Angie and I rented apartments 'till we'd saved +/-20% of what we'd budgeted to mortgage a home. Plus, we eradicated our debt at the same time. Therefore, apartment life was our mainstay for +/-5 years early on in our marriage, and we loved it. For the most part. Except the last of the two units we rented. It was during those final 10 months prior to signing our lives away to the mortgage lender in late 2000 that we endured "the crappy apartment".
"Canton Square" apartments as it was officially called (when we lived there) had been constructed when Angie and I were children. In fact, one of our youth pastors and his wife had lived there during the '80s. Unfortunately, the construction quality was noticeably shoddy, even at the outset of our tenure there. Nonetheless, it was cheap rent, and cheap is what we desired in order to accelerate our plans to acquire a mortgage. Therefore, we swallowed hard and signed a month-to-month lease.
What I resented most about this place was how the cold, bitter winter wind would whip through our flat as if someone had intentionally left all of the many aluminum windows cracked (I used to check them regularly). I vividly recall that early winter 2020 was the one where George Bush and Al Gore were legally wrestling over chads in Florida. I'd watch the morning news shows every day during breakfast (wrapped up in a blanket) in order to hopefully see who'd finally been declared a winner. It dragged on for forever.
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Tommy Awesome was a classmate of mine for the majority of my high school years. He was everything I wanted to be, yet I could tell that he was just as sensitive to both man's cruelty and witnessing man's cruelty as I was. And that's what drew me to him versus some of my peers who either pretended they were invulnerable or were too distracted by life's pleasures to care.
It's that soft underbelly that's such the identifier of youth, and it simply comes with the territory, therefore, I would argue, you must come to grips with a strategy to deal with it - if you have the guts to acknowledge it firstly. Tommy did. I could see it, and that garnered my respect from the getgo. It just wasn't the same strategy that afforded me.
My strategy consisted of embracing the notion of being a contrarian regarding much (but not all) of my choices versus buying into the notion of me simply being a freak (as my peers and setting would have me believe).
Tommy's approach was to play along as if the cruelty he was witnessing wasn't necessarily all that bad to either acknowledge or witness unapologetically. And this was a coalescence with his popularity and respect as a fine specimen of young manness. Initially, I resented him for taking this approach until I realized the trap he'd found himself within no thanks to his perceived awesomeness.
Me, on the other hand, backed away. I had none of the goods Tommy had, therefore I simply could not play along on any level. I was not the athlete nor the ladies' man. Neither the brain nor an overly creative specimen. Just your strangely effeminate yet overall average B- Mississippi boy.
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Fast forward to Rob being a young husband attempting to set up a permanent household.
Living in "Canton Square" apartments for those 10 months was testimony to me (& my now wife) finally beginning to embrace my true contrarian self versus hiding / pretending to be someone else. And it was that stand that helped me embrace the notion of being labeled at times as a freak - circumstances being what they were - within the now "young married & childless" world Angie and I lived within.
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It's okay to reflexively go in the opposite direction. Especially when it involves moving into territory that's likely not slated to become one's permanent home. You may find that being a contrarian suits you despite the strange circumstances you may just find yourself in as a result. Remember too, it's easier to swallow challenging circumstances when you refuse to play by everyone else's rules / consider them with a grain of salt.
Do know though that eventually, that soft underbelly firms up no matter what end of the spectrum you fall - between Tommy and Rob. From there, you'll likely look back and shake your head in disbelief regarding what you endured. This is one of the true gifts of middle age.
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In closing, Tommy is thriving in middle Tennessee. He's definitely one of those guys that I'd love to have the opportunity to explain just how multifacetedly important he once was to me - from a safe distance. High school was not easy for Rob (is it for anyone?), but it was then that I at least knew, through guys like Tommy, that I was not altogether alone - with my feelings - within that cruel climate. Therefore that subtle empathizing with this model of youthful awesomeness served me firstly just as so many other men would down the road (mostly via Samson Society). It was a stepping stone for sure.
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