep in mind that this was way before online professional / customer reviews much less online retailers.  

We are image bearers of God, therefore we have imaginations too which lead us to create / devise / plan / dream.  Considering that, we are also perpetually self-focused and subsequently indulgent with flesh that's hyper-sensitive to moods, hunger, fatigue.

And this was the means for the Israelites' undoing once they lost patience with God's provision / direction.

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Youth facilitates the propensity to constantly look forward.  It's what makes having children so much fun at times.  Santy Claus wouldn't exist were it not for this.  And yet, this component of childhood can overstay its welcome as we men are expected to grow out of it but refuse to.  Oftentimes, it's simply translated over into real estate, depreciating assets (cars, boats, video game consoles), but also into sexualized fetishes.

Internet porn provides a limitless amount of visual imagery for us to "feed" these latter longings, all from the privacy of our own PC, tablet, smartphone.  

And this is where God gets pissed, to the point of putting his foot down.

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So how do we go about encouraging maturation away from all this childishness?  What can we do to better manager our unsatisfied, unsettled anticipatory selves?  

Pray firstly.  Fall to your knees and ask God for release.  Ask him for a special measure of his Holy Spirit to fight back with.

Secondly, look clearly at others and see where they need you to be THE MAN.  Even within your private life when no one else is looking.  

Thirdly, repent of your childishness and all the idolatry that's manifested itself therein.  Make a list of these things and pray over them in retreat (backing away).

Put your feet on solid ground via these three moves and work hard to not look back.  From there, God's completeness will begin to suffice as you're more focused on where you once were in light of current circumstances.

Recommended Viewing

The Other You, The Rebellious One

I've been "catching up" on Madonna's music over the past few days, and frankly, it hasn't changed any since I heard her first tune as a child.  Growing up in the '80s, it was impossible to not be immersed culturally in all things Madonna.  Her music / image was as ubiquitous during that decade as Elvis / the Beatles were during decades prior.

Madonna always frightened me a bit.  Not necessarily as a person, but listening to her music made me worry about my soul.  Consistently, I came away feeling dirty.  Some of this had to with my sexuality, for sure.  I cringed (and still do) at her representation of what it meant / means to be female.  Yikes.

I watched this video last night for the first time.

And this got me thinking about what I've heard a number of men say about their propensity for keeping an ongoing narrative alive for years on end relative to sexual sin.  That being the notion of there being another version of themselves that participated / was participating in these activities.  And always, this other self didn't in anyway share in the same values as the original.  

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What seems to justify the existence of this other self is the means to satiate needs (outside of God's will) without seemingly tainting the core identity of the original man therefore resulting in a pragmatic schism.

Think back to the music video.  There's this notion of two halves existing within the interior of a person's true self, fighting constantly to be in control.  

The word that comes up often (in my conversations with these men) regarding this opposite point of view / self is rebellion, and the justification for that rebellion seems to mainly be a pulling away from the prescribed, obedient, subservient self into the subsequent thrill and sense of adventure that comes with that pulling away.

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Madonna's image is one of raw sexuality.  She embodies that within everything she does.  It's what's made her millions of millions of dollars as an entertainer.

I have two friends who've been swept away (sorry 'bout that) by women who characterized themselves as described above.  Yet, the spell seemed to inevitably be broken once the realization set in that no matter how intense the sexual vibe, no matter how sensuous the package, no amount of pleasure could justify ignoring outright man's obligation to other human beings.

The Bible calls it "looking out for the best interests of others".  

And this is where that rebellious self eventually lands himself within a dead end, and again, this harkens too back to the video above.

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Being sexually provocative is a power play, and some women, in particular, seem more fluent to its vernacular than men.  Add a substantial history relative to a woman's sexual "track record", and from there, you have both a powerful allure (to many a man) and a substantial liability (to her own self).

Therefore, what can we do as men (rebellious or not) to short circuit this?  

The Bible instructs us to treat women (& men) - even the most sizzling hot versions of both - as better, more relevant, to be more revered as we ourselves ever are / will be.  And from there, this love neutralizes that rebellious half of who we all would like to be.  Essentially neutering it.  Supernaturally.

For rebellion is born out of arrogance, self-centeredness, and pride, all of which should have no place in our portfolio as Christian men.